"Even if you don't wanna believe the words, can't you feel that I love you??" I asked.
He seemed thoughtful.
"Yea...I do. I see what you're saying. It's just...I feel bad when you say that to me, because I can't say anything back!"
"You don't have to say anything back. I just say it because I want to. It doesn't upset me that you don't say it back." I explained.
"Well, it's just that that's a really big deal for me, and I said to a girl once, and she didn't say it back, and it really hurt my feelings. And I don't wanna hurt your feelings, but I'm just not...ready to say it." He said.
"That's ok! I don't want you to say it until you want to say it. So don't worry about me. Ok?"
"Ok." He said as he pulled me into a hug.
"I love you." I said, and smiled.
Valentine's Day was bittersweet. What with Brandon being sick, he couldn't go anywhere or do anything, and he got increasingly more restless. And since we were together the whole time, neither of us got a chance to do any gift shopping. Since we both had to work on Saturday, our plans were to celebrate V-Day on the 15th. So on Saturday we both went out shopping, separately of course. I bought some scrap-booking stuff (pretty paper, colored pens, stickers, and tiny red rhinestones) and I wrote him a long manifesto, telling him why I love him.
This is what it said:
When I first started to fall for you, I told myself it was impossible. It was too soon and there was no way I could feel so strongly about a person after just a couple of months. But the more I denied it, the more I realized it was true. I was falling in love with you. The heart is not something that can be easily denied, or ignored. So I wrestled with telling you. So many times I wanted to tell you, and so many times I almost blurted it out, but I held back, because I didn’t want to scare you. Then, on that horrible, fateful day, I realized that even the best things in life can’t last forever. Sometimes, they are so fleeting, you can barely hold onto them long enough to realize what you have. And that was when I knew I had to tell you I love you. Because there may never be a “right moment”. There may never be a moment at all. So when I finally told you, you asked why. And the answer may be long, but it’s still pretty simple.
From the moment I first met you, I knew there was something different about you. You think differently from most people, and so do I. You are your own person. And something about the way you are gives off an air of amused indifference. You always know how to make me smile, and laugh. And even now, I still have more fun with you than with anybody else. You’re funny, goofy and weird, just like me, and it’s nice to be able to relate to a significant other on that level. You’re strong, and determined, and not afraid to go after what you want; all qualities that I find extremely sexy. ;) You don’t let your insecurities get in the way of your dreams. And when you doubt yourself, I’m sad for you, because I know you’re capable of so many things, and that is why I will always be there to encourage you.
When I’m upset, sad, or unhappy for any reason, you always notice. And instead of pretending not to notice, you ask me what’s wrong, and try to make me feel better. That’s more than I can say for most people, and you don’t know how much I appreciate that. You’re so thoughtful and considerate. The little things you do for me never go unnoticed. Cleaning my apartment, cooking me dinner, doing the dishes, bringing over ice cream, or doughnuts, or iced tea… I could go on and on. But I love you for it. When you hug me, I feel warm, and safe, and content. Those are the best kind of hugs. And when you kiss me, whether it is a playful kiss, a passionate kiss, or just a goodbye kiss, I still get butterflies every time. And even thinking about kissing you makes me smile. I sleep the best when you’re next to me, and waking up to find you next to me, or even just in the next room, makes my day start out brighter.
No matter how much we see each other, I always want more. I just can’t get enough of you! Your brilliant smile, your soft skin, your voice, your smell, your man-dough ;). I want it all, and I want it all the time. And no matter how clear, or unclear the future is when I look into it, I still see you there. Because I love you. And I’m falling more and more in love with you every day. You have captured my heart, Brandon. I’m not sure if you meant to or not, but you did. So it’s yours. Falling in love with someone is not something you choose to do. It just happens. And even though I didn’t choose to fall in love with you, I do it willingly, and with abandon, because loving you is what makes me the happiest I could ever be. And because the greatest thing you’ll ever learn, is just to love, and be loved in return.
I decorated it really pretty too! That night after work, we both passed out, completely exhausted. The next day, he went to go pick up a doctor's note for work the next day, and I slept in. When I got up, I showered and got ready at my leisure, got a pedi/mani and then waited for Brandon to come pick me up for our date. We ate an amazing dinner at Churrasco's, then we went and saw My Bloody Valentine in 3D. It was pretty crappy, but the 3D stuff was cool. Then we came home, and exchanged cards and gifts. After he read my letter, I asked him if he believed me yet. He smiled and blushed and told me he did.
He got me 2 candles, lotion and perfume from Bath & Body Works. At first, I was a little disappointed because I was hoping for something more...thoughtful, ya know?? And he didn't even wrap it! It was still in the B&BW bag! But then I felt bad for thinking that because he'd been sick and all that. But I still can't help but wonder if his gifts are always gonna be so last minute and generic. ((sigh)) Well, my birthday is coming up in a couple months, so I'm definitely gonna drop some subtle hints as it approaches. Anyways, I actually really like the perfume! It's sweet, and light. So anyways! I told him the rest of his gift would be ready later in the week. Jenna came over and helped me take some sexy photos for Brandon. They actually came out pretty good! I've been editing them the last couple hours. So as soon as I finish them, I'm gonna surprise him with a small photo album!
Last night I hosted my first party at my apartment! It was just a small Game Night. Bethany, Evan, Brandon, Misty, and a few other people from work came. It was so much fun! My kitchen is a huge mess now though. I'm definitely gonna have to spend some time cleaning it tomorrow. But it was totally worth it!
And my last bit of news is, I'm getting my new puppy this Monday!!! I can't wait! I've decided to call him Jasper. My mom is coming with me to the airport to pick him up. I'll be sure to post pictures!