Inside My Bubble

This morning I woke up to some suggestive texts from Jamie. We started chatting, nothing too hot and heavy or anything, just flirtatious. Something about him being a gentleman came up, and then out of nowhere, he drops this bomb on me...
(He's in grey, I'm in blue)

I haven't stopped agonizing about it ever since. For one, I didn't realize he wasn't dating before now. I mean why wasn't he?
Secondly, why did he tell me this, really? I mean...ok maybe he did just want to be transparent with me, which is nice, but I haven't felt the need to mention my hookups with Chris or Adam in the past because...I don't know, it just didn't seem necessary. And neither of them were guys I seriously dated.
So does he really like this girl and he's trying to give me a heads up that I should expect less from him in the future? Like, maybe he's not the casual dating type, and this is a big deal? Should I not expect him to visit in the new year?
Was he just trying to gauge my response to him telling me that? Or trying to find out if I was dating anyone?
It seems like if that was the case, he could have just asked.
Ugh, I just don't know. And I just keep getting this sinking feeling that I'm going to end up right back where I was almost a year ago with Lane. Alone, heartbroken, and feeling like I just wasted a lot of time investing in something completely pointless. And I wanted to talk to Jamie about it so badly, but... Then I kept thinking, Well what would this friend tell me to do? etc. and I realized that I don't really have any friends who can advise me in these kinds of situations! Sophie would probably tell me to talk to him, but she is HORRIBLE at dating, and lets dudes walk all over her. So I definitely can't trust her advice. Bethany would say I'm overreacting and to just let it ride and don't freak out on him because I always give guys too much information and that's why I scare them off. Taryn would say something sweet, in an attempt to be supportive, but she can't really relate, bc if it were HER in this situation instead of me, Jamie would have already bought his plane ticket to Nola and be looking for jobs here and planning to move next year. ((Sigh))
So I texted Izzie, because in general, she's the best at listening, and asking the right questions before giving advice. Only problem is, as she pointed out, she hasn't been on the dating scene in over ten years and it's like a completely different planet to her now. But she listened anyway, and she said I need to talk to him about ASAP, if only for the sake of scheduling purposes. Because if Jamie going out with this girl means he won't be going to Bethany's wedding with me, then I need to know that, at least. And I guess in an effort to spare my own possible heartbreak, it's better that I get ahead of the situation if he's got one foot out the door already.
Ugh, I really hate having to break down all this shit and act so pragmatically about everything. I wish I could just do what feels right, but nothing feels right anymore! I keep finding myself in these shitty long distance situations and it sucks! It always starts out fine, just as a distraction, or someone to talk to and connect with, but then it ends up growing into something more, without me even realizing it! And before I know it I need this person, and I think about them constantly throughout the day, even if it's subconscious. And then the thought of no longer having that relationship in my life jerks me back to reality. And when it's gone, there's this huge void. And I desperately try to fill it, usually with stupid shit that only gets me into more trouble...
I'm tearing up even as I type this because I'm remembering that feeling that seemed to pervade everything in those weeks after Langston left. It was like I'd been floating around in this nice little bubble, and then suddenly it popped and I was just hurtling through space, flailing desperately for a handhold.
I don't want to go back there. It terrifies me.

The Accidental Phone Call

Ok, as promised, Tinder Date #2. First of all, his name was Joshtin. Yea, like a mashup of Josh and Justin. Weird. But his profile was funny and sarcastic, so I thought we might get along. And he was really very funny via text! So we made plans to hang out on a Tuesday afternoon.
Well, shortly after we had made said plans, I accidentally butt dialed him. Ok, it actually wasn't a butt dial, I honestly don't know how I did it, but it was an accident! And it was pretty late at night. I wasn't with anybody or anything, I was just home in my bed, hanging out with the fur babies as per ush. But then I get a text from him... I'm just gonna paste the convo here.

So, as you can see from the conversation, I accidentally called him not once, but twice! Lol. But still, the texts were light and funny, which definitely didn't prepare me at all for what he would be like in real life. Which was very aloof, and very stingy with a smile. I'm serious! He didn't smile once on the whole date. In fact, he barely looked at me at all! He mostly just watched TV because Shark Week was on. I tried really hard to make conversation, but it was rough. Plus, he was a smoker, ugh. He was well dressed, and not bad looking, nice and tall, but he also seemed really full of himself, and my general impression was that he thought he was too good for everyone. Towards the end, he started talking about how much packing he needed to do for his business trip overseas, but that he would definitely call me when he got back. He never did of course. Meh, oh well. It clearly wasn't meant to be.
But while we're on the topic of dating, does anybody remember Lane? Well shortly after I moved to NOLA (which was over a year ago now, I can hardly believe it!), he sent me a facebook message. He went to Tulane, so he lived in NOLA for a few years and it's like his favorite city. So he said he just wanted to catch up and see how I liked it. And we've been talking ever since. He's in LA now, working in TV and also for UCLA doing something, I'm not exactly sure what. But we've talked casually, many times, about me going to Cali for a visit, or him coming here. He wanted to come for Jazz Fest, but had just started his job at UCLA so he couldn't take the time off, but he swears he'll be here for it next year. Part of me thinks I'm wasting my time with him, because he lives in fucking California, and what's the point? But another part of me feels like we're so compatible, that it would be stupid to write him off. I mean we actually talk on the phone and facetime each other now and then. We can talk about anything! And he's smart, and funny, and for me it's not all just about looks with him. I mean I am definitely attracted to him, but a lot of that attraction is not physical. And for me that's rare, because I'm kind of shallow. Lol. I mean looks aren't everything to me, but if I'm not physically attracted to someone, I just can't feel chemistry with them, ya know?
I don't see the harm in taking a trip out there, because there are other things I wanna do, and people I wanna see in California besides him, but I'm just worried that I'll get out there and like...fall for him, and then.... Then what?! I don't know! He doesn't seem like he's ready to make a commitment. But I don't know we haven't really talked about it. I don't mean we haven't talked about "Us", I mean we just haven't talked about whether he's in a place to commit to anyone. And I don't think he is. I could be wrong, but he is a couple years my junior. But even if he was like, "Let's try the long distance thing", I don't know if I want that. ((Sigh))
But he has definitely expressed interest, and attraction, and we sort of hashed out everything that happened with us before. I mean he kinda just stopped talking to me, and I was confused and upset, but we hadn't been serious enough for me to be heartbroken about it, so I just got over it. He said he had already made up his mind to leave for grad school (he ended up at NYU), so he already kind of had one foot out the door, which is why he didn't wanna form any attachments. Makes sense. He's a very logical person, not the type to let his emotions rule him. Unlike me... But I think I've gotten better about that. Maybe not. I just analyze everything.
Well this is what I know: I like him. I like him a lot. And I think that I could like him a lot more, but I'm maintaining arms length because of the distance, and because I'm not sure if he really feels enough about me to pursue something, or if this is just a casual phone flirting thing to him. I think he's interesting, funny, intellectual, and good looking. We used to have a lot of fun together. I think we still can. And I think our personalities mesh well, because I can ask him almost anything, talk to him about almost anything, and there's no awkwardness. So that eliminates a lot of guesswork. Who knows if that would carry over into a relationship though. It definitely wasn't like that when we were dating (or whatever you wanna call it) before.
Well. That's it. I just don't know what to do about him in general. I really wanna ask him how he actually feels/could feel, but I don't wanna freak him out. Maybe I'll just ask him anyway, and preface it with, "Don't freak out but..." lol.
Thoughts? Advice? Suggestions?? Anybody? Beuhler?

First Date

So I got up, rather reluctantly, on Sunday around noon. As much as I was looking forward to hanging out with Bill, I definitely could have slept for another 2 hours. I hopped in the shower and started getting ready. Around 2 o'clock, Bill texted me that he found a good spot to watch the game. I was in the middle of putting on eyeliner, so I didn't respond right away. A few minutes went by and he texted me again before I'd gotten the chance to write him back.

"You still down to watch the game today?"

"Yep! That sounds good." I wrote quickly.

I ended up being a couple of minutes late, so he was already sitting down with a bucket of Miller Lites when I got to the bar. The Bears game was on the big screen to my left.

"Hey!" I said as I pulled out the chair across from him.

I apologized to him for being late (doggie issues) and he handed me a beer. We didn't really pay very close attention to the game, because we were talking so much. He asked me a lot of questions about school, and I asked him about his job. He's an account executive at an advertising agency, just like Mad Men!! Lol.
At one point, he mentioned he liked to play golf and I just about spit out my drink.

"I hate golf!" I said.

"How come?" He asked.

"Uh...well I guess I should say I just hate thinking about golf."

Bill gave me a puzzled look.

"I used to have a friend who played golf and wanted to be the next Tiger Woods. It was all he ever talked about." I quickly took a swig from my beer.

"Does this friend happen to be an ex?" He asked.

"Uh...yea." I admitted. I didn't really want to get on the subject of Brandon, but he asked.

"So how long ago was that?"

"Oh, a long time ago. Like 2 years, maybe a little more." The words actually surprised me when they came out of my mouth, because they were true. I still can't believe it's been that long.

"So how long were you guys together?"

"I dunno, like a year?"

"That's a long time."

"It is?"

"Well, yea..."

I smiled. Guys always think a year is the equivalent of purgatory or something. When really, it goes by pretty fast.

"I don't think it's that long," I said, "I mean really the length of a relationship depends on how much time you actually spend with a person."

Then we got on the subject of long distance relationships, and how they tend to drag things out that otherwise wouldn't have lasted a month. Then we ordered shots. Just one each, but I needed a pick-me-up cuz the food was making me sleepy. Our conversation shifted to much lighter things for a while, until the 3rd quarter of the game, when the Bears were still losing and Bill started cringing every time he looked at the TV. There was a rather large group of really loud, boisterous dudes sitting near us too, and every time they yelled or cheered we both felt like we had to duck for cover.

"How do you feel about ice cream?" Bill asked randomly.

"Like...right now, or just in general?" I said, surprised.

"Right now. I want some ice cream. Let's get outta here."

