Wednesday, December 16, 2015

It's Happening

It's really happening. Lane bought a plane ticket. He's coming here, he's staying with me, and he's going out with me and my friends for NYE. I'm so excited I can barely contain myself, but I'm also really nervous, because I feel like I'm falling for him, and I don't know that I can go the whole weekend of him being here without telling him how I feel. And I don't think he'll go for the long distance thing. ((Sigh)). I mean I'm not a fan of long distance relationships either, but there's just something about him... He's the exception. It would be worth it I think. Ughhh...the excitement plus the anticipation, plus my nerves make for a real Molotov cocktail of feelings.
Speaking of feelings, I've been trying to get my depression/anxiety issues under control. I finally went to see a doctor about my panic attacks and I was diagnosed with acute anxiety disorder and depression. Not much of a surprise I guess. Although I'm not exactly sure where the anxiety is coming from. I mean my life in general is kind of up and down, and I do have a lot of stress, but I was always able to manage it before. But it was time for me to face the fact that I was no longer managing it, and I needed help. So now I'm on medication, and it's helping, I guess. It's just a bit of an adjustment. And hopefully I'll get back on track soon.
I realized there's a lot of stuff I haven't written about on here yet, like my roommate for example. I've had 2 since moving to NOLA actually. The first one was Tom. And that was AWFUL. He was a nice guy, and cool, but a horrible roommate. The last straw was when he brought some chick home, she stayed here for 4 days, he never even introduced me to her, and then he had sex with her with his bedroom door WIDE OPEN. His room opens directly to the living room. I live in a double shotgun house, there are no hallways. And it was only like 10 o'clock!! Ughh. That was the last straw for me. There were tons of other awful situations living with him, but that one definitely took the cake. I talked to my mom/landlord about it and immediately started looking for a new roomie.
So now I live with Jen. She's a little weird, and not very girly like I am, and she smokes (which I hate, but she does it outside), but surprisingly, we get along great! I love living with her! We're actually like...friends! And she's an amazing cook, and loves making dinner for us, so that's also a plus. The only shitty thing about it (besides the smoking) is her little yappy, needy dog. He doesn't like anybody but her, he whines and howls loudly every time she leaves, he's always shitting and pissing on my side of the house and he bit me once, pretty bad. I seriously never thought it was possible to hate a dog, but I really hate hers. But she's been living here since the beginning of September, so we've spent a lot of that time figuring out how to make living with her dog manageable. And it's getting better. She also has a really nice boyfriend who comes over every other weekend and fixes stuff and does yard work lol. So, another perk of living with Jen.

Anyway, that's about all that's going on with me right now. I just spend like 75% of every day thinking about Lane. Ugh... It's been so long since I've been this way about a guy that it really scares me.


http://sweetcanadian.blogspot.com/ said...

Does lane still live in chicago? does he have a good job that keeps him there? would you be willing to move back there?

Good for you for recognizing you needed help. I hope you feel better soon! have fun on new year's.

Peyton said...

Lane lives in Los Angeles now. And as far as moving goes...I'm not sure, to be honest. But I think if he was willing to give this a shot long distance for a while, I would seriously consider it.

http://sweetcanadian.blogspot.com/ said...

LA would be better weather wise. I wonder how the job market is compared to NOLA. Totally different universes lol.