Back to the Basics

After the conversation with Adam, I didn't hear from him the next day, so I assumed he was blowing me off. Then when I did talk to him finally, he told me he'd gone to play trivia with some friends Thursday night...!?!?! So that also pissed me off and that was when I decided, "Ok, I'm done", which was I think when I left that comment in response to the mean, anonymous commenter. I know I'm not perfect, and I make mistakes, but I'm still a fucking person! With FEELINGS. Whoever you are "Anonymous", maybe it's cool for you to use tough love on your friends, but I'm not your friend. You've never met me. You only know about me, what I choose to share with you and this..."relationship", for lack of a better word, that I have with you all as readers is obviously very one-sided. So keep that in mind before you decide to kick me when I'm down.
Anyway, so I decided I wasn't gonna waste anymore time waiting around for Adam, and get on with my life. He did text me back later that night saying "Hmmmmm" and then "Hello??" but I was already asleep and didn't bother responding the next morning.
Lauren's Dad passed away on Friday, and Carrie was here to pick up the puppy, but in light of all the tragedy, we didn't really go out Friday or Saturday night. We did go out Saturday during the day though. I had to work early in the morning. I got to take photos from the back of a motorcycle of a 10k race that was going on. It was pretty fun! And I posted a selfie of me and the guy driving the bike on Facebook. After work, Lauren said she needed a distraction, and a group of guys was in town for a bachelor party and she knew one of them. So we went out to lunch and drinks with them for a little day drinking. I was having a good time, and trying to keep Lauren laughing and distracted. I'm pretty good at that. Then I got a Facebook message from Adam, asking me if I'd had fun on the motorcycle that morning. I ignored him. Then 2 hours later, he sent me the same exact message via text! I ignored that too. At first... After I'd had a couple drinks I lost my will power and responded. I just figured, if he's sent me 4 messages in the last 12 hours with no response, he must actually still wanna talk to me...right?
But I played it really cool with him. Answered his questions, but didn't ask him any, not leaving the door open for more conversation unless he initiated it. And he did! So we chatted for a bit and then I decided when the conversation was over.
The next day, Sunday, I woke up with a sore throat and had to work in the rain for like 5 hours, which was really helpful. I was too busy to think about Adam really, but still, I waited for him to text first, and he did. I did the same thing yesterday and he texted again. I've been trying to maintain my distance, and not be so available, and...it worked! He came over last night, and we watched a scary movie and snuggled and had awesome sex. Several times. Both of us are basically sick now, so we were like what the hell? This morning we watched a couple episodes of Seinfeld this morning, before he had to leave to go to the doctor. Now I'm drinking hot tea and watching TV in bed as I type this.
I'm gonna try to keep doing what I've been doing the last couple days with Adam. I mean, I know he likes me, and he knows what I want. And it's not like I want that RIGHT NOW, I just don't want to waste anymore time if that's not an eventual possibility. But we kept it light last night. I probably won't see him again till next Wednesday, because on Saturday, I'm going to Orlando with Sophie, Dad, and his girlfriend, Laurel, who I LOVE, and we're gonna go back to Harry Potter World, of course, and I'm so excited!! And I won't get back till Wednesday the 6th of April, which happens to be the last day of Adam's work week. So we'll see what happens. I'm trying to play it cool, but I still feel pretty positive about it.

Stay Tuned...

Ok guys, I appreciate you all having my back, but please stop attacking Rebecca James, and others in the comments. It's done.

Anyway, I have a lot of stuff to share, really juicy stuff, but I just got home, and it's 4:39am, and I'm tired. So I'm gonna have to write later. So check back soon!

DISCLAIMER!!

1) I am not asking ANYONE for money. If you have the means, and want to donate to help me buy a new camera, that's great, and I cannot thank you enough. But I am in NO WAY trying to take advantage of you guys as my readers. So if you're not comfortable donating money, then DON'T! I don't claim to be poor, or homeless, or starving. I am simply a girl in her 20's, getting a college education and trying to get by on a part-time job with student loans. G's...
2) This blog is NOT PG rated!!! I am 27 years old, and therefore I write about the experiences of a 27 year old. NOT a 14 year old! So if your kids are reading this, maybe they shouldn't be. Not my problem.
3) Someone asked me something about a new blog?? This is the only blog I have, and the only blog I plan to have. I created a new donation page because my sister made the original one and it has our names and photos on it, as well as the names and photos of many people who have donated. I know for a fact that Sophie wouldn't be comfortable with me sharing her personal information with a bunch of strangers (let alone me, who blogs about all my deepest darkest secrets!), which is why I created the donation page specifically to post here on the blog. It's not a scam! I'm just trying to protect myself and others.

Hopefully that clears everything up...?

Thought It Over

Thanks for the comments, guys! I definitely thought over everything about Matty, and Anonymous (who are you??) is right. I don't want to make the same mistake I made with Brandon. I'm just going to stay away from the people I work with. Romantically, anyway. Better safe than sorry, and I definitely do need that job too much to risk it for romance. So yea. He's too young anyway. I don't wanna just date around. I'm getting old. I need to start dating people I can actually possibly see myself being with like...forever. That sounds so final, and serious, but...I don't wanna be alone in 5 years. ((Sigh)) So I'm just going to take the high road, and be friends with Matty, nothing more.
Anyway, only 2 weeks till Jenna's wedding! And I'm actually really looking forward to going home, even though it's only for 3 days. I just have so much to do before then! I need to get a haircut, a mani/pedi, a tan, and a wax. Ugh... It's not going to be cheap either. It has been kind of nice not having to worry about hairy legs for the last 3 months. Lol. It's definitely still too cold here for shorts. We actually got more snow a few days ago.
On Saturday, I finally got to hang out with Sophie. We met up and did some bargain shopping. She had heard about this apartment sale, so we went to check that out, and I got a cashmere scarf for 50 cents! Lol. Then we went into this hair salon so I could check out their prices, since I'm in the market for a new hairdresser. We also went to Border's, cuz the one by her house is closing, and everything is like 60% off, and we went to a couple resale shops. I didn't get any clothes, but Sophie got a pair of brand new looking shoes! After that we had lunch/dinner and went our separate ways.
Work with the boys was fun, but I already told you about that. So my weekend was pretty great, over all! Now I just gotta make it through this week without spending any money, so I can save for my weekend in Houston. Haha, wish me luck!

Secrets Don't Make Friends

Two major things about today. I'll start with the one that makes me happy...

I finally met Ben! The guy in the improv group. Sophie and I went to their show again tonight, and he actually approached us afterwards and introduced himself! It definitely didn't hurt that Sophie friended him on Facebook, but he actually talked to us! To me! And I finally got to ask him if he's read the Harry Potter books and he said yes! Lol. I'm such a dork. But it's something! It's progress. I would be totally kicking myself right now if I'd left his show for the third time without at least saying hi to him. He even offered to pay our tab, but we'd already closed it. But this is going to be our new Thursday tradition now. Me and Sophie going to see Ben's improv group. I'm so giddy right now, it's ridiculous! :D

The other big thing...

I found out today, from Sophie, who found out on Facebook that Evan is married. Evan! Remember Evan?? Used to be one of my best friends till he starting dating some chick and fell off the face of the planet?? We went to NYC together a couple years ago? I've known him since seventh grade?? Ring any bells??

So get this...they eloped LAST MARCH! AND DIDN'T TELL ANYONE, TILL LIKE 3 DAYS AGO!

WHO DOES THAT!?

I mean don't most people just elope because they don't want to deal with the pressures of planning a wedding etc, and then they get back from Vegas and immediately tell everyone?? Who just keeps something like a marriage a secret for almost a year! I just think that is sooo weird. And it hurts too because it's pretty much a slap in the face that says, Hey I've completely cut you out of my life. ((Sigh)) And it just makes me so sad when I think about all the fun time Evan and I have had, and how we were such great friends, and how funny he was, and now we don't even talk at all and he just gets married and doesn't tell me. I feel pretty down in the dumps about that. I mean I tried reaching out to him, a few months back, to possibly salvage what was left of our friendship, and at least find out why he was avoiding me, but he pretty much told me that he's too busy, and has no interest in being my friend, now that he's got his girlfriend. Girlfriend who was actually his wife!! Ugh. It just doesn't seem like him. I guess I don't really know him at all. Sad. :'(

P.S. I do try to acknowledge my readers from time to time, when somebody asks a question or something. Sometimes I even answer their questions in the comments. And other times I address them in my next blog. It just depends. But Maria, I will try to be more in tune with my readers from now on.

