Sunday, September 23, 2012

The Weekend of Exes

Remember a couple weeks ago when Brazil sent me a friend request? Well, I accepted it. Mostly out of morbid curiosity. I just wanted to know what he wanted. Well, 2 weeks went by, and nothing happened, so I deleted him again. And then I made Abbie delete him from her friends too. So that was that.
Now let's take an even longer trip down memory lane, shall we? Remember my old boyfriend BJ? (<-- Visit this link to catch up) Well Friday morning, I had a dream about him, sorta. In the dream he had this really beautiful horse, and I wanted to show a picture of the horse to my girlfriend (can't remember who). So I had BJ's phone, and I was scrolling through his pics looking for the pic of his horse. And I came across this picture of a bunch of us at the beach, and I was in the background of this picture, adjusting my swimsuit top, and my boob was totally showing. So I was like, "OMG you have to delete this!" And he was like, "Oh well I have copies" and for some reason, in the dream, I was just like, "haha, oh well!" It was like we were together in the dream or something. I dunno, but I woke up with this...renewed interest (?) in him. And of course I had to text him about the dream immediately. And I said, "So....do you have any naked pictures of me?"
And he didn't respond for quite a long time, so I started to think maybe he was weirded out or something by my text. And then I was like, "Oh shit, maybe he thinks I want to send him some naked pics?" Lol. So I texted him again to clarify, "Fyi I wasn't offering to send you a naked pic. Lol. I just had a dream last night that you had a picture of me, in which I had a wardrobe malfunction. Lol."
And again, he didn't respond! And it's just very unlike him to ignore a text like that, especially since we recently had a brief conversation. So I sent him a facebook message, asking if he changed his number. He responded immediately with the new number. LOL.
Here's our conversation....

Me: Dude, did you change your #??

BJ: Lol yes
 (phone number)

Me: Omg...good to know. I texted someone something weird this morning. Hhaha!

BJ: Lol please tell me they texted you back.

Me: Haha no, that's why I messaged you! But I said, "So...do you have any naked pictures of me?"
 And then there was no reply so I thought maybe I freaked you out or something and I felt the need to clarify so then I wrote:

Fyi I wasn't offering to send you a naked pic. Lol. I just had a dream last night that you had a picture of me, in which I had a wardrobe malfunction. Lol.

BJ: Lol if someone would've gotten that it seriously would've made my year.

Me: I really hope so
Anyway, it was a funny dream.

BJ: Sounds like it, I'll be there next month, pencil me in

Me: When?

BJ: Oct 26

Me: How long are you staying here? And where are you staying?
 Lol sorry for the 20 questions

BJ: Just for the weekend

Me: Well where are you staying?

BJ: I may get a hotel I may stay at my buddies house haven't decided

Me: Stay with MEEEE!! Lol. Who do you know that lives here?

BJ: One of my best friends from the military

Me: Oh I see. Well you're welcome to crash with me if you want. I live near wrigley field.

BJ: Uh that sounds like greatness

So that was just our facebook conversation, which we were having while I was working, so it got busy and I wasn't able to respond t.o him for a while. But later, just before I left work, I texted him, and we small talked for a while, I'll spare you the boring stuff. Eventually he brought up the dream again.

BJ: So about those naked pictures of you, should I delete them....or.....

Me: Lol. In the ream it wasn't really a naked picture. [I explain the dream]

BJ: Lol I have mixed feelings about this story. Humor, obviously, envy of Dream Me, and jealousy because this wasn't real.

Me: BAHAHAHAHA!! I have mixed feelings about it as well, bc clearly, Dream Me didn't mind that you had this pic of me, and when I woke up I had this unexplainable urge to make out with you. Haha.

BJ: Dream You needs to do all of your thinking

Me: Hahaha. Is that so??

BJ: Uh yea, I miss your face, and have for a long time.

Me: You do??? Well that honestly surprises me since we hardly saw each other when I was living in Houston.

BJ: Lol well we chose different paths, I'm not cool, trendy, or hip so I didn't know what to do when you broke up with me. I was angry and confused, but that doesn't mean my feelings ever changed.

Me: What do you mean your feelings never changed?? I broke up with you mainly bc I felt like you were in a different place in your life than I was.* You were big into the frat/college scene and I wasn't really. I mean it was fun for a while, but I was kinda trying to figure my own life/shit out at the time. Plus, you lived an hour away! And I just wasn't ready for anything serious at the time.

*Side note: Also there was also Daniel...which obviously, I didn't include in my explanation, but I was young. It was what it was.