I laughed, "Isn't it a little cold for ice cream?"

"It's never too cold for ice cream!" He said.

"Ok, well there's a Baskin Robbins a couple blocks away."

"Yes!" He said, "Let's go."

So we paid our tab and headed out. We walked companionably and close, and talked easily the whole way there. He bought our ice cream cones and then we started to walk back in the direction where we'd come from.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"I don't know." said Bill.

"Well I really need to get dog food. Do you wanna go to Target?" I asked.

"Sure." He said.

So we walked to the nearest CTA stop and hopped on the train. He said next to me, and we whispered and giggled about the couple across from us who were arguing. We postulated about what they could be possibly fighting about. He put his arm around me.

Our trip to Target was probably the shortest I've ever had to that store! Lol. And Bill carried my 25lb bag of dog food for me, all the way up the stairs to the redline stop.

"I can carry that you know, if you want me to." I offered.

"No, I got it." He said.

I smiled.

When we got up to the platform, we walked all the way down to the end, behind the stairs, where there weren't any people. We both set down our bags and Bill pulled me in for a kiss. I was a little self-conscious because there were still people that could see us, and I'm not really big on PDA, but I kissed him back, tentatively at first. Then I looked over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. Lol. I don't think anyone was, so I kissed him again. Just a short kiss. He's so tall! I had to actually stand on my tip-toes to kiss him. Such an amazing feeling...

Then the train came and we sat together again. It's weird sitting next to someone on the train. I ride it every day alone, and I'm always reading a book, or absorbed in my own thoughts. So it's a totally different atmosphere with someone sitting right next to you.

Bill got off at my stop and carried my dog food all the way to my place. Both of my roommates were in the living room at the time, so that was kind of awkward cuz I couldn't even offer Bill a seat. So we took Jasper for a walk instead. We walked for a while, not really saying much, just companionable silence. I think we were both getting pretty tired. When we got back to my back gate, Bill stopped.

"I think it's time for me to head home."

"Ok." I said.

He kissed me again and then whispered, "When can we hang out again?"
"I don't know!" I whispered back, cuz it was true!
He kissed me one last time and then pulled away. I watched as he walked down the alley toward the sidewalk before going through the back gate.

The Craziest Night...

So on Thursday night, while Sophie and I were at our traditional hangout, the improv theatre, she got a text from a friend about a photography gig at a charity date auction. Sophie's friend's boyfriend's coworker (Nicole) was hosting it. Does that make sense? Haha. Anyway, Sophie asked me if I would be interested in doing it. And since I'm still jobless, I said of course, even though I may not get paid anything. But I figured what the hell else am I gonna do? So Sophie gave me the Nicole's phone number with instructions to call her asap. I called Nicole the next morning and she filled me in on all the details. She told me it was going to be at a somewhat swanky club downtown, so when it was time to go, I put my heels and a dress on, gathered my camera equipment and hopped on the train.
When I got there, there was already a line going out the door, which luckily I didn't have to wait in, since Nicole already had me put on the list. My first impression of Nicole was that she's adorable and bubbly, and seemed like a really fun girl! She introduced me around, and told me to help myself to the open bar. But since I was working, and carrying a lot of equipment, I decided to hold off on the booze. The event went well, and I got a lot of great photos. Nicole was actually one of the people who were auctioned off. The "dates" took place immediately afterward in the VIP section, where the champagne was flowing. I hung around to get some more shots of the couples and figured I would take off after that.
"Oh my god, you have to stay and drink with us!" Nicole took my arm as I was gathering my things.
"Uh..."
"Come on! It's Friday night, and we have bottles coming! Just stay, it'll be fun!" She insisted.
So I agreed, and she practically thrust a glass of champagne at me. Lol. But I'm actually really glad I stayed. Nicole and I totally hit it off! It may have been the booze loosening me up, but she's so outgoing and disarming that it's hard not to feel like you know her already. Throughout the night, people kept coming up to me asking me, "So how do you know Nicole?" and when I told them we just met, they were shocked. It also turns out that she bartends on the weekends, and she said she could definitely hook me up with a job!
"Omg that would be awesome!" I said.
"Yea we just had a girl put in her 2 weeks, so that would be perfect! Can you come in tomorrow and meet the owners?"
"Sure!" I said. And the plans were made.
So I just sort of loitered around their table, mingling and talking with everyone. One guy in particular (Aaron) approached me and we started talking. At first I didn't think anything of it, because I'd had short conversations with several different guys, but when he didn't take his leave after 5 minutes, I figured out that he must be interested. Too bad he's like a foot shorter than me. But he was nice, and I was enjoying talking to him. Nicole was off being the social butterfly, and keeping an eye on her crush, Chris, who had also been auctioned. They had just had their first date, right before the event, and the girl who "bought" him was shamelessly throwing herself at him. Lol.
It turned out that Aaron was good friends with Chris, and had come to the event to support him. And he didn't really know anyone else either, so the 4 of all sort of linked up. Chris bought us all shots of Patron, and Aaron bought me a drink, and I'd already lost count of how many glasses of champagne I'd had. Let's just say it's been a long time since I've gone out and really partied, so I was totally throwing myself into this one. And it was great!
After a couple hours, people started to disperse and everyone was talking about heading over to another bar, a few blocks away. Aaron offered to drive us. So we all piled into his tiny BMW convertible.
On our way there, an old nasty looking van rear ended us! And then they tried to drive away! Of course we followed them. The van made a sharp right into an alley, but we were right on their tail. Then they made an immediate left, which turned out to be not such a smart move, because there was a car stuck in a snow drift, blocking their path. So the van was sandwiched between us, and the stalled car. Then they suddenly start backing up, and fast! We all simultaneously gasped.
"OMG they're going to ram us!" I said.
Aaron threw it in reverse and backed out quickly to the right. The van started backing out in the other direction, to face us. And as they did so, the people in the back opened the sliding door. The van was full of thugs! Nicole screamed.
"DRIVE! NOW! They're gonna shoot us!"
We were all panicked, and high on adrenaline, but Aaron gunned it down the next alley and they didn't pursue us. Too bad we got their license plates! Idiots... But seriously, it was scary! Finally we pulled over in what looked to be a safe neighborhood. I think Aaron needed to get his bearings and figure out where we were.
"I'm gonna take a look at the bumper." I said, and hopped out of the car. Luckily, there wasn't really any visible damage. Just a bit of paint transfer. I reported this when I got back in the car.
"Omg that was terrifying!" Nicole sounded shrill. "Let's get out of here!"
"Are you going to file a police report?" I asked Aaron.
"I don't know, what's the point?"
"Well, you could get them in trouble, I mean they were obviously trying to threaten us."
"Yea...I just don't know if it's worth it." He said.
"Ok, well gimme your number and I'll text you the license plate in case you change your mind."
Nicole and I had been chanting the plates out loud to memorize them. Lol.
So I texted him the plates and we drove off. We made it to the next club without incident, and headed inside. Most of the same people from the event were there, and they had a bottle of Grey Goose. I helped myself to a cocktail and Aaron and I danced a little. I'm not gonna lie, I was totally flirting with him. But it's been a long time since a guy has given me that kind of undivided attention and it felt...great! So I took advantage of it. Aaron is really nice, but I know I could never get over the height thing. I mean he's reallllly short.
Anyway, the club closed at 4, and at some point we lost Nicole and Chris, so we decided to hop on over next door for some pizza by the slice. Aaron paid for that as well. :) And boy was it satisfying! After that we hooked back up with Chris and Nicole and started the drive back home. Of course, Aaron dropped Nicole and Chris off first, and I was chattering away so much in my tipsy state, that I didn't even think about how far out of the way he might be driving me. When we were almost to my place, he asked if he could crash with me.
Awkward!
I mean, first of all, I just met the guy, so I was totally not comfortable with that idea, and second, I haven't been living with my roomies long enough to just bring random dudes over. I wouldn't want them to wake up at the buttcrack of dawn (like they always do) to find a stranger on their couch. Ya know? So I apologized and told him I didn't really have a place for him to sleep. Which is true, cuz it's not like I have a couch in my room. I can't really remember what else I said, but I'm sure I rambled. I tend to talk a lot in awkward situations. I thanked him profusely for the ride, and everything else, and we hugged and he kissed me on the cheek as I got out of the car. When I got back inside, I texted him another thank you, just for good measure. He responded with, "No problem. You're a sweetheart. See you soon?"
"Sure!" I said.
Then I peeled off my clothes, and crashed.

Caught Up In A Book

I know I haven't written in a while, but it's because I'm reading The Pillars of the Earth and I CANNOT put it down! It's so good!!

Anyways, I finally talked to Todd. Monday night I noticed on his FB page that he and Andrew are throwing their party this weekend, and my feelings were really hurt that he didn't invite me. But then again...I did tell him that I didn't wanna talk to him for a while, so I figured it was my own fault. And I decided to call him.
He answered the phone on the first ring. He was in the car with Andrew. We chatted for a bit, but I still felt kind of awkward. He did invite me to the party, but obviously, at such late notice there was no way I would be able to get off work at the bar. I wouldn't have gone anyways, it's just...still a little weird for me. Mostly I just feel discredited, and like he thinks I'm crazy or something. Melissa has told me so many things that Jayme has said about me, like that I told her I was going to "murder her in her sleep" for dating Todd, etc etc... So I'm sure she repeated those things to Todd, and I dunno... I just feel like when it comes to Jayme, Todd is completely deaf to everything I say. Our conversation was short, and unfulfilling, and I got off the phone with him still feeling sad, and empty about our relationship. He's going to be home for Easter though, so I'm hoping we can talk and hang out and maybe things can start getting back to normal.

I just got a text message from Brandon. What. Thefuck.

Oh. He just wanted to know if I'm working tonight because he has my Christmas present from Summer. Yea, that's how long it's been since Summer and I have hung out! I miss her. I can't wait till it gets warm again and we can start going out on Mark's boat on Sundays! I hope we do anyway. He has a "serious" girlfriend now, and I'm not sure how she will feel about all us girls coming along on their weekend expeditions to the lake. But we'll see...