The Girl's Rule Book

Hey everyone.

Thank you all so much for your sympathetic and encouraging comments. I am going through a lot of shit right now, and I was really upset the last time I posted. I haven't actually decided whether or not I'm going to continue with this blog or not. I might just take a break, I might stop blogging all together, or I might just start a totally new anonymous blog in some obscure spot on the internet, who knows?? But I just wanted to tell you guys that I'm dealing with this, and making lots of tough life decisions, all for the best. Melissa and I will never be friends again, obviously, and I don't really care to elaborate on that right now. But this is something that I wrote today, in light of recent events, that I feel I should share. And I think you all should share it as well. Forward it to ALL your girlfriends! And add things if you like. But I really, really think all the girls in the world today need to treat each other a lot better than they do (including myself, because I know I have been guilty of a lot of these). But hopefully this will help.

P.S. Lea, I haven't denied any comments, so maybe your computer froze up or it got lost in translation or something? Which post did you comment on? Post it again and I will for sure approve it. The only reason I have ever not posted comments in the past is if they were spam, or advertisements, or people just trying to guess who Todd is.


The Girl's Rule Book

If we all followed these rules, life would be simple, right?? Unfortunately, not everyone knows these rules, but here are some guidelines to keep in mind, particularly when it comes to girlfriends.

Treat Others As You Wish To Be Treated...
This is is pretty basic, and should be applied in all relationships, but when it comes to girlfriends, don't overlook this one. Because it is the most fundamental of rules, and pretty much encompasses everything. So think of this one as The Golden Rule.

Sharing...
At some point, you've noticed a girlfriend eyeing that new pair of shoes you just bought, or that book you can't stop raving about. If she asks you to borrow it, share it! You're friends right? And look at it this way, she will be more than willing to loan you that cocktail dress that you love. Plus, now you both have twice the closet.
With that in mind, let's not forget the rules of borrowing. If you borrow something, use it ONCE and return it, in a timely manner, and in the same condition that she gave it to you. If you lose it, damage it, or break it, replace it! If everyone did this, more people would share!

People You Don't Like...
If you hate, or dislike someone, don't expect your girlfriends to hate or dislike them too. That puts your girl in an awkward situation. How would you feel if someone you didn't even know disliked you just because her friend did? It's not cool. Just don't do it.

Fights, Disagreements and Arguments...
If you've got beef with a girlfriend, spill it to her, in a calm and rational manner. Don't be overly confrontational, or passive aggressive. Find a medium and speak to her about the problem right away, before it festers and gets worse. Do I even need to mention talking behind girlfriends' backs? Didn't think so.

Secrets...
If you're intentionally keeping something from a girlfriend, the first thing you need to ask yourself, is why? If your reasons for hiding things have her best interests in mind, then don't tell anyone else either. Because there's a good chance she'll find out anyway, and may have trouble ever trusting you again. If your reasons for hiding things have your best interests in mind, then whatever you did, or whatever you're doing, is probably wrong.

Break Up Drama...
If your girlfriend just got dumped, or just ended a relationship, be there for her! Listen if she wants to talk, give advice if she asks for it, let her lean on you if she needs to. Don't blow her off, shut her out or cut her off. Do not abandon your girlfriend in her time of need!
However, if you are the one who's just been dumped, give yourself a week, tops, to fall apart. Then get your shit together and stop crying about it. Your girlfriends can only handle so much talk about your ex, and sooner or later they're going to get sick of hearing about it and lose interest, which can cause feelings of frustration for both of you. So only allow yourself one week to cry to your friends about it, and afterwards, keep the whining to yourself. Write about it in a diary or blog if you have to.

Complaining...
Don't be a Negative Nancy, ok? So you hate school, or your job, or your roommate, or your boss, or your life?? Don't talk about it 24/7!! It just makes people not want to be around you. Who wants to sit and talk to someone who is constantly complaining and always negative? Venting is ok, but try to limit yourself to 1 rant per person. Once again, if that isn't enough, write in a blog or diary.

Your Friend's Friends...
Don't bash your girlfriend's friends. It doesn't matter if they are slovenly cave trolls, do not talk shit about them. Let her decide for herself who she wants to be friends with. I mean, she's friends with you, isn't she? Talking shit about her friends is only going to piss her off and put her on the defensive. If she asks what you think about someone, give her your unbitchy, unbiased opinion and that's it.

Your Friend's Boyfriend...
When it comes to boyfriends, you, as well as anyone else, know that people can be blinded. If your girlfriend is dating a complete asshole, you're allowed to tell her, once. And only if he's acting like an asshole.
If you are the one dating the asshole, and your friends are all telling you your boyfriend is an asshole, then he's definitely an asshole. It's easy to get defensive in these situations, so just keep in mind that your girlfriends are just looking out for you, and they have no ulterior motives for telling you your boyfriend is an asshole.

Your Friend's EX-Boyfriend...
Do not date him. Do not kiss him. Do not sleep with him. In fact, do not date/kiss/sleep with any guy that your girlfriend previously dated/kissed/slept with/had a crush on/whatever! DO NOT GO THERE!! If you do, you are entering very dangerous territory, and you should ask yourself how much you really value this friendship, if you are willing to risk all of it for some guy. Is this guy, who you're willing to throw a friendship away over, the one who's going to be consoling you after he dumps your backstabbing ass?? NO.
If there's grey area, don't ask questions, just don't go there.
As Leslie Knope says, "Uteruses before duderuses."

Apologies and Forgiveness...
If you have committed a girl on girl crime, admit you were wrong and sincerely apologize. And if you are the victim of a girl on girl crime, accept your friend's apology. Don't hold a grudge. Once the crime has been committed, there's no taking it back. And if she sincerely apologizes, there's nothing else she can do, so there's no point in torturing her with weeks of silent treatment. You should just forgive her, and move on.

Advice...
Don't give advice unless it is asked for. If you ask for advice, listen. If you're not going to take the advice, then stop asking for it.

Don't Be Self-Centered...
Listen as much as you talk, and don't always be centered around your own life and problems. Ask your friend how she's doing every once in a while.

$$$$$...
If you owe your girlfriend money, pay her back! Don't avoid the subject either, because it's just as awkward for her to ask you for her money back. She was willing to help you out in a time of need, so at least be respectful enough to let her know when you'll be able to pay her back.
If your girlfriend is asking to borrow money, you don't have to say yes. Everyone has different feelings about money and friendships. Just tell her nicely that you're not comfortable loaning money to friends. But if you agree to loan her the money, tell her upfront when and how you want to be paid back, so that there is no confusion later on down the road.

Competing...
Don't be competitive with your girlfriends. Life is not a competition, and you're surely not going to win if you lose all your friends in the process. It doesn't matter who's skinnier, who's smarter, who got the most phone numbers last night, or who makes the most money. Those things aren't going to make you happy in the long run.

Respect Her Space...
Don't be clingy. Don't expect your girlfriend to spend all her free time with you. Don't expect to be invited to everything. Everyone has different groups of friends, and sometimes those groups don't mesh. So if you weren't invited to a get together, give your girlfriend the benefit of the doubt.

Respect Her Feelings...
On the flipside, don't leave your girlfriend out either. Be considerate of her feelings, and don't always forget to invite her when you go out. If you have mutual friends, she's probably going to hear about it, and her feelings will be hurt. I mean hey, the more the merrier!

Remember What You Deserve...
By now you're probably thinking you've been guilty of breaking some of these rules, but that's ok! Because we ALL have. Just keep in mind that you deserve to be treated according to these rules as well. And if you have a girlfriend who is a repeat offender, tell her! If she doesn't respond, or care, well then she's obviously not a true friend. We all love and (hopefully) respect our girlfriends, and deserve to be treated with love and respect in return.

Not In The Cards For Me

1) If you wanna say something rude, go right afuckinghead. But don't be a PUSSY, and put your name to your comment!!! I fucking dare you.

2) The stories I post sometimes, are not merely exercises in creative writing, they're true! :) They're memories; things that have made a major impact on my life.