BJ: And you weren't wrong, but that's still not what I wanted.

Me: What's not what you wanted?

BJ: Breaking up

Me: Well don't take this the wrong way or anything, but you've never been exactly forthcoming with your feelings. And you were so hostile to me afterwards that I just assumed you didn't want anything to do with me. Also, I feel the need to ask, are you drunk right now?? [It was like 3am]

BJ: No, if I get a DUI, I get fired and fuck that shit! My job is too good to lose.

Me: Lol ok just wondering.... Well I'm sorry for all that. A lot has changed since then. I am much more...I dunno what work to use, experienced/pragmatic/realistic/grown up now. I have always considered you at least a friend, if not a good friend. But I guess I've never really known your feelings/opinions.

BJ: I know what you mean, I think the same is true for both of us, and I'm very aware that I'm not forthcoming with feelings, lol. To be honest, whether you realize it or not, you know more about me than probably anybody on the planet.

Me: What??? I find that very hard to believe...

BJ: It's very true, but I'm not going to explain why or how. I think I've maxed myself out on feelings sharing.

Me: Nooooo! Lol.

BJ: Lol what you don't realize is you've always had me.

BJ: I know that's probably not what a woman wants to hear because it's not challenging but it is what it is.

Me: You might be the most self-contradicting, confusing person I've ever met. I mean...it's just hard for me to accept that as truth after you pretty much dated all my friends! And I'm not saying that to be mean, I'm saying it bc I had a huge thing for you in hs and you went after first Rikki, then Emma. And I won't even bring up the Cecilia thing, lol, but it just...doesn't make sense to me! I just...always thought you weren't that into me. Anyway, what does "challenging" have to do with anything?? I'm not 22 anymore.

BJ: Rikki was before I knew you liked me and Emma and I were always just friends. And Cecilia happened after I flew home for your birthday and found out you were making out with some other guy outside.

Me: I wasn't trying to put you on the defensive. you don't have to explain anything. That is all long in the past. I was just trying to explain why this is confusing for me. Not to mention the part where you never even hinted at any of this. You realize we fight like cats and dogs, right?? You act all macho in front of your friends, and I know it's just an act and it drives me crazy cuz I can't figure out why you act that way. And I'm confrontational and stubborn and weird and flighty and probably selfish and frustrating. This isn't exactly a 2+2=4 kind of equation. Anyway, I'm sorry for whatever pain and suffering I'm sure I caused you in the past. I hope that at least we can put all that behind us. [finally!]

BJ: But that's not even the point. Those aren't the girls who I've fought with, worked things out with and came back to for the last 12 years.

Me: You've worked things out with me bc I MADE you! I'm not the type to let go of friends easily. And I know the things we argue about are usually dumb. Definitely not worth losing a friendship over.

BJ: Everything you just say about us is 100% true, but I don't know, I really liked all of that, and I'm much less of a macho d-bag these days.

Me: Hahahaha well it's nice to know you're aware of your old habits... As for the rest, I agree, it kept things interesting. And it means a lot what you said, but I'm not sure that your feelings are really for ME, as I am now, and not just the idea of me, or the way you remember me. You have dated a lot of crazy broads, maybe I'm just the most agreeable out of all them. Lol. But really, it's been a long time since we've hung out and I'm not the same person anymore. I mean I am, but I'm not. You know?

BJ: Lol first you are not the most agreeable woman I've ever dated by a long shot, and I can imagine that you've grown and changed, that happens as we go through life, and in all reality you may such, I'm pretty sure I'm kind of lame these days, but I'm happy so screw it. And I'm visiting in a month so that'll be a chance to find out.

Me: True...but I don't want it to feel like we're putting a lot of pressure on one wkend. I am gonna have to work, ya know, it's Halloween. But we should try and catch up before then. So it's not like I'm talking to you for the first time in a million yrs.

BJ: Also, I wasn't trying to spring this on you, nor do I expect anything. These were just things I should've said a long time ago. Lol but I have a lot of plans that weekend, I was just saying we could get a meal together. No pressure at all.

Me: Well my offer still stands if you wanna stay with me. When are you flying back?

BJ: I still have to book my return ticket for Sunday.

Me: Well you should make it late. Lol. Cuz Sunday is the only day I won't have to work.

BJ: I can do that. Ok gorgeous I have to go to sleep. Sweet dreams.

BJ: Dream about sending me naked pictures, or just do. Lol.