There are a couple things I would like to mention about Brandon, since we're sort of on the subject. The last 2 weeks at work have been weird. Not as far as I'm concerned, because it's gotten to the point where I can really be nice to Brandon now. I'm not mad at him anymore, and I don't feel the need to be hostile or defensive. It's all faded away, finally. Which is nice. And I think because of that, he feels like he doesn't know how to act around me?? I'm not sure. But 2 people have said some strange things to me in the past couple of weeks.

1) Greg made a comment 2 weeks ago, while he and I were doing inventory. I was talking about saving the elephants (they are endangered and there are only enough of them left on the planet to fill 1/3 of a football stadium!!!) and Brandon said something negative, I can't even remember what. But he said it just for the sake of disagreeing with me, because that's what he always does. And I just said, "Well I think you are being negative, and I don't like it", in a jokingly haughty tone. And Greg said, "You two stop flirting so we can finish inventory!"
And I was so shocked, and taken aback by his comment that I was speechless! Literally. Speechless. So I continued calling bottles out to him without another word.
Then later that same night, I was telling Greg about how Nick, my creepy neighbor, was stalking me, and I laughingly pleaded him to come home with me and pretend to be my boyfriend. Brandon was standing nearby, but he wasn't part of our conversation, and I didn't even think he was listening, but he said something unintelligible to Greg, and then Greg said something unintelligible back, but I heard my name.

"What did you say??" I asked Greg.

"Oh, nothing! I'm not going to repeat it or I might get my ass kicked!" He said.

"WHAT?? Tell me what you said!" I protested, but he wouldn't.

Then, finally, when Brandon left the room, he told me that he said, "Well if you wanna go home with Peyton, I'll cover for you."

And I was like, "WHY would you say that???" But he just shook his head, shrugged and smiled.

????

2) One of our kind of new girls (not so new anymore, but still new to me), her name is Amelia, who I actually really like, made a comment last week, that Brandon still flirts with me all the time. And I argued that he doesn't, but she just smiled and raised her eyebrows at me, and insisted that he does.

But I don't know. I'm still sticking by my theory that he just doesn't know how to act around me anymore. But the idea that he might someday realize what he threw away, and beg me to take him back, is still somewhat thrilling. I know I don't want to be with him, and it would never work out between us, but there are still residual feelings there, lying dormant, deep inside of me somewhere. Because even now, my heart is still racing after seeing his name pop up unexpectedly on my phone. ((sigh))

I wish he didn't have that power over me. I don't even know why he does. It's just like, every time I see him, I'm so aware of him, it drives me crazy!

Anyways, I'm officially calling it quits with Tennis Shoes Dave. I'm just not attracted to him, and I just can't make myself be attracted to him. I'm tired of wasting my time with guys I'm not really that into. He's nice and all but...the chemistry's just not there. And I'm so busy, all I wanna do is have fun and be single when I have spare time.
Ali and I have been hanging out a lot lately, because she just got dumped, and she's been really depressed. So she's been calling me and texting me every day, and we went to the movies on Tuesday. Last Sunday, Taryn and I did a little bit of Sunday Funday. I miss that! Being able to go out all day Sundays, and have fun with my girlfriends. So now, me, Ali, Taryn, and technically Bethany (but not really, cuz she's been seeing Ben's cousin, unofficially) are all single!
Alli and I are gonna hang out this Sunday, so Taryn will probably come too.

And next Saturday, I got the night off! Jenna and I are supposed to hang out, and Todd's gonna be in town, but I haven't decided if I'm gonna invite him out with us yet. I'm sure Jenna will be against that.

But right now I feel like things are really looking up. This morning, me, Veronica and Dana (my officemates) had a meeting with the head honcho boss lady about our projects. We were all really nervous about it, cuz she asks a lot of hard hitting, randomb, obscure questions, that almost no one knows the answers to off the top of their head, but it went surprisingly well! And she thanked us, and told us we were really helpful. So things at work have been good.
And I am really, completely, actually and totally no strings attached. To anyone!

And I feel so carefree! Tonight is going to be a good night at work. I can tell, cuz I'm in such a good mood!

Cloud 9

The last couple days I've been on Cloud 9!
Except for Friday. I worked at the bar that night, and it was really slow. And Brandon had the night off because it was his slore's birthday. And of course, they showed up. Ugh. I also found out that she is his GIRLFRIEND; he's actually in a relationship with this nasty piece of white trash, and for some reason it really upset me. I mean, all that bullshit he spat to me about not being able to balance a relationship, and GOLF, and the fact that he NEVER took off work for my birthday... At my birthday party, he was a total ass!! ((sigh))
Whatever. I don't know why it even bothers me, but having to look at her stupid, pasty white, ugly, squishy face, just makes something erupt inside of me and I just wanna set her on fire! One other strange thing happened Friday. Rusty was there. His band was playing. And I haven't seen him since...well since I dropped him off after the big hurricane over a year ago. He dyed his hair black, wears wayyy too much eyeliner and he looks completely emaciated. Probably from the drugs. Who knows, but he looks like a total emo freak! And he came up to me during their set break and was hitting on me! Telling me how he moved, and he has a new bedroom, with a 60 inch TV and nobody to watch movies with. Ugh...
When we were counting tips at the end of the night, he actually walked to the back and asked me to come over and watch a movie with him!! In front of everyone! I had to laugh, I was so incredulous. He still doesn't have a car, or a phone!! Some things never change... He even texted me at 7:30 am from some yahoo messaging program, wanting to talk! I was asleep, and didn't get the message till the next morning, but needless to say, I didn't write him back.

Anyways, Saturday was MUCH better. Bethany and I finally got together for lunch. It was really great. We talked about everything. Her breakup, Miami, Todd, her new love interest... And I realized how much I've actually missed her. I guess I just needed a break from all the drama. But I love Bethany, I always will, and I'm glad to have her back. :)

Work was awesome on Saturday night, too. First off, it was totally slammed! Secondly, Todd came in to see me, with a group of his friends, and finally, Brandon was there to witness it all. ((Evil grin))
I bought Todd a bottle of champagne, since I know how much he likes it now. Haha! He stood over on my end of the bar, and hung out with me. We took shots together, and it was just really fun! But then I got sent to the back bar, cuz their computer went down, and I got stuck back there for the rest of the night. But Todd came back there to say bye to me at the end of the night, and we ended up making really good money too.
Since I had promised Todd I'd go to church on Sunday, if he went, (for old time's sake!) I literally got 2.5 hours of sleep Saturday night! I got home at 5:30am that night, since we'd been so busy, and we had to do inventory. Then I had to get up at 8 to shower, get ready and drive all the way down to the south side of town, where our church is.
Todd's family and mine sat together, just like we always used to. It was really nice. I felt so...happy! I can't even explain it. As tired as I was, I was really glad to be there. It just felt right. Todd sat on one side of me, and his mom sat on my other side, so that she could chat with my mom. During the offering, she leaned over and asked me if Todd and I wanted to get lunch after church. Of course we both agreed.
But when church ended, it literally took us 30 minutes to get out of there because of all the people bombarding Todd in the narthex! It was crazy! But we finally made it out, and headed to our favorite Mexican restaurant, which is conveniently situated between both of our parents' neighborhoods.
I went to my parents house for a bit afterwards and my mom told me, that Todd's mom told her, that everyone at church was asking if Todd and I are dating.

"And she smiled a little bit too when she said it, like...??" My mom said.

I rolled my eyes. "Ok mom, you've made your point."

"Well I just think maybe you and Todd should get together! And I think his mom thinks so too." She pressed.

"Ok well, Todd's mom just loves fixing people up! It's like her hobby!"

"Yea, but I know she loves you, and you and Todd get along so well, and you make him laugh, and you guys have fun together, why not??"

I sighed. "I don't know, Mom." I said.

I didn't feel like explaining all the complications to her. She doesn't know for sure how I really feel about Todd, but I'm pretty sure she suspects.

When I finally got home around 6:30, I got in bed with Jasper, watched a couple episodes of Glee on DVD and then crashed. I'm still really tired though, and I'm not too sure when I'll get caught back up on my sleep. Todd is headed to Dallas today to start house hunting. But he'll be back this weekend, for the joint Birthday/Superbowl party on Saturday. Lucky for me, I'm off work at the bar that night, so I'll be there! I'm working on a really awesome present for Todd too. His birthday is the 2nd week in March. Cookoff is this week too. I have a feel the next 2 weeks are gonna be pretty awesome and I can't wait!

Just Friends?

So yesterday, after work, my plan was to go home and put on my PJ's, and curl up on the couch, which I did. Melissa had been trying to convince me to meet her and some friends out at my bar to watch the championship game, but I was really tired, so I told her I was gonna have to pass. But then she texted me at 7:15, saying I needed to get up to there RIGHT NOW because Law School was there, sitting at their table. Mutual friends or something like that. Soooo... I went up there, against my better judgement. But of course, I acted like I didn't expect him to be there, and he did sneak up on me, so my surprise was actually pretty genuine.
So me and Law School hung out a little bit, and it was all cool, but then he kept talking to Melissa! And maybe I was just being paranoid, cuz he is extremely friendly, and he wasn't flirting with her or anything, but when I went to the bathroom and came back, he was talking to her. And then I got really upset, which I guess she could see in my face cuz she asked me about it.
And I said, "Well it looks like Law School is more interested in you than he is in me."
"WHAT!? He is not, he was asking me about you!" she said.
"What was he asking??" I said, suddenly intrigued.
"He asked me what you'd told me about him, and I just said I dunno, I heard you mention his name once or twice, and it was nice to put a face with them name. And then he asked me what I thought about you, and I told him I love you, and you're awesome, and funny, and like the smartest person I know, and you're my best friend!"
I inwardly sighed with relief, but still, I'm not necessarily sure all of that is 100% true. I mean, Melissa may have just been trying to make me feel better.
But anyways, she ended up leaving before I did, which left Law School and I alone (not counting the thousands of people in the bar) to talk for a minute. He asked what I was doing this weekend and I told him I was off Saturday night. Then he said he wasn't sure what he was gonna do yet, but to "give him a buzz".
And ok, I am so NOT going to "give him a buzz"! I already told him I was gonna be out Saturday; he can call me! Why does it always have to be my job to contact him??
I just still can't figure out how to read him. It's like...he's kind of touchy/feely/huggy with everyone, even guys! And he's realllllly outgoing with everyone, so I can't tell if his attentions are anything special.
Melissa thinks I should just ask him, but I told her I don't wanna seem desperate. ((Sigh)) I just don't know what to do. I mean, judging by his words alone, he seems genuinely interested, but judging by his actions alone, he seems genuinely not interested.And actions speak louder than words, right? So I'm just gonna assume he doesn't want anything more than a friendship, and hope things go back to normal. It kinda sucks, but the sting of rejection will wear off soon, it's not like we were ever together or anything. And I'll just try to keep myself occupied in other ways. Like, say...Gavin. Haha. I will most likely be seeing him at work tonight, and since I'm off tomorrow, maybe he and I will finally get that drink after hours...