Moving on...
Todd called me Tuesday night and we talked. The good news is, he and are fine, and I feel really solid about our relationship. He's not going anywhere, and that will never change. He cares about me a lot, and he said we've known each other too long for him to feel weird or awkward around me, no matter what happens. And he said he was sorry for hurting my feelings.
The bad news is, he said he doesn't see me that way. He said he thinks I'm absolutely gorgeous, but he just sees me as a friend. And apparently we had a conversation about this right before the season started, but I was drunk and I don't remember. I have GOT to stop doing that! I feel so stupid. Ugh... So he said he thought I knew what his feelings were, and it was not his intention to hurt me. The other thing is, he and Jayme didn't go on a date Sunday night. They went out with a group of people. She just failed to mention that. She made it sound like it had just been the 2 of them, am I wrong?? I mean I pasted the text messages, exactly as she wrote them. And I told Todd that too.
And after we talked about our relationship and everything, he asked me about Jayme. And I basically said, "Look. When I heard you were interested in her, I talked to a couple friends, just to get some advice, and they all said the same thing: that I was obligated to tell you how crazy she is. That I had to warn you."
So I did. I told him that he's way too good for her. That last year, she would never have given him a second glance. Sure, she probably would have liked him, had they gotten to know each other, but she wouldn't have even bothered. She just likes him now because of what he has to offer. And I told him that she gets insanely jealous with all her boyfriends, and screams, yells, and hits them, and just...completely freaks out... And I didn't think he would want to deal with that. Bottom line is, he's too good for her. Wayyyyyy too good for her.

And it's true, Jayme and I aren't really friends, by definition. We are coworkers, who get along, and who have hung out together from time to time, and I have never bore her any ill will. And if the tables had been reversed, I never would have made the decision she made. I never would have even approached her guy friend, and asked him out, knowing what she knows about Todd and I, if she were in my position. But clearly, she doesn't hold that same regard for me, and that's just the way it is.

Also, she lied and exaggerated about the situation! She led me to believe that she and Todd went out on a date Sunday night, and that he had asked her out again. But really, it was a group of people who hung out Sunday, and really she was the one who asked him out! So I think maybe she just wanted me to think that he was really interested in her, so that I would feel guilted into giving them my blessing. ((Sigh)) Whatever. It's none of my concern anymore. I warned Todd about her, he knows I care about him as his best friend, and I'm very protective of him. And he's smart. He will come to see what everyone else already knows. It will never last.

I'm still pretty depressed that he says he could never see me in a romantic light. I mean, never?? How can you say never? Things can always change, right? ((Sigh)) But I'm not going to hold out hope, because that would be foolish. And I love him so much (as a friend) that even if it hurts like hell, I will always be his friend, and I will always stand by his side, and be there for him, no matter what. And I know, at least, that he does feel the same, in that respect.

But there was more to our conversation... When I told him that my friends had said I needed to warn him about Jayme, he asked me who had said that. Because Jayme had told him that some mutual friends of ours had been telling her not to worry about me, and to just go for it. And Todd said that even though he'd promise not to name any names, he thought that if the same people were talking to me and to Jayme, I deserved to know who they were, because obviously they aren't very loyal friends.

So I named the people I talked to: Izzie, Ben, Bethany, and Melissa. And apparently Melissa is the backstabber! I just couldn't believe it. She had always been a good friend to me. Why would she tell Jayme to not worry about me, and just go out with Todd??
Then I remembered the text message she had sent me earlier that day. This is what it said,

"Peyton, I know u r really upset & mad right now, but u and Jayme have never been good friends. Todd's a nice guy, do you really think she would let this opportunity pass her up? I'm just trying to be honest."

And while that's true, why would she say that to me?? All I needed from her was a friend to lean on, someone to listen. I didn't respond to her text, but when Todd told me that she had told Jayme not to worry, "because she's not going to be reasonable about this anyway", I was just crushed. I mean, she and Jayme aren't even friends!! They've gone to work out together a couple times, but they are friendly acquaintances, at best. Melissa is supposed to be my best friend! And I'm not saying she should take sides, I just think she should have stayed out of it! It wasn't her place to call Jayme and talk to her about my problems! She had nothing to do with it! And that's exactly what Todd said, "I can't understand why she wouldn't just mind her own business".

So Tuesday night, I went to a movie with Ali (When In Rome) and after the movie, I took a deep breath, and called Melissa. I just wanted to make sure and remain calm throughout the conversation. I didn't want a screaming match. So when she answered, I said my calmest voice,

"Are you somewhere where you can talk?"

"Yea, what's up?"

"Well...I'm really mad at you, and upset and hurt. I can't believe that you would reach out to Jayme, and tell her that she should just go ahead and date Todd, because I'm never going to be reasonable about it. I just can't fucking believe that you would stick your nose in where it doesn't belong, and undermine me like that. Why would you go out of your way to say that to her, when you're one of the few people who actually knows how I truly feel about Todd!?"

"First of all, how dare you cuss at me and talk to me like that! I did not reach out to Jayme or say those things! And you have no right to talk to me like that! If this is the way you're going to talk to me, then this is where our friendship ends!"

And she hung up on me.

I tried calling her back, but of course she didn't answer. And now, I was furious, and really hurt. She didn't even offer to explain herself, she just got mad, and her first reaction was to end our friendship! WTF!!?? Now I know how Tim must feel ALL THE TIME. Not to mention, she knows better than to take offense to me cussing. I know it's a bad habit, but anyone who knows me, knows I cuss like a sailor!
And so the text message battle ensued...

Me: I can't believe you're not even going to hear me out and you're just gonna cut me off like that. CLEARLY I'm upset and I wanna clear this up. How can you sit here and make this about you??
Me: I just had the heartbreak of my life, then I find out from TODD that you were talking to Jayme about me. I thought I knew where your loyalties were, and I didn't think they were with Jayme.
Me: And it hurts my feelings even more that you could be so quick to end a friendship.

Melissa: I cannot believe you have the nerve to talk to me like that after I've always been there for you when Bethany and Summer and whoever else hasn't. U can be mad & act ridiculous I'm not worried about it. I have my own problems including my relationship with Tim, taking care of my sick granny & mom plus school. If you had talked to me things would have been different. I'm not playing these dramatic games with you, just leave me alone.

Me: Talk to you like what? Like I'm upset?? I'm not playing games. I can't believe you would hang up on me! That's immature and ridiculous. It would be much easier to TALK but if you're not worried about it then fine. You just wanna kick me when I'm down, not explain ANYTHING to me, not listen to what I have to say, just >click<. That's real nice.
Me: You were the last person I expected to hurt me like this. I don't know why you would reach out to Jayme instead of talk to me, and I can't believe that you could be so flippant and cold, and without giving it a second thought, end our friendship. Soooo fucked up.

Melissa: Undermine you, cuss at me and feel the need to talk to me like I'm beneath you. No, that's not ok & I'm not going to listen when I know nothing I say will change ur mind. I know u better than u think. I've always been loyal. I've always looked out for you. I've always been a good friend. I cannot believe u would react like this bc I talked to Jayme on the phone. Peyton, u are exaggerating & don't use words that I can't understand to make me feel stupid...

I didn't respond anymore after that. By this time, I was in my bed, sobbing, and just ready to go to sleep. But let me tell you what I think.
First, did I use any big words in that conversation that any of you couldn't understand??? Because I wasn't trying to patronize her.
Second, if she has so many of her own problems, and she's not "worried" about me, then why would she even expel the effort to call Jayme? It wasn't her concern!! And I think I have every right to be upset, because she obviously didn't want me to find out that she talked to Jayme. She obviously told Jayme not to tell me they talked, because Jayme made Todd promise he wouldn't tell me! And I'm sorry, but I will take Todd's word over anyone's, any day.

I was really upset and hurt and disappointed after that so-called conversation with Melissa. I mean how much rejection can any one person handle in a day?? But now I just feel...resolved. I mean I'm not going to kiss her ass or try to convince her to be my friend. I'm just sick and fucking tired of trying to make everyone happy. This conflict with Melissa never should have happened! Because none of this had anything to do with her!! And she's the one being dramatic, by telling me she's ending our friendship and then hanging up on me! What are we in high school again??
I know, I'm not without my problems, and drama seems to follow me wherever I go, but try to avoid being the cause of any of it. And try to stay away from people who are the cause. People like Jayme, and I hate to admit it, Melissa! She is like the most dramatic person I know!

