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Thursday, September 10, 2009

Nothing New

((Sigh))
It's been 4 weeks.
Since we broke up.
Last Wednesday, I went into work, and put in my 2 weeks. I was completely honest. Told him about the blowout between Brandon and I and that I just...thought it was best if I removed myself from the situation. And Mr. S. was really cool about it.
Until Thursday, when he called me and said the management thought it was "best if we parted ways now" and not to bother coming in for my 2 weeks, cuz they already got my shifts covered. Something about a conflict of interest...
Obviously, I was devastated. Spent another 2 days balling my eyes out.
Then on Saturday, I went to Austin.
I guess I was hoping things would still be what I'd hoped for. Fun, excitement, distraction, escape... Maybe a cute boy to kiss.
But it wasn't exactly what I was hoping for.
I mean, don't get me wrong. I had fun! And it was good to get away. But there were no cute boys to kiss. And no distractions. At least not any to get me over this hump.
And now I'm back. And nothing has changed. My life is exactly the way I left it.
And I don't feel any better about it.

And you know what, I can't help that I'm hung up on Brandon! It's not like I'm enjoying this! It's not like I chose this! But I was in love with him. I hate to admit it, but I still am.
How do you just go from spending all your time with someone, being best friends, being in love, to just...nothing?
Nothing.
I want nothing more than to be able to move on, and stop thinking about him.
((Sigh))
I try so hard.
I just can't.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear that! I bet that each day will get at least a tinier bit easier! Eventually you will get over each hump. You did it in Austin, and you will get through the next four weeks. And the four weeks after that won't be as difficult. what are you going to do about work?

DDgirl said...

Hey Peyton,

I'm sorry you're going through all this...
Try spending as much time outdoor as you can (how about taking long walks with your pet?), and getting a new job!!

Take care

Anonymous said...

It takes alot of time and trust me will get easier but never go away. Time does heal.

Amy said...

Hun, It's not something that you can just get over. It took me over a year to completly get over my ex. I still sometimes think of him and wonder what he's doing. It takes time. The good news is, one day you will get over him. And then you'll be ready for a real man!

Anonymous said...

Well, at least you still have that other job to fall back on, right? It's impossible to just forget about a person whom you felt deeply for. But, eventually you will be able to. It'll take time but don't let yourself obsess about it.

Nic said...

*Hugs*