Water Under The Bridge

I appreciate everyone's advice and insight about Cali, but really...it's all just water under the bridge now. If you all remember, we never really had that spark anyways. I don't hate him for not telling me, it just kind of makes me second guess myself, because I knew there had to be something he wasn't telling me! The signs were there. You know, whenever I would ask him questions about his life, he would always turn the conversation around, and deflect my questions back to me. And I always felt like he knew so much more about me, than I knew about him. And that's just not fair. Plus, it just didn't seem feasible that an attractive 31-year old guy with a good job could still be on the market. So I'm kind of kicking myself in the ass for not thinking about that stuff. Oh, and let's not forget, I have dated a guy with a kid before, (Daniel!) and I was totally ok with it. Because I knew about her, going into the relationship.

But really, it doesn't matter, because Cali and I both agreed that things weren't really lifting off. He did send me a couple drunk text messages on New Year's Eve. They just said things like, "i'm soreryr Peyton. im an asshloe." I had to tell him to stop texting me. That was another thing that bothered me. His drinking habits/drunk text messaging. So juvenile! But whatever, it doesn't matter. Maybe Cali and I can be friends later down the line, but you have to understand how this makes me feel, because...here I was spending all this time with this guy, against my gut instinct, trying to give him a chance and spilling my guts to him and...I totally put myself out there, and he didn't at all. That just...wasn't fair to me. So for now, I don't foresee us talking any time soon.

Last night at work was decent. It was the old crew working! Brandon was out of town (yay!) so I didn't have to work with him, and most of the newer bartenders were off. So we were kickin' it old school last night, and it was lots of fun. Ali and I got a little tipsy while doing inventory. Lol. And something I haven't mentioned yet... Gavin and I have been having some interesting text message conversations lately. Very flirtatious, very...enticing. Hehe. I anticipate a tryst finally culminating after years of sexual tension and bad timing. Lol.

The thing I've always liked about Gavin is that he's so humble. He's hot, but completely unaware of that, and he's funny, and very down to earth. And ever since we both got dumped, at about the same time, we've sort of bonded through our commiseration. Lol. So...I am interested to see where this is headed. Definitely not looking for a relationship with him, but maybe just a little fun.

Law School is coming home today too. I wonder if I'll hear from him? I'm supposed to hang out with Greg today. We both have off work, but right now I'm just sitting on my couch in my PJ's watching Todd's football game. I really miss Todd! Now that he's pseudo-famous and he's always so busy, we hardly ever get to talk anymore. Sucks... I talk to his little bro more than him now!

Well I made a sketch in Photoshop of my New Year's Eve dress! I got a pen touch pad for Christmas and it's awesome! So I just sketched this over an actual picture. Tell me what you think!

Dreams

Last night I had 2 really strange dreams...
First, I dreamed I lived in an apartment, right across from Law School. And I was playing with Jasper in the living room of my apartment, and I happened to notice Law School, through the window of his apartment. My blinds were halfway drawn, so he couldn't really see me, unless he was really looking. So I peaked through the blinds to see what he was doing, and there was a girl there! She had long, dark brown hair, and she would have been pretty, except that she had a really long, prominent nose. And she was wearing his shirt...and that's it. And they were flirting or whatever, and I just...couldn't take my eyes away from the window! I don't know why. And then he saw me! And he kinda waved, and I just pretended I was picking something up off the floor (Jasper's ball) and I kinda waved back. Then I left the window and went back to playing with Jasper, and suddenly, they were both in my living room. I don't know why, or how they got there, but that's dreams for ya! So anyways, I can't remember why they were there. I think I had something of his, maybe? But I was pissed, because here he was, the guy I like, with some chick, that he'd obviously just had sex with, in my living room! So I was kind of short with them. He made some blithe comment about them having sex, and I said, "Yea, I could feel the walls vibrating. Now both of you, out! I have to practice piano." And they scooted as I shooed them, and then I sat down at the piano and began playing a very melancholy song.

In my second dream, it was New Year's Eve, and I was at the club, with this guy, I have no idea who! He doesn't exist in real life, but I knew him in this dream. And the night started out kind of fun, and then before I knew it, I was sitting at the bar alone, wondering where all my friends were, and it was 11:48. Almost midnight. And I had this sudden sense of urgency, "Oh no! I have to get out of here! I have go to my bar, and kiss...kiss who?? I have no one to kiss!"
And then that strange guy that I was with, was suddenly sitting next to me, and then we were kissing. But I didn't really wanna kiss him, I just did, because he kissed me. Ugh... It was horrible.

Gee, I wonder what those 2 dreams mean??? It's so weird how dreams are such pure reflections of our thoughts. Anyways, Cali called me 3 times yesterday, and sent me a text, asking me if he was "in the dog house". I just didn't feel like talking to him. I needed time to process, and absorb, ya know? So I didn't respond. But by the time I got in bed last night, I decided I wasn't upset anymore. I mean, I understand how it can be hard to talk about something like that, and I know he wasn't trying to deceive me or anything it's just... I have lots of ex boyfriends, ok?? There's no reason for me to talk about any of them, because clearly they weren't for me! But I don't have any ex-husbands! I didn't make any lifetime commitments to anyone, or possibly have any children! But he did. And I don't think you can really compare a marriage to just a relationship, because it's so much more profound than that. But whatever, I'm over it now. When I got to work this morning, I had an email from him. This is what it said:

Peyton,

It's obvious that I've upset you, and my guess is that it's because I didn't tell you I was divorced. I'm sorry. In about a week from now you'll have forgotten all about me, and I just want you to know that I never intended to be deceptive, nor did I have any ulterior motives or bad intentions. I really liked you and I wanted to tell you when I thought it was right. It's apparent to me now that I should have said something earlier. I truly am sorry.
Take care Peyton, and I wish you all the best in 2010.

Kindest Regards,

[Cali]


Kindest regards??? Who says that?? ((sigh)) Well anyways, I wrote him back. And this is what I said:

Obviously, you're pretty good at making assumptions, but before you go off thinking that I hate you and never wanna talk to you again, let me just explain where I'm coming from.
I didn't feel like talking to you yesterday, because I needed some time to process that information, and I was afraid that if I did talk to you, I might end up saying something smarmy, sarcastic and mean. I mean, you drop a bomb on me, and then just expect me to blithely carry on a conversation with you as though it never happened??
Yea, I'm kinda pissed that you didn't tell me, because you pretty much assumed I would react a certain way, therefore making that decision for me, instead of letting me make the decision to react, however I would have reacted, on my own. You should know that that's not the type of thing you keep from someone you may possibly, eventually have a relationship with. Even if you think you wanna wait and tell them, the more you get to know a person, and the more time you spend with them, the harder it is to tell them, and the easier it is to avoid the subject, and ultimately, someone ends up getting pissed off, or hurt. Obviously, since we both agreed that this didn't seem to be going anywhere, it's not that big of a deal, but I just think you should know that, for future reference.
Also, I kind of feel like everything I thought I knew about you, all the opinions I formed about you, were based on half truths. So I kind of just wanted to think about things, and not deal with any bullshit. I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm a pretty no nonsense person, and I don't like people hiding things from me. I just put up with too much of that shit in the past.
And I find it hard to believe that you could just be totally over your ex-wife after only 6 months! I mean...I'm just barely over my ex, and we weren't even married.
Now, since I don't know the story, or the circumstances, I'm not going to make any assumptions about it, I just know that divorce can be a very messy, emotional situation. And while I understand you not wanting to tell me that you were married, I still don't agree with it.
I don't think you had bad intentions, or ulterior motives, and I wasn't going to just write you off and never speak to you again. But at this point, I kind of feel like you know a lot about me, and I obviously know nothing about you. So..how does that work?? I guess I'm just frustrated, and I really need a stiff drink.


So, I said my piece! He knows how I feel, and I think I put it pretty diplomatically. ((sigh)) Well, I know he already read it, but he hasn't written back yet. I'm sure he will though. But for now...it's back to work.

To The Future!

Well today was a big day for me on several fronts! First and foremost, I started my new job! And to be honest, it was grueling and boring. But it was only the first day. And my supervisor basically just gave me a bunch of material to read about the company, and the department, etc... And obviously, the reading was very tedious, and I was trying like hell to stay awake. I only got like 3 hours of sleep last night. Today kind of reminded me of the first day of classes in college. You show up, meet your professor and get your syllabus. Basically just a formality, nothing too exciting. But, I made it through the day, boring as it was, and tomorrow should be more exciting, more involved. I actually get to start on some small projects. The big project I was hired for doesn't start up for a couple of weeks, so this is kind of my introductory, training, settling in period.

