Wednesday, December 9, 2009

50 First Dates

So on Thursday night, Cali and I went on our first date. He had suggested coffee or drinks, and told me to pick the place. So I suggested a Starbucks inside a Barnes & Noble. That way, if the date was really horrible, I could just escape into the bookstore. Lol. But that ended up not being necessary. :)
He arrived a couple minutes after I did. And upon first seeing him, I'm not gonna lie, I was a little disappointed. I just remembered him in my head as being so much hotter! Don't get me wrong, he is very attractive! I just didn't feel that initial spark you feel when you meet someone that you're undeniably attracted to. So anyways, he bought our drinks, a peppermint mocha for me, and a caramel macchiatto for him. I didn't wanna drink caffeine at that point, cuz I knew I'd never get any sleep if I did. So we sat down at a small 2 person table and chatted away! We talked about everything from my family, to his family, to our interests and hobbies and jobs. I learned that he works for a major company in the oil industry. He does something in oil trading. He used to work on ships offshore for months-on/months-off, and he really enjoyed it because he loves to travel. And he could pretty much live wherever he wanted, which is why he chose California. He's an avid surfer as well. But he said after doing that for several years, he started to get lonely, and he was never able to maintain a relationship, because he was away so much. So he found another position within the company, which ultimately led him here. He owns his own house, has a brand new sports car, he likes dogs, works out (I can tell he has a great body under those clothes!), and he reads!!! All things that I definitely require in a guy!
But despite all that, I just can't seem to shake this feeling that something is missing. And I can't figure out if it's me, or if it's him. Maybe it's the fact that I can tell he's about ready to settle down, and that makes me nervous. Or maybe it's the fact that I've never dated someone this much older than me. I mean, 6 years really isn't that much, but the maturity difference between him, and all the other guys I've dated is exponential! And that's probably a good thing, but it's still a little intimidating. Maybe it's because I'm just not ready to date. With TB, the whole situation is very nonthreatening because I know nothing can actually come of it. He just distracts me and makes me smile, and feel good. And Cali does that too, but obviously I don't know him as well yet. And then there's the fact that I'm just not as attracted to Cali as I am to Brandon. ((Sigh)) And I can't help that.
So all these things are going through my head during the date. And our conversation was really easy flowing, and I feel like he and I could be really good friends, because we have a lot in common and I feel comfortable with him. But I just don't know if it can be more than that. But I'm not gonna give this guy up yet. I'm gonna give him a chance, which is what I've been advised to do by all my friends.
So the day after our date, which was Friday, Cali asked me out again. Saturday lunch. But I had way too much stuff to do that day, so I asked him if Sunday would be ok. And he said, "Sure, how 'bout dinner?"
So we decided on Sunday dinner.
And when Sunday rolled around, I was soooooooo tired from work, and the past week, and everything catching up to me. I slept most of the day, and even thought about canceling. Just cuz I didn't wanna get up, shower and get ready. But I forced myself to do it. I wasn't going to cancel on him!
He picked me up at 8 sharp, and we went to a nice little Italian restaurant. Once again, conversation was good, although I did notice he tends to redirect most of the questions I ask him back to me. So I feel like the conversation gets a little one sided at times. Like I'm talking too much or something. But the dinner was great, and we shared some tiramasu afterwards. On the drive home, I was having an internal panic attack, cuz I was afraid he was gonna try to kiss me. I really didn't want him to! I'm just not ready!
So he pulls up to my apartments.
"Well I won't do that whole awkward thing." He said, "I'll just get out of the car and give you a hug."
"Ok." I said. *phew* I had been expecting that conversation to go in a whole other direction!
So we both got out, I thanked him for dinner and we hugged, and I pulled away before the idea of kissing could even cross his mind.
"Do you wanna maybe do something Tuesday?" He asked.
"Um...let me find out what I've got going on this week first, and I'll get back to you." I said with a smile.
"Ok, lookin' forward to it! Goodnight, Peyton." He said as he got in his car.
Tuesday. At this rate, we'll be going out every other day! That's way too fast for me. I mean I admire his persistence. I don't think I've ever been courted with such vigor before. But this is all a bit overwhelming for me, ya know? I mean I hadn't expected or planned for this, and I'm definitely not ready for a serious relationship. And I'm thinking maybe he is. But Cali and I haven't had any kind of conversation about that. And I'm not about to bring it up! So I'm just gonna let it ride for now. I ended up telling him no for Tuesday. I was doing laundry all night and cleaning my apartment. I'm picking up TB from the airport today after work. Seeing him will be refreshing I think. No pressure, just fun.

