The Right Thing To Do

I slept all day for the past 2 days. I didn't eat, or leave the house, except to go to work. I would wake up from time to time, let the dog out, feed him, and then just go back to bed. Because when I was wake, I was being haunted by my thoughts. And sleep was the only peaceful thing I could do to pass the time.

Today, I got up at 5:30 to start getting ready for work, and as soon as I got out of the shower, I had a text message from Brandon.

"Just wanted to say hi!"

"Really. Tell your slore I said what's up." I responded, sardonically.

"I'm at my sister's place." He said, "Summer says hi."

I didn't respond.

"Anyways, ok I guess I will leave u alone." He wrote.

"Don't say that. I was hoping you could tell me about your latest sexual conquest." I wrote back. I couldn't help myself.

"Well lets see, I woke up, with nobody next to me, went to the gym and came over to my sister's place to drop off something! Now I'm talking to you. That's my day." He said.

"Hmmm sounds nice. Last night, I went home with a 45 year old man. Aside from his beer gut and hairy back, the sex was GREAT!"

I couldn't contain my bitter sarcasm anymore at this point. Obviously I did NOT go home with a 45 year old last night, I just...wanted to prove a point.

"Well that's great to know!!" He said.

"Isn't it though?? Gosh, this is definitely the beginning of a great friendship! I can already tell!!"

"I'm trying to be your friend, but you're not letting me."

"Friendship requires respect. Maybe you should try looking at the situation from my POV. I mean, who are you trying to fool, Brandon? You don't really want to be my friend."

"I'm not trying to fool anybody! And I do want to be your friend." He argued.

"Well I don't know what I want. I'm scared of you." I said.

"You should not be scared of me, Peyton! I'm not a monster!"

"Really? Then what are you?"

"I'm Brandon."

"And that's exactly why I'm scared of you."

"I'm sorry!"

"Shouldn't you be worried that your new slore won't like you talking to me anyways?"

"No, I'm not worried about that. She's not my girlfriend. Slores, or whores don't care about that crap!"

"Right. What was I thinking? And here I thought you had more self respect than that."

"I do!"

"Then how could you jump into bed with some slut when we've only been broken up for like 6 weeks? How could you do that? How could you just forget about me so quickly."

"I never forgot about you. And the way things went with us, I figured you were long gone!"

"Long gone?? Like it even would've made a difference!"

"I think it would have, but since I said all those things to you...I figured I messed up too much!"

"So what are you saying?? That you would have wanted to get back together??"

"Yea, I have given it some thought but I did a lot of damage to you."

"What do you think this is a game??? Why would you say those things if you didn't mean them, and if you meant what you said, then why would you want to be with someone you had so little respect for?"

"I respected you, I'm not taking back what I said, you just took my words the wrong way!"

"((Sigh)) Well now I need to know what tense we're speaking in, Brandon. How do you feel NOW."

He didn't respond for like 5 minutes. Then finally:

"I have to work right now. I will talk with you later."

I didn't respond. But when I got to work, Summer told me she asked him if he would get back together with me, and he said yea, but he doesn't think I'll ever forgive him. Or something along those lines.

((Sigh))

My head is reeling. I don't even know how to process all this information. And I don't know when this conversation of ours is going to take place, and I have NO idea what I'm going to say, or what he's going to say.... What if he does wanna get back together? Should I??? I mean, I know I want to. I'm still in love with him. I always have been. But...I can't bear to be put through this again. It's slowly killing me. And I mean...he slept with someone else!! I can't easily forget about that! I'm doing everything in my power right now to not find out who she is and put her on TheDirty! And I dunno if he's right for me, I just...don't know!

All I know is, I love him, and I miss him terribly, and I've been really unhappy since we broke up. But he's the reason I'm unhappy! And I can't just forget about everything that happened!

UGh....

I already know what you all are going to say. Don't get back together with him. He's done this too many times, he'll just do it again. I know, I know, I know! Because logic is already telling me all those things. I just don't know if I'm strong enough to do the right thing. Especially when I honestly don't know what the right thing to do is.

It All Comes To This?

Oh.
My.
God.

((Sigh)) I woke up too early this morning, feeling like complete shit. I was up all night crying last night. And just when I thought I was getting better...
But I figured, since I was up, I better call my mom and ask her about the weed.

