Well it's been a while. I'm sure you guys think I say that in every post. Lol. But I've been done with my semester for about a week now, and I have more spare time than I know what to do with! My birthday was this week. Another year older...((Sigh)) But that's not what I wanna talk about. I wanna talk about my past. And my exes. They both seem to be creeping up on me lately. Last weekend, Brazil came into my bar, and tried to get me to go home with him. And to be honest, I seriously thought about it, just remembering how good the sex was. I haven't seen Matt in a while. I guess I'm just...over it. For now anyway. Lol. So it's been a while for me in the sex department and there was Brazil, being all flirty and asking me if I wanted a ride on his scooter. Lol. But Warren was like, "You're not seriously going home with him are you??" And I sighed and said, "No, I'm not." When he gave me a skeptical look, I reassured him that I'm not Abbie and I don't make stupid decisions on a regular basis. Lol. And I sent Brazil home. I just can't think of him without remembering how immature and selfish he acted when we broke up last year. And how he lied and adamantly denied everything. Ugh. But he still keeps trying. He texted me that next morning and said, "So I know this is weird, and i probably shouldnt say this, but the second i saw u last light really made me wish i could kiss u. Im weird, i know. :P"
Cheeseandrice are you fucking kidding me?! Lol. My response?
"That's funny, cuz when I saw you, I thought you really wanted to kiss me. Lol."
And that was that. He didn't mention it again, although he did text me on my birthday and told me he would take me riding whenever I want. Haha. Scooter riding just isn't the same as motorcycle riding though.
Ahhhh it's been so long since I've been on the back of a motorcycle. Not since Daniel. Remember Daniel? Check that link if you don't, because here's where he enters the story. A couple weeks ago he sent me a facebook friend request out of the blue. I thought it was strange, but I didn't really think that much of it. I get blasts from my pasts requesting me out of nowhere all the time. It just...happens. But I took my time accepting him, as not to seem all eager. Haha. But once I did, I sorta just forgot about him again.
But then yesterday morning, he instant messaged me! Just to wish me a happy birthday initially, but then he started asking how I was doing, and why I'm in Chicago, etc etc, and we ended up chatting and catching up for quite a while. My first thought was that he must have just broken up with a girl or something. Because I remember him as the type to jump from one girl to the next, always having something going on in between because he can't stand the idea of actually being single. But then who knows? I thought. It's been 5 years. Yes, FIVE YEARS. I still can't really comprehend that. But anyway, maybe he's grown up a little (ha!) or changed or something in that time. I definitely can't assume to know him anymore.
So anyway, we chatted for a bit, and then I got up and went about my day. And he sent me a message here and there, but I was busy doing shit so we weren't really talking that much. But then when I got home later that night, he messaged me again. I'll paste.
D: Hope you had great birthday. Be safe have fun.
Me: i'm already in bed lol
this is how i know i am old now
D: And thanks for chatting with me today it was really nice hearing from you
Me: lol you don't have to thank me
but you're welcome anyway
D: How old are you now actually ?
D: Ah still so young
Me: this is my last official year of youth
D: Still look like the same pretty girl I met years ago
Then we chitchatted some more and then came this:
D: I had a dream about you awhile back
D: That's why I hunted you down on Facebook totally random I added you don't you think?
Me: yes, it was quite random
are you going to tell me about this dream, or what?
my ears are burning
D: No it's kinda embarrassing
you can't just say something like that and then not tell me!
was it a sexy dream?
D: Actually that brings up something else but no no no
Can't say right now
Me: if it wasn't a sexy dream, then what's so embarassing about it1?
embarrassing for me, or embarrassing for you??
D: The dream was just really intense and I was looking for or trying to get to you but it sounds cheesy if explain it
Me: dreams are always intense
the ones you remember anyway
D: Ahhhh yea your right
Me: ok tell me
D: Lol ok fine
I had a really crazy dream about my ex too recently. we have been off and on for so long and this dream was so profound that It really said something to me and I had to finally cut it off. totally sucks but I guess that's life
Me: in my experience, if you're constantly on and off with someone, that means you can't make it work. but hell what do i know?
tell me your dream!
D: Seriously about 1 and half 2 years ago I had this dream that I found this amazing girl (like the person youre head over heals for ) and when I found her this general or high ranking military guy got in the way and basically said I had to be a part of this boot camp or military thing to be with this girl ( dreams are vague but that was implied) so I went through all this crazy shit like being stationed in different places, all this crazy boot camp stuff and conflicts with people... and throughout this experience I kept seeing this girl that I wanted to be with and she wanted to be with me, but something kept coming up and this Sergeant was like her dad, it was weird so finally I was in this other place and I finally got to where I needed to be and I found her again but then I woke up, I don't know if I actually got to be with her even though I went through all this crazy shit
But anyway when I woke up I had an image of who she was and her features and the way she ways looked and everything and the first thing I thought of was you
She resembled you so much
Me: hahahaha weird
D: I know
It was weird it was like it was you but dreams can be vague ya know
Me: that isn't embarrassing though
but yea dreams are weird
you know why??
its like when you have amnesia
and your brain can't catalog things correctly because it doesn't know what's a memory or what you just like...saw on tv or something
so everything is just jumbled up
Me: but you know what ELSE?
Me: every single face you see in your dreams is a person you've seen before
your mind never makes them up
so maybe that's why i played the role of the girl of your dreams
D: That's true
D: I did feel very intimate and close to you
Me: in the dream
When we dated
I know it was very short
Me: you were an early-intense-relationship kinda guy
i remember that
D: What do you mean ?
