Monday, August 31, 2015
My grandmother is dying. It's been less than 7 months since we lost Poppa and now I'm going to lose my grandma too. And I'm stuck here in NOLA, and can't get to Houston until after the 4th, because that's when I get paid. I feel like I should be there, even though I know there is nothing I can do for her, and she might not even be aware of my presence. I just can't shake this feeling like I'm about to fall into a dark hole and I might never come out again. And I have no one to talk to about it. I just feel so alone, and I can't stop thinking about her. Wishing I was there, and yet also not wanting to be there. I don't want to sit in a room with my dad's family, who I am not particularly close to (except for Jenna), and watch my grandma die. I don't want my last memory of her to be her lying in a hospital bed, looking and feeling miserable, and unaware of her surroundings. ((Sigh)) I don't know how I'm going to deal with this, I really don't. 2015 has pretty much sucked so far. When will I catch a break???