"Hello?"
"Mom."
"Yes...?"
"You took something from my apartment last night." I stated.
"What are you talking about?"
Great, so she's playing that whole 'I'm Gonna Make You Say It' game.
"A jar of weed. From the drawer in my coffee table. What did you do with it?"
"What!? What are you talking about?! I didn't take anything out of any drawer! And why do you have weed at your apartment?!?"
"Chill out, Mom! I was holding it for somebody in exchange for helping me move, and now I have nothing to offer him."
"Wait a minute, so you're telling me, you have drugs in your apartment, and you can't even find them!"
"It wasn't mine! Someone left it at my apartment, I realized this, and then offered it to someone who would want it, instead of paying him for helping me move."
"Well, I didn't take anything."
"Ok, I'm sorry, I must've...done something with it."
"Alright, can I go back to my lunch now?"

When I got off the phone with my mom, I laid there for a minute thinking.
Then it hit me.

"Mother fucker!" I yelled aloud.
He took it.
Brandon.
He used his key, broke into my apartment, and stole his weed back!
That fucking bastard!!!! And now he has the audacity to ask me for his glasses?!
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HIM!?

I immediately called Greg.
"Dude...Brandon broke into my apartment and took his weed."
"No way..."
"Yes! After I call my mom, asking her about my missing weed!" I sighed, "You said you saw him with that jar, right?" (The weed was in a strawberry preserves jar.)
"Yea, like...a couple nights ago."
"I can't believe he would fucking do that! What a DUMB ASS! I have half a mind to call him right now, I'm so pissed. He is so not getting his shit back."
"Don't call him, just calm down."

I took a deep breath. Greg had to get off the phone, cuz he was actually in the shower. But I still can't believe his sorry, pathetic ass came into my apartment, without telling me, without my permission. How shady is that?! If someone would have told me, 2 weeks ago, that this was going to happen, I wouldn't have believed them. I never would have believed that he would be capable of something like this. I guess it takes him treating me like crap, and then dumping me on my ass and breaking into my apartment, before I get to know the true Brandon.

I'm going to demand that he give me my key back. Tonight.

FML.

I finally gave up on trying to get hold of Brandon yesterday, so I emailed him. I put down in writing, everything I needed to say, so that I wouldn't forget any of it. This is what it said,
"Brandon,
There's only so much I can take. I feel like I've completely let my guard down for you, totally opened my heart, and I've tried and tried to make you happy, and it's never enough. You never respond! I mean, what about MY happiness?? You're not being fair to me. Not calling me for 3 whole days?? I mean, I don't expect a lot from you, I really don't. But you give me nothing. You won't call me, you won't go anywhere with me, not even to a wedding.. You just let me sit here, and wonder why I'm not good enough, what I'm doing wrong. I overanalyze everything I do. I change everything about the way I act around you, because you don't like it. I see all these girls that you've been with, and they're all beautiful.. Am I not pretty enough? Why don't you ever want to have sex with me? Why don't you ever initiate ANY kind of physical contact with me??
I constantly feel insecure about our relationship, and the way you feel about me, because you never TELL me. You never SHOW me. You don't call, you don't miss me, you don't even like touching me. This completely breaks my heart, do you realize that?? Something isn't adding up. I want to know, point blank what you feel. I'm not asking for a proposal, this has NOTHING to do with the future, so don't even bring that up. It has to do with RIGHT NOW. The way you're treating me RIGHT NOW TODAY. If you don't want to be with me, then you need to tell me. Am I wasting my time loving you?? Quit stringing me along if you don't want me. And if you DO want me, start acting like it. Stop making me worry, stop making me cry. Just stop what you're doing, for like 5 seconds and think about me!! About MY feelings!!
How would you feel if I never wanted to do anything you were interested in? If I resented that you played golf? I have been so supportive and understanding, of your golf, your stupid illegal activities, your busy schedule, EVERYTHING! So why do you keep shitting on my feelings? It's not fair Brandon. It's not okay for me to put in 90% effort, and you to put in 10%.
You're hurting me. And just because I wrote you a "novel" that's no excuse for you to avoid me. I had something to say, and I needed to say it now, and of course, you wouldn't answer the phone, so I emailed you instead. We HAVE to talk about this. So PLEASE, call me.
-Peyton"

((Sigh)) I hesistantly hit the sent button, because I knew that 1 of 2 things would probably happen.
1) He would freak out and then avoid me, which would inevitably lead to him breaking up with me, because he can't deal, or
2) He would feel guilty, realize what an ass he's been and try to work things out.

