AAA: Austin, Alcohol, and Anxiety

Ughhhh I started typing this last night, and then got into a long, trainwreck of a conversation with Lane, which I will blog about next time. Gonna finish this one first.

This will probably be brief, because I really just wanna veg out and watch tv right now, but I figured I should hurry up and write this before I forget. So day number 1 in Austin was great. Kevin was a little too touchy/feely for my comfort level, but it was his birthday, so I let it slide. He just kept giving me kisses. We had a connecting flight in Houston with a little bit of a layover, so he bought us drinks lol. Then we got the puddle jumper to Austin and headed to the hotel. It was like 10am, but they let us check in early, so that was lucky. Then we grabbed an Uber and headed to South Congress, where we ended up at a really good Tex Mex place. We sat at the bar, did a couple tequila shots, drank margs and ate chips & queso and just talked. The alcohol helped, of course, cuz I was feeling more comfortable with him once I was buzzed. But the PDA thing was starting to get out of hand. So eventually I had to say something. I just sorta mentioned that PDA isn't really my thing, and he shouldn't take it personally. But apparently, my opinions on the subject didn't seem to matter, because he just kept doing it. But we also kept getting drunker, so my tolerance for his behavior was going up instead of down. We met up with my cousin, Lexi, that night. She's in her last semester at UT. And that was perfect, because we were at this bar, where Kevin had friends from NOLA, and I didn't know them, so with Lexi there, I had someone to talk to and hang with. We were out on 6th street, surprisingly, for most of the night. It was just so crazy being back there after all these years. I felt really old lol. But all in all we had a really good time. I did tell Lexi about how the PDA thing was bugging me, and it was just kind of...TOO MUCH, and was like, "Yea, I can sorta tell."
I don't remember the ride back to the hotel, but I was nervous about him trying something. As luck would have it though, he passed out immediately with all his clothes and shoes on lol. So I just got ready for bed at my leisure and went to sleep unharassed.
Friday morning was brutal. I didn't sleep well at all the night before, I kept having insane dreams that were startling me awake and then I woke up super early with a really bad anxiety attack, which happens when I drink. So I got up, took a Xanax and went back to bed. I was finally sleeping well when Kevin woke me up and said he had a couple friends who wanted to meet up for lunch, and we needed to get ready to go.
Now I am NOT a morning person, and I don't like being rushed. I like to take my time, drink my coffee and not talk to anyone. But here Kevin is being all chipper and pestering me to hurry up and get ready, and I felt absolutely awful. Anxiety in full swing. Surprisingly, I didn't feel hungover, but maybe that's just because the anxiety was taking over all my senses. While I was still asleep, I had gotten a text from Lane about a dream he had. I'll paste.

We sorta kept chatting on and off throughout the next couple days, not about anything relevant really. Just small talk.

Well we finally got out of the hotel and went to meet Kevin's friends, which were these 2 Australian guys on a 6 week trip across the US. He met them at his bar too, like the day after he met me lol. But they were pretty cool. Only thing is, when they met us at the restaurant, I just couldn't deal. When I'm having a full blown anxiety attack, all I wanna do is be alone, and curl up in a ball somewhere. I can't socialize, I can't go anywhere, I just CAN'T. I can't with anything. And that's how I was feeling. I was also really super tired. So I think those Aussies got a really bad first impression of me. And of course, Kevin kept rubbing my knee under the table, and trying to kiss me on the cheek and stuff...((Sigh)) After we ate, I convinced Kevin that I just needed a nap, and I'd meet them back up afterwards. So I went back to the hotel, and couldn't have been more relieved. I took another Xanax and got in bed. I was in and out for a couple hours. When I woke up I had texts from Izzie wanting to make plans for dinner, and I filled her in on my anxiety situation. She was sympathetic, and talked to me for a bit, so that helped. After a while, I started feeling better, and actually felt a bit bored. So I toyed with the idea of getting up and going back out to meet the guys. Then Kevin called and told me they were playing shuffleboard at this place we'd been at the night before, and he missed me and blabla. Then he says, "My friends think you don't like me that much." And I was like, "Damn those perceptive fuckers!" to myself of course, lol. What I actually said was, "Dude, I can't really explain this very well to you, but I was having bad anxiety this morning, and I've told you multiple times that I don't like PDA. And since when are you gonna let these 2 dudes dictate my feelings?" And he was like, "Ok, you're right."

Lane was texting me again, because I told him I was in Austin, and how our flight was at 7am the next morning. He suggested I just ride it out and not sleep, which is something you could conceivably do in NOLA, cuz some of the bars never close, but not in Austin. Then I ended up telling him the situation with Kevin.

Note that the drugs he's referring to is some pot Kevin got from some random guy the night before. I didn't participate in that though. Lane didn't respond after that, so I got up and ralleyed. I felt tons better by the time I got there, physically, but now I felt like I had to be extra affectionate with Kevin or those dudes were gonna say something. ((eye roll)) I wasn't though. I was just normal. Truthfully, I think he's a really nice guy, but just too much for me right now. And being on that trip with him just made me think about Lane, constantly, and reminded me that I'm not over him. As much as I tried to distract myself, I was texting him the whole weekend, and trying to force something that just wasn't meant to be with Kevin. Maybe if Kevin and I had met 2 months from now... I don't know. But it was starting to really bother me that he was completely disregarding my feelings on the subject of PDA, and we ended up getting in a bit of an argument when we got back to the hotel around 12:30 that night. We didn't stay out late cuz our flight Saturday was was so early. FML. 

So we had just gotten out of the Uber and he's grabbing my ass and saying, "Why won't you kiss me?" And I'd just had it! Finally! 

I pushed him away and I was like, "Look. I've been telling you this for the past 2 days, and you just don't seem to be listening. This is all too much. It's too much! We don't know each other! I mean I came here to have a good time, and we did, and that's great, but this is probably the most impulsive thing I've ever done. And we still don't know each other. And I'm just not comfortable being like that with you and you keep pushing it! It's just too much too soon. And whatever I say, I can't win, because you'll probably be mad."

And he was like, "No, I'm not mad. That's cool, I get it. I'm sorry." But of course, he looked upset. ((sigh)). So the elevator ride back up to the hotel was awkward, I went in the bathroom, closed the door and got ready for bed, and when I came out, he was already basically asleep. I set the alarm and went to bed. 

When I got up (at fucking 5:45am), I had a response from Lane. It seemed slightly encouraging, although he was probably drunk when he typed it, but I wrote back. Then nothing.

The flights home went by pretty quickly cuz we both slept through them. And when Kevin's roommate picked us up from the airport, I just kept thinking, Almost there. Almost there, as I fantasized about being alone and in my bed with my furbabies. Then finally I was home, and I just slept. ((Sigh)) Alone at last.

Summer's End

Ahhh the last couple weeks have been exhausting...
Austin was great. I had such an amazing time with Izzie and Jenna...not to mention, Izzie's daughter referred to me as "Mermaid" the whole time I was there. Lol. That was my name, according to her. I really miss Texas, and my friends... Sometimes I wonder what would have happened/where I would be now if I had never come to Chicago. But Izzie very perceptively pointed out that even though she was selfishly sad that I left, she' glad I moved because I really needed to get out of Houston. She reminded me how unhappy I was, which I sometimes sort of forget or overlook when I'm feeling restless, lonely, or homesick. But she told me she'd never seen me so sad, and hopeless. Then she showed me this video on her phone of the last time I visited, and my hair was up in a ponytail and it was just...omg. I had forgotten how the stress and the depression had affected my hair. It was falling out like crazy! It was horrible. It's fine now, and my hair is back to it's normal full self (thank God!), but that was just kind of a reality check.
So even when I get homesick, at least I know I made the right decision coming here. I know I won't stay here forever, but it's ok for now. :)
Yesterday, Sophie and Brent and I went to the Renaissance Faire! It was such a blast... I had on my steel-boned corset, chemise and underskirt, which I haven't worn since Sophie and Brent's wedding. It sort of rained on and off all day, but it was better than being hot! Also, the three of us got to get in a ring, dressed in real armor, and fence to the death!! Lol. They tied balloons to the tops of our helms and you had to pop your opponents balloon to "kill them". It was first to 5 and I was in the lead with 3 strikes, Brent with 1 and Sophie with 0 (lol), but then I started to tire, because I could hardly breathe in my corset, and it was so hot under all that armor, and Brent caught up with me. Then I killed him again, but he kept catching up! Sophie got 2 points by default when Brent and I killed each other simultaneously. Hahaha. We played about 12 rounds, so it was very taxing! In the end, Brent beat me by 1 point. But I blame the corset!! If I hadn't been panting, unable to catch my breath and tripping over my skirts the way I was, I'm sure I would have beat him. In fact, I think if it weren't for the corsets, I would have done quite well living in the Renaissance times. Lol. But omg you should have seen my hair when they took the helm off. Bahaha...
Anyway, it was sooo much fun, and just what I needed right before school starts.
Yup, in 2 days! I can't believe summer is over already. :( Where does the time go??

