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Tuesday, April 6, 2010

The Girl's Rule Book

Hey everyone.

Thank you all so much for your sympathetic and encouraging comments. I am going through a lot of shit right now, and I was really upset the last time I posted. I haven't actually decided whether or not I'm going to continue with this blog or not. I might just take a break, I might stop blogging all together, or I might just start a totally new anonymous blog in some obscure spot on the internet, who knows?? But I just wanted to tell you guys that I'm dealing with this, and making lots of tough life decisions, all for the best. Melissa and I will never be friends again, obviously, and I don't really care to elaborate on that right now. But this is something that I wrote today, in light of recent events, that I feel I should share. And I think you all should share it as well. Forward it to ALL your girlfriends! And add things if you like. But I really, really think all the girls in the world today need to treat each other a lot better than they do (including myself, because I know I have been guilty of a lot of these). But hopefully this will help.

P.S. Lea, I haven't denied any comments, so maybe your computer froze up or it got lost in translation or something? Which post did you comment on? Post it again and I will for sure approve it. The only reason I have ever not posted comments in the past is if they were spam, or advertisements, or people just trying to guess who Todd is.


The Girl's Rule Book

If we all followed these rules, life would be simple, right?? Unfortunately, not everyone knows these rules, but here are some guidelines to keep in mind, particularly when it comes to girlfriends.

Treat Others As You Wish To Be Treated...
This is is pretty basic, and should be applied in all relationships, but when it comes to girlfriends, don't overlook this one. Because it is the most fundamental of rules, and pretty much encompasses everything. So think of this one as The Golden Rule.

Sharing...
At some point, you've noticed a girlfriend eyeing that new pair of shoes you just bought, or that book you can't stop raving about. If she asks you to borrow it, share it! You're friends right? And look at it this way, she will be more than willing to loan you that cocktail dress that you love. Plus, now you both have twice the closet.
With that in mind, let's not forget the rules of borrowing. If you borrow something, use it ONCE and return it, in a timely manner, and in the same condition that she gave it to you. If you lose it, damage it, or break it, replace it! If everyone did this, more people would share!

People You Don't Like...
If you hate, or dislike someone, don't expect your girlfriends to hate or dislike them too. That puts your girl in an awkward situation. How would you feel if someone you didn't even know disliked you just because her friend did? It's not cool. Just don't do it.

Fights, Disagreements and Arguments...
If you've got beef with a girlfriend, spill it to her, in a calm and rational manner. Don't be overly confrontational, or passive aggressive. Find a medium and speak to her about the problem right away, before it festers and gets worse. Do I even need to mention talking behind girlfriends' backs? Didn't think so.

Secrets...
If you're intentionally keeping something from a girlfriend, the first thing you need to ask yourself, is why? If your reasons for hiding things have her best interests in mind, then don't tell anyone else either. Because there's a good chance she'll find out anyway, and may have trouble ever trusting you again. If your reasons for hiding things have your best interests in mind, then whatever you did, or whatever you're doing, is probably wrong.

Break Up Drama...
If your girlfriend just got dumped, or just ended a relationship, be there for her! Listen if she wants to talk, give advice if she asks for it, let her lean on you if she needs to. Don't blow her off, shut her out or cut her off. Do not abandon your girlfriend in her time of need!
However, if you are the one who's just been dumped, give yourself a week, tops, to fall apart. Then get your shit together and stop crying about it. Your girlfriends can only handle so much talk about your ex, and sooner or later they're going to get sick of hearing about it and lose interest, which can cause feelings of frustration for both of you. So only allow yourself one week to cry to your friends about it, and afterwards, keep the whining to yourself. Write about it in a diary or blog if you have to.

Complaining...
Don't be a Negative Nancy, ok? So you hate school, or your job, or your roommate, or your boss, or your life?? Don't talk about it 24/7!! It just makes people not want to be around you. Who wants to sit and talk to someone who is constantly complaining and always negative? Venting is ok, but try to limit yourself to 1 rant per person. Once again, if that isn't enough, write in a blog or diary.

Your Friend's Friends...
Don't bash your girlfriend's friends. It doesn't matter if they are slovenly cave trolls, do not talk shit about them. Let her decide for herself who she wants to be friends with. I mean, she's friends with you, isn't she? Talking shit about her friends is only going to piss her off and put her on the defensive. If she asks what you think about someone, give her your unbitchy, unbiased opinion and that's it.

Your Friend's Boyfriend...
When it comes to boyfriends, you, as well as anyone else, know that people can be blinded. If your girlfriend is dating a complete asshole, you're allowed to tell her, once. And only if he's acting like an asshole.
If you are the one dating the asshole, and your friends are all telling you your boyfriend is an asshole, then he's definitely an asshole. It's easy to get defensive in these situations, so just keep in mind that your girlfriends are just looking out for you, and they have no ulterior motives for telling you your boyfriend is an asshole.