Number 2 was definitely wishful thinking on my part. He did try calling me while I was at work, but I couldn't answer. So I called him back when I got off, and he didn't answer. So I sent him a text, asking if he could stop by when he got off work so that we could talk. No response, and he didn't come over.
So today, I sent him a text, telling him he was being ridiculous, because he was gonna see me at work, and to please call me.
An hour before my shift, he finally called.

"I just can't do this anymore. It's not working." He said.
I sighed, "Is that you're reaction to every conflict? To just run away?"
"I'm not running away."
"Yes you are! You always do this, everytime I bring this stuff up."
"Well, I don't understand what the problem is, I didn't do anything."
"That is the problem. You don't do anything! You let me do all the work, Brandon! I mean I kinda thought that after 2 days of not talking, you might call your girlfriend and see what's up."
"Look, it's just not working. It was never working."
"What do you mean it was never working???"
"Well, I mean it was, maybe for you, but not for me."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean??"
"I'm just not...physically attracted to you."
"So it's true then. I'm not pretty enough!?"
"That's not what I said. You are attractive, I'm just not attracted to you. Or to anyone. It's just me. It's all me, not you."
"Oh good one. It's not you it's me? And you're just...suddenly not attracted to me?? Since when!? You must have been attracted to me at some point!"
"Look, it was just never real for me."
"Never real??? WHAT was never real? What is that supposed to mean? So you lied to me then?"
"I didn't lie to you."
"Apparently you were lying when you said you loved me, because if you really ever loved me, you wouldn't be telling me all this bullshit! Do you even know what the word love means?!"
"No! I don't! That's why it was never the same for me! Why do think I always laughed when you said it to me?"
"Then why did you say it!?!?! I didn't want you to say it unless you meant it! I can't believe you're saying this. I can't believe you're doing this. I can't believe you're sitting here giving me all these bullshit excuses for why you've wasted the last 10 months of my life!"
Tears were streaming down my face by this point.
"Well what did you want me to do, stay with you until I cheated on you??"
"NO! I want you to be fucking honest with me! If you were feeling this way, I wish you would have told me as soon as you felt it, not a couple months later!"
"Well..."
"So you're breaking up with me, because you're not attracted to me, and it was never real for you. So everything about our relationship has been a complete lie?!?"
"No, and I didn't say you weren't pretty enough! It's just...we're too different. We don't have...chemistry. I thought I would just give it a chance, and wait it out, but it's not working."
"You know what, there's really no point in continuing this conversation. I have nothing else to say to you. Just...leave me alone."
And I hung up the phone.
Keep in mind, this is a revised version of our conversation, which I obviously can't remember word for word. And I'm probably subconsciously blocking some parts out.
I broke down in hysterics immediately afterward, racked my brains for a good enough excuse to call into work, and then I took a deep breath.
I can't call into work. I have to go. I have to go. I have to go.
I inhaled another ragged breath, and sat down at my mirror. I squirted practically an entire bottle of Visine in my eyes, and put anti-puff cream on. I wasn't going to show up to work looking like I'd been balling my eyes out. And I made sure I looked damn good.
When I got to work, I told everyone what happened. What's the point in pretending? I mean, I want everyone to know what he said to me. What his stupid, bullshit reasons were. I want everyone at work to know how much he fucked me over. I knew it would make him uncomfortable, with everyone knowing. And I wanted him to be the jackass, not me.
((Sigh)) My shift was long, and miserable. I had to work behind the same bar with him, and I even had to watch him flirt with girls.
You know, he actually told me he wanted to see other people. If I find out he already met someone, or he starts dating some girl in the near future, I'm going to flip my shit.

I can't believe that kiss I gave him when I left for my piano lesson is the last kiss we'll ever have. I can't believe its over. I feel like I'm just a complete failure! I've never been broken up with so badly. And I can't even believe how mean he was. He's not physically attracted to me?? It wasn't real??
Then what was it?
And if it wasn't real, why am I so broken hearted?
Why am I always the one who gets shit on?
((Sigh))
FML.