After work, I met up with my mom, who had just gotten out of her doctor's appointment. We had a light dinner, and then she suggested we do a little shopping. And a little shopping, sort of turned into a lot of shopping! Haha. I mean, we went into Ross, just to pick up a couple shirts or sweaters for me to wear to work, and then we found this beautiful Calvin Klein suit, and this beautiful Calvin Klein coat, and then we had to find me an outfit to match the coat.... And I mean, we were at Ross, so everything was a bargain! And since we were so close to the Galleria, this particular Ross had a lot of high end stuff. So that definitely brightened my day. And my mom paid for all of it! She said it was "an investment in my future". :)

And guess who's back?? Well...sort of. Cory! He sent me a flirty message on Facebook the other day, saying that he and I just needed to get together, have wild sex and forget all our previous relationship problems. Lol. And even though that may sound a little presumptuous, he's always been a jokster, and I love that about him. And most importantly, it made me laugh.

So today, I thought I'd send him a random text just for the hell of it.

And our conversation got increasingly more and more flirtatious. I'll paste it here.

Me: I think I may be in dire need of your booty call services.

Cory: Haha well when are you making the trip to SA, cuz [insert hometown here] is lame, and I don't have a bed there. Lol.

Me: I told you I live in HOUSTON now, lol. And I don't have a bed in SA either. But P.S. you could share my bed, I just can't promise you'll get any sleep.

Cory: Lmao ok then, but if I go to HTown, I always have to go home and see my family, or else I'd feel bad.

Me: Well then you have an excuse to come down here! [Hometown] is really not THAT far off the grid.

Cory: Ya, but between work and school, my time is limited. :( Guess I'll have to see.

Me: Yea, yea, well MAKE IT HAPPEN! Before I implode from lack of orgasms. Hahaha.

Cory: Oh my! lol. exciting.

Me: Yea it sounds funny, but it's really not.

Cory: Trust me I'm positive I'm more frustrated than you.

Me: Hmmm...I doubt that! I pretty sure I got dumped before you did! And it's been a pretty long time since I've gotten any action!

Cory: I had sex 12 times with my gf of 10 months... Pretty sure I win.

Me: ((Sigh)) ok FINE. You win. Lol. What an accomplishment, huh? We should really get some other ppl in on THIS contest!

Cory: No one would beat me... Sex 12 times in 10 months... I've done that in like 2 days..

Me: Lol. Don't tease me.

Cory: I like to tease. Makes it more fun.

Me: I couldn't agree more...

Cory: Lol this makes a trip to houston seem more pleasing. 3 hours in the car sucks.

Me: Well I'm sure I can return the favor at some point. Either way, I'll make it worth your while. ;)

Cory: I like the term, "make it worth your while"

Me: Me too, because it usually means fun. :D

The End.

Well! I am definitely having fun with this one. There's no threat here! He lives in San Antonio, I'm not afraid of him hurting me, there are no strings attached, we're just flirting, and there's a possibility of sex. Maybe more, maybe not. Who knows?! But I'm having fun. And that's what's important. It would be pretty damn awesome if he came to visit though...

We'll see what happens...

Here's to the future!

Ketchup

Sorry it's been so long since I've written. Things have just been so hectic since the new job and everything...
The first night I worked there, I absolutely hated it. And I was sure I wouldn't come back. I didn't get to work at the same bar as Summer or Bethany, and the place was just a total...clusterfuck! But it was busy. REALLY busy. And we ended up making so much money that night that I figured I couldn't afford to quit. And I figured I should give it another chance.
So I went back the next night, and it wasn't as bad. I still didn't get to work at the same bar as my friends, but I figured I need to get to know the other bartenders anyway. It's all girls and one guy. And right now, there are only 7 of us.
Last night, being a Thursday there weren't as many bartenders working, and Bethany and I are trading off every other week. And it was actually kind of fun! I got to know Jim, our only male bartender, since we were working in the back bar together. Then Jim went home at midnight and Summer came back to work with me. So she and I had fun together. Although...sometimes, she'll say something, or do something, a facial expression, or a gesture, that makes me think of Brandon. And it's like I have to look away. They're just so much alike. ((Sigh))
After work, all us girls went and ate at IHOP and that was really fun. There's this girl, Tara, who just moved here from Boston, and guess who she's dating?! Hot Dereck!! Lol. Small world, huh?
I was so surprised when I found out cuz...well frankly, he used to be a total manwhore! But good for him, I guess he's got his shit together. And Tara's a really sweet, cool, girl. Cute, but not your cookie cutter, run of the mill, blond with big boobs. She has a great personality! So anyways, she's my favorite one out of our bartenders. And then there's Cailee. She's young, blond, tall, and pretty. And very...well, young. You know, shes all into the scene, drinks a lot at work. A total party girl. But...I think she means well. I hope she does anyways. It's hard to tell with girls like her, because they're at a point where they could go either way...
And then there's Andrea. The 6 feet tall bombshell. Huge fake boobs, brunette, and happens to be dating Justin. One of the owners. Who also happens to be Jayme's ex-boyfriend. Lol. It's weird how everything seems to tie in.
So that's everybody! I'm sure you guys will be hearing more about them in the future.

Now, let me get you guys caught up on the non-work stuff. Sunday was Jayme's birthday party. Which was at my old bar. And sure enough, Brandon was there. I was having a good time, managed to avoid him for most of the day, until the very end of the night. Which, again, sent me heading home, sad and not in the mood to socialize.
The funny thing is, Gavin texted me and asked what I was doing. When I told him I was heading home, he asked me if I wanted some company, cuz he was bored. So...he came over! And nothing happened. I mean, he and Sierra are still on and off or whatever, and I would never wanna go there. It was just...really awkward. We watched half a movie, while sitting on opposite ends of the couch. He left after about an hour. But I have to say, it was nice to have his company, if only to distract me from my thoughts of Brandon. ((Sigh))
Monday night, I went out with Cameryn and DJ to this Stoli Apple release party. There were aerialists and dancers, and free alcohol! It was awesome. And it was so awesome to hang out with some of my friends from my old job. I miss everybody so much!
Of course, I ended up getting a little too drunk, and when I got home, I *67ed Brandon a few times. ((Sigh)) I KNOW, it was stupid. REALLY stupid. I knew even as I was dialing. But I just...couldn't stop thinking about him! No one answered the first couple times, and then on like...the 4th try, someone answered. A girl.
I was in so much shock I just choked. She hung up. I looked at my phone to make sure I dialed the right number. Did I dial the right number?? I don't know! I still don't know! I immediately dialed Summer. She didn't answer. I cried myself to sleep.
The next morning, when I woke up, I had a text from Summer.
"Is everything ok?"
"Yea I just got a little too drunk last night, called your brother, and a girl answered the phone. I sorta had a mini meldown."
She was just as shocked as I was. But she said she'd try to find out who it was, if I even dialed the right number. I mean, I'm hoping I dialed the wrong number, obviously, but I know better than to hope for that. But I just can't help thinking, he hardly had time for me when we were dating, and he's so self absorbed and busy with golf, how could he possibly have had time to find a new girl already!?! ((Sigh)) Summer agreed with me on that front. But I really need to just stop obsessing.
Which is where Cory comes in! He and I went to high school together, and we had a lot of mutual friends, but never really hung out. So we're friends on Facebook, and he recently got dumped too. And we've been commiserating a lot. And the thing is...he's attractive, funny, tall, smart, sarcastic, and very genuine. And I've been thinking about him a lot lately. Especially since he told me he's coming to Houston next weekend. Yea, that's the only downside. He's going to school in San Antonio. But there's been a lot of flirting going on. Even when I was in Austin! I invited him to go to the river with us, but then we ended up not going. But he was gonna come! So he makes it a point to tell me he's coming to Houston, and I can't help but feel...good about this! I mean, usually I wouldn't let myself get my hopes up about something so uncertain, but I'd rather think about Cory and what could possibly happen, than think about Brandon and how much I miss him. I still cry myself to sleep at night. I just...miss him so much. It's like a piece of me is gone.
((Sigh)) So, I'm trying to be positive. About the Cory thing. Tonight all us girls from the new bar are going out to eat, and have margs before work. It's gonna be really fun. I'm glad I'm finally starting to get to know everybody, and sort of find my place in the world. That is, my small, cloistered little world. Well, I'm off to jump in the shower and get ready!

Aniticipating Distraction

Well, this weekend was...interesting, to say the least. So I'm gonna work my way backwards...
Last night I had a dream that Brandon and I got back together...that we talked, well mostly he talked, and I listened, and we kissed and...everything was good again. ((Sigh)) I woke up way too early, thinking about him, and wondering if he thinks about me, and wanting to call him, text him...
Of course, I didn't. But it was just so...heart wrenching. Because I wish so bad, that I could have that. A dream come true.
But I know it's not right. Not meant to be. We can't go back. Ever.
((Sigh))
Work last night was uneventful. Brandon hasn't made any more attempts to talk to me. And now I wish he would. Even though I still probably wouldn't listen. It would just be nice to know that he still cared on some level.

Friday night was actually, pretty good!
Ali and I got a little tipsy behind the bar. Lol. It was so slow, and I was...well you know. Working with Brandon.
So, my blast from the past, Mike, came into my work again that night. And he and I took some shots together, and we just kind hung out for a bit.
"So, Peyton! When are we gonna hang out? You know, like...really hang out?" He asked.
"What do you mean?? You've got my number!" I said.
"No! I don't actually! I mean, I thought I did, but I don't!"
"Ok, ok, well here!" I said, as I jotted my number down on a scrap of paper, "Now you don't have any excuses!"
"Awesome! I won't lose it!" And he folded it up and put it in his shirt pocket.
He left soon afterwards, but I'm sure I haven't heard the last of him.

Not too long afterwards, I served this really mysteriously sexy guy a couple times. He was really...quiet, and under the radar, ya know? Very intriguing... So when he asked me to close his tab, I made sure to look at his credit card, and get his first name. Logan. Then I wrote him a little note, and slid it into his check presenter.
"I'm just gonna go out on a limb here and give you my number..." And I left him my number!

Then last night, he texted me!! I was at work though, so I didn't get it till like...4am. But it said, "Hey what are you up to tonight?"
And then, "Sorry, I forgot you didn't have my number... This is Logan from last night. You wrote your number on my tab."
So I wrote him back, much later, "Well hello, Logan! Sorry, I just got your text. I know you're probably passed out by now, but I am still at work!"