This morning at 5:45am, Jasper woke me up to go to the bathroom. Which is very unusual, cuz he usually sleeps as long as I sleep, so I knew he must have had to really go. Well it was diarrhea, and it persisted. He woke me twice more after that, and the second time, there was blood in his stool! Of course, I freaked out and rushed him to the vet. Poor baby has a bacterial infection in his GI tract. So we got him some meds, and I have to boil chicken and rice for him to eat all week. And once again, I got next to no sleep. We left for the Ren Faire at 9:30 Sunday morning, and I'd only gotten 3.5 hours of sleep, so I was already exhausted, and then Jaspy got sick... ((sigh)) I don't think he got much sleep last night either. We both just woke up from a much needed nap.
Jasper is so cute at the vet. He gets sooo nervous around the doctors that he jumps in my lap, or curls up behind my legs. He literally buried his head inside my purse, which was in my lap, while we were in the exam room. The vet commented on how attached he is to me. I love him so much! What would we do without our dogs, guys am I right??

One more thing before I go... On Friday, Brazil sent me a facebook friend request. Would anyone like to give me an insightful guess as to why he would do this? I mean clearly I deleted him, and it's not like we're friends in real life. I haven't even seen him once, let alone spoken to him! What's his end game?? And I feel like if I deny his request, then I will come off as not being over it, or bitter. Ugh... So he's just sitting there for now, unconfirmed. Hmmm... Please, please someone tell me what this means!!

Well, once again, I'm sorry I haven't been blogging regularly, but until my life starts to get exciting again, you'll just have to bear with me. :/

Idle Chatter

Well I don't have too much to report, but it's another late night/early morning for me, and I can't sleep. So I figured I'd do some rambling. Well I've just realized that most of my friends are already pregnant with baby #2. ((Sigh)). So that's...depressing.
Also, is it not weird that all my serious boyfriends got married and then started having kids in the order that I dated them?? That's totally weird, right??
Ugh...

Anyway, our staff trip last week was really fun. Of course we all played Truth or Dare the first night as if we were all in high school. Hahaha. But it was hilarious, and my lips are sealed! Lol. And overall it was just a fun, relaxing trip. I drove Ronnie's parents car on the way home, cuz Ronnie was too tired to drive. And that was really nice too, cuz I enjoy driving, but since I don't have a car here in Chicago, I never get to drive. Not to mention, Ronnie's parents drive a Lexus :)

I'm going to Austin in a week too! And I'm sooooooooo excited about that! Hopefully something exciting will happen whilst I am there.

Also, I recently decided that the next guy I hook up with will not be just a hookup. I'm going to be completely celibate until I'm in a relationship. And with the way things are looking, that could be a very, very long time. So let's hope I don't go insane meanwhile. School starts right after I get back from Austin, and up until recently I've been really dreading it. But now I'm actually kind of looking forward to it, if only cuz it means I won't be spending so much time alone, and bored. I really need to get out of the house more. I've been such a homebody this summer. Mostly cuz I'm always trying not to spend any money, although I usually end up failing at that anyway.
My semester is going to be very busy this time around, because I'll be taking all studio classes, Monday through Thursday, and they all go from 9am to 4pm, with 1 hour for lunch. So I'm gonna have to try and turn around my sleep schedule before then. I'm hoping my trip to Austin will do that for me, since Izzie is an early riser.

Well I guess I'm gonna watch another episode of Breaking Bad and then attempt to get some sleep! I'm on season 3. Think I can catch up before season 5 is over??

Just bought a plane ticket to go to Austin and visit Izzie!! So excited!! More details to come...

Holiday Season Is Coming

I know it's been a few days since I've written. I was in Austin for the weekend, and I've just been insanely busy trying to prepare for the holidays!

The end of last week was a little hard, but I made it through, and everything is fine.

TB has still been calling/texting regularly. And honestly...I just don't know what opinions to form on this situation. I mean I told him, when I first met him, that I'm not looking for any kind of relationship; just fun, and trying to get my life back on track, picking up the pieces, etc. And he seemed to totally get it. I just never expected him to stick around! And yes, obviously, I've been texting him back, because it's been nice just to have somebody to talk to... someone who obviously really wants to talk to me, and get to know me. And it's kind of been a while since I've had that. But now he's talking about making another trip out here! And that makes me really nervous, because I don't want him to expect anything, sexual or otherwise. And I told him that too, but he still wants to come!! So, I guess there's not really anything I can do or say to discourage him, aside from stopping all communication. But I don't want to do that. I like him, he's fun and interesting.

Anyways, Cory just got in town tonight. And we have plans to hang out this week. Possibly even tomorrow! I wonder how that's gonna be... Eh, he's funny and cool, I'm sure it'll be fine.

Tomorrow I have to leave work early to go to the doctor. I have to get blood work done. I'm really nervous, I hate needles! But I've noticed that over the past couple of years, I've lost like 30% of the density of my hair! And it's really making me nervous. Hence, the blood work.

But afterwords, I'm gonna meet Emma for dinner, and then get a mani/pedi. So that will be fun.

Austin was nice. I didn't do any partying, just hung out with Izzie and the baby, did a little shopping, and saw New Moon. I loved it! I mean, as a movie. I thought this adaptation was much better than Twilight. As far as the books go, that's a whole different story, but can I just say that Taylor Lautner is totally a hot piece of ass!? ((sigh)) If only he was older...

I can't believe that Thanksgiving is just around the corner! My parents and Sophie won't be here, but Jenna and Izzie are coming into town! So I'll be at the grandparents' house on Thursday with Jenna, and then a group of us, including Cory, are going out Thursday night! I can't wait!

And then this weekend, me and the girls leave for our trip!!! I can't wait!!

Ok, well it's just about midnight now, so time for bed.

Attention Please!

Ok, well! So many things to address...
After reading all your comments, bad and good, my first conclusion was, "Ok, I'm just gonna stop blogging. I'm sick of feeling like I need to justify my words, and my actions to these people. They don't know me, and they have no right to judge me". And that's the truth!
But, on the other hand, this wouldn't be the first time I've resorted to quitting blogger because of a few rude comments. And I'm really not the type of person to do something like that. And I enjoy blogging! So now, let me just make something clear. When I respond to comments, whether in the form of another comment, or in a post, I write exactly what I would say, if we were having this conversation in person... i.e., "fuck you!"
If that girl (I'm assuming it's a girl, because I really don't think I have any male readers) had told me to my face that I needed to act like an adult, and don't screw this up, etc... I would have straight up said "fuck you" to her face. But then I remembered, that I, unlike that girl, am not a timid person, and I'm not afraid to stand up for myself, and if I've got something to say to somebody, I say it to their face. Unlike the anonymous commenters who have nothing nice to say. So I don't feel my actions were out of line at all. If someone came up to you, and bashed you, and told you you were immature, and wrong in the decisions you made, decisions you felt pretty good about, how would you feel? What would you say to that person? I would hope that you would stand up for yourself. Unfortunately, none of you actually know me, and I don't actually know any of you, so we can't have a face to face conversation.
And as for the comment about me being "too boy crazy" and just moving right on to the next guy, that is not the case at all. I'm not moving right on to the next guy. I'm single! I'm having fun! What would you have me do?? Hole up in my apartment like a shrew?? Not go anywhere, or do anything?? I'm taking it day by day. Catching the curveballs that are thrown my way; sometimes I throw them back, and sometimes I hold onto them for a while. But I'm not trying to make TB my new boyfriend. And yes, I admit it! I'm boy crazy! I'm a straight, young woman, with a healthy sexual appetite! And if I wasn't boy crazy, would half of you even still be reading this blog?? Cuz I think it would probably be pretty boring. So, think what you like, but I know that there is nothing wrong with the decision I made to sleep with TB. I feel good about that decision, and I don't regret it at all. And actually, I have made a new friend! He's still been texting me every day. And yesterday, he even mentioned flying back to Houston again soon, because he had so much fun when he was here!
And as for all my supportive readers, I'm sorry if I don't give you guys props enough for your encouraging comments. I do sometimes mention you in the beginning of my blogs. Sometimes it's just an acknowledgement, but I'll try to pay more attention to you in the blog. Because I do really appreciate you guys! It's nice to know that there are people out there who aren't judging me, or talking shit! I mean, everyone needs a little encouragement from time to time. Everyone likes to hear that they've done something right, once in a while, instead of something wrong. Because people are usually so much quicker to point out your mistakes, than your accomplishments. So here's to my positive feedbackers! You are the ones who keep me blogging! :) REALLY! Because when I start to have second thoughts about continuing to write, the first thing that pops into my mind is my loyal followers! Obviously, I'm doing something right, to keep you guys reading, and I don't want to disappoint you.
But anyways, that's my 2 cents on the comment issues. As for everything else, I'm really excited about my trip to Austin this weekend. Izzie and I have been talking back and forth constantly about our ideas for the agency, and what we're gonna do this weekend (go shopping and see New Moon, just to name a few!). It's gonna be a great little getaway. And then next week is Thanksgiving! Izzie will be here for that too, and she's invited me to spend the holiday with her family, since mine will all be in Florida. :(
I'm still not sure what I'm going to do for Thanksgiving though, because Jenna will be in town, so we may be having dinner at my aunts or grandparents' house. But if not, I'll spend Thanksgiving with Izzie. OH! And Cory's going to be in town as well. He got in touch with me just the other night, and we have plans to grab cocktails Wednesday and/or Thursday night. So that should be fun. Izzie is going to come with us, since her Mom will be able to watch the baby.
It's going to be a great week! I'm excited.
Oh, and tomorrow is Brandon's 27th birthday. I wonder if he'll grow up at all this year...

