Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Just Fade Away...

Today, after work, I met up with one of my coworkers from the bar, Aaron, for coffee. Aaron is probably one of the nicest, most genuine people I've ever met. And he's insanely goofy! He recently got married, and he gives really good advice, and he and I were working behind the same bar this past Saturday, and started having a conversation that we didn't get to finish. So he suggested we meet for coffee. And yes, the conversation was about Brandon.
We talked for about two and a half hours, and it was probably the best conversation I've had with anyone on the topic so far. He really peeled away all the crap that's covering Brandon, and our relationship, and showed me what's underneath. He gave me advice on what I should do, and how I should behave at work, and he gave me his opinions on Brandon, and on my situation. And I really feel a lot better now.
Even though I've known for a while that Brandon and I aren't meant to be together, the lingering feelings I had just kept pulling me back. Because in the very beginning of our relationship, things were great! And I was just clinging onto that for some reason. But, Brandon hasn't been the person I fell in love with , in a long time. In fact, since then he's become selfish, mean, and competitive to the point where things at work become tense. And, as Aaron pointed out, the reason is because he has convinced himself that he is the best. He doesn't want anyone to be better than him, and he doesn't give himself room to improve because he thinks he's already the best. Which is why he doesn't like anyone correcting him at work. But he's forgotten the most important thing. To be the best, you have to be the best person that you can be, and you have to be well-rounded in doing so. You have to want to be the best friend, the best boyfriend/girlfriend, the best brother, sister, son, daughter, father or mother. Not just the best bartender. Not just the best golfer. And Brandon never cared to be the best boyfriend to me, because that would have required him to make some sacrifices. And he's so wrapped up in himself, that he doesn't want to do that.
I never thought about it that way.
Aaron also pointed out that Brandon's juvenile behavior the other night was just a play to get a reaction out of me. And it worked! And he says if I just accept Brandon, not ignore him, not be overly friendly, but just accept him, it will help me to move on, and it will drive him nuts. And if I just don't give in, he'll end up making a fool out of himself, which will be unattractive to me, and help me get over him. Because he wants to get attention from me, he wants to get a reaction out of me. He likes knowing that I still care about him. And I cannot, under any circumstances, give him that satisfaction. And he's gonna jab at me a few times, maybe even do something drastic, like make out with a girl in front of me, to try to get a reaction, but I just have to be strong, and not give him the satisfaction of knowing it bothers me. And eventually he'll just fade away....

We talked about a lot more things, but overall, I learned that I just need to tell myself, and everyone else, that I don't care, and truly mean it, because I know he's not what I want. And it's not going to be easy, but I'm on my way. ((Sigh))
So...hopefully I can stay in this frame of mind that I'm in right now. And I'm really thankful to Aaron for taking the time to sit and talk with me. He and I don't really hang out too much, because he works 2 jobs, and he's married and all. I do hang out with his wife, Trina every now and then. They're like the perfect couple. I mean, obviously nothing is perfect, but they are one of the best models for a relationship of anyone I know. So, I think if anyone can give good relationship advice, it's Aaron.

Well, I don't really have anything else exciting to report. I just wanted to let you all know that I'm getting through this. I am determined to get through this! And hopefully, once I'm back to my old happy-go-lucky self again, the right guy will come along.


Jadeny said...

Yay!! Im so glad your friend made you realize all of these things. It's important not to fester in negative emotions. Ever read The Secret?

Anonymous said...

Yay that seems like a really great post. It seems like you are turning the corner on this whole Brandon thing and I for one could not be happier! Best of luck with everything! - jenelle