Nobody's Perfect

This weekend I opened both Friday and Saturday, so I had my nights off to go out and do as I pleased! Well on Friday, Brandon and I went out with his sister, Summer, and her boyfriend, Dave. We hit a couple of bars and we were having a really good time.
I stopped drinking around 12:30 because I had to work Saturday at 10am, and I knew I was gonna have to drive both Brandon and myself home. Well, Summer's boyfriend, Dave, likes to go shot happy a lot! So he kept buying us all rounds of shots. I kept setting mine on the bar, or handing them out to random people, but Brandon kept drinking. So he was pretty drunk by the time we got to the shot bar, which ended up being our last stop.
When we got there, Brandon ran into a couple of girls that he and his sister knew growing up: a blond and a brunette. The brunette seemed cool enough, but the blond was totally giving me bitch vibes. And I'm not the type to get all catty on girls. Most girls just don't like me. I dunno if it's cuz I'm confident and sarcastic, or if it's cuz they're intimidated by me, or jealous, but girls who don't know me, usually just hate me right off the bat. It sucks. And this was one of those girls. So I was just ignoring her and talking to some friends. But then I turn around and I see her putting lipgloss on my boyfriend and giggling! I immediately grabbed him by the arm and swung him around to face me. He had a blank, drunk look on his face that pretty much said he had no idea what was going on.
"Hey babe! Want some lip gloss??" He slurred as he wiped some of it onto my lips.
I wiped it off right away with the back of my hand.
"No. And will you stop flirting with other girls and close your tab so we can go?" I said irritably.
"I'm just waiting for my credit card." He said.
So I sighed and resolutely turned around.
I asked the bartender to give me his tab, but he told me that Brandon had already closed out. So I turned to walk back over to Brandon, and what do I see but him slapping the brunette's ass! She was standing up on a podium, and her butt was about at eye level with him.
But that was it for me. I was soooo fucking pissed. Without saying a word, I stormed out of the bar and walked over to my bar to close my tab over there.
Bethany was working and she could tell I was upset. I told her what happened and why I had left. "Well what did you say to that stupid blond??" She asked.
"Nothing! I just told him to stop flirting with other girls."
"You should have said something to her. I would have!"
"Well, it's too late now. Whatever... When he sobers up tomorrow, we're definitely having a talk about this." I said.
Bethany empathized with me, and then I headed back over to the shot bar to see if Brandon was ready to go. I almost left him there, I was so mad, but I didn't want him driving in the state he was in, so I went back.
He was still there with his sister when I got there. The 2 sluts were gone.
"Hey Beautiful!" He said when he saw me.
"Are you ready?" I asked impatiently."Yea, let's go." He said, and he took my hand and started leading me outside.
As soon as we were out the door I stopped.
"By the way, I'm really pissed off at you right now." I said.
"What?!" He immediately went from blissfully drunk, to pissed and belligerent.
I brushed passed him and continued walking to the car, assuming he was behind me, but when I turned around, he was gone!
I ran back inside and asked around if he anyone had seen him come back in. No one had. So I went out to the parking lot where his truck was park, just in time to see him driving away!
I freaked out and ran after him. Turns out he was just moving his car to a more remote area of the parking lot so that he could take a leak.
"You can't drive." I said to him as he unzipped, "And you can't leave your car there either. You'll get towed."
"I don't care! You wanna be mad at me for no reason? Fine. Don't worry about me." He rambled on...
I sighed.
"Fine. I'll move it for you." I snatched his keys out of his pocket and got in his truck. I moved it to a parking spot where I knew it would be safe for the night. When I got out of the truck, he was gone. Again!
So I called him.
"Where are you??" I asked frantically when he picked up.
"I'm walking home." He said.
"You can't walk home. You live like an hour away! Just come back to the bar and I'll drive you."
"No! I'm not coming all the way back there!"
The conversation went on like this for quite some time and I was getting nowhere. Now I was just standing outside, in the cold, almost in tears.
That was when Tom walked up. Tom is a mutual friend and coworker, who just happens to be one of Brandon's good friends, and he's a really nice guy.
"Peyton? What's wrong??" He asked as soon as he saw me.
I just shrugged and the tears started coming. Tom hurried over to me.
"What happened??" He asked again.
I hung up the phone."It's Brandon... I don't know where he is. He's drunk and he took off on me and he said he's walking home."
"What!? He can't walk home, he'll never make it all the way out there!"
"I know!" I said, "But that's what he said."
"I'll go find him. Don't worry. Just wait here." He said, and he got in his car and drove off.
I sat on the curb and put my head on my knees.
How could this be happening?? I thought.
It seemed like forever till they came back. Brandon was passed out in the passenger seat of Tom's car.
"He was on the side of the highway!" Tom said, "I don't even know how he made it that far."
He woke him up and practically put him inside my car.
"Where are my keys? I can drive!" He said.
"No way dude." Tom said. "No way you're driving. Your truck will be fine here. You can get it tomorrow."
"Thanks Tom." I said, "I owe you one."
"Don't worry about it." He said.
And we drove off.
We sat in silence for a couple minutes, then finally I couldn't hold it in anymore.
"Don't you wanna know why I'm mad??" I asked.
He mumbled something unintelligible.
"Look. If you wanna go out and have a good time and act like you're single, that's fine. But you don't need to have a girlfriend if you're gonna do that. Because I will not be made a fool of, and I will not be disrespected like that."
"What are you talking about?" He asked.
"Uhhh, I'm talking about you smacking girls' asses and letting them put lipgloss on you." I stated.
"Fine. I'm a horrible boyfriend. You can leave me if you want."
"Shut up. You're not gonna play the guilt card on me. That's not going to work. Look, I know that you're wasted, and I'm probably not gonna get anywhere with this tonight, but I just wanna say what's on my mind right now while I'm still feeling this way. Because what you did really hurt my feelings."
He didn't respond to that, but when we got to my apartment he tried to walk the opposite direction.
"Where are you going?" I asked.
"To my truck." He said.
I almost laughed. "Your truck isn't here, remember? You're staying with me."
"Oh." He said.
When we got inside he immediately went to the couch.
"I'll just sleep here tonight, since you hate me." He said.
"No, you won't. You're coming to bed. Come on."
I grabbed him by both his arms, and though he put up a good fight, I finally dragged him into the bedroom. He got in bed and almost immediately passed out. I took his jeans and his t-shirt off him and then got ready for bed myself.
Once I finally got in bed, I just wanted to cry. I took Oliver out of his cage and snuggled with him for a little bit till I felt better.
Then I rolled over and looked at the boy laying next to me. He looked so beautiful, so innocent and vulnerable, and so peaceful. And so easily he hurt me. ((Sigh))
I guess every relationship has it's downs and it's flaws. I mean, I can't expect perfection out of him.

