I've always been horrible with plants. I can't tell you how many times I've brought home a potted plant, or an orchid or something, and tried my best to care for it. But I always seem to fail miserably. Initially it seems I tend to over water them. In my excitement, I give the plant too much attention, and it drowns in my affections. So then I leave it alone a bit, once I notice the leaves all start falling off. But after a while, it dries up completely, from neglect.
This is a perfect analogy for my relationships. I'm horrible with plants, I'm horrible with relationships. I just can't seem to find a balance! But when I look back, I'm always too this, or not enough of that. Too clingy, too flighty, too eager, or too aloof. What is the trick?
BJ and I have been having a steady text message conversation over the last 2 days. We also had about a 2 hour phone conversation yesterday evening, while he was driving from Austin to Houston. The great thing about it is, no matter what happens when he gets here, we're friends. So we can talk easily, and laugh, and have intellectual conversations and debates, or just talk about what we did that day. It's completely no pressure, no awkwardness, and it's divine. The problem is, if we end up dating again, the tendency is going to be to rush things because we already know each other, and hell, we've already slept together. Even though it's been almost 5 years, it's not as if we're getting to know each other for the first time. We already know we get along, we're attracted to one another, and we have chemistry. What we don't know, is if what we have has staying power, or if it's meant to be. Of course, no one really knows that going into things, but we also have our friendship to consider. Granted, our friendship over the last 5 years has been pretty minimalistic, so maybe it wouldn't make all that much of a difference if we ended up going our separate ways.
But for me, I know the transition from being single to being in a relationship, when that time comes, is not going to be easy. Which is why it has to be gradual, not sudden. I've been single now for so long, that I can't really remember what it's like being in a relationship, and judging from my past experiences, I've never been that good at it to begin with. Herein lies my problem. My lack of a Green Thumb.
Of course, all of this could be moot. He could get here next month and we find we really hate each other, or that the chemistry no longer sparks. I almost hope that that's the case. It's scary knowing I'm looking forward to someone texting me back, or calling. It's been so long since I've had that feeling, and it generally never leads to anything good.