Keeps Coming Back...

Well I'm all set to go to Austin. I found a dog sitter, and requested off work. So I'm going the weekend before Thanksgiving.
Work is getting a little more interesting. I just got finished calling a long list of people, to inform them that technicians are going to be coming in and updating their systems. Not too exciting, but at least it's time-consuming.
This weekend was horrendous. Seeing Brandon after a week of not seeing him, was heart wrenching. He's back with that stupid slut. The one he told me he didn't care about, and she meant nothing to him, and she was boring, and uninteresting. ((Sigh)) It breaks my heart that he would choose her over me! And after all that bullshit he spat me about wanted to be alone, and concentrate on golf, and work, etc, etc...Total lies. And on top of that, people at work, and my friends, feel the need to tell me, EVERY TIME they see him with her, or any girl. And I guess The Slore is telling people that they're dating. Which of course, he denies, under the pretenses that they've "never even talked about that". I wish I could just stop caring. I feel so weak. So fragile. I'm always on the verge of tears. I cry myself to sleep every night, after laying awake for hours thinking about him. And I know he's not right for me. I know he can't give me what I want! But I still love him. I just wish I didn't. And more than anything, I wish I didn't have to hear about him being with another girl. I wish she didn't come into my bar all the time. I wish I didn't get paranoid every time I see Brandon respond to a text message. ((Sigh))
Why am I so depressed?? It's like I've forgotten how to make myself happy. Everything is just dull. Gray. Empty. I'm tired 24/7, probably because I can't sleep at night. And when I do sleep, I wake up almost every hour. I have nightmares, and weird, unsettling dreams. I'm so sick of being alone. And I don't even mean just relationship-wise. I'm by myself all the time! And I don't even have the energy or the motivation to leave the house when I have free time, because I'm so tired, and I feel so antisocial. And when I am around people, I don't feel like talking to anyone. I just sit there and think.
Why her? Why me? What does she have that I don't? Why am I even comparing myself to her? Why can't I just get over it already? Why is it that nothing seems to make me happy anymore??
In the past year, my hair has lost about 30% of it's density. I'M LOSING MY HAIR! I had a full-on mental breakdown Saturday night because of it. When I was washing my hair, there were like 8 full strands in my hands afterwards. I called my mom crying, and she suggested I call in from work. But I couldn't cuz I need the money. Now I wish I would have because Brandon and I got in a fight that night. He got mad cuz I asked him to face his one dollar bills, and he said I was singling him out and trying to make him look bad. ((Sigh)) I told him he was over analyzing and being too defensive and mean. Let's just say, the argument didn't really get us anywhere.
Sunday, I got so mad, I told him to stay out of my life. Because he's selfish and I'm sick of him rubbing it in my face that he has a new chick.
To which he responded, "I can't help what other people say. I'm not doing anything wrong!"
And I told him to shove it because he doesn't give a shit about me, or anyone, but himself. Then he said he was deleting my number.
I ended up texting him later that I was sorry, and I didn't mean all those things, I just need some time, and I hope he understands.
He said he understands, but I don't think he does! I think he thinks I'm crazy, and he doesn't get why I'm so upset over him. I'm just another obsessive ex-girlfriend. He doesn't get it, because he never felt what I do. And that hurts too.
I need help. I'm drowning. I can't deal with this anymore. No matter what I do, or how hard I try, this just keeps coming back to haunt me.

Nothing New

((Sigh))
It's been 4 weeks.
Since we broke up.
Last Wednesday, I went into work, and put in my 2 weeks. I was completely honest. Told him about the blowout between Brandon and I and that I just...thought it was best if I removed myself from the situation. And Mr. S. was really cool about it.
Until Thursday, when he called me and said the management thought it was "best if we parted ways now" and not to bother coming in for my 2 weeks, cuz they already got my shifts covered. Something about a conflict of interest...
Obviously, I was devastated. Spent another 2 days balling my eyes out.
Then on Saturday, I went to Austin.
I guess I was hoping things would still be what I'd hoped for. Fun, excitement, distraction, escape... Maybe a cute boy to kiss.
But it wasn't exactly what I was hoping for.
I mean, don't get me wrong. I had fun! And it was good to get away. But there were no cute boys to kiss. And no distractions. At least not any to get me over this hump.
And now I'm back. And nothing has changed. My life is exactly the way I left it.
And I don't feel any better about it.

And you know what, I can't help that I'm hung up on Brandon! It's not like I'm enjoying this! It's not like I chose this! But I was in love with him. I hate to admit it, but I still am.
How do you just go from spending all your time with someone, being best friends, being in love, to just...nothing?
Nothing.
I want nothing more than to be able to move on, and stop thinking about him.
((Sigh))
I try so hard.
I just can't.

It Is What It Is

Today was actually not bad at all! I had to get up earlier than I would have liked, to make it to my waxing appointment. And that, was obviously not fun, but much needed. Afterwards, I ran some errands, and then Taryn texted me and invited me out for happy hour. Since it was only 5, I figured, why not? I wasn't supposed to be at work till 9. So I met up with her and 2 of her very tall, very attractive male friends and we had a couple drinks. Then we went to a Mexican restaurant for some grub.
I had a margarita with a Chamborde floater. Mmmm....
When I got to work, I was slightly buzzed, and in a good mood! And we were actually kind of busy!
OH! And Law School is back from visiting his parents up north. So he came in today. It was nice to see him. And we even talked about Austin next weekend! He and Mitchell* are thinking about joining Shane and I for a float down the river on Labor Day!!

*Note:* I introduced Law School to Mitchell one night right after Law School moved here, and now they're friends and they hang out all the time. Weird, huh?

So all night at work, I couldn't stop thinking about how much fun that would be! We could all 4 split a hotel room, or we could crash at Shane's, if it's cool with her, and it would just be a total blast! Tug was working with me tonight, and I mentioned it to him. He says if Bethany wants, they might come too! I'm so excited! Even if it ends up being just me and Shane, I'm sure we'll pull some tail, just us girls, and still have an amazing time!

Tomorrow I've got a piano lesson, and then I'm going to get a long overdue pedicure! I work at 10pm, and Brandon will be there already when I get there. ((Sigh))
But I'm going to try and pull some strings and see if I can't get transferred over to another one of our bars... Usually they're not very accommodating about that, but lately they've been making some changes, so we'll see...
All in all, today was a good day. I only cried about Brandon once, and I think I might actually get to fall asleep without crying again! I know it sounds pathetic but...it is what it is.

