Sunday, August 28, 2011


Well the sushi party turned out to be lots of fun. There were a lot of people I didn't know, Rose's friends, but we all got along great! We took tons of saki bombs and ate sushi till our stomachs were all full. It was so much fun seeing everybody from class. Except Bill wasn't there. A couple other people noticed too and were asking around to find out where he was, so I offered to text him. This guy Jonathan gave me his number, cuz I didn't have it. When I texted him, Bill said he had a family thing to go to, and he'd meet up with us after. And he did! We all went to this bar a few blocks down from the restaurant. It was great cuz it was a laid back pub downstairs, but more like a club with loud music and a huge dance floor upstairs. We all hung out downstairs for a while, and I definitely started putting my plan into action. Plan Bill, that is. Bill and I were sitting at the bar talking when Lane walked up. He didn't really have anything to say, so I guess he just...wanted to see what we were talking about. I dunno. He left after a few minutes. I even found out that Rose has been spending some time with this other guy that was with our party. Not Lane. So that made me feel tons better. I dunno why... Eventually everybody decided to head upstairs, so Bill and I followed. Rose, some of her friends, and Lane were already on the dance floor, so we joined them. I tried to just sort of dance in the circle, not really with anyone in particular, but Bill danced with me anyways. After a while, I started to get really hot, so I excused myself and went to the bathroom. I told Rose I was going to sit down and cool off for a while. After I went to the bathroom I found an empty table in front of a vent and sat down. It felt amazing. I could see Bill's tall head poking out where our group was dancing. I watched him out of the corner of my eye, wondering if he'd see me. Eventually he did. He must've been looking for me. He came and sat down. We talked for a long time. I watched Rose and everybody dancing still. Then he kissed me. I can't say it was unexpected. It was bound to happen eventually. Why else would he come over here and sit with me instead of hanging out and partying with everybody else? I had to kiss him back. It wasn't that I didn't want to kiss him. It just wasn't like I was dying to either. ((Sigh))
Before I realized it, everyone else from our group was gone! They thought we had left, since we'd been gone so long. So then it was just me and Bill. He tried so hard to get me to go back to his place and smoke a bowl with him. He lives just a couple blocks from the bar we were at. But I told him I had to work tomorrow, and I have a dog and I need to get home. He countered that he wasn't inviting me to spend the night. I responded that if I smoked with him, there would be a real good chance of me passing out, and I definitely didn't want that to happen. There was no way I was going home with him. It's not that he's sleazy, or that he was just trying to get me to sleep with him. Not at all. He just didn't want me to go home! He was so sweet actually... Telling me I looked beautiful, and that he always wanted to ask me for my number in class... I asked him why he never did. Maybe if he had, all that nonsense with Lane would have never happened. ((Sigh)) He said I was a good kisser, and he wants to take me out sometime.
Now I don't know what to do. I'm at home, sitting in my bed thinking, I'd be stupid not to give him a chance. For one thing, he's taller than me, even in heels! Which is rare. For another, he's smart, attractive, funny, and has a good job. But on the other hand, I feel like it might be cruel to go out with him. I mean, I could maybe talk myself into really liking him, but this all started out as just a...game. I hate to say it. But it was just a way for me to feel like I had other options, and a way for me to show Lane that I had other options. But that was stupid. Now I know that. It would have been so much better if I just showed Lane I'm perfectly happy without him and leave it at that. Now I've gone and gotten somebody else involved and it looks like he might really like me.
So what should I do??


Anonymous said...

Go with your gut...sorry that is lame advice but you should know what to do inside. <3

Anonymous said...

If he is all those great things you say he is, I don't see a reason NOT to go out with him.
Not every guy is going to give you lusty infatuated butterflies right from the beginning, that doesn't mean they wouldn't be great for you. Believe me.. it took me awhile to figure that out too.

Anonymous said...

I think the fact that you're having to talk yourself into even considering going on a date with him is a sign that you're clearly not into him. And there's no point in giving him hope if you don't see anything happening (you shouldn't have to talk yourself into liking someone).