Sunday, May 31, 2009

Recent Developments

Apparently my first night working with Brandon since the break-up would not be the worst. Friday I went in at 6, which is a pretty long shift. I was working in the back by myself, talking to Mr. P's brother and wife, and I was in pretty good mood. But after I'd been there about 3 hours, I started feeling really sick. I was light headed, and nauseous, and I kept gagging. It was the weirdest thing. At one point, I ran to the restroom cuz I thought I was gonna throw up, but I just dry-heaved in toilet for about 5 minutes. So I went back to the bar, not feeling any better.
Around 10, they sent me up to the front bar. I still felt like shit, but I didn't wanna ask to go home. It's very rarely that I get a 6 o'clock shift on a Friday, and I knew I couldn't pass up the opportunity to make some really good money. So I stuck it out.
Brandon had just gotten to work at 10, and this time, we were both on the same side of the bar. He still wouldn't make eye contact with me, or acknowledge me in any way. But then, neither did I.
Around 11:30, I was ringing up some one's order, when I gagged, and burped loudly. This wasn't a normal burp either. It was the kind of burp that's usually followed by vomit. It startled me and I took a few deep breaths. It seemed like it was gonna go away. But then another one came, and I just slammed the cash drawer shut, thrust the guy's change at him, and ran out the back door. I puked into the bushes. Ugh. I stood there for a second, leaning over the railing, gasping for breath, hoping there was no more. The fresh air felt amazing, even though it was warm. I was so tired....
But I did feel considerably better after puking. So I went back inside, and went to the bathroom to wash up. Thank God I carry a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse for such emergencies!!!
When I went back to the bar, some of my customers who'd seen me run out, asked if I was ok. I lied and told them I just had something in my eye. I figured they probably wouldn't wanna know the truth.
I didn't throw up anymore that night, thank goodness. But I still felt kinda bad. So you can imagine my relief when the lights came on.

When we were counting tips, I sat down at a table next to Greg. I noticed Brandon sitting by himself at another table, scowling.
"What's wrong with him?" I asked Greg in a low voice.
"I dunno. He's in a mood or something." He said.
"A mood?? Why??" I asked.
"I dunno, he just won't talk to anybody. I asked him earlier, and he just shrugged at me."
I looked over at Brandon, and wondered what could possibly be bugging him. But I quickly looked away when I remembered it wasn't my problem.
When Brandon finished rolling his quarters, he walked them over to my table, slammed them down, and then stormed off in the direction of the office.
What the hell??
My curiosity got the best of me. I waited a few minutes, then decided to follow him. I mean, not really follow him, but just find out where he was going and why.
I passed him in the hallway going back to the office.
"Are you ok?" I asked casually.
"Yea. I'm great!" He said with a sarcastic tone, as he threw his arms up and walked off.
I rolled my eyes, Why is he being rude to me?? I sure as hell didn't do anything.

I walked out to my car with one of the other girls, without saying bye to him. But I sent him a text.
"Are you mad at me or something?"
B: I'm not mad, u told me that u didn't want to speak to me.
Me: ((Sigh)) It's not that I don't wanna speak to you, it's just...hard. Plus, I figured you would want your space, since you said you thought it would be better if we took a break. I'm not trying to be enemies with you, I'm just backing off.
B: I'm not either
Me: Well then...why did you snap at me like that when I asked you if you were ok? I thought you were pissed of at me or something.
B: I'm not pissed off. Sorry for coming off like that.
Me: Ok. Well have fun tonight. And please be safe.
B: I'm just going to Marks and then home. I want u to know that I miss you.
Me: And I want you to know that that means a lot to me.

As soon as he told me he missed me, I started to cry. By this time, I was already at home and on my couch. But I went to bed feeling a little better, just knowing that he misses me, and that he's willing to admit it. I slept like a rock too.

Saturday, I woke up feeling fine. I must have eaten something bad yesterday, or caught a 24 hour bug or something. I met up with Melissa for lunch, and then we shopped for a little bit. I had to get Alyssa a birthday present. After shopping, I went over to Alyssa's new place and we hung out by the pool. She recently moved a little closer to Houston, and her apartments are really nice. And since they're technically outside of Houston, they're way cheaper than the ones around here! So I'm thinking about moving there when I get back from Europe. My lease here ends in July. So anyways, we swam and had a good time, and then I went home to get ready for work.