Me: but....it seems like another life to me almost. in some ways like a dream. being in houston.
a lot of my memories of the things i thought and felt then have changed or warped
its hard to explain
i guess i've just changed
i don't mean with you specifically
D: Yeah I totally know what you mean I'm very different
Me: i just went through a lot of shit right before i moved here
its like my life has a before and after period now
D: Well I'm sorry that your past is creeping up on you but I sorta still
have feelings for you... never really stopped. not saying that means
anything now but I did and still do, or I guess want you to know that
youre really awesome and i did think you were sexy as fuck!
Just take it as a compliment
Me: ummmm WHAT?!
this is just really out of left field
Me: how long ago did you get out of a relationship??
i'm not...trying to be mean, but this is seriously the last thing i was expecting.
what do you mean you never stopped having feelings for me? that cannot be possible.
D: I haven't been in relationship in a long time I do those anymore lol
Me: pardon my loose use of the word "Relationship"
Me: i just use it to refer to anything...dating, casual sex, whatever
i was just referring to what you said earlier
that you recently broke things off with someone
D: We are talking about like 3 things at once now
Me: well you're the one who opened pandoras box, so you can't expect me to NOT have a million and one questions for you
D: Who me?
We'll stop being so fucking cute then
Me: oh god
D: And you should have ignored my friend request
Me: i thought about it
D: I know you did
Me: but then i thought, whats the harm?
and i figured you must have had a reason for requesting me out of nowhere, so curiosity got the better of me
D: Oh we'll there you go
Me: do you even know how long it's been since you and i saw each other?? like in person?
D: 5 years
Me: fuck has it really been that long?
D: We'll I'm sure we can figure it out
Me: how long since we dated?
D: Was it 09?
I don't remember
Me: it was 08
D: I mean how long did we date it was like month then like a week or two after
So like 2 months
Me: we dated from like april to june
D: Ahhhh you remember all this
Me: well it fell during our birthdays
i remember that* (*Actually I just looked it up on the blog! lol)
so you're saying you've had feelings for me still ALLLLL this time??
i'm sorry but i'm gonna have to call bullshit on that one
D: ok fine
That's not what I said exactly
Me: one of the other things i remember is that you were the one who ended things. although i can't remember why...lol
prettttttttttty sure it was another chick though
D: Uh no
Me: its all coming back to me now
and i'm pretty sure her name was ALSO PEYTON!
the audacity of you...lol
you may present the defense
D: No I started to see another girl named Peyton (just random) after you yes that lasted 2 weeks. She was complete trash. But that is not why I stopped taking to you. That's a fact
if you say so
well do you know why you stopped talking to me? because i don't.
i'm not even sure i knew then
D: I stopped talking to you because I was young and dumb
I liked you and was scared of commitment. i listened to Whitney too much
I wasn't a man I barely took care of myself, I wanted to be free and single
I was a total coward
Just simply immature
And I'm sorry
Peoples emotions are not to be messed with and I took a lot for granted
Me: i'm not asking for apologies
i mean i appreciate you saying all that, i do
i forgot about whitney...he was such a thorn in my side!!
lolhe had no life of his own!! always meddling in other ppls shit...
you still talk to him??
D: You know what he is exactly the same! And no
D: I totally shut him out
Me: that's good!
ppl like him never change
he had a total lezzie crush on you
D: Oh god you're not the only one to tell me that
He's just hater that's all
Me: ok...so you didn't have feelings for me all along, but you do now?
is that what you're saying?
because i don't know how that is possible either lol.
That's a trick question
Me: ok then just explain this to me:
"Well I'm sorry that your past is creeping up on you but I sorta still have feelings for you... never really stopped. not saying that means anything now but I did and still do, or I guess want you to know that youre really awesome and i did think you were sexy as fuck!"
those are your words
p.s. i know i'm awesome
D: Yeah you are
Me: but thank you for acknowledging
Me: why are you telling me this now Daniel? I am realllllllllly curious. lol.
is it just bc of that dream?
D: I can't explain why I just have been thinking about you and yes I had that dream but I sorta thought I was crazy for having it but then I thought about it again recently and I wanted to see how you where doing . I remember a lot of specific things about you that I really admired and thought you where a total foxAnd yah I really don't know what it ended I just remember being young and dumb
you're a shameless flirt, you know that??
don't act so shocked
D: I only flirt with girls with beautiful smiles and strong morals
you are SOOOOOOOO full of it!!
did you know i'm gonna be in houston next week?
Me: yea, my friends are flying me in to take their engagement photos
i'll be there for a week
D: I didn't even know you were in ChicagoBut since youre coming here I might try to steal a couple kisses if I get the chance
Me: i'm going to bed now
but you have my number still?
D: Don't be mad
Me: [my number]
D: Too cute
call me or something before next week
that way you won't be all weird when i see you
Sorry that was so long, but it was just too much to paraphrase, and I think the language is important. I want your opinions people! I'm going to Houston next Wednesday to shoot Taryn's engagement photos. So I'll most likely see Daniel, and maybe even go for a motorcycle ride ;)
But what do you guys think? Is he full of shit? Or does it even matter since I'll probably only see him a couple times and then not for a really long time, if ever, once I move back. He's just so...
I know how this goes, ya know? He acts super interested and I get used to talking to him or whatever, just like with BJ and then suddenly BAM! He's gone. But I guess it's irrelevant anyway. What are the chances of this actually working out? Who says I even want it to work out??
All I know is, right now I feel like I have something more to look forward to on my trip to Houston. Even if it is just a stolen kiss.