So I've decided I'm just gonna lay low for a while. I have a couple of things already on the books for the next couple weeks but I'm pretty much not going to talk to anyone who isn't a relative, I'm not going to log into Facebook for like 2 weeks, and I'm just gonna stay home and be alone. I just don't feel like being around anyone. I feel so emotionally drained and exhausted, and beaten down. I just feel like...shit. Nothing ever seems to happen the way I want it to. I can't just be happy. It's just not in the cards for me.

The Perfect Dress

Man you guys, let me tell you how much I was hoping that maintenance guy would show up at midnight and add some excitement to my life! I just loooooooooove the drama!!
((chuckle))

Anyways, I didn't get a chance to go to my leasing office yesterday, since I was meeting with a new photography client. But I definitely will today! I'm not gonna bother with the police. As rude as they were, I can definitely withstand a little bullying. As for the maintenance guy though?? What it boils down to is, he knew I was there, since my deadbolt was locked, and I'm sure he knew I was sleeping, and he was definitely TRYING to wake me up, which is completely uncalled for. He should left me alone after I didn't answer the door the first time. And that's what I'm going to YELL to my apartment managers. Ugh.

Anyways, other than that little incident, my weekend was pretty good! Saturday during the day, I went to Taryn's apartment and raided her closet for dresses. She had a couple cute ones, but none of them were like...The One. But she told me to bring them anyways. Then we went out to lunch, which was nice. She's one of my only single friends these days, so we can relate to each other.
While we were hanging out Todd called!
"Hello?"
"Hey Peyton, I have some good news!" He said.
"Really? What???" I asked, my heart pounding.
"I was able to get you a comped room at our hotel."
"WOW! Seriously???"
I couldn't believe my luck! I'd been wondering how I was gonna manage to get around if I stayed with my mom's cousin. She lives about 30 minutes from the stadium, which is a pretty expensive cab ride.
"Yea! They were only giving the extra rooms out to the players who were married, but one of my teammates is good friends with guy who's in charge of booking the rooms, and he managed to pull some strings."
"Omg thanks, Todd! That's so awesome!"
"No problem! You and Laura will be sharing a room."

Uh oh! I thought, The bomb drops... But I didn't let on how weird that might be, I just thanked him profusely. I don't even care about that! I mean, I like Laura, she's a nice girl, and I have nothing against her personally. I just don't think she's right for Todd! But we get along, and it's going to be fun regardless.

So Saturday night, I worked at the Washington bar. Taryn and I were actually scheduled at the same time, so we carpooled! :)
Go green! Working there was really awesome though. It was a nice change of scenery. The prices and computer system are different, but I picked up on everything right away. It was fast paced, so I wasn't bored, and the night went by quickly, and we made great money!! Just what I need for Miami!!

Sunday morning, I woke up earlier than I'd planned, but I had a lot of stuff to do so I just decided to roll with it. First stop? The mall. As much as I was dreading walking around The Galleria, I just had to find the perfect dress! As I was getting ready to go, Laura called.

"Hey Peyton!! Are you excited?! We're roomies!"
"I know! I am excited! It's gonna be so much fun!"

We chatted about the weekend, our flights, and what to wear. I told her I was about to head to the mall to find something. She expressed that she had no clue what she was going to bring. So I offered to bring along some extra dresses, just in case she wanted to borrow something.
The mall was actually not that bad. I perused through Macy's pretty quickly, found some cute stuff, but nothing that really stood out. Then I headed to French Connection, where I found the perfect dress! Not only is it purple, my favorite color, but it was marked down, and 50% off!! And it fit perfectly! I'll post pictures when I get home.
I also got the perfect accessories to go with it. Black sequined pumps with a matching black sequined clutch. Now, all I need is jewelry, and I'll have the perfect ensemble for the post-game players party on Sunday. I'm so excited!!!

After the mall, I headed over to my aunt's house in Spring. My grandparents were in town, along with my Aunt Josie and her kids. So it was kind of like a mini-family reunion. We had dinner, played catch-up and watched the Grammy's. Then I finally went home, exhausted, and well...you know the rest of the story.
My lash extensions appointment got canceled yesterday cuz apparently a bunch of girls dropped out of the program. I was pretty disappointed but...oh well. She said she'd keep me in her appointment book for next time.
Well, it's back to work! Busy busy busy!!

Attention Please!

Ok, well! So many things to address...
After reading all your comments, bad and good, my first conclusion was, "Ok, I'm just gonna stop blogging. I'm sick of feeling like I need to justify my words, and my actions to these people. They don't know me, and they have no right to judge me". And that's the truth!
But, on the other hand, this wouldn't be the first time I've resorted to quitting blogger because of a few rude comments. And I'm really not the type of person to do something like that. And I enjoy blogging! So now, let me just make something clear. When I respond to comments, whether in the form of another comment, or in a post, I write exactly what I would say, if we were having this conversation in person... i.e., "fuck you!"
If that girl (I'm assuming it's a girl, because I really don't think I have any male readers) had told me to my face that I needed to act like an adult, and don't screw this up, etc... I would have straight up said "fuck you" to her face. But then I remembered, that I, unlike that girl, am not a timid person, and I'm not afraid to stand up for myself, and if I've got something to say to somebody, I say it to their face. Unlike the anonymous commenters who have nothing nice to say. So I don't feel my actions were out of line at all. If someone came up to you, and bashed you, and told you you were immature, and wrong in the decisions you made, decisions you felt pretty good about, how would you feel? What would you say to that person? I would hope that you would stand up for yourself. Unfortunately, none of you actually know me, and I don't actually know any of you, so we can't have a face to face conversation.
And as for the comment about me being "too boy crazy" and just moving right on to the next guy, that is not the case at all. I'm not moving right on to the next guy. I'm single! I'm having fun! What would you have me do?? Hole up in my apartment like a shrew?? Not go anywhere, or do anything?? I'm taking it day by day. Catching the curveballs that are thrown my way; sometimes I throw them back, and sometimes I hold onto them for a while. But I'm not trying to make TB my new boyfriend. And yes, I admit it! I'm boy crazy! I'm a straight, young woman, with a healthy sexual appetite! And if I wasn't boy crazy, would half of you even still be reading this blog?? Cuz I think it would probably be pretty boring. So, think what you like, but I know that there is nothing wrong with the decision I made to sleep with TB. I feel good about that decision, and I don't regret it at all. And actually, I have made a new friend! He's still been texting me every day. And yesterday, he even mentioned flying back to Houston again soon, because he had so much fun when he was here!
And as for all my supportive readers, I'm sorry if I don't give you guys props enough for your encouraging comments. I do sometimes mention you in the beginning of my blogs. Sometimes it's just an acknowledgement, but I'll try to pay more attention to you in the blog. Because I do really appreciate you guys! It's nice to know that there are people out there who aren't judging me, or talking shit! I mean, everyone needs a little encouragement from time to time. Everyone likes to hear that they've done something right, once in a while, instead of something wrong. Because people are usually so much quicker to point out your mistakes, than your accomplishments. So here's to my positive feedbackers! You are the ones who keep me blogging! :) REALLY! Because when I start to have second thoughts about continuing to write, the first thing that pops into my mind is my loyal followers! Obviously, I'm doing something right, to keep you guys reading, and I don't want to disappoint you.
But anyways, that's my 2 cents on the comment issues. As for everything else, I'm really excited about my trip to Austin this weekend. Izzie and I have been talking back and forth constantly about our ideas for the agency, and what we're gonna do this weekend (go shopping and see New Moon, just to name a few!). It's gonna be a great little getaway. And then next week is Thanksgiving! Izzie will be here for that too, and she's invited me to spend the holiday with her family, since mine will all be in Florida. :(
I'm still not sure what I'm going to do for Thanksgiving though, because Jenna will be in town, so we may be having dinner at my aunts or grandparents' house. But if not, I'll spend Thanksgiving with Izzie. OH! And Cory's going to be in town as well. He got in touch with me just the other night, and we have plans to grab cocktails Wednesday and/or Thursday night. So that should be fun. Izzie is going to come with us, since her Mom will be able to watch the baby.
It's going to be a great week! I'm excited.
Oh, and tomorrow is Brandon's 27th birthday. I wonder if he'll grow up at all this year...

