Rock You Like A Hurricane

Ok, so there's this hurricane, right? And normally, I don't let these things bother me, because we always have hurricane scares here, and then everyone gets in their car and drives for hours and hours in bumper to bumper traffic just to move like...2 miles. And then the hurricane never even hits. So I always just stay put.
But apparently this one is pretty serious. Not for me, because luckily I'm far enough away from it now. But my parents, and a lot of my friends live in the evacuation zones and they all have to leave. A lot of businesses are closing too. Except of course, my bar. They're staying open tonight, but possibly closing for the rest of the weekend. So Melissa and Amanda are partying, Jenna's partying, pretty much everyone I know that doesn't work with me is having a hurricane party.
And Rusty texted me asking if I wanted to go to Dallas!
I didn't respond at first. But then like 20 minutes later, after getting off the phone with Melissa, who informed me that all north-bound traffic is practically at a stand-still, I wrote him back.

"Lol. You'll never make it to Dallas."
"Why do you say that?"
"Traffic is too bad."
"No it isn't. I just got back from Katy...Don't you at least want to see me a little?

Ugh...

"I'm not going to Dallas. I have to work tonight."
"But you do wanna see me?"
"Don't flatter yourself. You're not staying home, are you?"
"Not sure yet."
"Well you shouldn't stay there."
"I know but the only person I have here is my parents, and they want me to stay with them. That's closer."
"Do you at least have a ride?"
"Everyone is already gone."
"Are you kidding me??"
"LOL no."
"Well then what are you gonna do!? Why didn't you leave when "everybody" else did?"
"Well I was playing a show last night when my roommate left."
"Ok well...what are your options?"
"So far, just go to my parents."
"Well aren't they under mandatory evacuation?"

(His parents live pretty far south)

"I don't know"
"I'm pretty sure they are, cuz my parents are. Why don't you just come to Houston?"
"I'm trying to find a way"

Here's the part where I stopped, and really thought about what to say next. Because obviously, I still like him, but I am doing alright without him. But at the same time, I'm a nice person and I don't want to leave him stranded.

"((sigh)) Well if you REALLY need a ride, I can come get you. If you drown in the hurricane, I don't want that on my conscience."

So now, I'm just waiting for his response. Erg... Why do I put myself in these positions?? If he doesn't write back, I'm seriously never talking to him again. And hey, maybe the bar will be closed this weekend, and I can just sit back with a bottle of wine and my DVR and watch TV! Could be fun!

Group Hang

Well this past Friday we went out for Melissa's birthday. And we went to one of the newer bars on the Washington Strip. I had only been there once, and I remembered it being kind of a hole in the wall, and not very busy. But this time, it was packed! Bethany came too, and it ended up just being me, Melissa, Tim, Bethany and Evan. But we had so much fun! And I even met a cute bartender, and I gave him my phone number.
So on Sunday, before the whole Rusty thing, The Bartender texted me! We chatted a little bit, but I was at work, so we couldn't talk for long.
Then today, Jenna and I had plans to hang out at a local icehouse when she got off work. So I texted The Bartender and asked him to join us, before I hopped in the shower.
I left my phone sitting on the bathroom counter, and I heard him text a response while I was washing my hair. I smiled to myself as I hurried through the rest of my shower. I immediately checked my messages when I got out.
Except it wasn't from The Bartender.
It was Rusty.
"U hate me now?"
Ugh... I didn't respond. About 5 minutes later, The Bartender wrote back saying he'd meet us there.
So when Jenna got off work, we headed over to the icehouse. I brought Oliver with me, and Evan met up with us too. We played the touch screen trivia game, and had a few beers before The Bartender showed up.
It was hard for me to really decide what I thought of him. I mean, all of us bartenders act differently when we're not at work. Jenna didn't like him. She says he thinks he's hot shit. Lol. But to be honest, there weren't really any sparks between us. I mean, he's a nice guy and all but just...not that interesting.
Oh well, at least I hung out with a guy. A guy that wasn't Rusty.
Speaking of Rusty, he sent me another text when I got home.
"Just heard your myspace says you're done? I didn't even do anything wrong."
Fuckin' classic. I put that as my myspace status last night.
Peyton is DONE.
Mood: used.
I doubt he heard that either. He probably just saw it. And yea, maybe he didn't do anything wrong, but he sure as hell didn't do anything right!! I didn't respond to that one either.

I Told You So

Go ahead and say it.
I broke things off with Rusty tonight. I just couldn't handle it. Him treating me like shit, and using me, and just...not being that into me, I guess you could say. And while I may sound so candid and to the point about this in my writing, I've completely broken down, and I can barely see the computer screen through my tears.
When will I ever get this right??
When will I ever find someone who will just make me happy?
I'm not just upset about Rusty. I'm upset because I saw the good in him. The good that other people refused to see. The talent, the potential, the goodness in his heart. But it is still going to waste, and I'm still a failure, because no matter how much good I may see in people, that doesn't necessarily mean they're going to use that goodness on me. I'm still going to get stepped on, used, and shit on by these guys. And I'm always going to be the one with the broken heart.
I just can't take this right now. My mom is getting steadily worse. Every time I talk to her, she sounds more worried, more upset... She's been in a lot of pain, and there's nothing I can do. She even has my dad all upset. Apparently she keeps talking to him about his "future wife". She says she wants us all to "be prepared".
((sigh))
My life is getting steadily worse... I'm just... I wish I could just not care about anything.
Ever.

An Unhealthy Obsession

So things with Rusty and I haven't exactly been going perfectly. I mean the whole driving down there all the time thing is getting old. And I'm starting to feel like he doesn't really appreciate it! And I'm also getting really sick of people telling me to stay away from him etc etc... I get it, ok people?! He's a bad guy, he's bad news, he's this, he's that... I DON'T CARE! I make my own decisions and my own mistakes. And if he is a mistake, then I'm going to have only myself to blame. But no matter what...I still can't get enough of him.
((sigh))
I really wanted him to come over and hang out last night, because I didn't have to work, and neither did he. But said he wasn't feeling well, and he just wanted to stay home. Even when I offered to pick him up! I vented to Melissa on the phone about it for an hour, and she told me to blow him off for the rest of the night, so I did. He called me around 11:30 and I didn't answer. Then he sent me a text at 3:30 am that said, "I can't believe you didn't call me back".
I tried calling him just a minute ago, because he usually wakes up around 4, but he didn't answer. Of course. So I sent him a text, just so that he would know I called, and couldn't pretend he didn't have any missed calls. All I said was, "Hey, I didn't get your text till today, I was passed out. Guess you're still sleeping. Call me when you wake up!"
All I wanna do is see him! Wrap my arms around him, kiss him...((sigh)) I have some serious issues. I need to get my head out of the clouds for real, and come back to reality. This is so not healthy. Ugh...
Today is Melissa's 25th birthday. We're celebrating tomorrow. I requested the opening shift tomorrow so that I could hang out with her and the girls. So hopefully that will be a fun escape from what is really going on in my life.