Escape To Austin

I tried as hard as I could to discourage him from coming with me. I mean, my plan was to stay with Izzie. She had already told me once that my dog and I would always be welcome to stay with her, but I wasn't so sure about me and Oliver, plus 2... ((sigh))
He said I could drop him off at his sisters "on the way" "maybe", but to begin with, her place was definitely not on the way. In fact, it was so out of the way, that I definitely didn't want to take him there, and secondly, she didn't answer his phone calls, so that was out.
I explained the situation to Izzie, and Shane. Both were sympathetic and Izzie said we could still stay. So we hit the road by 5:30. Traffic was very light, because of the recent catastrophe, so we made decent time. Not including the 2 stops we had to make because his dog puked all over my backseat. Three times.
I was furious.
((sigh))

Once we got into Austin, he made me stop at a Target so he could buy some clothes and a razor. And of course, I had to wait in the car with the dogs. All this time Izzie and Shane kept calling me, asking me where we were, because they needed to leave to make an appearance at a party, and couldn't leave until I'd gotten there. So I kept telling Rusty to hurry, but he never hurries. Then I had to take the dogs out to pee, and his stupid dog kept yanking on the leash and tangling us all up. It was awful. He took 45 fucking minutes in that store getting one shirt and a razor!

By the time we got to Izzie and her husband's apartment, I was so frustrated, but all I could do was give Izzie and Shane huge hugs and meaningful looks. But they understood.
Rusty hardly spoke to anyone, other than to introduce himself.

Anyways, since it was a Saturday, of course we were gonna go owntown. Izzie and Shane had already left for the party, and the plan was for Rusty and I to get ready, and then we'd all meet up on 6th. So he showered first, and took a million years I might add.
"What took you so long?" I asked when he finally got out.
"I had to shave!" He protested.
Seriously!?!? Us girls have to shave practically our entire bodies and it never takes me that long!
So I showered as fast as I could, dried my hair, put on my makeup, got dressed and curled my hair all in an hour. When I emerged from the bathroom, I was completely ready, and looking like a million bucks! ;)
"Ok, let's go!" I announced.
"What?? I'm not even ready!"
"What do you mean you're not ready!? What have you been doing all this time??"
"Well I needed the bathroom! I have to straighten my hair!"
I couldn't even respond to that one.
"Hurry up." I said through gritted teeth.

