Complications

After a long night Monday with Brandon, I was exhausted when I woke up for my opening shift on Tuesday. Plus, my allergies have been flaring up again, so I took some medicine before work. That was a horrible idea! I felt groggy and out of it practically the whole night. Around 8 o'clock 2 guys came in, and one of them was pretty hot. He was tall and had the shaggy, 2nd day scruff thing goin' on. Anyways, I waited on them and talked to them for a bit, since it was my last hour of work. And we got to talking about my trip to Europe, and my photography business. Then he mentioned he'd like to see some of my photographs.

"Well I have a website!" I said, "Oh! Better yet, I'll give you a business card!" I said.

I always get superpsyched to give out my business cards, I dunno why. Lol. So I gave him one, and that was that.

Then when the end of my shift finally came, I waved goodbye to the guys as I walked by.

"I'll call you sometime." The hot guy said.

Without even thinking, I gave him a thumbs up. It wasn't until I was getting my things that I registered what he said.

Oh no! He thought I was giving him my number! I really just wanted to give him a business card because I thought he wanted to see my photos!

But then I thought, Oh well, most of the time guys don't call when they say they're going to anyway. And what's the harm in giving a hot guy my business card?? It's not like I'm cheating on Brandon or anything!

But as I drove home, I started thinking about Brandon, and his...extracurricular activities, and the hot guy, and what if this, what if that... It was enough to make my head spin!

As soon as I got home, I called Todd. I know I swore to Brandon that I wouldn't tell anyone what he was doing, but I know I can trust Todd not to tell a soul.

We talked for about 30 minutes. I explained the whole situation to him, and he listened well, as always. He told me that if it was him, he'd get as far away as possible, but also that he's a lot more conservative than most people. He warned me to be careful. And he asked me if I saw myself marrying Brandon.

"I don't know." I told him, "At this point it's too hard to tell because...what I see is potential. If we had more time together, and if he wasn't so busy all the time, things could be great, maybe even perfect. And maybe then I could see myself marrying him. But...it's not like that. So I just don't know."

What I do know is that I care about Brandon a lot. But I also care about Todd a lot. As a friend, and as possibly more. And I do sometimes wonder about other guys. But I also worry about letting Brandon go, even if it's only for a little while, to let him mature a little, do his golf thing, and free up some time for me. Because what if someone else snatches him up?! And then I'm too late! Because I really think Brandon and I could be happy together in the future. I just wish we could get all this other shit out of the way.

((Sigh))

Why does everything always have to be so complicated??