Tuesday, December 29, 2009


Omg, I'm starting to get really nervous about New Year's Eve! What if inviting Cali was a bad idea?? What if he's not social enough for me to leave him alone?? What if he doesn't fit in with my friends? What if they don't like him?? I don't wanna have to babysit him all night, cuz when I start drinking, I'm very gregarious. I'm all over the place! Especially when I'm at a bar where I know everyone that works there. ((Sigh)) I really hope this night isn't a total disaster!!
We're supposed to meet over at Ben's house for cocktails at 7:30 and then take a cab to the bar. I got the perfect dress!! It's a plum colored, form fitting sheath, above the knee, with a sweetheart neckline. But then there's this heavily beaded piece that comes up from the middle of the bust, in a straight light, and wraps around the neck. It's so pretty! And different. Nobody will have a dress like mine! It was the only one on the rack at this really obscure boutique I love. I also got the perfect shoes to match! They're a dark, silvery grey, and there's like a small bead type design that comes up the arch and wraps around the ankle. I'll have to post pictures of my outfit later.
Anyways, I have another date with Cali tonight. Dinner and a movie. We're gonna go see Up In The Air. So, maybe I'll feel a little better about NYE after our date tonight.
On Saturday night at work, Brandon spoke to me. For the first time since...well I don't even know. He said, "Hey! How are you?" while we were both in line for the computer. I just said, "Swell!" and went about my business. And then I got to thinking, why can't he and I just be friends? I mean, it feels so weird to just cut someone completely out of my life. He was such a big part of it for a time, he knew me better than anyone, he was like my best friend! And now we don't even speak. And that kind of makes me sad. But then I think, he sure as hell wasn't a very good friend! At least not for the last 2/3rds of our relationship. A friend would never do or say the things to me that he did. But...I don't know. I think it's for the best if things just remain the way they are. It's easier that way. Not thinking about him, I mean. Maybe someday...farther down the road.
Speaking of friends, I'm starting to feel really lonely lately. And really mad, at Bethany in particular. She never calls me anymore, yet she calls me her best friend, but I've practically been replaced, with Summer! And I love Summer and all, but it's like, just because I don't work with them anymore, and I don't have a bartender's lifestyle anymore, I can't hang out with my friends anymore! They never call me, or invite me to do things, and I'm always just...by myself. Lately, I haven't been lonely so much, cuz of the holidays, but now that Sophie's gone, I can already feel things slipping back into their old routine. Summer texted me yesterday, and I mentioned that I never get to see them anymore, and she suggested that me, her and Bethany go to a movie. And I said, sure. Then when I got off work, I texted and called her, and she never answered or responded! I'm gonna be really mad if I find out they went without me and never called. ((Sigh)) I really hope I'm not losing my friends.

1 comment:

Nic said...

Haven't read the complete post yet (bit in a hurry), but you have to post a pic of the dress for NYE, it sounds amaaaaazing.

Don't stress about Cali, he'll be fine otherwise he's def not for you.

I'll be back later.