Well, it is now 9pm the next day, and I never heard back from him again, so... Who knows? Maybe he'll never call! But, at least I put myself out there! Right?
Oh, and Mike Facebook messaged me today! He wants me to go watch his band next Thursday. I told him I'd try to make it, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to get off work.

Jasper's been sick the past week. He's had like...chronic, explosive diarrhea! I mean...literally, he can't make it through the night! And I've been losing sleep, because I keep having to get up and take him out, or get up and clean up his kennel, because he shat all over it. ((Sigh))
So I got up yesterday morning, after only 4 hours of sleep, and took him to the vet. Then I spent the entire day worrying about him, because the vet tech said he would need a parvo test. Ugh...
He ended up being fine in the end. Just stressed from moving. They gave him some antibiotics, and they're already starting to work!

So I guess, all in all, my weekend has been really...up and down. Every time I think I'm starting to move on, or...learn to live without Brandon, I get knocked down again. Something always happens! ((Sigh))
Hopefully a distraction will come soon.
Austin next weekend! I can't wait!!

Interesting Developments

OMG. I'm kind of drunk right now. And I didn't mean to get drunk. But I was eating leftover wings, and all I had to drink was bottled water, or wine. So I opened this bottle of sparkling wine that Brandon and I bought about a week ago, and I poured myself a glass. I figured, what the hell? And the wings were a bit spicey, so I ended up chugging my first glass, and then my second, and well...here I am! Drunk! Hahaha.

So I'm pretty buzzed, chatting on Facebook, and guess who messages me?

You guys probably don't remember him, but back when we met, I referred to him as The Good Guy. We actually "met" on a dating website, and he knew Bethany. Well, every now and then, he comes into my bar, or we run into each other. I've just never mentioned it before, cuz I never thought it was really relevant. Ya know? But tonight, he sent me a FB chat message, and when I went ot write back, he had signed off. So I texted him.

Me: You hung up on me!

TGG: My computer is being a biatch. Whats up?

Me: I dunno, you messaged me!

TGG: Yea, I was looking forward to some FB chat but alas, my computer is ridiculous. Just sayin hey.

Me: Ah...yes. FB chat is my only form of entertainment at my new place till the cable gets set up.

TGG: Where's your new place?

Me: (description)

TGG: Cool. I'm still at the same place. This is gonna sound weird, but I had a dream about you last night.

Me: Aaahahaha! About what?

(Ten minutes goes by...)

Me: Comeon...The suspense is killing me!

TGG: The fact that I'm not going to tell you what the dream was about will probably give you a good idea of what was involved. So yea... It was interesting.

Me: OMG. WE HAD DREAM SEX!?

TGG: Lol yes. We did. I woke up as surprised as you are.

Me: Surprised and satisfied! Haha. You know what that means, right?

TGG: It means I woke up with a boner and had to pee really bad.

Me: Lmao, Well yes, but it also means you have deep rooted sexual frustration that you secretly want to take out on me.

(Several minutes go by...)

Me: [TGG]. There's no need to be embarassed. We're both consenting adults. Lol.

TGG: Ah! I just got every text back to back all at once. now my phone is being a bitch.

Me: Man...technology must really be out to get you.

TGG: Yep. Well FYI, you were a good lay in the dream. Just sayin...

Me: Lol. Well FYI, I'm not just good in dreams. Just sayin...

TGG: So what are you saying, Peyton? I'm listening.

Me: Well...I thought I was being pretty clear. Heh.

TGG: I'll keep that in mind. I'm just chilling at my place by the way.

Me: Oh really? Same here.

TGG: Feeling froggy? Why don't you jump on over here?

Me: While that is rather tempting, I am covered in paint and in desperate need of a shower. Lol. I had to repaint/clean my old apt today. So I'm going to request a raincheck. And I don't mean "i'mblowingyouoffandcallingitaraincheck", I mean an actual raincheck.

TGG: Ok cool stuff. I'll take a raincheck. On that note, though, I must depart and call it a night. We'll chat soon though.

Me: Very well then. Hopefully I'll make another appearance in your dreams. ;)



That concluded our conversation. And reading it back, I almost feel ashamed at my tipsy, randy self, but oh well! It was fun!

And who knows what may happen. A rebound may commence...



Although, unfortunately, I do have to give you all a Brandon update.

Saturday night, I was in a really good mood at work again, because Todd played really good in his game, and I got to watch most of it.

Anyways, Brandon got to work 2 hours after me, and I ignored him, as usual. But around last call, the lights came on, and I was closing out a tab, and he walks up right night to me at the computer.

"So you're not gonna talk to me tonight either?" He asked.

"Nope." I said, as I swiped the credit card.

"Why not?"

"Because I have nothing to say to you." The stupid credit card wouldn't go through!

"Well I just want to talk to you about-"

"I don't care. I'm not going to waste any more time, effort, or words on you, Brandon. Just leave me alone." I grabbed the check presenter and made for the other computer, since that one wasn't working anyway.

He followed me!

I don't know what he was saying, because I wasn't listening, but he was hissing in my ear, stuff about our relationship, that he wanted to talk about.

I physically pushed him away from me.

"Leave me alone! If you wanna go fuck other girls, that's your business, but I don't want to hear about it." I walked off again. By this time, I was starting to get upset. He was still following me.

When I got to the other end of the bar, I asked Mark to please tell Brandon that I now was not the time or place to talk to me.

Mark looked up from what he was doing, glanced over at Brandon, and nodded.

But Brandon still persisted!

"It's not about other girls!" He said.

My eyes were flooding with tears, and my face was hot with anger.

I just can't deal with this. Especially not now, I thought.

Magically, Mr. S. appeared at the end of the bar. I hurried over to him.

"Could you please tell Brandon to leave me alone. I can't deal with this right now." I pleaded to him, tears starting to spill over.

He looked sympathetic.

"Come over here. You can go to the back bar. We'll send Sierra up front." He said.

I had to walk back past Brandon to leave the bar. I was so upset at him for doing this to me, now at work, and for almost making me cry, in front of everyone! I shoved him as hard as I could up against the beer cooler.

"You're a piece of shit!" I yelled over the loud music as I stormed off.

The rest of the night went by without incident.

I still don't understand why he's doing this to me.

I just want to move on!



Maybe The Good Guy will be a nice distraction, or even a rebound.

I'm getting a bikini wax Wednesday. ((Sigh))

Perhaps I'll give him a call...

My New Favorite

Halloween weekend was insane! We made soooo much money both Friday and Saturday! Annnnnd, with all that money, I was finally able to buy a complete studio light kit for my camera!! I'm so excited!! And so is Bethany! Hehe. I'm gonna set it up in my feaux-dining room where my electric piano is now. Only now I'm gonna have to find a new place for the piano... Oh well. Everything should be here by the end of the week!
On Saturday night after work, I drove Brandon to his car and asked him if he was coming over or going home. He said he really wished he could stay over, but he had friend in from Lake Charles that he needed to entertain the next day. Then he kissed me goodbye and said he'd call me tomorrow.
So I headed over to Blinn's, where a few other coworkers were gathering for some late night action. We were all ready for a beer; after the daylight savings and doing inventory, it had been an extremely long night for us!
When I got there, everybody was just pulling up. A few of the door guys, including John, Blinn, and DJ.
We went upstairs and turned on some music, and John, who had already had a few beers, immediately started his usual routine of antagonistic flirting. Only this time, I wasn't humoring him.
He kept poking me, pushing me, etc., but I wasn't reciprocating at all. DJ and Blinn were out on the patio smoking cigs, so it was just me and the door guys inside. I hadn't been planning on staying for very long, so I hung out for a bit, had one drink, and then decided to leave.
Well apparently, John didn't want me to go, so he snatched my phone off the counter and refused to give it back to me.
"Come on, seriously?? I really need to go! I have a puppy at home who needs to be let out!" I insisted, but he just chuckled and put my phone in his pocket.
I sighed and tried to grab it out of his pocket when he wasn't looking, but he grabbed my arm and restrained me. I stopped fighting.
"I'm serious John! I'm not gonna play games with you, just give me my phone!"
"Why do you need it so bad?"
"Do I really have to answer that? Just give it back!"
"Let's see..." He pulled the phone out of his pocket and started pressing buttons.
"What are you doing?!" I lunged for my phone. I couldn't take the risk of him going through my phone. I mean, there were tons of incriminating text messages in there! And so far, absolutely no one has a clue about Brandon and I, and I intend to keep it that way! At least for now...
But John just seemed to be enjoying the fact that he'd finally gotten a rise out of me. I threatened to knee him in the groin, punch him in the throat, slap in him in the face...but he didn't care.
Finally Blinn came to my rescue.
"Come on you guys, you're gonna wake up [The Albanian], he's sleeping! John, just give her back her phone."
John sighed and reluctantly handed me my phone. I swatted him in the stomach with my keys as I stomped down the stairs.
When I got in my car, I sent him a text that said, "Well I certainly hope you found what you were looking for."
"Well I know what it is, but you didn't stay." He replied.
"What what is?? What are you talking about?" I demanded.
"Quit being coy."
"I'm not. You are one of the most frustrating people I know. You're so damn passive aggressive! I don't know what you were thinking was gonna happen, but I lost my patience with you a long time ago." I said.
"Why have you stayed in my bed twice and I've stayed in yours twice?" He asked.
"Fuck if I know! What kind of question is that!?" At this point, he'd almost completely lost me, and I was already at home in bed, so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The next morning I had a text from him that said, "I looked back at the sequence of messages and yeah, I don't know where I was going with that last question either. Peyton, I don't know what it is, but I think when I get a couple drinks in me, I just really love to argue with you. Even if it doesn't make sense apparently."
Great.
I am so over it. I wish he would stop.