Spontaneous Trippage

Since I've been back, I've been doing a lot of partying with my coworkers. And it's been awesome! And Tuesday it was somebody's birthday, so naturally, all of us were out. Including Brandon and I.
In the midst of all our partying, Cameryn, one of my managers, asked us if we wanted to go to Austin tomorrow. All the managers had been invited to some huge party, hosted by Dos Equis, and hotel rooms were already paid for, etc. Brandon was hesitant at first, but I talked him into it.
So Wednesday afternoon, Brandon, me and Sheila, another one of my coworkers, all headed out to Austin together. By the time we got there, it was like 7:30, and Mr. P, Cameryn, DJ, Mark, Ali, Blinn, and The Albanian were ready and waiting for us. So we jumped in the van, and we were off! The castle where the party was being held was about an hour and a half outside of Austin. So we stopped and picked up some beers on the way (don't worry, we were being chauffeured). By the time we got there, it was about 9:30, because we had to make several stops for bathroom breaks. Lol. This place was literally out in the middle of nowhere, and there were cars everywhere. And cops, and buses, and people walking around in the middle of the street... It was complete chaos!! The cops were trying to shut down the party, and weren't letting anyone else pass. All of us were pissed, but especially DJ, cuz he had friends in there or something. But we just figured, what the hell! We're in Austin, let's head back and hit downtown. So we left.
Once we got back into Austin, the van dropped us off at the bar of Mr. P.'s choosing, and we got started on the shots. I seriously don't think I spent a penny all night, between Mr. P. and Blinn buying us all rounds. Brandon, Mark and I smoked a little reefer too, so we were startin' to feel pretty good! After about an hour, we headed to 5th Street, and planted ourselves in another bar. We took more shots, danced, and just had an amazing time! It was so much fun! And I've never gotten to see Brandon dance before, so it was pretty hot.
Me and Brandon, Sheila and Mark were sharing a hotel room , so when we got back to the hotel, we all went in the bathroom and smoked some more. Lol. Mark is the biggest pothead ever. Blinn and The Albanian stopped by our room, and Blinn was wildly drunk. He took a handful of Brandon's weed and ate it!! ]
He kept saying "This tastes like sourdough!" Lol. I took pictures.
This morning, I was surprisingly not hungover, but I was exhausted, and my memory was a little fuzzy. I just kept thinking what a whirlwind adventure that was, and how much fun we had. Oh, and I kept thinking how Mark has now seen me in my underwear. ((Sigh)) Oh well.

Ok, now I wanna update you all on the new girl at work that I hate. Her name is Kate, and she just turned 20, and she constantly is throwing herself at Brandon. That's the first reason why I don't like her. The second reason, is because the first shift I worked with her was her first paid shift. And all she kept asking at the end of the night was how much money she could expect to make, and how she made $350 every Friday at her last job, and blablabla... I just wanted to smack her.
So I flat out told her, "Yea, you're not gonna make that here. You're never gonna get the shifts that make that money, because those shifts go to the people with seniority. And right now, you're at the bottom of the totem pole. So don't expect to make that."
Then she went on about how she's so used to being a big fish in a little pond, pulled out a wad of cash, and said, "See this is how much money I made at my other job last night!"
I pointedly did not look. What a stupid bitch.
If you like your other job so much, why the fuck are you working here??
Ugh... So then, Greg said something about me and Brandon, and she immediately turns to look at me and goes, "You and Brandon are together??"
"Yea." I said flatly.
"Oh... Well how long has that been going on??" She asked.
Bitch! It doesn't matter if it's been going on 2 seconds, cuz you still don't have a chance, now back the fuck off!
That was what I wanted to say.
But Greg interjected for me. "Like nine years!" He said, laughing.
I laughed it off too, but I could tell she wasn't happy about it.
Did I mention she wears crop tops, cut off shorts and dark pink old lady lipstick?? WTF??

UGH!! This girl just totally rubs me the wrong way.
And I'm not the only one. Bethany and Alyssa don't like her either, and I've heard from about 4 others that she's not their favorite person. So we'll see how long she lasts, what with everyone disliking her and all. Haha. At least she's under 21, and she won't be at the boat party this Monday. It's gonna be so much fun, I can't wait!!!

Well, I'm about to go to work now. Brandon's picking me up :), so I gotta go!

Escape To Austin

I tried as hard as I could to discourage him from coming with me. I mean, my plan was to stay with Izzie. She had already told me once that my dog and I would always be welcome to stay with her, but I wasn't so sure about me and Oliver, plus 2... ((sigh))
He said I could drop him off at his sisters "on the way" "maybe", but to begin with, her place was definitely not on the way. In fact, it was so out of the way, that I definitely didn't want to take him there, and secondly, she didn't answer his phone calls, so that was out.
I explained the situation to Izzie, and Shane. Both were sympathetic and Izzie said we could still stay. So we hit the road by 5:30. Traffic was very light, because of the recent catastrophe, so we made decent time. Not including the 2 stops we had to make because his dog puked all over my backseat. Three times.
I was furious.
((sigh))

Once we got into Austin, he made me stop at a Target so he could buy some clothes and a razor. And of course, I had to wait in the car with the dogs. All this time Izzie and Shane kept calling me, asking me where we were, because they needed to leave to make an appearance at a party, and couldn't leave until I'd gotten there. So I kept telling Rusty to hurry, but he never hurries. Then I had to take the dogs out to pee, and his stupid dog kept yanking on the leash and tangling us all up. It was awful. He took 45 fucking minutes in that store getting one shirt and a razor!

By the time we got to Izzie and her husband's apartment, I was so frustrated, but all I could do was give Izzie and Shane huge hugs and meaningful looks. But they understood.
Rusty hardly spoke to anyone, other than to introduce himself.

Anyways, since it was a Saturday, of course we were gonna go owntown. Izzie and Shane had already left for the party, and the plan was for Rusty and I to get ready, and then we'd all meet up on 6th. So he showered first, and took a million years I might add.
"What took you so long?" I asked when he finally got out.
"I had to shave!" He protested.
Seriously!?!? Us girls have to shave practically our entire bodies and it never takes me that long!
So I showered as fast as I could, dried my hair, put on my makeup, got dressed and curled my hair all in an hour. When I emerged from the bathroom, I was completely ready, and looking like a million bucks! ;)
"Ok, let's go!" I announced.
"What?? I'm not even ready!"
"What do you mean you're not ready!? What have you been doing all this time??"
"Well I needed the bathroom! I have to straighten my hair!"
I couldn't even respond to that one.
"Hurry up." I said through gritted teeth.

I waited another 30 minutes. Izzie and Shane were texting me again, asking what was taking so long. By the time we got to 6th, it was midnight! So I immediately began drinking. For one, I needed to take the edge off, and second, I needed to make up for lost time.
I did end up having a lot of fun. It was so great to spend some time with Izzie and Shane. Rusty didn't talk much. Surprise surprise. He was pretty much antisocial the whole night. I tried to include him in conversation and loosen him up. But he wasn't having any of it. Oh well. I had a nice buzz going by the end of the night, and we all headed back to Izzie's.

It just so happened that the A/C in Shane's house was out, so she and her dog were staying at Izzie's too. Her husband had pulled out the couch bed and made up a pallet on the floor for us while we were gone. Rusty boldly assumed that he would be sleeping on the bed, and pitched a huge fit when Shane informed him that she and I would be sleeping there. He crawled under the covers of his makeshift sleeping bag and put a pillow over his head! How old is he?! Twelve?! Ugh.
Then, of course, his dog kept running around and trying to jump on our bed. Shane was really pissed about that.

"You better keep your dog over there, because if she jumps up here while I'm sleeping and wakes me up, I'm gonna get really pissed." She said.

He called her back over to him, and I couldn't help but feel a little smug about it. I mean finally
someone besides me was telling him to take care of his damn dog!

The next morning, I woke to the sound of Izzie's husband ranting that Rusty's dog was "shitting all over the porch" and that somebody needed to "get up and take care of the damn dogs!"
I immediately jumped out of bed to help him.
Rusty continued to lay there.
WTF!?!?
I couldn't believe he could be so inconsiderate and disrespectful! I mean Izzie and her husband don't know him! They don't even like him! They didn't have to let us come stay, and they sure as hell shouldn't have to take care of any more dogs!
That was when I decided I was gonna have to cut the trip short. I just felt horrible putting them out like that, and I didn't want to inflict Rusty (or his dog) on them for another night. I told Izzie we were gonna leave early. She agreed it was probably for the best, because she didn't want to end up fighting with her husband.
Then we watched a movie, just the girls, while Rusty left to make long phone calls. But I was enjoying the time without him! We started calling it RFMs. Rusty Free Moments. Lol. It became like an inside joke.

After the movie, we all showered and went out to lunch, and then Rusty and I hit the road.
I had to stop at a gas station on the way out. Rusty went inside to get something while I was pumping gas. When I got back in the car, he was sitting there with a 40 oz can of beer!!

"What the hell are you doing!? You can't drink that in my car! What is wrong with you!?"
He blubbered something incoherent.
"Oh my god you are such an idiot..." I muttered under my breath. He still heard.

That was the last straw. After all the paranoia and all the shit he talks about my driving, and occasional speeding, because he doesn't want me to get pulled over, because he has warrants, etc etc... And he wanted to drink a BEER in my car!!!!
I snatched it from him and dumped it out.

"Fine. I'll just sit here and not say anything and not do anything so that I don't piss you off. Because apparently I can't do anything right." He huffed at me.
"How very mature of you."