Here's a little sidenote. On Saturday night after work, Liza and I were talking while we were cleaning the bar. I was telling her about my date with Cali, since she's the waitress who sort of hooked us up.
"He called you?? OMG! I can't believe you actually went out with him! That is so cool! He seems really nice. How old was he again, 31?"
"Yea, " I said, "He's really nice. We're going out again tomorrow night." I couldn't help but notice that Brandon was concentrating a little too hard on cleaning that glass rack.
"Where are you guys going??" Liza asked.
"Out to dinner. He's picking me up!! I dunno why, but I think that's so weird. No one's ever been like, 'Hey I'm taking you here, and I'm picking you up at this time.'" I said, truthfully.
"Wow. He's hot, dude...I could see his muscles under his shirt! I was checking him out for you last Saturday! Haha!"
Way to go, Liza! If Brandon wasn't jealous before, he surely was by now.

So Greg and I were doing inventory together about 30 minutes later, and he asked me about Cali.
"Dude, you can't say that stuff in front of Brandon!" He said half-jokingly.
"Why not?? He doesn't care about me!"
"Sweetie...you know how he is. Even if he doesn't admit it, it bothers him. And he gets all pouty, and quiet-"
"And mopey, and he storms and stomps around, and broods and slams things down, and doesn't talk to anybody?" I said, completing the sentence for Greg.
"Yea, I mean you know! I'm gonna have to comfort him later." He joked.
"Whatever! He brings that trashy new girlfriend of his in here all the time. I'm sick of looking at her pasty, whorish face. So he can just deal with it. I don't care."
"Good for you. I mean you're right, you deserve to be happy, and it's his fault, I mean..."
"He broke up with me! I mean, what, does he just want me to be miserable for the rest of my life???"
"Yep. He just doesn't want you to move on." Greg stated.
"That's ridiculous. I've spend enough time pining over him already. And I may not like him very much, but I wouldn't wish him a lifetime of unhappiness!"
"I know, Sweetie. He's just... You know how Brandon is."

Another 30 minutes later, we were all sitting in the back counting money, when I noticed Brandon in the corner all by himself. I nudged Greg and whispered, "I think what we were talking about earlier is happening right now!"
Greg looked up, smiled, and nodded emphatically.
"Is it horrible of me to feel absolutely giddy about that?"
Greg just laughed and shook his head. "NO." He said.

So Brandon is a little jealous, huh? I'm honestly surprised. I mean he has his cheap, easy, no-strings-attached fuck. And apparently that's all he wants since he can't deal with anyone expecting anything from him. Plus, I was convinced he didn't have any feelings for or about me whatsoever. Maybe it's finally occurred to him that he should have traded up when he dumped me, instead of sleeping with the first piece of trash that spread her legs. None of his friends like her, and no one can understand why he's with her. And seriously, I'm not saying that because I hate or resent her. I'm just stating the facts. EVERYONE I've talked to about that girl tells me she is trashy, and slutty. I'm not woman-bashing right now. I'm sure each and every one of you has met one of these girls before. You know how they are. They have no self-respect, no morals, no standards. And they'll sleep with anyone and everyone. Well wait till Brandon sees me out with TB on Friday night. He can finally have a taste of his own medicine. Bastard.


Jade said...

I can relate to your Cali situation. I felt similarly when my ex and I started "dating/hanging out". After getting to know him better, my feelings changed completely and he ended up being one of the great true loves of my life. Don't write this guy off too soon, but definitely make sure you go at YOUR pace.

Autumn said...

Oh my goodness! This new guy sounds way more promising for you! When you are ready to be in a real relationship again, I think he is the type of person (unlike Brandon) who will be ready too. He definitely seems to have his shit together way more. I don't think you should care about what Brandon thinks. Fuck him. It's over between you guys. If he is jealous or not jealous or sleeping with some slut or not, who care? YOU are moving on with your life and doing what is best for you! Also, the whole "spark" thing is kind of overrated. I mean, look at what happened with Brandon, you were attracted to him but then eventually he said he wasnt attracted to you anymore. The spark comes and goes in any relationship. It is something you work on. What matters is a person's character, and if this new guy is a good person, who treats you well, then I think the spark will follow.

Also I think its really good you are holding back a little (i.e. not saying yes to every single date), give this new guy a little room to pursue you and want you even more, while you figure out what you really want! :)

Anonymous said...

WOOOT good job. I was laughing away at Brandon;s reaction. Just remember not to try and focus on how his brooding is fantastic, focus on how your dating makes you feel great. Did that make sense? Anyways, good luck!!! Cali sounds good, give him some time. That sounds like how my bf and I started going out. We had lunch, and I thought it was nice, but there wasnt a crazy-good-butterfly feeling. But we went out a few days later, and then a few days later and again... Now I'm with an amazing guy over a year later. Dont be intimidated or scared with Cali, just try taking it slow and just enjoy being with him. And TB is a nice balence ;)
Keep up the writing! :): )