Getting Readjusted

Ok, so I've talked to some of my friends, and I've been reading all your comments, and you're right. I'm being...over critical and paranoid. It's just...hard for me. Because I feel like, we're back right where we used to be! ((Sigh)) I mean, working together. Except the dynamic has changed, and it's just...weird. I'm not used to it.

And he really has been strangely distant the past couple days. But finally today, I feel like he's...starting to get over it. I mean, two and half days of not talking at all, I was starting to wonder.

So I sent him a text around 6:30 that just said, "Hey, you wanna hang out tonight?"

About 15 minutes later, he finally responded.

"I can't, I have to work."

"Ok. Have a good night then." I said.

I figured, better to keep it short and sweet, and not act...disappointed. So I went to my piano lesson, and did a few things.

Then I sent him another text.

"Are you doing sound for the game?"

"Yea."

"Well what are you gonna do when you get off?"

"Go home."

"Well why don't you come over?"

"I don't wanna be out late. I have a lot of things to do tomorrow morning before I have to play golf in the afternoon."

"Fine." I replied.

((Sigh))

I took a chance, put myself out there, invited him over, and he shot me down. He's pushing me away again! I almost said something else but I figured, what's the point? Sometimes he just gets in these unresponsive moods, and there's just no talking to him. So I decided to just give him space.

"Sorry." He replied.

I didn't respond.

A few minutes later, he texted me again.

"How was your day today?"

Finally, we're getting somewhere!

I waited a while before I wrote back. And I made sure to make my day seem great.

We had a short chat via text after that. So I guess the situation isn't completely hopeless.

My dad finally came over to fix my car this evening. And after he replaced the alternator, which took like....2 hours, he figured out that wasn't even the problem! Ugh... I need a new air conditioning fan. That's what was making all the weird noises. So he disconnected it for now, and he has to order me a new one. ((Sigh)) At least the weather is nice!

I'm crossing my fingers that I hear from Brandon tomorrow. Wednesday would have been our one year anniversary. And I was really hoping we'd be able to do something together that night. Even though he probably doesn't know it's our would-be one year anniversary. :/ But he has to work Wednesday night. And Wednesday is also my mom's birthday, so I'm just gonna go over to my parent's house. Well, I'm gonna put on my PJ's and watch some Cold Case. Wish me luck with Brandon! I'm definitely gonna need it.

New Computer!

So I haven't been able to write the past couple days, cuz my computer totally crapped out on me! And then I got really mad, and threw it across the room. Lol. And now it's uh...well let's just say I have officially retired my old Toshiba laptop. And it was wayyyy past time for me to get a new computer.
SOOO, I am now typing on my brand new MacBook Pro!! I absolutely LOVE it! I've been wanting to get a Mac FOREVER!

Anyways, I've been reading all your comments, and I do sort of agree, that I need to be happy on my own for right now, instead of thinking about boys. In the past, I've usually had an in between person to help me get over the last guy. But not this time. And I know I'm not ready to date, but I just really don't like being alone either. And I have no news about Cory. Things have gone sort of stale in that department. Not because I'm not interested, but I mean, he lives in San Antonio, and I just don't see how we're ever gonna be able to get together unless he comes to Houston and we hang out. And he ended up not coming this weekend. So...whatever. I'm just working, and trying to save some money and get back on my feet.
Last Sunday, Summer and I went out wakeboarding on the river with some of her friends, Ben, Mark, and Michael. They used to be regulars at my old bar, and I always knew who they were, but just never really got to know them before now. And we had tons of fun! And we're gonna go out again this Sunday, only this time with more people! Bethany is gonna come, and Melissa too, even though she doesn't really know anybody. It's a shame I'm not interested in any of these guys, cuz they're all cute and fun and have good jobs. But Ben is totally in love with Summer. Lol. Michael is really sweet, and cute in a little boyish kind of way. And Mark is this huge beefy guy, who has ears that stick out. Hehe. But I like them, and they've sort of adopted me into their group this past couple weeks. Me, Bethany, and Summer go out for margaritas and Mexican food with them before work every Friday and they never let us pay. It's totally awesome!
I think I'm starting to get a handle on my Brandon situation. I mean, it's getting easier. I can honestly say that I'm not totally miserable about him anymore. Although I can't say that I'm happy, I'd rather be in between than miserable. I still think about him a lot, randomly. But it's just like sudden sharp pains now, instead of a constant dull ache. And when I do think of him, it's bad, like an abrupt intake of breath, followed by acute pain, and me trying to hold back tears. ((Sigh)) Then I have to will myself to think about something else.
The key is to keep busy, and I've been doing pretty good with that. I live for my Sundays!
Well, it's like 5 in the morning now, so I should really get to bed.

The Hurricane

Note: Thanks everyone for your comments of concern, and subsequent relief! Thank the Lord that my family and I are all ok. We're still without power over here, which really sucks, but Oliver and I have a warm bed and food, so I guess I can't really complain, right? Anyways, I'm still at Bethany's, but everyone's in bed now, so I snuck over to the computer to type for you all. Here is part one of my adventure! Enjoy!


Ok, let's start with the Thursday. The day before the hurricane.
Rusty did end up texting me back, like...45 minutes later! He said he was thinking about taking me up on my offer. I made him sweat it a while and didn't immediately respond. Then he sent me another text that said, "I hope you still want me to come over..." and before I could even hit send on my response, he was calling me.
I kept our conversation short. I told him I'd come and get him after work, but that I couldn't chat cuz I needed to finish getting ready for work. Work was alright; we got pretty busy towards the end of the night since nobody had to work the next day, in lieu of the storm. So afterwards, I went and got him. And his dog. Ugh... He has a 5 month old half dalmatian, and she's absolutely a hellion. Not to mention the fact that she's poorly trained, and rarely disciplined. But whatever. She and Oliver get along pretty well, and I wasn't about to tell him to leave his dog! That would be horrible.
So we got back to my apartment pretty late, and we talked a little. He asked why I'd been ignoring his texts/calls, and I told him. Straight up. I said I was fed up with his ungrateful attitude, and I was tired of driving so far out of my way for him, and I felt unappreciated, etc. Oh, and the fact that his casual drug use causes him to call me at 4 in the morning doesn't help either. I basically told him he needed to grow up. He pouted a little, and apologized, but I think I already knew in my mind that that was it for him. I mean, he's not going to change! And it was kind of nice actually, because it was as if, in those 4 days of not talking to him, I got over it! And that's pretty quick for me! I'm impressed with myself. I mean just the initial attraction was gone. The dangerous, he'shotcuzhe'samusician thing wasn't doin' it for me anymore. Because I realized, I want something more!
But, since I already had him at my apartment, for at least a couple days, I figured I'd roll with it and just have fun, and then... And then that would be that. The End.