We didn't speak the entire drive back to Houston.

The Hurricane

Note: Thanks everyone for your comments of concern, and subsequent relief! Thank the Lord that my family and I are all ok. We're still without power over here, which really sucks, but Oliver and I have a warm bed and food, so I guess I can't really complain, right? Anyways, I'm still at Bethany's, but everyone's in bed now, so I snuck over to the computer to type for you all. Here is part one of my adventure! Enjoy!


Ok, let's start with the Thursday. The day before the hurricane.
Rusty did end up texting me back, like...45 minutes later! He said he was thinking about taking me up on my offer. I made him sweat it a while and didn't immediately respond. Then he sent me another text that said, "I hope you still want me to come over..." and before I could even hit send on my response, he was calling me.
I kept our conversation short. I told him I'd come and get him after work, but that I couldn't chat cuz I needed to finish getting ready for work. Work was alright; we got pretty busy towards the end of the night since nobody had to work the next day, in lieu of the storm. So afterwards, I went and got him. And his dog. Ugh... He has a 5 month old half dalmatian, and she's absolutely a hellion. Not to mention the fact that she's poorly trained, and rarely disciplined. But whatever. She and Oliver get along pretty well, and I wasn't about to tell him to leave his dog! That would be horrible.
So we got back to my apartment pretty late, and we talked a little. He asked why I'd been ignoring his texts/calls, and I told him. Straight up. I said I was fed up with his ungrateful attitude, and I was tired of driving so far out of my way for him, and I felt unappreciated, etc. Oh, and the fact that his casual drug use causes him to call me at 4 in the morning doesn't help either. I basically told him he needed to grow up. He pouted a little, and apologized, but I think I already knew in my mind that that was it for him. I mean, he's not going to change! And it was kind of nice actually, because it was as if, in those 4 days of not talking to him, I got over it! And that's pretty quick for me! I'm impressed with myself. I mean just the initial attraction was gone. The dangerous, he'shotcuzhe'samusician thing wasn't doin' it for me anymore. Because I realized, I want something more!
But, since I already had him at my apartment, for at least a couple days, I figured I'd roll with it and just have fun, and then... And then that would be that. The End.

So, Day Zero. The day of the hurricane.
We woke up really late, did a little last minute shopping, you know, liquor store, drug store, etc... When we got back to my apartment, we were stocked and ready for the hurricane! We watched a little TV, made out a little, smoked a little pot, goofed off some... I begged him to play me a song, but he wouldn't. Of course. You'd think after all the stuff I've done for him, he'd at least oblige by playing me a song! ((sigh))
Anyways, then we decided to go swimming. I can't remember who's idea it was, but I just got this new waterproof camera, and I've been dying to try it! So we changed into our suits and headed out to the pool. Only to find that it had been padlocked. Foiled again! Grr...
But some helpful neighbors on the overhanging pool patio told us not to get discouraged! They had already jumped the fence once. Haha! So we decided to go for it, and they ended up joining us!
It was actually really fun! I got to know some of my neighbors finally, and we all got nice and boozed up, swam around, and had fun! I mixed shots for us all, and we watched the high winds come in until finally we all decided to call it a night.
When Rusty and I went back inside, I took a shower immediately. I figured I should take advantage of the power while we still had it. Then we tried to watch some TV, but ended up making out...and other things, instead. Finally we passed out.
Only to be woken by loud banging and whooshing noises about an hour later! My windows were rattling, and I could hear things banging around outside. We kept watching out the window, but there wasn't really much to see other than swaying trees and the parking lot. So we turned the TV back on to the news. Then the power shut off.
I lit candles and we retreated back to my room. The dogs were driving us crazy by this point. Rusty's dog was really nervous and kept jumping up on the bed and scratching me. Ugh... I tried to go to sleep, but Rusty kept getting up to look out the window (at nothing, I might add, since everything was pitch dark outside too!) and then banging into things and knocking things off my shelves, which in turn, would startle me awake. This happened about 4 times throughout the morning. Needless to say, I didn't sleep well, if at all. Not to mention it was really hot by this time since we had no A/C. ((sigh))
At one point, the storm quieted and we thought it was over, but it must have just been the eye (which had a 49 mile radius!) passing over us, because it came back even stronger. I called my dad at 4 am to ask him how they were doing, because I was so worried. Apparently they'd lost power way before we did, and were at the neighbor's, who had a generator. I asked my dad about my window too, because I was really starting to worry that it might shatter. But he told me it was probably just the frame, not the glass. And he ended up being right. My dad is so smart! :)
I tried to go to sleep again after that. Rusty and/or his dog woke me up a couple more times though, and by the time the sun woke me up, I was reallllllly cranky. And of course, Rusty was passed out comfortably.
I got up and found several doggie presents, which I then proceeded to clean up, only to discover the toilet wasn't flushing. No water pressure. Great. And I really had to pee too. And it was so unbearably hot! How could he just sleep like that??? I rolled my eyes at him and grabbed my keys.
"Hey!", I shook him, "I'm going out. I have to find a working bathroom."
He just groaned and didn't move.
As soon as I got outside I took a long look at the damage. Branches and debris everywhere. The large canopies by the pool knocked over... I could go on. Luckily my car was fine. Mostly everyone's car in my complex was. But still, no power anywhere. ANYWHERE.
I drove around for a half hour trying to find a place that would just be open so that I could their toilet! But no such luck. There were street lights dangling from their cords in the middle of intersections. Large plastic store signs shattered, with pieces of colored plastic blown across the street. Trees the size of ones you'd find in Middle Earth fallen on top of roofs. Windows broken in high rises. Leaves and branches and trees just...everywhere! Blocking entire lanes of traffic! And of course, none of the street lights were working. ((sigh))
It was absolutely catastrophic.

I went back to my apartment, and peed in the toilet anyway. I couldn't hold it anymore.
Then I noticed a large pee stain...ON MY FUCKING BED!

"What the hell?!" I exclaimed.
Rusty didn't even move.
"HELLO!? Your dog fucking pissed on my bed!"
"Huh?", he rolled over, "You don't know that."
"Yes. I do. Oliver has never had any accidents in my bed. He holds it till morning."
"So? It coulda been him. You don't know it was her. Besides, I was laying right here, I would have noticed. And she wouldn't do that right in front of me..." He was obviously in complete denial.
"YOU WERE ASLEEP! And she obviously did! Because Oliver can't jump up on my bed by himself, I have to put him up there. It was her. And now I'm the one cleaning it up. Just great...."

I was fuming. How could he just lay there in bed and let me clean up after his dog who just pissed in my bed?! He didn't even apologize!! I went to the kitchen and made myself a peanut butter sandwich. Then I stomped around the house for a while, grumbling to myself.

"Why are you yellin' at me? Why are you being so grumpy??" Rusty asked in a petulant voice.
"Because. Because it's hot. And I hardly got any sleep with you waking me up every 20 minutes. And then I wake up and I can't even pee. And there's piss and shit all over my new apartment, which I cleaned up, and then! To top it all off, your fucking dog pisses in my fucking bed. Excuse me for being a little irritated!" I snapped.

Then I grabbed my suitcase out of the closet. I started packing.

"What are you doing?" Rusty asked, finally sitting up.
"Packing."
"For what?"
"I just...I have to get out of here." I huffed.
"Well...where??"
"We're going to Austin."

The Return Of The Ex...

Well I just got back from Austin yesterday. The trip was short and sweet, but much needed. It was like a mini high school reunion. Me, Rikki, Izzie, Shane and Megan had 2 wonderful girls' nights.
This entire week has been kinda up and down though. On Thursday afternoon, my mom called me while I was still in Austin. She told me might have breast cancer. ((sigh)) I totally freaked out. I mean I know breast cancer is generally curable and not that serious, but I just never thought it would happen to my mom. Ya know? So I was really upset and crying in the middle of a department store ((ugh...)) and thought I might go home early. But my girls cheered me up, and begged me to stay, so I did. And I'm glad I did.
We went out to 6th St on Thursday night, and had a blast. Izzie and Megan's husbands stayed at the apartment and played Wii, so it was just us girls. I even met a guy! He approached me, talked to me, acted interested, and asked for my number. But I'm learning not to count my chickens before they hatch, so I'm not gonna say anything else about him right now. Except that he did text me last night asking me if I had fun. I told him yes, and that I wished I could have stayed in Austin longer.