Saturday actually wasn't as bad. Brandon actually waved hello to me when he got there. I half smiled and waved back, but then I went back to not talking to him for the rest of the night, because I sure as hell am not gonna be his new buddy! I cut my hand on a broken bottle pretty bad at the beginning of the night. So that really sucked. It's on that flap of skin right between my thumb and pointer, you know where you grip things? So every time I grabbed something, it was like sharp shooting pain! It really sucked.
By the time we closed, I was not in the greatest mood, but I wasn't in a bad mood either. Bethany requested to do inventory with me though, and even though she's one of my besties, I really hate doing inventory with her! She's slow, and gets distracted easily, and therefore, it takes FOREVER!!! I mean we literally have to count every single bottle in the entire bar. It's a long and tedious process, and it's much easier when you have 2 people who just wanna get it done. She just likes doing it because she gets to sit down and doesn't have to clean. ((Sigh))

So anyways, the entire time we're doing inventory, she's bitching and moaning like a diva because they scheduled her to work Sunday. And apparently, that's beneath her. I wanted to slap her. I've had to work several Sundays, and yes they suck, and yes I hate them, and yes I complain, but everybody has to work one once in a while. It's like taking one for the team. But she was just going on and on and on and on about it.
"Omg! I can't believe they scheduled me to close on a Sunday! That is such bullshit! I am livid right now! I have so much shit to do tomorrow! There is no reason for them to schedule me on a Sunday!"
"I've worked plenty of Sundays." I said, "In fact, I'm working that shift next week."
"So!? I've worked here for three and a half years!!! I don't do Sunday's anymore! And they just decided to give Greg the night off, I don't know why!"

Let me just say, that she has not worked there for 3 and half years. Not even 3 actually. She's only been working there 6 months longer than I have. And I was already dealing with shit with Brandon you know, and now I have to listen to her pitch a hissy fit, because she's just wayyyy to good to work a Sunday shift, and she's just the most wonderful bartender ever and how dare they schedule her on a Sunday, when they should just be kissing her feet and thanking the gods that she even stoops to work there at all! The audacity of them!!!
I wanted to slap her.

But instead, I said, "Will you just shut up so we can finish this and get the fuck out of here??"
She gave me a very harassed look, which I ignored and continued with my job. But by the time we finished, I also, was in a bad mood.
My car was in the parking lot, so I walked out by myself, thoughts consumed with Brandon, of course.
When I got home, I dropped my stuff on my bed and took Jasper out for a short walk. When I came back inside, I had a text from Brandon.
"Did u have a good night?"
Ten minutes had gone by, by the time I wrote him back.
Me: It was ok.
B: When do u leave?
Me: In 11 days
B: Am I still taking Jaspy
Me: No, don't worry about it.
B: Why not?
Me: I guess I dunno...cuz he's my responsibility, and you aren't obligated to me in any way so...you don't have to worry about it.
B: I want to.
Me: We will see.

I figured that would be the end of it, and I was just settling into bed with my book. But then he wrote me again.

B: What are u feeling?
Me: What do you mean?
B: Just about everything that is going on with me and you

I thought long and hard before responding to this one.

Me: I plead the 5th. I can't continue to let you read me like a book, if you're never going to give me any answers in return.

Five minutes later, he responded with, "I understand."

Me: I would like to be able to talk to you about it but...I don't want to make the same mistakes over and over again. When you're willing to share, I will tell you whatever you want to know.
B: Well I would like to do that this week.
B: I'm going to Lake Charles to play golf tomorrow.

I read another chapter in my book before responding, so 10 minutes later, I wrote:
"Sounds fun. Drive safe."
And then I went to sleep.

When I woke up this morning, I had 2 texts from him.
The first one said:
"I just wanted to say good morning!! :) I have been thinking about you a lot!!"

The second one said:
"Call me when you wake up"

I woke up around 12:30. It's almost 3 now. I still haven't called him. I'm afraid to. I don't know what he'll say, or how to respond, or how to play this. I just...I don't know!!


Anonymous said...

It's crazy how each month you have7 posts! (Except this one) Sure, I guess that's beside the point. Sorry. I hope you're doing ok. Try to take care of yourself a bit. Brandon didn't seem like he was doing it too much.

Anonymous said...

UGH!!!!! This guy is manipulating you, wanting you to be there when it's convienient to him!!! I know that he seems great, that maybe he really does love you, but he doesn't. He just wants you when he cannot have you. I'm passionate about this because I have been there before. This is NOT the man for you. STOP IT. A man that wants you will not break up with you all the time, he will not doubt your relationship and ignore you. I am with the greatest man ever and we have gone through much more than yourself and Brandon. He has been there for me no matter what, through death, cancer and through suicide, where Brandon runs from you. you deserve better, let it go. I hope that you respond to this comment because I want to know you've read and fully understand that. You are worth more than this!