Your Friend's EX-Boyfriend...
Do not date him. Do not kiss him. Do not sleep with him. In fact, do not date/kiss/sleep with any guy that your girlfriend previously dated/kissed/slept with/had a crush on/whatever! DO NOT GO THERE!! If you do, you are entering very dangerous territory, and you should ask yourself how much you really value this friendship, if you are willing to risk all of it for some guy. Is this guy, who you're willing to throw a friendship away over, the one who's going to be consoling you after he dumps your backstabbing ass?? NO.
If there's grey area, don't ask questions, just don't go there.
As Leslie Knope says, "Uteruses before duderuses."

Apologies and Forgiveness...
If you have committed a girl on girl crime, admit you were wrong and sincerely apologize. And if you are the victim of a girl on girl crime, accept your friend's apology. Don't hold a grudge. Once the crime has been committed, there's no taking it back. And if she sincerely apologizes, there's nothing else she can do, so there's no point in torturing her with weeks of silent treatment. You should just forgive her, and move on.

Advice...
Don't give advice unless it is asked for. If you ask for advice, listen. If you're not going to take the advice, then stop asking for it.

Don't Be Self-Centered...
Listen as much as you talk, and don't always be centered around your own life and problems. Ask your friend how she's doing every once in a while.

$$$$$...
If you owe your girlfriend money, pay her back! Don't avoid the subject either, because it's just as awkward for her to ask you for her money back. She was willing to help you out in a time of need, so at least be respectful enough to let her know when you'll be able to pay her back.
If your girlfriend is asking to borrow money, you don't have to say yes. Everyone has different feelings about money and friendships. Just tell her nicely that you're not comfortable loaning money to friends. But if you agree to loan her the money, tell her upfront when and how you want to be paid back, so that there is no confusion later on down the road.

Competing...
Don't be competitive with your girlfriends. Life is not a competition, and you're surely not going to win if you lose all your friends in the process. It doesn't matter who's skinnier, who's smarter, who got the most phone numbers last night, or who makes the most money. Those things aren't going to make you happy in the long run.

Respect Her Space...
Don't be clingy. Don't expect your girlfriend to spend all her free time with you. Don't expect to be invited to everything. Everyone has different groups of friends, and sometimes those groups don't mesh. So if you weren't invited to a get together, give your girlfriend the benefit of the doubt.

Respect Her Feelings...
On the flipside, don't leave your girlfriend out either. Be considerate of her feelings, and don't always forget to invite her when you go out. If you have mutual friends, she's probably going to hear about it, and her feelings will be hurt. I mean hey, the more the merrier!

Remember What You Deserve...
By now you're probably thinking you've been guilty of breaking some of these rules, but that's ok! Because we ALL have. Just keep in mind that you deserve to be treated according to these rules as well. And if you have a girlfriend who is a repeat offender, tell her! If she doesn't respond, or care, well then she's obviously not a true friend. We all love and (hopefully) respect our girlfriends, and deserve to be treated with love and respect in return.

12 comments:

~J said...

Great list!!! Love it! :)

sc said...

I really hope you continue this blog, I love it. I know you have gotten negative comments on here but who cares everyone has an opinion and that is theirs. Live your life, you only have one so enjoy it the you want to enjoy it.

Always Dreaming said...

I LOVE this post. I'm going to forward it on to ALL my girlfriends. I do think that we need to treat our girls better!! There's enough douche bag guys out there treating us like crap, lets not do it to each other!

What ever you decide, be happy :) You deserve so much more than you've been getting. We love hearing from you, but not at the cost of your sanity!!

Anonymous said...

two thumbs up. :)

Anonymous said...

perfect post

~a*

Anonymous said...

Great blog and we luv you even though you get harsh comments. You mentioned awhil eback you were gonna quit this blog because of negative comments.

As mentioned before, YOU can turn off the "comment section". I have read other blogs that do.

Please don't stop writing!!
Linda

Anonymous said...

Well done, Peyton. I really hope you continue to blog here, I love following your story. I am dying to hear what happened w/ LS and M.

Karen

Fefita said...

PLEASE DONT STOP BLOGGING! IF U DO, CAN U GIVE ME THE LINK? MY BLOG IS http://mykindadiary.blogspot.com/
if you do quit this blog, and start another one, can u leave me the link there? I love your blog. But like one comment said, don't keep blogging for people you don't even know if its going to make you unhappy. We all wish you the best, and I hope you cheer up soon. You do deserve a lot better than what your getting. But live your life to the fullest girl, its the only one we have!

*Amber* said...

I'm a flaky blog reader - I catch up month-by-month so I don't comment a lot. :) LOVE your blog though, hope you continue it. And this list is awesome! I've never had close girlfriends until recently and I have been an offender and receiver of these! So I sent them on to my 2 *true* girlfriends!

Anonymous said...

So pretty much i've actually checked your blog multiple times a day, hoping you've somehow changed your mind... A girl can hope!
I do hope though that you end up happy and things work out for you. Maybe someday you'll be back here...

Anonymous said...

Peyton-
I don't know what you have decided to do about your blog. I will say I'd hate for you to quit, I love reading it. I only ask that you at least tell us what you decide so I can stop checking it daily. I'm bummed every time I see there are no updates. :(

Karen

Ashley said...

So are you gone for good? Guess I'm going to have to find a new blog to read :(