So, in other news, my ex is in town. The Psycho.
He called me Tuesday.
He's deploying at the beginning of September, so he got some leave time.
((sigh))
Anyways, I was talking to him, politely, asking him how he was doing, etc... And he said he wanted to hang out. Well I had just gotten off work, and it was 12:30 am, so I told him I probably wasn't gonna go anywhere, since I was leaving for Austin the next day.
"Well I'll just stop by and see you later then." He said.
"Later? What do you mean by later??" I asked.
"I dunno, like 3:30 or something."
"What makes you think I'm gonna let you into my apartment at 3:30 in the morning!?" I asked, incredulous.
"Because it's me! And you better be wearing some sexy lingerie too. I know you got some."
I could hear 2 other guys talking in the background. It sounded like he was in the car.
"Are you fucking kidding me right now!?" I half-shrieked.
"What happened?" He asked, assuming that wasn't meant for him.
"I'm talking to you!" I yelled.
At this point, the conversation went very downhill, and he went on off one of his usual tangents of cusswords and insults. He told me I was an arrogant bitch, and I should go fuck myself, and all this other shit...
I was just sitting there, almost amused really, shaking my head in disbelief.
And I said in a very calm voice, just loud enough for him to hear over his yelling, "You are exactly the same petulant, selfish, immature, dick that you were when we were dating. And you know what? We're not together anymore, so I don't have to put up with your shit. So now, I'm gonna hang up on you, and you're just gonna have to deal with it."
((click))
I sat there for a minute, still trying to comprehend what had just happened.
Had I just had a good old fashioned argument with my ex??
It was like a really twisted sense of de ja vu. Because in the past, I would have gotten really upset, and hurt, and done whatever I could to make him not be mad at me. But this time, I just didn't give a flying fuck! It was awesome. And the best part about it was, I know how he operates. And I know I ruined his entire night. Haha. He probably got all pissed off and stewed in his anger for the rest of the night. Because that is so like him!
So I'm definitely not going to be seeing The Psycho. At least I hope not...

((sigh))

Speaking of exes, Melissa saw Daniel on Thursday leaving the movie theater. He was with Delilah, and some "fugly" girl and another kid. Melissa may have just told me she was ugly to make me feel better, but judging by the other Peyton he dated, I wouldn't be surprised. What I am surprised about, however, is that I haven't run into him yet! But that's definitely a good thing. I'm still not sure I'm ready for that. I still miss him, but I'm doing a lot better. And like they say in He's Just Not That Into You, "It's nice to have companionship and wake up with somebody that you really like, but that's what pets are for. Pets are God's way of saying "Don't lower the bar because you're lonely.'"
And I am so on that!

Anyway, last night after work, Bethany and I went to IHOP, just the 2 of us, and we sat there for a while, talking. Then my phone beeps. I have a text message. At 4 in the morning!
I looked in my inbox, and saw that it was from a number I didn't recognize.
Well, well, well...
Rusty.
"Hey, you still stayin' up late? -Rusty"
I didn't respond right away, cuz Bethany and I were in the middle of a conversation, but I wrote him back 15 minutes later on my way home.
"I sure am. And apparently you are as well..."
Sixteen minutes later, he responds. How typical. Lol.
"Yea I had a gig tonight. What are you doin'?"
I waited another 16 minutes. Haha.
"Just got home from work and IHOP a little bit ago. Now I'm reading a book in bed. You?"
He responded right away to this one.
"I just got home too. Just telling my roommate about the night."
"So where'd you play at?"
"It's called The Depot. Then we went to a really southern after party."
"Lol nice. Were there people in overalls?"
"Not quite, but it wouldn't have surprised me."
"Ha. Well sounds like had an interesting night. I'm going to sleep now finally. Busy day tomorrow, goodnight."
I wanted to be the one to end the conversation, because I didn't wanna see to eager. Plus I was getting really tired.
And he really needs to just call me. No more texting.

So I finally picked out my dog! He's a goldendoodle, SO adorable! When I get him, I'll post pictures! I can't wait. And don't worry, I know how much responsibility a dog is. I did have a horse, remember?? Puppies are like children. I mean, would you leave your infant home alone? No.
So I definitely have some sitters lined up for when necessary; and as long as he's little, I plan on taking him everywhere! And there's this really awesome dog park right down the street.
Oh! And I'm going to call him Oliver. :)
After Oliver Wood in Harry Potter. Hehe.
He arrives from Indiana in the beginning of September! :) :) :)

Boy Drama

I've been spending so much time at Daniel's, that I've hardly even had the opportunity to sit down at a computer!
Austin last weekend was...ok. I mean there were just too many people, all wanting to do their own thing, and it ended up being more stressful trying to cram everything in, than it was fun! But during the day, Shane, Izzie and I did go to the greenbelt for a swim, and that was a blast! Shane's new house is awesome, and I like her roommates too. Shane and Izzie got into a little tiff on Sunday because Shane didn't want Izzie to bring her husband to brunch. Sometimes, Shane can just be really...bitchy! I mean, I dunno how else to put it. But I felt really bad for Izzie, cuz she really wanted to hang out, but she had already spent the whole day with us the day before, and her poor husband just wanted to spend some time with her! But Shane made her feel unwelcome, so she ended up not coming. I talked to Izzie about it on Monday, as I was driving home, and I apologized to her and told her I wished she would have come.
I ended up going over to Daniel's and I've spent every night there so far! And we've been having so much fun! Tuesday after work, he took me for a ride on his Ducati. OMG! It was AMAZING! Talk about a major turn-on...
We went to a couple bars to meet up with his friends, and then on our way home, I asked him to stop by my work to see if they had put up the new schedule yet. Well, they hadn't, but as I was walking back out, Gavin and Sierra were standing outside, and Daniel was sitting on the bike, in the parking lot, with the engine running, just waiting for me.
"Wow, that guy sure has on some tight pants!" Gavin said, and laughed.
I stopped, turned around, and looked at him, incredulously.
"Jealous much?" I said, and walked off.
Since when did he become the authority on fashion!? He doesn't even know how to dress himself! Seriously! And Daniel is actually a pretty good dresser, thank you very much! Not to mention, he wasn't wearing tight pants. At least not any tighter than a normal pair of jeans. He was sitting on a bike! Ugh... I just couldn't believe that. Seriously.
But whatever, I rode off into the night on a motorcycle with a hot guy, while he got to the stand there and watch with his annoying, 20 year old girlfriend. Ha!

Wednesday, Daniel and I went out again to meet his friends, and we had a minor disagreement about his smoking habits. Basically, he got kinda drunk, but I didn't since I was driving, and he just kept smoking and smoking! And I hate that! Plus he was kind of ignoring me, and I don't know any of his friends. So I was getting irritated. Then when we were in the car, driving to the next place, he asked me what was wrong.
"Well, you know I don't like smoking, and if you're actually trying to quit, that's fine. But I don't understand why you have to do it in front of me!"
"I can't believe you right now." He said.
"Why not?? You knew from the beginning that I can't stand smokers. And I'm sorry if I feel like I shouldn't have to lower my standards for anyone. I mean, not to sound cocky or anything, but other guys do ask me out."
"Oh so you're just settling for me then??"
"NO. I'm not. I really like you, which is why this bothers me so much!" I protested.
"Let me out of the car." He said. We were in the middle of the street.
"What? No!" I said, and locked the doors.
"Just let me out. I can walk from here."
"No you can't. How will you get home? I'm not letting you out."
"I'll find a ride, just let me out!"
"Seriously??? Are you really getting this dramatic on me right now? Why can't you just talk to me?"
"Because. I have nothing to say to you." He said. And then he got out! (We were at a red light.)
So I turned the car around, and ended up parking it in some random person's driveway and literally chasing him. So ridiculous...
In the end, we talked and worked it out, but I still haven't forgotten his dramatics. I mean, he apologized to me that night, and then again the next morning. And he admitted he was pretty drunk, but who wants to deal with that kind of drama!? I thought I graduated from high school. ((sigh))

Separated At Birth?

Well, Sunday on the boat was a blast!
But remember the boy I mentioned? The one with the crush? Well apparently it's a bigger deal than I thought! His name is Brian. And not only is he determined to pursue me, despite the fact that he knows I'm seeing someone, but he reminds me so much of my ex, The Psycho, that it's frightening. I mean they dress the same, they kinda look alike, they use the same expressions, they write the same, they like all the same stuff (including me, haha!), they even have the same haircut!!! It's insane!!!!!! I mean, I can't even look at the guy, let alone talk to him, without getting the willies!
One thing I can say for Brian is, he's definitely got The Psycho's good qualities. Lol. That is, if he has any. Maybe The Psycho is Brian's evil twin. Lol. I mean, when I first fell for The Psycho it was because he was the "bad boy". You know, dangerous, with tattoos and 2 different colored hair and mohawk, and he stunted bikes, and was really into extreme sports, etc etc... I mean he was very talented at all those things, like motocross, and water skiing, and skating. But he was just the biggest dick ever. And Brian isn't a dick. Actually, if his persistence wasn't so annoying, it might even be a little endearing. ((sigh)) I just feel sorry for the guy. Because even if I wasn't seeing Daniel, I would never be able to get past the whole youremindmeofmyex thing.

