So I am officially living in my new apartment! It's sooo nice! My own space, all to myself, with no one to consult about anything!! Everything is still in boxes right now though, because my entire weekend has consisted of moving and working. And today I slept till 3 o'clock cuz I was so exhausted. ((sigh))
Bethany is gonna help me decorate and paint my bedroom. She's reallllly good at interior design! We start painting tomorrow. I'm so excited!
I had to work tonight, even though I don't normally work Sundays. It was horrible. But John is back from his trip. You guys remember John right?? The guy with all the sexual tension?? And just so you know, that hasn't gone away! Anyways, he was on some trip for a couple months for school; a geographical survey or something. But tonight, he worked the door and I closed the bar, so it was just the 2 of us at closing time. And we were sitting and talking while I was counting tips. And he was telling me about what he wants to do when he finishes school, and I found myself getting lost in his words, and thinking about what it would be like to kiss him. Would his kiss be gentle or firm? What his hands would feel like in my hair, and how my heart would race... Then I snapped out of it, and he was in the middle of telling me something about insurgents in Iraq. He was in the marines. ((sigh)) I wonder if anything will ever come of me and John.
Anyways, these fanciful thoughts of mine, are unfortunately few and far between. And I say that because they are certainly a nice destraction from the constant ache of yearning for Daniel. Now that I'm living practically across the street from him, it's gotten worse. I keep dreading, and hoping that I'll run into him.
Speaking of which, Jenna has been hanging out with him, almost on a regular basis. And that really bothers me, because on top of that, she never calls me anymore! And I've been so depressed lately, I just wish I knew I could depend on the people that I used to count among my good friends. It's strange how people's true colors start to show when you really need them. The only people who have really been there for me are Melissa, Bethany and Izzie. Always Izzie. She is the most loyal friend I've ever had. I'm not too happy with Alyssa either. As soon as Russ got back from his mission trip, she stopped calling me. ((sigh))
Melissa and Tim broke up last week, so we've been hanging out a lot...commiserating mostly. But it's nice to just have someone to talk to who really understands. She actually gets what I'm going through, and she empathizes.
It's kind of weird, because she points out things about me in a way that is so...black and white; she puts them in a new light that I wouldn't ever think of.
For example, the other day while we were at dinner she said she couldn't believe how bad Daniel broke me. So bad that I have to drug myself to numb the pain. She was referring to my more frequent smoking of course. But....((sigh)) she's right. And it makes me sad to think about it. I don't understand how I let him get so deep inside of me. I rarely even let people under my skin, let alone into my heart.
Anyways, it's late and I'm tired so I'm gonna try to get some sleep.