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Saturday, May 24, 2008

I Love...Cake?

Let me just start out by saying THANK YOU ALL for the birthday wishes! I had a great birthday! :) Now, onto the blogging...

The other night, Daniel and I were...well you know! And right in the middle of it, he says, "Peyton...I love you."
He hadn't said it since that one night in the drive thru. And again, I was so shocked, I didn't really know what to say!
1) Because we were kind of in the heat of the moment, if you know what I mean, so I wasn't sure if he actually meant it, or if he just blurted it out. And
2) I just think it's too soon for him to actually be in love with me! I mean...yea, it's been a couple of months, but still. Infatuation does not equal love. And passion does not equal love.
So all these things were racing through my mind, and then Daniel yanks me back into reality.
"Peyton. Tell me you love me." He says, almost urgently. I froze.
"I...I can't!" I said.
He immediately stopped and rolled over.
"Wait...Daniel. I'm sorry it's just...so soon. And I'm afraid."
He sighed. I could tell he was really upset. He refused to look at me.
"Are you upset?" I asked.
"No...it's fine." He said quietly.
We lie there in silence for a while. I could tell that he felt embarrassed, and hurt, but I didn't know what to do! I mean you can't just demand that someone tell you they love you for the first time. And I mean...I'm afraid as soon as I tell him I love him, as soon as it's out there, then he has me! And it'll be just like last time, and he'll leave.
The crazy thing is, for the past few days I've been thinking that I am falling in love with him. But every time that thought crosses my mind, I tell myself I'm being ridiculous and talk myself out of it. I mean there's no way you can fall in love with someone that quickly! Love is not a fleeting thing. It's...true, and pure, and unconditional. And right now, I don't think either of us are capable of feeling so deeply for one another. I mean, don't get me wrong, I care about him a lot. And the feelings I feel for him are the strongest I've felt in a really, really long time. I would do anything for him! And I don't want to be without him.
I'm just scared of losing him. And I'm still trying to figure him out. Like...what are his true intentions? Does he just really like the chase? I don't know! I mean his track record isn't exactly rave material, but I also don't think it's fair to judge him based on his past. I mean, I wouldn't want him to judge me. ((sigh))
After that night, he didn't bring it up again, and neither did I. But last night, we were just laying in bed, talking. About everything! And I was venting to him about my living situation, and my parents; I've been looking at apartments and really budgeting lately. And you know what he said to me??
He said he would help me find an apartment, and that if my parents are stressing me out, I'm more than welcome to spend as much time as I want at his place, and I can bring some stuff over there!
Maybe he didn't think it was a big deal, but when he said that, my heart totally skipped a beat. Me bringing stuff over there means he intends to stick around, with some degree of permanence. And I can't even tell you how happy that makes me. How happy he makes me.
Wednesday night I'm cooking him dinner. Pasta with my homemade Italian garlic cream sauce. Anybody have any side dish suggestions? You know, besides bread and salad? I really want this to be perfect! I'm also going to need a good bottle of red wine...

2 comments:

Chrissy said...

I know how you're feeling. I've been there. He should understand that you're not just ready to say the 'L' word. Just be totally sure when you finally do say it. I'm so happy that things are going so well for you two!

I usually have green beans with Italian dressing when I have pasta (which is often). For dessert, have cannoli's. They always go good with pasta. Have a great dinner!!

Jadeny said...

I always like a side of cantelope with prosciutto. It's a fruity equivalent to a salad. lol.