So, Day Zero. The day of the hurricane.
We woke up really late, did a little last minute shopping, you know, liquor store, drug store, etc... When we got back to my apartment, we were stocked and ready for the hurricane! We watched a little TV, made out a little, smoked a little pot, goofed off some... I begged him to play me a song, but he wouldn't. Of course. You'd think after all the stuff I've done for him, he'd at least oblige by playing me a song! ((sigh))
Anyways, then we decided to go swimming. I can't remember who's idea it was, but I just got this new waterproof camera, and I've been dying to try it! So we changed into our suits and headed out to the pool. Only to find that it had been padlocked. Foiled again! Grr...
But some helpful neighbors on the overhanging pool patio told us not to get discouraged! They had already jumped the fence once. Haha! So we decided to go for it, and they ended up joining us!
It was actually really fun! I got to know some of my neighbors finally, and we all got nice and boozed up, swam around, and had fun! I mixed shots for us all, and we watched the high winds come in until finally we all decided to call it a night.
When Rusty and I went back inside, I took a shower immediately. I figured I should take advantage of the power while we still had it. Then we tried to watch some TV, but ended up making out...and other things, instead. Finally we passed out.
Only to be woken by loud banging and whooshing noises about an hour later! My windows were rattling, and I could hear things banging around outside. We kept watching out the window, but there wasn't really much to see other than swaying trees and the parking lot. So we turned the TV back on to the news. Then the power shut off.
I lit candles and we retreated back to my room. The dogs were driving us crazy by this point. Rusty's dog was really nervous and kept jumping up on the bed and scratching me. Ugh... I tried to go to sleep, but Rusty kept getting up to look out the window (at nothing, I might add, since everything was pitch dark outside too!) and then banging into things and knocking things off my shelves, which in turn, would startle me awake. This happened about 4 times throughout the morning. Needless to say, I didn't sleep well, if at all. Not to mention it was really hot by this time since we had no A/C. ((sigh))
At one point, the storm quieted and we thought it was over, but it must have just been the eye (which had a 49 mile radius!) passing over us, because it came back even stronger. I called my dad at 4 am to ask him how they were doing, because I was so worried. Apparently they'd lost power way before we did, and were at the neighbor's, who had a generator. I asked my dad about my window too, because I was really starting to worry that it might shatter. But he told me it was probably just the frame, not the glass. And he ended up being right. My dad is so smart! :)
I tried to go to sleep again after that. Rusty and/or his dog woke me up a couple more times though, and by the time the sun woke me up, I was reallllllly cranky. And of course, Rusty was passed out comfortably.
I got up and found several doggie presents, which I then proceeded to clean up, only to discover the toilet wasn't flushing. No water pressure. Great. And I really had to pee too. And it was so unbearably hot! How could he just sleep like that??? I rolled my eyes at him and grabbed my keys.
"Hey!", I shook him, "I'm going out. I have to find a working bathroom."
He just groaned and didn't move.
As soon as I got outside I took a long look at the damage. Branches and debris everywhere. The large canopies by the pool knocked over... I could go on. Luckily my car was fine. Mostly everyone's car in my complex was. But still, no power anywhere. ANYWHERE.
I drove around for a half hour trying to find a place that would just be open so that I could their toilet! But no such luck. There were street lights dangling from their cords in the middle of intersections. Large plastic store signs shattered, with pieces of colored plastic blown across the street. Trees the size of ones you'd find in Middle Earth fallen on top of roofs. Windows broken in high rises. Leaves and branches and trees just...everywhere! Blocking entire lanes of traffic! And of course, none of the street lights were working. ((sigh))
It was absolutely catastrophic.

I went back to my apartment, and peed in the toilet anyway. I couldn't hold it anymore.
Then I noticed a large pee stain...ON MY FUCKING BED!

"What the hell?!" I exclaimed.
Rusty didn't even move.
"HELLO!? Your dog fucking pissed on my bed!"
"Huh?", he rolled over, "You don't know that."
"Yes. I do. Oliver has never had any accidents in my bed. He holds it till morning."
"So? It coulda been him. You don't know it was her. Besides, I was laying right here, I would have noticed. And she wouldn't do that right in front of me..." He was obviously in complete denial.
"YOU WERE ASLEEP! And she obviously did! Because Oliver can't jump up on my bed by himself, I have to put him up there. It was her. And now I'm the one cleaning it up. Just great...."

I was fuming. How could he just lay there in bed and let me clean up after his dog who just pissed in my bed?! He didn't even apologize!! I went to the kitchen and made myself a peanut butter sandwich. Then I stomped around the house for a while, grumbling to myself.

"Why are you yellin' at me? Why are you being so grumpy??" Rusty asked in a petulant voice.
"Because. Because it's hot. And I hardly got any sleep with you waking me up every 20 minutes. And then I wake up and I can't even pee. And there's piss and shit all over my new apartment, which I cleaned up, and then! To top it all off, your fucking dog pisses in my fucking bed. Excuse me for being a little irritated!" I snapped.

Then I grabbed my suitcase out of the closet. I started packing.

"What are you doing?" Rusty asked, finally sitting up.
"Packing."
"For what?"
"I just...I have to get out of here." I huffed.
"Well...where??"
"We're going to Austin."

Don't Worry!

Thanks for everyone's concern! I'm holed up at Bethany's right now because there's no power at my apartment complex...or most of Houston for that matter. I do have lots to update, but I'll have to get back to you guys at another time. I don't wanna sit here and type for an hour when I'm hanging out with Bethany, but I promise to update as soon as I have the opportunity. I have lots to tell you all!!
Just wanted to let you guys know that me, and Oliver (and all my stuff!) are ok!

The Replacement

The first thing that I need to bring to your attention, is a certain comment I received, that had me reeling after I read it. If you could all please go look at my last post, in the comments, and read the one anonymous comment on there, in which someone PRETENDED to be the other Peyton, whom I have decided to call WTP (White Trash Peyton).
Seriously!? Wtf. I dunno who you are, but get a fucking life. For real. I know that you're not her, because I'm not a complete idiot and I don't divulge everything in this blog. So I hope you don't think you were super clever and/or imaginative by coming up with that. That's all I am going to say.
And now, a little insight into WTP (the real girl, not the fake comment person).
Alyssa and I both got off work at 9 tonight, and we decided to hang out afterwards, since neither of us have really seen each other, or talked much in the past couple weeks. So we went across the street, where one of Daniel's friends, Carl, was waiting tables, so we could chat in a low key environment, and say hi to Carl.
I met Carl when Daniel and I first started dating, and he was definitely my favorite out of all Daniel's friends. So we get along really well, and I actually enjoy hanging out with him.
Anyways, Alyssa and I talked some more about Daniel (she brought it up!), and she told me that she's concerned he might be getting into drugs. Like...serious drugs. She said he hasn't really been completely honest with everyone, and he's been shady with his friends, shady with his family, shady with me... Something just isn't adding up. There is something going on with him, other than WTP. And Alyssa is also speculating that maybe WTP is part of the reason for this change. Maybe she's supplying him with the drugs? I dunno. But Alyssa told me all about the night she met WTP, and she basically told me that WTP is trashy, unattractive and tactless. She's chunky, with bleach blonde, fried hair, and she dresses really trashy. Alyssa said she had on a cropped tank top, and her belly was totally hanging out over her pants! EW!
She also, apparently, lacks any and all social skills (i.e. RUDE), and was recently fired from her job for telling off a customer. Sounds like a real winner, huh!?
On the one hand, I can't help but feel elated by his obvious downgrade.
But on the other hand, I can't help but feel shocked, taken aback, and just devastated that he would dump me for the likes of her.
And I'm positive he cheated on me with her, because he introduced her as his...not girlfriend, but...you know, whatever, to Carl 2 days before he actually broke up with me. Which means he must have been hanging out with her that whole weekend that Sophie and Brent were here. Which confirms my suspicions and worries about him being MIA that whole time.
((sigh))
And I am really starting to get it together now. I don't feel that constant sinking feeling anymore. That feeling like I'm being dragged down...like I'm treading water with an anvil tied to my ankle. I don't feel like that anymore. I'm mostly happy, and starting to fall back into the groove of just being a happy, independent, single girl again. But I do get these sudden waves of sorrow, and regret, which usually lead to outbursts of tears.
And the thing that really sucks, is that as much as I hate him for what he did to me, and as much as I wish I could just tell him off, and tell him he's a lying sack of shit and I hope he gets syphilis, I'm worried about him! Because I still love him and care about him underneath it all, and I don't want anything bad to happen to him.
And it makes me so mad that this one stupid chick could be dragging him down with her. I hope he gets bored with her soon! I mean I'm not saying that I'm the one for him or anything, but I know he can do better than WTP!!
I don't even know why I care so much. He's a douchebag, and he probably deserves whatever's coming to him.
But anyway...Alyssa and I had a good time tonight. It just felt like things were back to normal between her and I. We could talk about anything, and I didn't feel like I was walking on eggshells. So it was nice.
And now I am exhausted, so I'm going to sleep.

Good News

After taking a little break from blogging, I've decided that I do miss it, and I just can't quit! However, I'm going to disable comments from anonymous users. That way, you all still have the freedom to voice your opinions, but we're all on a more level playing field.



So anyways! Lots and lots of good news!!!