I waited another 30 minutes. Izzie and Shane were texting me again, asking what was taking so long. By the time we got to 6th, it was midnight! So I immediately began drinking. For one, I needed to take the edge off, and second, I needed to make up for lost time.
I did end up having a lot of fun. It was so great to spend some time with Izzie and Shane. Rusty didn't talk much. Surprise surprise. He was pretty much antisocial the whole night. I tried to include him in conversation and loosen him up. But he wasn't having any of it. Oh well. I had a nice buzz going by the end of the night, and we all headed back to Izzie's.

It just so happened that the A/C in Shane's house was out, so she and her dog were staying at Izzie's too. Her husband had pulled out the couch bed and made up a pallet on the floor for us while we were gone. Rusty boldly assumed that he would be sleeping on the bed, and pitched a huge fit when Shane informed him that she and I would be sleeping there. He crawled under the covers of his makeshift sleeping bag and put a pillow over his head! How old is he?! Twelve?! Ugh.
Then, of course, his dog kept running around and trying to jump on our bed. Shane was really pissed about that.

"You better keep your dog over there, because if she jumps up here while I'm sleeping and wakes me up, I'm gonna get really pissed." She said.

He called her back over to him, and I couldn't help but feel a little smug about it. I mean finally
someone besides me was telling him to take care of his damn dog!

The next morning, I woke to the sound of Izzie's husband ranting that Rusty's dog was "shitting all over the porch" and that somebody needed to "get up and take care of the damn dogs!"
I immediately jumped out of bed to help him.
Rusty continued to lay there.
WTF!?!?
I couldn't believe he could be so inconsiderate and disrespectful! I mean Izzie and her husband don't know him! They don't even like him! They didn't have to let us come stay, and they sure as hell shouldn't have to take care of any more dogs!
That was when I decided I was gonna have to cut the trip short. I just felt horrible putting them out like that, and I didn't want to inflict Rusty (or his dog) on them for another night. I told Izzie we were gonna leave early. She agreed it was probably for the best, because she didn't want to end up fighting with her husband.
Then we watched a movie, just the girls, while Rusty left to make long phone calls. But I was enjoying the time without him! We started calling it RFMs. Rusty Free Moments. Lol. It became like an inside joke.

After the movie, we all showered and went out to lunch, and then Rusty and I hit the road.
I had to stop at a gas station on the way out. Rusty went inside to get something while I was pumping gas. When I got back in the car, he was sitting there with a 40 oz can of beer!!

"What the hell are you doing!? You can't drink that in my car! What is wrong with you!?"
He blubbered something incoherent.
"Oh my god you are such an idiot..." I muttered under my breath. He still heard.

That was the last straw. After all the paranoia and all the shit he talks about my driving, and occasional speeding, because he doesn't want me to get pulled over, because he has warrants, etc etc... And he wanted to drink a BEER in my car!!!!
I snatched it from him and dumped it out.

"Fine. I'll just sit here and not say anything and not do anything so that I don't piss you off. Because apparently I can't do anything right." He huffed at me.
"How very mature of you."

We didn't speak the entire drive back to Houston.

The Hurricane

Note: Thanks everyone for your comments of concern, and subsequent relief! Thank the Lord that my family and I are all ok. We're still without power over here, which really sucks, but Oliver and I have a warm bed and food, so I guess I can't really complain, right? Anyways, I'm still at Bethany's, but everyone's in bed now, so I snuck over to the computer to type for you all. Here is part one of my adventure! Enjoy!