As for Daniel, things are still going great! He emails me all day, every day when he's at work. And we hang out a lot, and stay at his place a lot. But it's never gotten past heavy making out. He's actually quite the gentleman. And I like that about him. We just lay in bed and talk and cuddle. We enjoy each other's company. I mean it's not that I don't want to sleep with him, because we definitely have chemistry. But I'm being cautious. Because why would Alyssa tell me to be careful around him, unless she had a good reason to? She's one of my oldest, best friends. And he's her brother. So it's not like she's out to ruin his life or anything. She loves him too.
But so far so good.

Tonight he actually showed up to my work with dinner, because I had mentioned earlier that I wasn't going to have time to eat. :) How sweet was that? Then he begged me to come over afterwards and stay the night. When I assured him he would be fast asleep by the time I got off work, he said he'd leave his door unlocked and give me his gate key. But Bethany and I have a photoshoot tomorrow (well, technically today), and I need my rest, so I told him sorry, not tonight. And I could totally tell he was disappointed.
He told me last night that I just don't realize how much he likes me, and that he hopes I'll stick around. ((sigh)) I do really like him...

Anyways, on Friday I'm miraculously off work, so Melissa and I are taking a 1 night trip to Austin. It's been so long since Melissa and I have gone out together, and I miss her! So I'm really excited! And tomorrow after our shoot, Bethany and I are gonna go out for some cocktails before I meet up with Daniel.

I know I haven't been very good about updating lately, but honestly it's because I've been spending so much time at Daniel's! Maybe I should start bringing my laptop with me... Well, I'll try to do better.

Demetri Of The Day:
"I was in a shoe store and the guy called me boss, and I said, “Yea, can I just get those sneakers in a 10?” And uh, he said, “Okay” and then he went down stairs. He came back and he said, “I don’t have a 10, I have a 9.”
“Oh great, because while you were downstairs, my toes were severed off. So that works out. Normally it would be stupid for you to tell me a number different than the one I said, ’cause it goes with my body part. But given my very recent accident, you’re right on. I’ll take the 9’s and a pile of band-aids, thank you. You’re re-hired ’cause you’re a genius."

Charlotte's Birthday

About a week after I got back from New York, Jenna and I did a photoshoot! My first photoshoot! And it was so much fun!! Not to mention the pics came out awesome! I'm really excited because I think this will help me get my freelance photography business off the ground! Woohoo!!

In other news, Melissa is single again! I mean, it kinda sucks for her, because her stupid boyfriend dumped her for his slutty ex, but she's definitely better off! And as soon as I got back from New York, we started to hang out a lot. It was just like old times! Well, she introduced me to a few of her friends, which I began to see a lot of when we went out. First, there's Amanda. She's my age, single, a second grade teacher, really goofy and sweet. Then there's Charlotte. She has a job where she gets to travel a lot, but I'm not really sure what she does. When I met her, her and her boyfriend of 4 years had recently split. Then there's Mackenzie. She's a promo girl for Tito's vodka, so I see her at work a lot. Anyways, all three of them are great, and the 5 of us always have a blast when we hang out!
So Charlotte's birthday was a couple weeks ago, and we all decided to make a trip to Austin for the night to celebrate. I was able to get my shift picked up at the last minute, lucky me!
We all drove together in Charlotte's company car. We had so much fun talking, and singing loudly and horribly to Justin Timberlake in the car. I texted Tommy to tell him to come hang out, but he was in Houston! What are the chances...
We stayed at a really nice hotel in the heart of Austin, just a few blocks from 6th Street! It was perfect!
So we all got dressed and ready in the hotel room and then went to have dinner at Truluck's, which is a fancy steakhouse in Austin, with the best blueberry martinis! Dinner was amazing, and we all left feeling content.
The first place we headed was 6th St. We went to Josh's bar, and he gave us a couple rounds of shots, as usual, in exchange for a kiss. Although, I noticed there's not really any sparks between us anymore. It's more of a routine than anything. He told me to come back later and see him though.
We hit up the usual bars, getting tons of free drinks along the way! It was so much fun!
But later on in the night, we got split up into 2 groups. Me, Melissa and Charlotte, and Amanda and Mackenzie. For some reason, I was feeling quite sober, while Melissa and Charlotte were quite the opposite! Charlotte was talking to every person she encountered, and practically tripping over her own feet by the time we made it to 4th Street. I was also the only one who was smart enough to bring a jacket, so Melissa and Charlotte wouldn't stop whining about how cold it was. I ended up just giving them my coat to share, so I wouldn't have to listen to them complain anymore.
Well, I was started to get irritated, being the only sober person, and Melissa was starting to get mad, because she was convinced that Amanda and Mackenzie had ditched us. So things were starting to go downhill by this point. Then we went back to Josh's bar to see him, and the door guy wouldn't let us back in. This sent Melissa flying off the handle! It's pretty funny, in retrospect, but at the time, she was scary! I thought she was gonna spit on the guys shoes! So we left, and started heading towards a pizza stand, Melissa still mumbling strings of profanities about the door guy. She had also ignored probably 6 of Amanda's calls, because she was mad at her too. Lol.
When we got inside the pizza parlor, Charlotte started crying. No warnings! Just tears! She was so drunk, she could hardly walk or talk, and now she was sobbing too! So Melissa and I got the pizza and started our trek back the hotel, practically supporting Charlotte. We both kept telling her to stop crying, but she just couldn't stop!
"Why are you crying Charlotte?! It's your birthday, and you've had a great time, and you have no reason to be crying! STOP CRYING!" Melissa scolded her.
"I know," Charlotte sniffled. "I just can't help it!" she continued to sob.
We both knew it was about her ex, but there was no comforting her. She just wanted to cry!
So there I was, walking down the street with Mad and Sad. What a sight we were! And I was freezing my ass off, in a halter top with no coat. When we got back to the hotel, Mackenzie and Amanda were already there waiting. We had both room keys. Melissa said something snippish to Mackenzie about them leaving us, and got in the elevator without us. Amanda tried comforting Charlotte and Mackenzie was asking me why Melissa was mad at them. DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA! I just wanted to scream!
"Look, we've all been drinking, let's just go to bed and deal with this crap in the morning!" I said.
So that's what we did. But by the time we were all in bed, everyone had made up, and Charlotte had stopped crying, and everything was fine again. Except that it literally took me a good 30 minutes to thaw out and stop shivering! Plus I was sharing a bed with Melissa and Charlotte so I hardly slept a wink.
But I think it was worth it.
I love my girls!

Mitch Of The Day:
"I think a rotisserie is a really morbid Ferris wheel for chickens. We will take a chicken, impale it, and then rotate it. Spinning chicken carcasses make my mouth water. I like dizzy chickens!"

My 50th Post!!

Is anyone even still reading my blog?? If you are, I'd love to hear from you!

Anyways, it seems like a lot has happened since my last post, but not anything really worth writing about. Except that Shane and I got into a little tiff when I was in Austin. I'll start from the beginning.
Setting: 2 hot girls getting ready for a night out on the town in Austin.
Plot: Shane and Peyton head downtown hoping to meet some hot guys, and have a good time. Before long, they run into Tommy: your classic All-American, Ambercrombie lookin' guy. He's tall, blond, blue-eyed, and has a great smile. He's also funny, and goofy and outgoing. Naturally, Shane and Peyton both notice his charm. However, Tommy is very careful not to appear any more interested in one girl, than in the other. Well played. This conjures up feelings of jealousy, insecurity, and overall territorialness amongst the girls. As the night goes on, both Shane and Peyton vie for Tommy's attention.
But before long, Peyton begins to see past Tommy's pearly white smile, and hot body. She also begins to see past Shane's flirtatious gestures, and "sarcastic" (slightly demeaning) comments.
Break down: Tommy is yet another self-centered, self-gratifying, narcissistic douche bag, with too much money, and too many notches on his bed post. And Shane, although she is a great girl, has a tendency to surround herself with attractive girls, with the intentions of getting noticed by attractive boys. However, she turns into quite the green monster when any of that attention is directed at anyone other than herself.
So, as all the horrible memories of past douche bags are flashing through Peyton's mind, she begins to inwardly hyperventilate, and start looking for ways out of the situation, and away from Tommy!
Shane of course, continues to put up a fight. She "just wants to hang out with Tommy, not date him!" "He's just a really fun guy!" "He doesn't even compare to Dr. New York!"
But the excuses just keep on coming, and Peyton is becoming increasingly wary.
Finally, when the bar closes, Peyton manages to escape, with Tommy and Shane in tow of course. But now, Shane hopes Tommy will drive them to their car. Tommy, of course, obliges, and they all pile into his Porsche SUV. (Trust Fund Baby) Shane and Tommy exchange numbers, as Peyton stares out the window, seething.
As the girls are driving home, Shane continues to defend herself against her actions, even though she claims she did nothing wrong. And although Peyton wasn't opposed to throwing back one hot guy, she still felt slightly betrayed. After all, Shane has a "great doctor guy" in New York, in addition to the 4 other guys she is already dating. And it seemed to Peyton that Shane just wanted every eligible attractive male all to herself! Shane was very selfish indeed!
This really bothered Peyton, considering she's about to embark on a trip across the country with this girl! But maybe it was mostly the sting of losing. Losing a guy to a friend. Does that mean she's prettier? Maybe it's because she's skinnier...or because she's blonde? All these things were flying across Peyton's brain and she couldn't stop them. She just couldn't help feeling insecure...inferior. How does Shane play The Game so well??

