Friday, February 13, 2009

Proof of Love

Well he read the message. The Psycho, I mean. He read it! And he didn't respond. I'm surprised he didn't. And I'm finding it hard to admit that I'm a little disappointed. But I guess that's just my selfish, spiteful side coming out. Oh well. I did what I needed to and it's over with. ((Sigh))

Well Brandon has the flu. And he was here all day "resting", at my request. But his idea of resting is completely different from mine. Why are guys such babies when they're sick!? It's like they become caged lions or something! I mean, he literally paced around my apartment all day complaining and sucking the life out of everything! And I was being so patient and so nice to him. I made him hot tea, and dinner, and I waited on him hand and foot! And he was just being so...incorrigible!!! Ugh! I was starting to get really fed up with him when Jenna came over. We haven't really hung out in so long, and I'm supposed to be doing a photoshoot with her soon, so we've been more in touch lately, which is nice. 
Anyway, she came over so I could help her dye her roots, and around that time Brandon got a phone call and went outside. Jenna and I got carried away with her looking at my apartment. It's been so long since she's seen it, and she was admiring my colorful walls and decorations. :) Anyway, when Brandon finally came back inside I could tell he was in a rage. He'd been talking to his dad. They have a pretty rocky relationship, and lately it's been...well...bad. Really bad. They work together at the same engineering firm, so anytime Brandon takes a sick day, or goes in to work late, his dad practically harasses him about it. I mean he calls and leaves him messages telling him he's gonna get fired and all this shit. And Brandon just...can't take it. He says his dad never calls just to talk, or see how he's doing, he only wants to badger and belittle him. And Brandon was going on and on about how he wants to quit his job and tell his dad how much he hates him and then never speak to him again! And I just didn't really know what to say. I mean...no matter how mean or insensitive his dad may be, he still loves him. He's his dad. Not everyone knows the best way to connect with their kids. A lot of parents and their children have fall-outs. And it's usually because of a misunderstanding or a lack of proper communication. But it's not really my place to tell Brandon what he should or shouldn't do. I did tell him that no matter what, his dad loves him. And he just said that no, his Dad doesn't, couldn't love him. But Brandon was pretty worked up at the time, so there wasn't really any reasoning with him.
Anyway, once he finished venting, I distracted him with a game of Jenga and he seemed to cheer up noticeably. Then I finally put him to bed. Of course he gave me a lot of hassle about that too. He refused to get in my bed on the grounds that he didn't want to get me sick. Then he grabbed a pillow and plopped down on the floor! I told him he was being ridiculous and he better not make me pick him up and put him in bed. And I tried! But then he thought it would be funny to become dead weight and I nearly threw my back out trying to pick him up! Lol. But I finally convinced him to get in bed. I laid down next to him and put my arm around him.
"Brandon?" I whispered.
"I love you." I said, squeezing him.
He started to giggle.
"What's so funny???" I asked, starting to laugh myself.
He didn't answer.
"I love you." I said again.
He laughed even louder.
"What is so funny?" I demanded, "Why are you laughing??" 
"Because you don't." He said softly.
"Yes I do." I said, "What makes you say that?"
"I don't believe you."
I wasn't expecting him to say that. It confused me. I didn't say anything else. I stayed there with him for a little bit, before getting up and going back into the living room.

How do you convince someone that you really do love them?
I really. Do. Love him.
I guess I'm going to have to just keep telling him I do, until he believes me.


Ashley said...

Maybe you loving him scares him, because this is the second time you have told him and he didn't say anything the first time, and this time he said he didn't believe you. You shouldn't have to prove it to him, he should feel it.

galina said...

Urgh, I posted a comment, but wasn't able to post it so I'll try to recreate it....

galina said...

That was a sucky way for him to respond. You were being honest and vulnerable and he just completely dismissed your feelings. Urgh, I'm angry for you.

Anonymous said...

oh man. he sounds great in so many other ways, and it sounds like your relationship is doing really well..but this is a serious red flag.