Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Smooth Sailing

Ever since Brandon came clean with me about everything, things have been so...easy! So smooth, effortless. It's like this huge void between us has finally closed up. We can connect on a higher level. 
As for everything else...I'm just gonna stay out of it. It doesn't affect me directly, and I'm not going to let it. I'm just gonna leave it alone. As long as Brandon is faithful and good to me, and now that I know he's being honest with me about everything... I'm stickin' with him.
We still have our issues, of course, but they're just little things. Even so, let me get your opinions on something.
I've been having trouble getting him to sleep with me!!! Before you go making any assumptions, let me explain. So we're in bed, talking, playing, and I go to touch him, and he bursts out laughing and flinches away like a kid being tickled. I mean, I know he's really ticklish, but it's like I can't even touch him without tickling him!! And it's really starting to frustrate me! Because I'm all ready to go, and he's just sitting there laughing, and holding my hands so I can't touch him. ((Sigh!)) 
I've tried talking to him about it. I tell him I'm not trying to tickle him, but he just says he can't help it. I know I used to tickle him a lot when we first started dating, kind of in a flirtatious way, but I stopped doing that months ago! He said he just needs some "time to loosen up" so he won't keep reacting that way. It still sucks though. Any suggestions??

Anyways, I've been saving every last penny for Europe! I've already got my ticket, but now I have to save up to pay for the rent I'm gonna have to pay as soon as I get back, plus any spending money I'll need for the trip, and then there's the things I'm gonna need to buy before I leave. Urgh...so much money!! But it'll be worth it. I can't wait!

My mom's surgery is only 2 weeks away. I can't believe the time has gone by so fast. She finished her chemo at the end of last month. They wanted to wait until all the drugs were out of her system before operating, so that's why she hasn't had the surgery yet. Everything seems to be going well; the lump is no longer palpable, but we won't know if it's gone for sure until the surgery. And then they'll be able to go in and look and make sure the cancer hasn't spread to the chest cavity. Sophie and Brent are coming into town the week before to be here for the surgery. I'm sure we'll have a week of fun beforehand, which will be nice. But we'll all have apprehension in the back of our minds. ((Sigh)) Please everyone pray for my mom!

Well, that's all I've got for you guys tonight. It's back to Cold Case!


Katie said...

I have no idea what he's really like, but what you write about Brandon makes him seem seriously passive aggressive. The way he was smiling when he told you he didn't want to be with you, and now he bursts out laughing when you try to touch him.

It's like he wants to punish you for loving him, so he keeps pushing you away while keeping a smile on his face so that he's not the bad guy. This guy has ISSUES.

Stop babying him...I know you want to make it work but stop trying to make out with him and see what he does. I have no idea.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Sorry about your Mom..Hope all goes well with surgery. I been through it as my mom had breast cancer made it through 5 years then it came back and she passed away.

As far as the tickling goes, I am so sensitive on my feet that if anyone touches them I go bananas. I can't help it sends a shock wave through my body.

If that is an issue then you're in trouble as this is so so so minor if that.

Peyton said...

I don't know if passive aggressive is the right word. It's more like...apprehensive. He's never done this before. He doesn't know what it's like to be loved by a girl, and it be real. And I guess he doesn't know what to do in the situation. So we're just learning as we go. Together.

Anonymous said...

hmm I get the feeling that you make a lot of excuses for brandon. and i'm not saying that's a bad thing since that's the natural thing to do when you love someone but i also think he has some issues that he needs to work out on his own before he'll ever fully be a part of this relationship.

Katie said...

If I were in your situation, I would do exactly what you're doing. Supporting him and helping him get over whatever's holding him back. But what about you? It seems like you're giving more and more to him and he's not reciprocating. I don't think you're doing anything wrong, you're a great girlfriend. I really hope he acknowledges that.

Anonymous said...

I feel like Brandon is a lot like my ex boyfriend. When I finally managed to break it off with him, I told him I felt like he wanted me to be his girlfriend, but he didn't want to be a boyfriend. I don't think you can have a healthy relationship with someone and not have sex, and he's is obviously having some issues in that department! I just look back and see myself in you- trying to convince myself that all is good and that I was happy. Don't settle!


Jen said...

Idk.. it just seems like this guy has major issues with all areas of his life. What warm-blooded male would constantly pull away and giggle like a school girl when he's got a chick ready and waiting for him??! My 1st thought was.. wow! Is this guy gay!?! I'm sorry.. I dont buy that whole.. he has to get comfortable crap. You've been together for HOW long now? OHHH and i surely would have punched him in the face if he was grinning the whole time he was trying to break up with me. What's WRONG with him? That just isn't cool on sooo MANY levels!!

I agree that it seems like you give and give and get nothing in return. You seem to make excuses for him, which you shouldn't do. I know you say you care about him, and i'm not doubting that.. i AM doubting how much he really cares for YOU.
If a guy pulled away everytime i tried to really kiss him, or giggled when i touched him, it would tell me that he's just not that into me! And i'd move on!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

hmm, the tickling thing, i dont think its as big of an issue that all these comments are making it put to be, its just one of those small issues that couples have to work out. SO. When you touch him, where? Are there more ticklish spots than others, like his sides vs his chest, and if so maybe just try to avoid that spot. and stick to rubbing the back of his neck or staying on his chest... :) And try to be firm not soft when you're touching, as light touchs are more ticklish. It can ahve the side effect of making you seem more like you;re in control, or more passionate :)And more pressure also feels good...
Good luck, hope you guys have fun working out where exaclty you can touch him with out him getting all ticklish. Or maybe just flat out tell him if you cant touch him anywhere and not tickle, then he'd better get ready to touch you and pay all the attention on you!
And please post soon! Can't wait to hear next.

Anonymous said...

Wow, I just came back to reading your blog after a long time, and I couldn't remember brandon so I re-read from the start when you guys started dating. He sounded wonderful from the beginning and its definitely worth seeing what will come out of this. Right now, he could be going through a rough patch, and he may go back to the way things were. It seems like brandon is overwhelmed with everything including your relationship which is why he may be creating distance. I dont think he wants to breakup with you, but I think subconsciously he is mentally and emotionally at a max and its making him withdraw from things to decrease his overload. I dont know if that makes sense, but I've had that feeling in relationship. I felt so overwhelmed with my life, that I started to withdraw from the person I was with. I think thats why hes started to breakup with you, because he doesn't want to get hurt by his behaviour. If you feel strong enough to ride this out, you just have to go with the flow, and give him some space when he needs it. Try to resist the urge to nag or be confrontational, that will just overwhelm him more and push him further away.