First off, Daniel and I have been hanging out and I just love him! Not like, love love, obv, but you know, I really love his company. The more time I spend with him, the more he opens up. And he's cute, and funny, and a little weird, but in a super adorable way. And he still acts a little shy. I mean he hardly ever makes the first move. And he's never tried to go past just kissing. Even when we are kissing, it's like he's afraid of getting ahead of himself, and he pulls away. Lol. He says I make him nervous, but I think it's kind of sweet. :)



Sunday night I went over to his place to watch a movie. And he promised me that next week he would take me out on a "real date", because he's a little strapped for cash right now. We watched Donnie Darko, which is one of my all time favs, and then just sat on his couch and talked (and kissed!) into the wee hours of the morning. We ended up passing out on the couch, and at about 5 am, we stumbled into his room and fell asleep immediately.

Then this morning...er...afternoon, we got up, hit the drive-thru and hung out on his couch all day! :)
The best part was, we got the watch the Astros beat the crap out of the Cards, and we held hands! :) :)

Have I ever mentioned how much I love baseball???
We're going to the ballgame together on Wednesday!
I seriously can't stop smiling, even as I write this.



The other good news is, I found a new car!!!

After a week of gruelling car shopping with my dad (who happens to be the world's worst backseat driver!), I finally found a nice, used, red Honda Civic in my price range! And Daniel is going to drive me over to the dealership to pick it up tomorrow afternoon. I'm so excited!!!


Now, I do have some more exciting news...in the drama department.


BJ.
In my bar.
Standing in front of my service well, with all his friends on Saturday night.
WTF?!?!
He drove all the way down here from Huntsville just so he could literally stand in front of me for an hour and ignore me. When I first saw him, I threw a piece of ice at him to get his attention and said, "What? You're not gonna say hi to me?"
His response??
He rolled his eyes, turned around and stalked off. Not a freakin' word.
What a little bitch!
I know the only reason he came down here was to check up on me, try to piss me off, and watch me squirm! But I definitely didn't give him that satisfaction. After he blew me off I didn't make any more attempts to talk to him. But I didn't ignore him either. I took the high road. I was nice to all his frat boy friends, and served them drinks with a smile. ((sigh))

And to be honest...I feel really good about everything with BJ now. And not just because of Daniel, but because BJ obviously hasn't changed from the spiteful, immature boy who screwed over one of my best friends 2 years ago. And I always knew it would never work out between us anyways. So the way I see it, I saved both of us a lot of time and trouble.

Free Ride

Disclaimer: I wrote this post on Saturday, and kept it private, but I decided to go ahead and give it to you guys. I'm still on the fence about continuing to blog, although your comments are encouraging. But I'm still thinking about it.
So, without further adieu...


The other day at work, Megan and I made plans to hang out, cuz we like...never get to hang out! And we both had a night off, so we decided to go out. And I told her the whole story about Alyssa's brother, and that I was planning on inviting him. The more the merrier!

Well, Daniel has been writing me on myspace the past couple days. And yesterday he told me in an email that on Thursday night, the fuel line on his Ducati busted, so he had to walk his bike all the way home! Poor guy! So I told him he should come out with with Megan and I, and drink away his sorrows. Lol. And I offered to pick him up.

So I met Megan and her house around 9:15, and then I drove us over to Daniel's to get him. He looked hot, as usual, in his long sleeve jacket, and ripped jeans. He has tats all up his arms, but he never shows them! He always wears long sleeves, which is so damn sexy, for some unknown reason...

Well it just so happened, that one of the bars in midtown was having it's grand reopening, so drinks were free! At least for part of the night anyway...
So we chilled there for about an hour, and had several free shots, and then we headed over to a local patio bar. It was a little too crowded in there for us though, so we just had one drink and then left. We must have gotten an earlier start than we thought because when we got back in the car, it was only 11:30!! So we went over to our shot bar for a couple rounds. Tugg was working, and The Albanian, and they gave us more free shots! Then Jake The Door Guy showed up. I dunno what he was doing there, because he wasn't working, but he asked if he could tag along. I was kinda reluctant, but...introductions were made, and then we all piled back into my (rental) car to head over to Pandora.

Pandora was apparently the place to be! There was a crowd, but not so thick you couldn't move, so that was nice. Plus, I know the bar manager, so he bought us a round. Then we all sat down at one of the booths, that just happened to be next to some private party. It was a bunch of girls, with like...6 bottles of Veuve champagne, and several empty glasses. Well, Megan snatched a glass on the sly and we helped ourselves! Lol. Nobody was any the wiser, because for all they knew, we were part of the party! Haha, so...free champagne for us!!

We danced a little, and Daniel and Jake chatted a bit. It was a total blast! Megan was definitely wasted! Lol. Being married and all, she doesn't get out very much. I stopped drinking early, since I was the DD. But out of the 3 of us, I probably have the highest tolerance anyway, because Daniel was pretty drunk! Apparently, he never does shots. Lol. Megan offered to let us stay at her place for the night, and Daniel was considering calling into work the next day, but decided not to. So I drove him home. And when we got to his apartment, I started to get butterflies in my stomach. I mean, we'd been flirting the whole night! He would put his hand on my leg, or put his arm around me and stuff like that... I mean, he was mostly subtle, but the signals were clear.

So we get to his place, and he tells me he had fun, and thanks for driving him, etc etc... Then we exchange goodbyes... And he gives me a hug! That's it! Just a hug! I mean, I know he's shy and all, and granted, I did make the first move last time... But I was just so disappointed! All I wanted was a kiss. ((sigh))

Perhaps I'm making myself a little too available for him. Because he's always been interested, but I've always just kinda not paid attention to him, ya know? So I guess I'm gonna have to play a little bit of hard to get. Which I hate to do, cuz I hate playing games but...I dunno. It's worth a shot I guess. Maybe he just needs to muster up some courage! Lol.

But he's been emailing me all morning! :) So well see...



Demetri Of The Day:
“I like video games, but they’re really violent. I’d like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all the other games. It’d be called ‘Really Busy Hospital.’”

A Farewell Message...

Ok look. I know to most of you, I'm just this...faceless, blogging entity, but I am a real person. With real feelings. And I've been putting myself out there, as flawed, and human as I am, in this blog, for you all to read. And it was fun at first, but it's not fun anymore. It seems like all I get is criticism from most people. And I know I shouldn't let it bother me, because none of you really know me, but nobody can handle constant criticism all the time. Nobody likes to come home from a rough day and read about what a shitty person they are on their own blog. Nobody wants to second guess everything they do, because some group of strangers thinks you date too many guys.
In the end, it all just starts to wear you down.
So I'm not even going to bother defending myself. Say whatever you will about me...I'm pussing out, or I'm a slut, or a bad friend or...whatever.
I'm just done.

To Blog, Or Not To Blog...?

Today is Jake The Door Guy's birthday. I sent him a text last night at like 3:30am (since I'm a raging insomniac!) and he wrote back a thank you this morning at like 6:15.

Also, Friend Boy texted me a whopping three times today!! That's a record. I'll paste.

FB: What's goin on? How was ur day?
Me: Just finished watching a movie. My day was relaxing. How bout you?
FB: Pretty eventful. Lunch, school, haircut, grocery, workout, and am now getting chicken noodle soup. Woo hoo!

Melissa said not to respond, since he didn't ask a question, and he'd be sure to text me back. (I was on the phone with her when he was writing me.) Sure enough! I got another text 7 minutes later.

FB: Asked for extra everything on the soup and they came back with an exploding bowl of deliciousness! Yes!

He's such a dork. Lol. On Sunday, we went and ate at this deli, and he kept on raving about their chicken noodle soup. But when it came, he said it didn't have enough noodles. Again, I didn't respond. I'm just gonna play it cool for a while. Perhaps we'll switch roles for once.

And as for all the comments, I just wanna set a few things straight in a very nondefensive, nonconfrontational way. Not starting anything, just stating for the record.
1. I don not think I am "hot shit" by any means. I mean, judging by what people have told me, I would say that I'm better looking than "most" people, but I do not think I am flawless whatsoever. I'm just confident with who I am. I've been told I look like Terri Hatcher, and Jessica Beal in the face. As for my body, I'm tall and slim, but not thin. I would say my body is most like Katherine Heigl's. And I'm working to get some better tone for the summer. I also do not discount any girl for shooting for the stars. It's the way Charlotte literally throws herself at guys that disgusts me. I don't think I'm better than anyone, because who am I to judge who a person is on the inside?? All I can see is what is on the outside at a first glance. And I did apologize for my fat girl comment. I know I crossed the line on that one, I just got a little carried away in my venting.