Me:  (: Night

So that was that conversation.
Right?? I mean I'm still trying to sort through all this. Mostly I can't figure out how I really feel about it, about him, because on the one hand, there's excitement you know, and it feels good to hear things like that from someone. But I don't know if I actually want to pursue this or not. And if he really feels that way about me, I don't want to lead him on either. Because I do really care about him as a friend, regardless of our romantic status. ((Sigh)) So confusing. We texted a bit today as well. So I know he wasn't just drunk word-vomiting Friday night.
Despite the quagmire that is my feelings, I'm not gonna lie, I feel...happy about it. Thoughts? Opinions? Advice?? Anyone???

Ok, now for tonight, Saturday night. Went to work, and it was me, Abbie and Warren as usual. Well around 11ish, Warren disappeared into the office to do some server closeouts and it's just me and Abbie behind the bar. And it's just starting to really get busy when GUESS WHO WALKS UP TO THE BAR??
If you guessed Brazil, you would be correct.
I just looked up and there he was, right in front of me, and I said, "What the fuck!" because I was surprised. And he was like ,"What, am I not allowed to be here?" And I said, "What? I didn't say that..."
And then he said, "You pretty much said that."
And I said, "No, I just said 'What the fuck' because you surprised me."
Then he asked how I was doing (great!) and how is Jasper and where am I living. And I was trying to be...unaffected and as nice as possible. But it was just so awkward! Finally he took his 2 beers and left, and we were busy so I had enough to be getting on with. He and his friend lurked in front of the bar until some people got up and then they sat down and stayed for at least an hour. I completely ignored him. I served drinks to people on either sides of him without even making eye contact with him. I just pretended he wasn't there pretty much. He made another attempt to talk to me once when I walked by. He asked how I was doing, and I just said, "Fine, just busy working" and walked away.
Then finally, Warren comes back from the office just as Brazil is about to leave. And he's standing at the end of the bar, obviously waiting to say goodbye to me, but I just kept ignoring him, and eventually he left. And Warren goes, "Hey was that that guy that-"
"Yes," I interrupted him before he could make fun of me, "I don't know what he was doing here, I'm just glad he's finally gone."
"He was here trying to get laid." Warren said.
And then I told him that after our initial encounter at the bar, I seriously doubted that he thought he was gonna get laid. But Warren just said, "Guys are dumb. He probably still hopes he's gonna get laid." And I was just like, "You've gotta be fucking kidding me, I mean, no way!"
Well very shortly after that, Brazil texted me.
"Hey, sorry if it was akward (yes, he spelled it wrong) of me showing up out of nowhere today. Anyways, it was good to see you"

So I show Warren the text and he's like "I told you!" and then I was like, "Well what should I say??"
Well Warren had this awesome idea, which I am proud to say I used. Lol. Here is what I responded with:

Me: It was just really busy. So are you busy later?

Brazil: Im just at home now, surfing the web n stuff.. I guess that means .. Not busy?

Me: Wanna hang out when I get off work?

Brazil: For sure, if by any chance I don't respond is probably cause im passed out sleeping.
Brazil: But anyways, u have idea whne u will be done? Dont mean to bother, i know ur really busy

Me: Oh wait, hang on...I just remembered you're THE DOUCHEST BAG. But you're welcome at [our bar] anytime. Sweet dreams.

Brazil: That was unecessary, and you know it's not true.. Not cool peyton. You have no reason to say that to me, even if you think you do. Anyway, i hope ur doing fine, I'll disregard the insults.

A couple minutes go by...

Brazil: Douchest bag ever? WTF?

I'm sorry, I know it was terrible, and immature, yada yada, but it just felt soooo good!! And me and Warren seriously laughed about it for at least 20 minutes. It definitely made my  night. ((Sigh)) 
I didn't respond to him any more after that. It was just great. I just can't believe he was dumb enough to think that after I deleted him from my friends TWICE, and then completely ignored him at the bar, he thought I would wanna go over to his place?? In the words of Ron Weasley, "How thick can you get?" 
Also on a side note, it's really hard for me to type all his misspellings. Lol. Idiot.

Anyway, this is has been one interesting weekend. On another unrelated note, I gave my number to a hot guy on Friday night. Perhaps I'll hear from him, perhaps I won't? Meh... 

Anyway, I really could use some advice on the BJ situation? I mean I'm gonna see him in about a month, but I don't wanna like...invest too much into that right now because it just seems kind of silly. I dunno... Let me know what you all think.

Flame on, muthafuckaz!

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