Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Temporary Internet Files

Today when I turned on my computer, I opened up Safari, and clicked on my history. I always use my history, because it's the easiest and quickest way for me to get to the sites I always use. And to my surprise, the last 10 visited sites were...porn!
And it certainly wasn't me visiting them. And some of it was a little disturbing. Umm...cumshot.com, Tara Patrick 3sum xxx...???
I immediately called Brandon.

"Hello?" He said.
"What's up?"
"Umm...I gotta question for you." I said, hesitantly.
"Have you been looking at porn on my computer??"
There was a brief pause that indicated I had obviously caught him off guard.
"Uhh...EVER??" My eyes bugged.
"Maybe... Sometimes..." He mumbled.
"Ok. Well could you not do that on my computer cuz I can just imagine my mom being over here and seeing my list of most recently visited sites, and I don't wanna have to explain that to her."
"Well you shouldn't have to."
"That's not the point!" I sighed, exasperated.
He didn't say anything.
"Is that what you were doing this morning before work, when I got up to get a drink, and you looked all surprised to see me?"
"No, I was just surprised to see you up."
"Oh. Well when do you even have time to look at porn at my place anyway?"
"When you're not there." He offered no other explanations.
"Well you must have been looking at it this morning, or last night, because those were the most recent sites that popped up. And they were from today."
He sighed.
"Is that all you wanted?" He asked, "I have to get back to work."
"Yep." I said, shortly.
"Ok then. See ya later." He hung up without even waiting for me to say goodbye.

I don't know what to do about this! I mean, I know that all guys look at porn, and I'm not shocked or anything, it's just...why does he have to do it over here?? Am I not enough for him? I mean, I can't compete with those girls! I'm not a pornstar! Nor do I have any desire to be one. It's all just so....disconcerting. ((Sigh))
I texted him to ask if he was mad, and he said no, he's just really busy and having a hard time concentrating on his work. But he failed to ask if I was mad. And I think I am. Maybe not mad but...disappointed. Or upset. I dunno. Am I overreacting?? What should I do??


Anonymous said...

Hey Peyton,

It has been a while since I've commented on your blog, but, I thought now seemed like a good time to.

In regards to the porn, I wouldn't say you were "overreacting", since that sets a criteria for how you should be, but obviously your reactions originate from somewhere. However, that being said, I don't think you should be upset and disappointed -- even though, yes, I realize that you are.

I can see how it could be offensive that he actually looks at it at your place, but I don't think you should view it as you having to contend against the portstars. He's with you, Peyton. Not out every single night trying to get in a hot girl's pants. I'd say it's more so a habit, maybe? And the fact that he suddenly has a girlfriend doesn't necessarily correlate to him that it has to change.

Myself, I don't really see it as a problem. Perhaps that's because my closest guy friends are really open to me about things like that, and I know it's not a big deal at all. Especially not a comparison, or a competition. Or not being good enough. Not in the least. But, obviously you interpret it differently, which once again isn't a bad thing.

As for him being slightly standoffish on the phone, perhaps you could talk to him about it? Tell him why, other than your mother potentially looking through your history, that it has frazzled you slightly. He was probably just embarrassed, and confused that you reacted in such a way. To him it's probably no big deal. It's like a "being caught" situation, though. Especially since it seemed like you had solemn tone when you spoke.

Just don't let it get to you, please. Oh, and by the way -- that card you wrote him was beautiful.

Don't forget to post pictures of your puppy when you get him! (Or was it her?)

*L* said...

Maybe a little. A guy checking out porn does not mean he's not satisfied. It's just what guys do. They don't sit there thinking, OMG I wish my gf was just like this chick! Otherwise, he wouldn't be your bf in the first place.
The fact he does it on your computer and gets all butthurt when he's called out on it...that's a little different. He could have handled it differently, but like you said, he was having a bad day. I would say give him a break, but do ask him nicely to check his porn out elsewhere. Or at least delete his history.

K said...

It absolutely IS normal..! As for why he's doing it on your computer, I'm not sure. Does he have one? Does he have a roommate and the computer is in an open area? I think you need to ask him a little more why he did it at your place. If he couldn't wait until he got home, the question is why? There is a danger of becoming addicted to online porn. But it's absolutely NO reflection on you!

Another angle... and this is if you are open to it... is to ask him to show you what porn he likes, or to maybe go pick out a video that you both might like to watch together. Trust me, it can me HOT to watch porn with your BF. Of course, you don't want it to be gross to you (i hate cumshots! LOL).. but it might be something fun for the both of you.

When you talk to him, reassure him that you're not bad... just curious as to why he needed to look at it while at your place. And try to be open and honest about how it all makes you feel (confused, worried you're not enough, etc.).

Keep us updated, and good luck!!!

Anonymous said...

Like you said, every guy looks at porn. The way I see it, as long as he's not looking at porn instead of being with you then I would let it go. :o)

Anonymous said...

I don't think you're overreacting at all. even though, as you said....' all guys look at porn '....it's still disconcerting and uncomfortable to find YOUR boyfriend doing it....it takes it from general to personal, you know? I don't know him or his reasons for looking at porn, but probably he's embarrassed to have been caught, and why he hung up quickly, or didn't pursue the topic any further (i.e. asking if you were mad, etc). If I were you I would just ask him to look at it elsewhere, and drop it.....I don't think anything is to be gained by getting into a lengthy discussion about it

Anonymous said...

umm yea you're overreacting, by a lot! guys look at porn and girls look at porn. guys fantasize about other girls sometimes and girls fantasize about other guys sometimes. unless you have reason to believe he isn't faithful to you or he actually has a porn addiction then i would let this go.

Anonymous said...

I went through this same exact thing with my bf. I don't think you are overreacting at all, but you should try to not take it personally. I have talked to my guy friends about this, and they have said that it is not reflective of their relationships, but something that is entirely separate.

Im not trying to justify it or anything, and if you dont want him doing it on your computer (duh! viruses, etc) then obviously that is your perogative!

Just dont beat yourself up about it!!

Anonymous said...

I don't think you are overacting at all! I have have been through this before with my HUSBAND! I don't feel like he should look at porn. We agreed that this is not right for our marriage!
Why does everyone think it is ok? It isn't! If you don't feel comfortable with him looking at it, you should tell him. Because you will always wonder if he is looking at it and checking your history.
To everyone else that feels comfortable with this, more power to you. I don't want that in my marriage. I think it is a door leading to something else.

Anonymous said...

Get over it.. it's porn. If you don't want him to use your computer then password protect it. Porn is not a big deal.. everyone has looked at it at some point in their lives. It is what it is. Move on.