Mitch Of The Day:
"I wear a necklace now because I like to know when I'm upside down."

Dry Spell?

Not sure if I mentioned this before, but Shane is definitely coming to NYC with me and Evan! I'm sooo excited! And relieved...! I'll actually have a girl to go shopping with. And on top of that, she recently met this surgeon, who lives in NY, and has a boat house on the Hudson, and he's offered to put us up for 2 nights!! How perfect is that?! AH! She and I have been chatting on the phone about this trip non-stop since she decided to go. It's gonna be amazing!
I'm also making another trip to Austin this week. I have off Thursday and Friday for some reason, so I decided to take advantage of it and finally hit 6th on a weekend night! It's gonna be a blast!
I don't have much else to write about. I'm going through another bookworm phase. I'm currently right smack in the middle of 2 books. I dunno why, but every once in a while, I just get this crazy itch to read, and that's pretty much all I do in my spare time!

As for Hot Dereck, I've decided to actually follow my instincts (and your advice!) and stay away from him. He's just all around bad news. And how am I gonna find the man of my dreams if I keep flirting with disaster?!

The week before Thanksgiving, I'm going to Orlando to visit Sophie. The whole family is getting together at my uncles house for Thanksgiving dinner. He lives about 45 minutes outside the city. BUUUUUUUUUT...Sophie and I are going to get tattoos! Well, I'm for sure getting one, but she's not certain if she's ready. The last time I was in Austin, I doodled this really unique looking star on my wrist with black eyeliner. I almost went and got it done while I was there, but Sophie convinced me to wait so we could go together. And I've been redrawing it on every day since, so that I can really get used to the idea of having something permanantly on my body. I don't have any tats yet, but I'm excited!!

I'm starting to think the whole thing between John and I was totally bogus. I dunno what to make of any of it. He's just so...absent. Nick says he's just "weird". Whatever... Perhaps I'm just going through a dry spell. ((sigh))
Sorry this post was so totally boring. Hopefully I'll have more for you guys next time!

Mitch Of The Day:
"I want to ride in a cold air balloon. "This isn't going anywhere!""

ATX

I didn't end up leaving Houston until late Tuesday afternoon, but I got to Austin around 8pm. Shane and I decided to meet up at a shopping center so we could look for something to wear to the party. Shane had her new puppy in tow! He's a chihuahua mix, SO adorable! His name is Chulo. Anyways, I ended up finding a cute, simple black skirt to show off my new black leather boots.

After shopping, Shane needed to stop at the grocery store for some dog food, so I offered to wait in the car with Chulo to speed things up a bit. We were kind of in a hurry to get home and start getting ready! So as I was sitting in the car waiting, smoke starts coming out of my hood! I jumped out and popped the hood because my car was obviously overheating. There was green coolant leaking out everywhere! A random guy came over and asked if I was ok, and took a peak under the hood. He said it was my radiator, and that I wouldn't be able to drive it without blowing the engine. Great. Just my luck huh??

So when Shane came out of the store, I explained what happened and we packed all my stuff into her car and headed back to her place. Luckily she lives just down the street from the HEB we were at. I was gonna have to have my car towed over to a shop the next morning, and get my shift covered at work just in case I didn't make it back on time.

But we tried not to let that put a damper on our fabulous evening! So we got dressed in a hurry, and Izzie came and picked us up, and we were on our way!

When we got to Pure, the bar where the party was at, there was a huge white H2 limo in front, and tons of paparazzi! We totally felt like celebrities, skipping to the front of the line and walking right in. It was awesome! Izzie and Shane had made friends with the manager and one of the door guys last week, which was super convenient! It wasn't that crowded when we walked in, but Pure has 3 floors so we decided to make our way up. The friendly door guy escorted us up to the 3rd floor, where the VIP area was. It was totally packed up there! And there they were, right in front of us! Pete Wentz, Ashlee Simpson, the rest of the guys from Fall Out Boy, and the guys from Gymn Class Heroes! They were all sitting in a booth, talking and laughing just like normal people. The booth area was roped off though, and there were tons of camera people crowded around, and girls I could only assume were groupies.

Well Door Guy got us in past that rope too! I felt like we were walking into a photograph in People Magazine! Pete and Ashlee looked just as I'd pictured them: he in his black hoodie with the hood up, she with her fedora cap and grease ball hair that looked like it hadn't been washed in 8 days, and both of them in their Converse. We thought about asking for autographs, but decided against it because we didn't wanna be rude, or annoying, or like all the other girls we were surrounded by. So we just mingled and had some drinks, and soaked up the limelight being reflected off the stars!

There was also a camera guy from some late-night show there, and we were totally on TV for like 10 seconds! Haha. Pete and Ashlee skipped out early, of course, and around 1 am we decided we were ready to hit the rest of 6th street. Against my better judgment, I texted Josh to see if he was working. He replied yes, and told us to come over for some free shots. So we did! And once again, all he asked for payment was a kiss, which I happily gave him! Even though he was kind of a jerk last time, he's still a cutie. We stayed at his bar until close, and then headed home for some much needed rest! All in all, Tuesday was a great night!



Wednesday morning, however, came much too soon. My alarm went off at 8 so I could start calling autoshops. I called work and let them know what was going on, and they got my shift covered for me. After calling several shops, I finally found one that said they could probably finish in a day, so Shane and I drove up to HEB to hide my keys for the towing people. Then we went back to Shane's and slept for most of the day. My car was done around 5, but the traffic was so horrible that I didn't make it back to Shane's till 8! So, what's another night in Austin, huh!?

It was pretty crowded out on 6th for a Wednesday too. Izzie didn't join us this time, so it was just me and Shane. We walked around 6th for a while and then decided to head down to 5th and Congress, where the swankier bars are. Josh and a few of his guy friends ended up meeting us around midnight. And it was really weird, because he was totally acting like my boyfriend the whole night! He kept putting his arm around me, or touching the small of my back when we walked, and I never realized how into PDA he is!! I had to actually tell him at one point that I wasn't comfortable making out in front of Shane and thousands of strangers. Mostly I felt like it was rude to Shane, since she wasn't with anyone. But she was off flirting with other boys most of the time, so there was no harm, no foul.

When the bar closed, the boys were walking Shane and I to our car, when some random drunk guy walked up to our group and just started talking shit to us for no reason. I could feel the testosterone levels increasing so I told the guy to do himself a favor and just keep walking. But of course, he wouldn't listen, and the next thing we knew, Josh and his friends were literally chasing this guy down the street! ((sigh)) Boys...

Shane and I quickly turned and walked in the opposite direction because we didn't wanna be at the scene if the cops showed up. So we drove back around and picked them up. Josh was sporting some bloody knuckles, and he seemed a little too proud of himself. ((rolls eyes))

We decided to hang out with them at one of the guys' apartment afterwards. They told us they had food, which was a lie!! So we didn't stay too long. I said goodbye to Josh and the other guys, and we headed out.

On the way home, I practically begged Shane to come to NY with Evan and I. I just really, really want a girl to shop with, and flirt with boys with and stuff. And Shane is single and we have so much fun together! She said she is really tempted, and she'll try and save some cash, but it's all up in the air. I hope she comes though! It would be so much fun!



The drive home was long and monotonous, but I was in for a couple of surprises when I got home...



Mitch Of The Day:

"That would be cool if the earth's crust was made out of graham cracker. It would disappear just like the ozone layer, but for completely different reasons."

I...

I'm feeling very frustrated.
I think I'm going to either get a different bartending job, or move to Austin.
And I hope that no one follows me.
I need a change.