2. I am not promiscuous, nor do I have a reputation for being so, nor am I anyone's call girl. Especially not Friend Boy's. Friend Boy has only slept with 1 or 2 other people, and he's not just looking for a piece of ass. I know we moved too fast physically, but hey, that was my call to make, and I don't regret it. I definitely will not do that with Jake The Door Guy, if it ever even comes to that.

3. I don't want any of you to think that I feel I'm superior to anyone else, or that I think I'm perfect, or that I'm shallow, or conceited. I have a multi-faceted personality. Sometimes the ugly in me comes out in my blogs, because I choose not to reveal that side of myself in person. We are all guilty of thinking mean thoughts. I just use this blog as a way to channel those thoughts...to get them off my chest. And usually, after I see them in writing, I realize how dumb they are. (i.e. the fat comment)
So basically...I'm about to reach 100 posts. Should I stop blogging? Am I doing more harm than good? I don't want this to be a medium where I feel guilty for the things I write. They're just my thoughts poured out on paper. Well not paper, but you know what I mean.

Demetri Of The Day:
“Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I’m swimming, sometimes I’m not sure which one it is. I gotta go by the outfit. Pants - uh oh. Bathing suit - okay. Naked - we’ll see. Should I be swimming faster, or am I getting laid?”

Ixnay on the Extay

First of all, thanks for all your comments! I appreciate the advice, and for the most part, I agree with all of you. The main reason I wrote that text was because Melissa told me I should! And usually, she gives good advice when it comes to guys. And I figured, what do I have to lose? So I sent it. And today, I got my response.

"Well I just got out of a 4 1/2 year relationship. Right now I'm trying to figure things out and can't commit to anything. I do enjoy hanging out with you a lot & would like to continue to do so."

I wrote back.
"I get that. I'm not trying to give you any ultimatums or anything. And I appreciate you being honest with me. I was merely curious."

So that's that. And I'm kind of glad it's out of the way. Because to be honest, I was afraid he might say he did wanna be in a relationship! Because the more that I think about it, I don't think I want that with him. At least not right now. And especially with my feelings for Jake The Door Guy surfacing... Ugh. Everything is such a mess. But I'm not going to call or text Friend Boy anymore. Period. If he calls me, that's fine. If he texts me, fine. But other than that, I'm not going to initiate any contact.

And as for Jake The Door Guy, he and I are now Facebook friends. And he just "mooned" me on SuperPoke. Lol. And get this! Charlotte recently friended him and has been unabashedly flirting with him on Facebook!! It's quite sickening actually. I mean I hate to say it but...she really aims too high. She always goes for guys that are just way out of her league! I mean, don't get me wrong, she's a nice girl, and she's cute, but she's short and fat! Not exactly what most guys look for in a girl. And she always goes for these superhot guys! I guess if she can get 'em then good for her but...whatever. It's just kind of pathetic the way she throws herself at them. Wow, I sound like a superficial bitch right now. It's just that after the whole incident with she and I and Friend Boy, I lost a lot of respect for her I guess.

I'm going to watch a flag football game with Melissa and Amanda in about an hour. Melissa's boyfriend, Tim is on the team and they have games every Monday night. So that should be fun, and low key. I'm gonna bring my camera and hopefully I'll get some decent shots.
Well, that's about all for now! Keep up the advice! Lord knows I need it!

P.S. Didn't anybody dig my new outfit!??

Demetri Of The Day:
“When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws. Only catapults.”

A Game Of Charades

Wow, I honestly was not expecting much of a response to my little rant, but clearly I was wrong! Haha. It was definitely fun reading all your comments.
Just so you all know, I don't hate my job. Far from it in fact! I love my job! I love my coworkers, my managers and owners, and yes, even my customers. Most of them are great, and I have a lot of regulars. There's just like that 10% of uneducated people that really drive me nuts. And since I can't be rude to them, I figured I'd vent a little on here. And also, the managers/owners at my bar are not a group of money-loving, selfish, uncaring bastards. They genuinely care about everyone who works for them. Which is what makes it so great to work there! We have employee outings, and parties, and we all hang out together. We really take care of our own, ya know?
I don't expect those of you who have never worked in the industry to understand the frustrations we bartenders put up with on a daily basis, but... For those of you who do know, I'm sure you get my drift.
So no, I don't want to quit. Lol.
In other news, my kitty finally returned!! She ran away about a month ago, and my mom and I were devastated. We've been leaving food out for her almost every night, and she was eating it! But finally today, she just walked up to my mom and started rubbing on her leg! So we just picked her up and brought her inside. She has a big oozing sore on her neck from her collar though. It somehow got twisted around her right front leg. But it doesn't seem to be bothering her now, so hopefully she'll be fine. I'm gonna take her to the vet this week.

Last night, Andrew and I messaged for a while on myspace. I'll paste.

Andrew: i was gonna try to hang out with you 2night...
me: well why don't you CALL me??
Andrew: everybody is asleep at my house because school starts tomorrow. and i don't have a phone so i can't call you......i can't wait till i get my phone turned on...i'm sorry...i really wanted to see you...
me: *Sigh*...it's always the same story with you isn't it? How bout you give me a call when you have a phone.
Andrew: stop...i'm getting that shit (car and phone) all this week. finally making good money from my company. and we'll hang out all of the time...
me: i'm sorry. it's just been a long, shitty day and i'm getting to the point where i'm really losing my patience with people!! that, coupled with the fact that you make me...nervous, and things being what they are, and going the way they are going...i'm just getting frustrated.
Andrew: nervous in what kind of way?
me: well...in a number of ways. first of all, because i don't seem to have any problem telling you exactly what i'm feeling, which is...good and bad i guess. bad because that usually either pisses guys off, or freaks them out. and lately, what i've been feeling is mostly annoyance. lol. because you can't seem to get your...shit, or whatever, together! secondly, because everytime these occurrences happen, i kick myself in the ass for even entertaining these ideas! because you're young, and i'm pretty sure we don't want the same things. so i keep second-guessing myself because of that. and it's hard to act on your immediate feelings when you're constantly second guessing yourself. here's the thing Andrew, i'm not going to waste my time with someone who isn't going to make an effort. if you WANT to spend time with me, that's cool, but you have to make an effort. don't make me wait around, or whatever. because i've put up with a lot of that shit in the past and i think it's really honed my...i don't wanna say standards, but basically there's a lot less shit that i'll put up with these days than i would have in the past. does that make any sense to you?? or am i way out in left field?
Andrew: haha...nah, we're on the same page babe. our wants are the same, i think you are bad ass, and sexy as hell! i really don't mean to stand you up, i mean, i'm definitely into you, and i'm finally getting shit together... and i'll be focused on "trying for a relationship", and you definitely seem like a bad ass chick, not saying that's what you were shooting for with me, but i definitely see you as having that potential. i'm finally getting over all of the unexpected crazy stuff that went down recently. ((his step mom died on Christmas, so sad!!)) but i'm excited about my company, and ready to get my shit together..lol. i completely understand why your standards are high, and a girl like you should def keep them high. don't get mad.....and you're not gonna freak me out. i've known you for a long time. we'll start hanging out, and whatever happens..happens.. i mean i def wouldn't wanna lose a friendship..

So...I'm not really sure what to do. He seems to know exactly what to say, but I dunno if it's genuine or not. And how the hell does he know what I want?? I mean, I do want a boyfriend, but that's not what I'm looking for in him. And I can't tell him that, because it would probably hurt his feelings! I'm just lonely. And some companionship would be nice. So I dunno. Any suggestions??

Photography class started back up tonight. It's a much bigger class than last session. And there's a guy in it, who I can already tell, is an insufferable know-it-all. Ugh. But we'll see how great he is when we show our assignments next week! HA!
I have the photoshoot with Melissa tomorrow afternoon. And then we're going to the movies. Alyssa might join us too. And next Friday, the 25th, Alyssa and I are taking Cecilia out to midtown for her very belated 21st birthday celebration! So that's gonna be fun. I've got a pretty busy rest of the month coming up!
Kitty looks so peaceful and content sleeping on my bed. I bet she's glad to be inside where it's warm instead of out battling the elements! Well that's all for today. I'll write more soon. Hopefully something exciting will happen in the near future. Haha...

Demetri Of The Day:
"I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack."