Sunday, May 8, 2011

Growing Up

Thanks so much everyone, for all the encouraging comments. It's so nice to know I'm not alone!! I know my posts lately have been few and far between, but it seems like these days I only use my computer to write papers and do research, and of course, for the occasional visit to Amazon.com...
But alas! This week is my last week of school for the semester! Which means I'll have a lot more free time, which will hopefully lead to me making some more friends, and being able to actually go out and do things with them.
Nicole and I never hang out anymore. I feel like she kind of just...ditched me one day. Decided I wasn't cool enough, or whatever, and just stopped inviting me to do things. Maybe I'm looking at it the wrong way. I mean, she is very busy, and has like 3 jobs, but then again...she had 3 jobs when we first started hanging out. There's just something about her that reminds me of Melissa, and therefore leaves a sour taste in my mouth. Like, I can't trust her, or expect much from her. So I don't. But, oh well.
I have made at least 1 good friend at school. Her name is Jenni, and we both transferred in together, and have 1 class together. She's much younger than me though, so I feel like sometimes the age gap defines the friendship. She's doing and experiencing things that I no longer have an interest in. Like binge drinking. Lol. But it is kind of nice to feel like the mature, responsible one. Haha. And she seems to think I'm so...wise. She's never had a boyfriend before, and is constantly asking me for advice, and my opinion on things. It's strange. But I suppose wisdom does come from experience. And when you're 21, the world is your oyster. Jenni just starting dating a guy named Tymo (he's from Poland), who is also in our class, and he's pretty cool too. So the 3 of us often chum around campus together, and I've taken them to the comedy show a couple of times as well. But as usual, I am the 3rd wheel.
My birthday is coming up, unfortunately, and I decided to fly into New Orleans to see my family. Sophie will be there too, because she's stopping in Houston on her way to Mexico for 3 months. Some kind of work study thing. So she and my mom are driving into NOLA for the weekend. I will be there for a whole week, so I plan on spending time with my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. I definitely didn't want to stay in Chicago, because even though I don't feel much like celebrating my birthday, I don't want to spend it alone either. Besides, it's not like I have anyone to celebrate with out here anyway. And I'm not feeling sorry for myself, I'm just being realistic. I haven't had a lot of opportunities to make new friends. The only people I see are my classmates and coworkers! But like I said before, I'm hoping that that's about to change.
Today while I was at work I randomly heard from a friend I haven't talked to in a while. John. Remember John? We used to work together at the bar in Houston, he was in the marines way back when, and he's always been a little...unusual. But we've always had this attraction to one another. He's a nice guy just...mysterious, I suppose. But anyway, we do randomly text each other here and there, just to say hi, or Happy Birthday or whatever. So we chatted for a bit. And I was telling him he should come visit me in Chicago, you know like I say to everyone, and he mentioned he had a lot of miles saved up, as well as month's worth of vacation time, and that he couldn't think of anything better to do with the time and miles. Only under the condition that we make out, he joked. But I called him out on his "joke" and told him that I wouldn't be opposed to making out with him, if he decided to make the trip. And that got me thinking...
And I don't know if I was just thinking about him because of my long dry spell, or out of sheer desperation, but I started to wonder if maybe he and I could ever work out as an actual couple. I mean we've always had chemistry, it just seems that in the past, something was always in the way. And his drinking always bothered me, because although he doesn't drink often, when he does, he gets so obliterated, he does a bunch of stupid shit and then passes out in strange places. But...it's been a couple years since I've seen him. He moved to Russia (or somewhere in that general vicinity) for a job long before I left for Chi Town. So maybe he's changed, or grown up...or something. Lol. Who knows?
But the fact that I've been single for this long is already starting to alter my judgement. In some ways good, and in some ways bad. I've been considering things that I would never give a moment's thought to before. John, for example. But then I also second guess myself and think, "Well I should just tell John to forget it, because I'm not interested in some one week fling. I'm too old for that shit." Lol.
I guess this is growing up.

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