Ok, let's start with the Thursday. The day before the hurricane.
Rusty did end up texting me back, like...45 minutes later! He said he was thinking about taking me up on my offer. I made him sweat it a while and didn't immediately respond. Then he sent me another text that said, "I hope you still want me to come over..." and before I could even hit send on my response, he was calling me.
I kept our conversation short. I told him I'd come and get him after work, but that I couldn't chat cuz I needed to finish getting ready for work. Work was alright; we got pretty busy towards the end of the night since nobody had to work the next day, in lieu of the storm. So afterwards, I went and got him. And his dog. Ugh... He has a 5 month old half dalmatian, and she's absolutely a hellion. Not to mention the fact that she's poorly trained, and rarely disciplined. But whatever. She and Oliver get along pretty well, and I wasn't about to tell him to leave his dog! That would be horrible.
So we got back to my apartment pretty late, and we talked a little. He asked why I'd been ignoring his texts/calls, and I told him. Straight up. I said I was fed up with his ungrateful attitude, and I was tired of driving so far out of my way for him, and I felt unappreciated, etc. Oh, and the fact that his casual drug use causes him to call me at 4 in the morning doesn't help either. I basically told him he needed to grow up. He pouted a little, and apologized, but I think I already knew in my mind that that was it for him. I mean, he's not going to change! And it was kind of nice actually, because it was as if, in those 4 days of not talking to him, I got over it! And that's pretty quick for me! I'm impressed with myself. I mean just the initial attraction was gone. The dangerous, he'shotcuzhe'samusician thing wasn't doin' it for me anymore. Because I realized, I want something more!
But, since I already had him at my apartment, for at least a couple days, I figured I'd roll with it and just have fun, and then... And then that would be that. The End.

So, Day Zero. The day of the hurricane.
We woke up really late, did a little last minute shopping, you know, liquor store, drug store, etc... When we got back to my apartment, we were stocked and ready for the hurricane! We watched a little TV, made out a little, smoked a little pot, goofed off some... I begged him to play me a song, but he wouldn't. Of course. You'd think after all the stuff I've done for him, he'd at least oblige by playing me a song! ((sigh))
Anyways, then we decided to go swimming. I can't remember who's idea it was, but I just got this new waterproof camera, and I've been dying to try it! So we changed into our suits and headed out to the pool. Only to find that it had been padlocked. Foiled again! Grr...
But some helpful neighbors on the overhanging pool patio told us not to get discouraged! They had already jumped the fence once. Haha! So we decided to go for it, and they ended up joining us!
It was actually really fun! I got to know some of my neighbors finally, and we all got nice and boozed up, swam around, and had fun! I mixed shots for us all, and we watched the high winds come in until finally we all decided to call it a night.
When Rusty and I went back inside, I took a shower immediately. I figured I should take advantage of the power while we still had it. Then we tried to watch some TV, but ended up making out...and other things, instead. Finally we passed out.
Only to be woken by loud banging and whooshing noises about an hour later! My windows were rattling, and I could hear things banging around outside. We kept watching out the window, but there wasn't really much to see other than swaying trees and the parking lot. So we turned the TV back on to the news. Then the power shut off.
I lit candles and we retreated back to my room. The dogs were driving us crazy by this point. Rusty's dog was really nervous and kept jumping up on the bed and scratching me. Ugh... I tried to go to sleep, but Rusty kept getting up to look out the window (at nothing, I might add, since everything was pitch dark outside too!) and then banging into things and knocking things off my shelves, which in turn, would startle me awake. This happened about 4 times throughout the morning. Needless to say, I didn't sleep well, if at all. Not to mention it was really hot by this time since we had no A/C. ((sigh))
At one point, the storm quieted and we thought it was over, but it must have just been the eye (which had a 49 mile radius!) passing over us, because it came back even stronger. I called my dad at 4 am to ask him how they were doing, because I was so worried. Apparently they'd lost power way before we did, and were at the neighbor's, who had a generator. I asked my dad about my window too, because I was really starting to worry that it might shatter. But he told me it was probably just the frame, not the glass. And he ended up being right. My dad is so smart! :)
I tried to go to sleep again after that. Rusty and/or his dog woke me up a couple more times though, and by the time the sun woke me up, I was reallllllly cranky. And of course, Rusty was passed out comfortably.
I got up and found several doggie presents, which I then proceeded to clean up, only to discover the toilet wasn't flushing. No water pressure. Great. And I really had to pee too. And it was so unbearably hot! How could he just sleep like that??? I rolled my eyes at him and grabbed my keys.
"Hey!", I shook him, "I'm going out. I have to find a working bathroom."
He just groaned and didn't move.
As soon as I got outside I took a long look at the damage. Branches and debris everywhere. The large canopies by the pool knocked over... I could go on. Luckily my car was fine. Mostly everyone's car in my complex was. But still, no power anywhere. ANYWHERE.
I drove around for a half hour trying to find a place that would just be open so that I could their toilet! But no such luck. There were street lights dangling from their cords in the middle of intersections. Large plastic store signs shattered, with pieces of colored plastic blown across the street. Trees the size of ones you'd find in Middle Earth fallen on top of roofs. Windows broken in high rises. Leaves and branches and trees just...everywhere! Blocking entire lanes of traffic! And of course, none of the street lights were working. ((sigh))
It was absolutely catastrophic.