So Sunday I went out to lunch/dinner with Bethany, and we had a nice long girl talk. Then we went to Ikea, again, cuz she needed to get some stuff, and I figured I could always use more picture frames. I really love Bethany! As much drama as she has, at least none of it involves me! Our friendship is really cut and dry and I love that. Cuz I know she'll always be there for me when I need her. :)
Anyways, I called Brandon on our way home and told him to come over and hang out. So he did. :)
We watched a couple episodes of Malcolm In The Middle and then got in bed. We talked for a while, and I tickled him a little (I love doing that! He's so ticklish!), and then we made out a little, and then we had sex a lot, and then we cuddled. :)
((sigh)) I seriously don't know how this all happened, but I'm so happy. I mean, I have yet to hear anything bad about him from anybody, he doesn't have any drama, and he's so nice to me! He's just an all around great guy. He had to get up at 5:30 in the morning to leave for work again though, which sucks. When he came over to give me a kiss goodbye, I pulled him in close and begged him to stay.
"Man, I really wish I could, believe me." He said, and kissed me again.
"Call me when you wake up." He said as he walked to the door.
"Ok." I smiled.
I laid there for a minute and then reached for my phone.
"You're kinda my new favorite :)" I wrote, and sent it to Brandon.
"Don't tell Olive Juice that." He said. (Olive Juice is his nickname for Oliver. Hehe.)
"He can share." I said.
"Yeah true that!!! :)" He wrote.
And then I fell asleep.

Weighing My Options

I went to the doctor with my mom on Thursday. We were there for about 3 hours. They gave her 2 exams and talked about what her possible options might be; chemotherapy, hormone therapy, surgery, etc... But right now it all depends on how much of the tumor is invasive. And they have to do a biopsy on the invasive component to find out. And if it's more invasive than non-invasive, then she'll definitely have to have chemo. ((sigh)) It's a lot of information. My poor mom hardly understands half of the stuff the doctors say. I took a bunch of notes for her. Two pages worth actually. She has to go back on Monday morning, so she's gonna spend the night here with me, and I'm gonna drive her over. I live a hell of a lot closer to MD Anderson than my parents do, and with all the traffic, it's at least an hour drive for them. So I told her she could spend the night here. I'm off work anyway. So that's the story with that.

Last night, is another story entirely. And a much happier one!
First of all, one of my coworkers, Ali, is dating this guy, and him and his cousin came in last night. And the cousin is HOT. He's 6'4", dark hair, pretty teeth...HOT. And he asked Ali about me, so we chatted a bit, etc etc, and I gave him my number. Before he left, he came to say bye to me, kissed my hand and told me he'd call me later. Lol. And he texted me while we were counting money! :)
Then something weird happened. Remember the new girl who made an ass of herself at the employee party last month? Her name is Lauren. Well, I still can't stand her. She tries sooooo hard to make people like her, it's sad. She laughs at everything anyone says, even if she's not even in the conversation!!! Ugh... Well she's 19, maybe that's why. Anyways, she was hardcore flirting with John last night. And she jumped on his back, and was giggling her annoying giggle with her annoying horsey face and I just suddenly got so...JEALOUS! I couldn't even explain it! WHY was I jealous??? Maybe it's just because I don't like Lauren so much?? I dunno...
And the other weird thing is, I've kind of been thinking about John a lot lately. I talked to Alyssa about it on Thursday. I just feel like the whole situation with us got out of hand, because we were both drunk, and that wasn't how I wanted it to happen. Ya know? And I still kind of have feelings for him! I just don't know what to do about it! Alyssa thinks I should go for it.
So back to last night... I got really jealous, and I recognized that I was jealous. Even with thoughts of this tall, hot guy who's interested in me, I couldn't stop thinking about John! So we were all hanging out drinking beer after work. Then Bethany and Tug came over to hang out, and everybody decided to take the party over to Blinn's house. Bethany didn't wanna go, but we needed to catch up on things so we sat in her car and talked and smoked a bowl before I headed over to Blinn's. I told her about John and Lauren and how it made me jealous. She laughed. Lol. Then Mark called and asked where I was, so I told him I'd be there in a minute.
By the time I got there, I was definitely high, and a little buzzed, and a lot annoyed that Lauren was there. Ugh. But we had a good time anyway. I had a couple glasses of wine, goofed off and flirted with John... :)
Then when everybody started to leave, I was getting ready to go and John stole my keys! That, of course, led to wrestling on the couch, which caused Blinn to roll his eyes and go upstairs. Lol. Now it was just me and John, and before I knew it, he was kissing me. And I liked it! Haha. I finally got my keys back from him, told him goodbye and left. I put a note on his car that said, "By the way, YOU kissed ME!"
When I woke up this afternoon, I had a text from him that said, "Yes, I know and you weren't very resistent."
Haha.
I don't really know what's going to happen now. But this time was different. And I don't wanna go running scared again, so I'm just gonna play it really cool, and try to get to know him better and just...see what happens! And I'm gonna keep seeing other people too. Like that hottie from last night...
So, in the guy department, things are actually looking up for once!
I'm pretty sure I'm gonna see John tonight at work. Hopefully it's not awkward.
Wish me luck!

The Return Of The Ex...

Well I just got back from Austin yesterday. The trip was short and sweet, but much needed. It was like a mini high school reunion. Me, Rikki, Izzie, Shane and Megan had 2 wonderful girls' nights.
This entire week has been kinda up and down though. On Thursday afternoon, my mom called me while I was still in Austin. She told me might have breast cancer. ((sigh)) I totally freaked out. I mean I know breast cancer is generally curable and not that serious, but I just never thought it would happen to my mom. Ya know? So I was really upset and crying in the middle of a department store ((ugh...)) and thought I might go home early. But my girls cheered me up, and begged me to stay, so I did. And I'm glad I did.
We went out to 6th St on Thursday night, and had a blast. Izzie and Megan's husbands stayed at the apartment and played Wii, so it was just us girls. I even met a guy! He approached me, talked to me, acted interested, and asked for my number. But I'm learning not to count my chickens before they hatch, so I'm not gonna say anything else about him right now. Except that he did text me last night asking me if I had fun. I told him yes, and that I wished I could have stayed in Austin longer.

So, in other news, my ex is in town. The Psycho.
He called me Tuesday.
He's deploying at the beginning of September, so he got some leave time.
((sigh))
Anyways, I was talking to him, politely, asking him how he was doing, etc... And he said he wanted to hang out. Well I had just gotten off work, and it was 12:30 am, so I told him I probably wasn't gonna go anywhere, since I was leaving for Austin the next day.
"Well I'll just stop by and see you later then." He said.
"Later? What do you mean by later??" I asked.
"I dunno, like 3:30 or something."
"What makes you think I'm gonna let you into my apartment at 3:30 in the morning!?" I asked, incredulous.
"Because it's me! And you better be wearing some sexy lingerie too. I know you got some."
I could hear 2 other guys talking in the background. It sounded like he was in the car.
"Are you fucking kidding me right now!?" I half-shrieked.
"What happened?" He asked, assuming that wasn't meant for him.
"I'm talking to you!" I yelled.
At this point, the conversation went very downhill, and he went on off one of his usual tangents of cusswords and insults. He told me I was an arrogant bitch, and I should go fuck myself, and all this other shit...
I was just sitting there, almost amused really, shaking my head in disbelief.
And I said in a very calm voice, just loud enough for him to hear over his yelling, "You are exactly the same petulant, selfish, immature, dick that you were when we were dating. And you know what? We're not together anymore, so I don't have to put up with your shit. So now, I'm gonna hang up on you, and you're just gonna have to deal with it."
((click))
I sat there for a minute, still trying to comprehend what had just happened.
Had I just had a good old fashioned argument with my ex??
It was like a really twisted sense of de ja vu. Because in the past, I would have gotten really upset, and hurt, and done whatever I could to make him not be mad at me. But this time, I just didn't give a flying fuck! It was awesome. And the best part about it was, I know how he operates. And I know I ruined his entire night. Haha. He probably got all pissed off and stewed in his anger for the rest of the night. Because that is so like him!
So I'm definitely not going to be seeing The Psycho. At least I hope not...

((sigh))

Speaking of exes, Melissa saw Daniel on Thursday leaving the movie theater. He was with Delilah, and some "fugly" girl and another kid. Melissa may have just told me she was ugly to make me feel better, but judging by the other Peyton he dated, I wouldn't be surprised. What I am surprised about, however, is that I haven't run into him yet! But that's definitely a good thing. I'm still not sure I'm ready for that. I still miss him, but I'm doing a lot better. And like they say in He's Just Not That Into You, "It's nice to have companionship and wake up with somebody that you really like, but that's what pets are for. Pets are God's way of saying "Don't lower the bar because you're lonely.'"
And I am so on that!

Anyway, last night after work, Bethany and I went to IHOP, just the 2 of us, and we sat there for a while, talking. Then my phone beeps. I have a text message. At 4 in the morning!
I looked in my inbox, and saw that it was from a number I didn't recognize.
Well, well, well...
Rusty.
"Hey, you still stayin' up late? -Rusty"
I didn't respond right away, cuz Bethany and I were in the middle of a conversation, but I wrote him back 15 minutes later on my way home.
"I sure am. And apparently you are as well..."
Sixteen minutes later, he responds. How typical. Lol.
"Yea I had a gig tonight. What are you doin'?"
I waited another 16 minutes. Haha.
"Just got home from work and IHOP a little bit ago. Now I'm reading a book in bed. You?"
He responded right away to this one.
"I just got home too. Just telling my roommate about the night."
"So where'd you play at?"
"It's called The Depot. Then we went to a really southern after party."
"Lol nice. Were there people in overalls?"
"Not quite, but it wouldn't have surprised me."
"Ha. Well sounds like had an interesting night. I'm going to sleep now finally. Busy day tomorrow, goodnight."
I wanted to be the one to end the conversation, because I didn't wanna see to eager. Plus I was getting really tired.
And he really needs to just call me. No more texting.

So I finally picked out my dog! He's a goldendoodle, SO adorable! When I get him, I'll post pictures! I can't wait. And don't worry, I know how much responsibility a dog is. I did have a horse, remember?? Puppies are like children. I mean, would you leave your infant home alone? No.
So I definitely have some sitters lined up for when necessary; and as long as he's little, I plan on taking him everywhere! And there's this really awesome dog park right down the street.
Oh! And I'm going to call him Oliver. :)
After Oliver Wood in Harry Potter. Hehe.
He arrives from Indiana in the beginning of September! :) :) :)

Update Continued...

Omg, Rusty sent me a myspace message today!
He said he tried requesting me, but I require a last name, so he couldn't. Haha. My plan totally worked!! We've been messaging back and forth for a while now. :)
Anyways, I need to finish updating you all on my week. I haven't seen or spoken to John since Wednesday night. Bethany and I drove up to our old college town on Thursday. We both went to the same school, but we didn't know each other when we were there. Weird, huh? But anyways, our trip wasn't all it was cracked up to be. We felt old, and out of place. Everyone there is just so...different. I mean they're all at a different place in their lives, ya know?? And I've already moved on from that part of my life so it's just not fun anymore. Not the way I remembered it. But I mean, we did have fun. Just...not what we were expecting. We crashed in a hotel after a night of bar hopping. Then we drove back the next day cuz we both had to work.
Saturday night I requested off because I WENT TO THE JOURNEY CONCERT!!!! It was amazing!! My Dad got tickets right when they went on sale, and decided to take ME!! Our seats were really good too! Like, tenth row back. Great view. Their new singer sounds so much like Steve Perry, it's insane!
So anyways, I stayed at my parents' house that night since I rode with my dad. Then I went to church with them the next morning. After church we went out to lunch with Todd's family. He's in town till tomorrow. Him and his girlfriend are back together. :/
I don't think I'll ever get a chance with Todd, no matter how much I think about it, and wish for it. ((sigh))
Anyways, last night was the night I finally organized my apartment. I threw out all the empty boxes. Mondays are trash days, luckily, so when I set out my trash it ended up being like a 6-feet high tower!! I felt so bad, I left a note for the trash guys. Lol.
This morning, I got up, swam my laps, and then got ready to go my Aunt Suzanne's house in Spring. My Aunt Jessica, Uncle David, Noelle, and Maddox were in town. If you can't remember these people, see my post titled The Peyton Family Tree. Anyway, they're my cousins. So I went up to see them, since they live in Louisiana and we hardly ever get to see each other!
So, remember The Frenchman?? The guy my Aunt Jessica wanted to set me up with? Well, apparently he's not completely out of the picture! Aunt Jessica told me today that she told his mom about me! Lol. And they have this plan to get us to meet. He has to take his nephew down to Houston for something, and they're gonna come to the zoo, and I'm supposed to give them a tour. Lol. I'm sure he has no idea about any of this. But I'm down! It was so funny listening to my aunt talk about how hot he is.
Also, my Aunt Suzanne is finally getting remarried this November, right after Thanksgiving. So Jessica thinks he should be my wedding date. I told her I'd much rather it be an official, out in the open fix-up, than an awkward "accidental" meeting, where we both know what's really going on, but neither of us feels comfortable talking about it. You know what I mean?? I'd rather just go all out. What's the worst that could happen??
My step-cousin, Holly, (Aunt Suzanne's step daughter from her ex-husband's previous marriage) was at the table with us when we were talking about this, and she was saying she wants to go out with him! Ugh. That's all I need is competition. But I made it very clear to her that I had first dibs!
Anyways, overall, I had a nice, fun, relaxing day with my family. I really needed that. Because this week is hell week for me. I'm working 5 shifts, all closing, all consecutive, starting today. It's going to suck.
But hey, I've got bills to pay!
And on August 6th I'm going to Austin, because Rikki is gonna be in town from Washington State!!! I haven't seen her since Megan's wedding! It's gonna be so much fun. And nice to be around my truest friends. Ahhhh...

Ixnay on the Extay

First of all, thanks for all your comments! I appreciate the advice, and for the most part, I agree with all of you. The main reason I wrote that text was because Melissa told me I should! And usually, she gives good advice when it comes to guys. And I figured, what do I have to lose? So I sent it. And today, I got my response.

"Well I just got out of a 4 1/2 year relationship. Right now I'm trying to figure things out and can't commit to anything. I do enjoy hanging out with you a lot & would like to continue to do so."

I wrote back.
"I get that. I'm not trying to give you any ultimatums or anything. And I appreciate you being honest with me. I was merely curious."

So that's that. And I'm kind of glad it's out of the way. Because to be honest, I was afraid he might say he did wanna be in a relationship! Because the more that I think about it, I don't think I want that with him. At least not right now. And especially with my feelings for Jake The Door Guy surfacing... Ugh. Everything is such a mess. But I'm not going to call or text Friend Boy anymore. Period. If he calls me, that's fine. If he texts me, fine. But other than that, I'm not going to initiate any contact.

And as for Jake The Door Guy, he and I are now Facebook friends. And he just "mooned" me on SuperPoke. Lol. And get this! Charlotte recently friended him and has been unabashedly flirting with him on Facebook!! It's quite sickening actually. I mean I hate to say it but...she really aims too high. She always goes for guys that are just way out of her league! I mean, don't get me wrong, she's a nice girl, and she's cute, but she's short and fat! Not exactly what most guys look for in a girl. And she always goes for these superhot guys! I guess if she can get 'em then good for her but...whatever. It's just kind of pathetic the way she throws herself at them. Wow, I sound like a superficial bitch right now. It's just that after the whole incident with she and I and Friend Boy, I lost a lot of respect for her I guess.

I'm going to watch a flag football game with Melissa and Amanda in about an hour. Melissa's boyfriend, Tim is on the team and they have games every Monday night. So that should be fun, and low key. I'm gonna bring my camera and hopefully I'll get some decent shots.
Well, that's about all for now! Keep up the advice! Lord knows I need it!

P.S. Didn't anybody dig my new outfit!??

Demetri Of The Day:
“When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws. Only catapults.”

Friend Boy, Jake and Vette Guy

I gave in and texted FB yesterday. I just don't want him to think that because of our conversation the other day, that I'm gonna go off and forget about him. So I wrote, "You know...I'm starting to miss you!"
About 4 hours later, he responded.
"We will hang out soon. I got a lot of responsibility right now. Hang in there."
Melissa didn't like that comment about me "hanging in there".
"As if you just...don't have a life?!" she said.
Lol.

Omg, he just texted me! Brb.

Ok he said, "Today is outrageously beautiful!"
I'm on the phone with Melissa right now and she said he must be thinking about me. I sure hope so! I'll text him back in a little while...

Last night at work, I parked my car over by the shot bar because I never get towed, and it's just a couple blocks over from my bar. As I was walking over, I saw Jake, the door guy, standing outside the shot bar. I was on the phone, but he said hi and came over to give me a hug. I got off the phone so I could talk to him for a little bit. I can't really tell for sure, but I think he may be interested in me. I'm just a little suspicious of his motives, you know since he was talking to Melissa.

So work was definitely great. Haha. Vette Guy came in. Yup, a blast from the past. And he just swaggered up to me and said, "Hey babe! How have you been?"
You know, like nothing ever happened between us. As if he didn't act like an immature asshat the last time I saw him. Anyways, I kinda gave him the eyebrow raise, told him I was fine
"You need a haircut!" I couldn't help but blurt out. He looked completely unkempt and ridiculous.
"Oh...yea well Dolce won't let me cut it, they want it long for this shoot..." I stopped listening at this point. He's so fucking full of it. I really wish The Model and he could meet, and that I could be there. So he would shut up about his stupid pathetic small-town runway gigs that he thinks make him the shit.

Anyways, then I asked him what he wanted to drink. Well it just so happened, that the barback had just stacked some clean glasses on my glass rack. And they were still wet. So I reached to pick one up and it slipped out of my hand and broke. No big deal, all of us bartenders break glasses all the time!
But Vette Guy goes, "Am I making you nervous??" with that sickeningly familiar smirk of his.
But before I could even respond, the blonde standing next to him said, "She should be making you nervous! She's way hotter than you are!"
I busted out laughing!
"I fucking love you!" I said to the girl, and I gave her a high five, and walked away in a fit of giggles. That totally made my night.
And just for the record, I don't know how I was ever into that guy! He's so completely juvenile! Ugh...thank god I didn't have to see him again for the rest of the night.

Well after work, while we were all counting money, Jake came over to my bar and pulled up a chair right next to me. I mean right next to me...touching me. Again, I was on the phone, with Bethany this time cuz she and Tugg were in a huge fight. Why do people always call me with their drama?? ((sigh)) That's what happens when you're a good listener I guess. Lol. Anyways, Jake and I ended up talking for the rest of the night, about work, school, etc. We both went to the same university, so it was nice to reminisce with him. Then I went to clock out, and I yelled, "Who wants to walk me to my car??" Because we never walk alone; it's dangerous.

"I will." Jake volunteered. Again...interested??

So he drove me over there actually, and it was a very short drive, so there wasn't much time for talk. But...I dunno. I haven't really been able to get him out of my head since. I mean, I think he's gorgeous for one. And secondly, all that stuff he told me on Superbowl Sunday about looking for a girlfriend... If that's true, would he really be just trying to play me? Maybe he just wants to be friends, but I dunno...I just get this vibe from him. It's a little too intense for friendship, ya know?

Well I know I'm gonna see him again at work tonight. Perhaps I'll park at the shot bar again just so I can see him. Omg I'm so horrible! AH! I just can't help but be intrigued. I mean if he and Melissa had never ended up talking, however brief that was, I probably would have pursued him. But then I met FB, and I do really like him, but he can't seem to give me the time of day! ((Sigh))

I'm meeting Melissa and her boyfriend for sushi tonight before work. I can't wait!! I freakin' love sushi. Well...that's all for now I suppose!

Demetri Of The Day:
“I saw a guy at a party wearing a leather jacket and I thought, ‘That is cool.’ But then I saw another guy wearing a leather vest and I thought, ‘That is not cool’. Then I figured it out: ‘Cool’ is all about leather sleeves.”