I went back to my apartment, and peed in the toilet anyway. I couldn't hold it anymore.
Then I noticed a large pee stain...ON MY FUCKING BED!

"What the hell?!" I exclaimed.
Rusty didn't even move.
"HELLO!? Your dog fucking pissed on my bed!"
"Huh?", he rolled over, "You don't know that."
"Yes. I do. Oliver has never had any accidents in my bed. He holds it till morning."
"So? It coulda been him. You don't know it was her. Besides, I was laying right here, I would have noticed. And she wouldn't do that right in front of me..." He was obviously in complete denial.
"YOU WERE ASLEEP! And she obviously did! Because Oliver can't jump up on my bed by himself, I have to put him up there. It was her. And now I'm the one cleaning it up. Just great...."

I was fuming. How could he just lay there in bed and let me clean up after his dog who just pissed in my bed?! He didn't even apologize!! I went to the kitchen and made myself a peanut butter sandwich. Then I stomped around the house for a while, grumbling to myself.

"Why are you yellin' at me? Why are you being so grumpy??" Rusty asked in a petulant voice.
"Because. Because it's hot. And I hardly got any sleep with you waking me up every 20 minutes. And then I wake up and I can't even pee. And there's piss and shit all over my new apartment, which I cleaned up, and then! To top it all off, your fucking dog pisses in my fucking bed. Excuse me for being a little irritated!" I snapped.

Then I grabbed my suitcase out of the closet. I started packing.

"What are you doing?" Rusty asked, finally sitting up.
"Packing."
"For what?"
"I just...I have to get out of here." I huffed.
"Well...where??"
"We're going to Austin."

Rock You Like A Hurricane

Ok, so there's this hurricane, right? And normally, I don't let these things bother me, because we always have hurricane scares here, and then everyone gets in their car and drives for hours and hours in bumper to bumper traffic just to move like...2 miles. And then the hurricane never even hits. So I always just stay put.
But apparently this one is pretty serious. Not for me, because luckily I'm far enough away from it now. But my parents, and a lot of my friends live in the evacuation zones and they all have to leave. A lot of businesses are closing too. Except of course, my bar. They're staying open tonight, but possibly closing for the rest of the weekend. So Melissa and Amanda are partying, Jenna's partying, pretty much everyone I know that doesn't work with me is having a hurricane party.
And Rusty texted me asking if I wanted to go to Dallas!
I didn't respond at first. But then like 20 minutes later, after getting off the phone with Melissa, who informed me that all north-bound traffic is practically at a stand-still, I wrote him back.

"Lol. You'll never make it to Dallas."
"Why do you say that?"
"Traffic is too bad."
"No it isn't. I just got back from Katy...Don't you at least want to see me a little?

Ugh...

"I'm not going to Dallas. I have to work tonight."
"But you do wanna see me?"
"Don't flatter yourself. You're not staying home, are you?"
"Not sure yet."
"Well you shouldn't stay there."
"I know but the only person I have here is my parents, and they want me to stay with them. That's closer."
"Do you at least have a ride?"
"Everyone is already gone."
"Are you kidding me??"
"LOL no."
"Well then what are you gonna do!? Why didn't you leave when "everybody" else did?"
"Well I was playing a show last night when my roommate left."
"Ok well...what are your options?"
"So far, just go to my parents."
"Well aren't they under mandatory evacuation?"

(His parents live pretty far south)

"I don't know"
"I'm pretty sure they are, cuz my parents are. Why don't you just come to Houston?"
"I'm trying to find a way"

Here's the part where I stopped, and really thought about what to say next. Because obviously, I still like him, but I am doing alright without him. But at the same time, I'm a nice person and I don't want to leave him stranded.

"((sigh)) Well if you REALLY need a ride, I can come get you. If you drown in the hurricane, I don't want that on my conscience."

So now, I'm just waiting for his response. Erg... Why do I put myself in these positions?? If he doesn't write back, I'm seriously never talking to him again. And hey, maybe the bar will be closed this weekend, and I can just sit back with a bottle of wine and my DVR and watch TV! Could be fun!