The Mutual Exclusivity of Friendships and Significant Others

I've been struggling, but somehow I'm keeping my head above water. Mostly I think because I've just been too busy to worry. I started a second job this week, to supplement my income, thank god, and I just sort of hit the ground running. But let me go ahead and fill you in the last couple weeks.
July 1 was Bethany and Tony's couples engagement shower thing. I really, really didn't wanna go. That was like the day after my last post, I was feeling really shitty, and just didn't think I could handle that. But since I'm a bridesmaid, it would have looked back if I didn't go, and Lauren basically forced my hand by saying she wouldn't make any excuses for me if Bethany asked why I wasn't there. we agreed to ride together, and I told her I probably wouldn't be very good company, but she said she didn't care as long as she didn't have to go by herself. Well it was an open bar, and I ended up just getting shitfaced on chardonnay and tequila shots. Who does that?! Lol. The night actually turned out ok though. I met a nice, attractive guy at the shower, and sort of...latched onto him. Not in a clingy way, I mean, he was interested! But Lauren ended up leaving early, and Vicky, one of the other bridesmaids, convinced me to stay and said she'd give me a ride home, because everyone was going out afterwards. Well I rode to the bar with the guy, Brian. I was already really drunk by this point. Everything at the bar is really fuzzy. Brian ended up driving me home. I don't know what happened to Vicky. He walked me to the door, and came inside and we kissed, and talked for a bit, but that's it. He's apparently very allergic to cats, so he basically left ASAP. Lol.
The next day I woke up super hungover and I was supposed to drive to Houston. But I literally couldn't move. Then my cousin Macie called, because she was in town for the weekend with her boyfriend. She's a sophomore at Louisiana Tech. I asked her if they could drive me to my car, and she said ok. So they both came over, and we sorta just goofed around for a while. I still couldn't muster the energy to really get up and get going. Then Macie convinced me to come to lunch with them and Grandma. I figured, free lunch, why not? But seriously, by the time I got my car, packed up and was ready to go to Houston, it was like 7pm. And the drive sucked, but at least there wasn't any traffic. Surprising since it was Saturday before Independence Day. The reason for my trip to Houston is because my Aunt Raquel (Jenna and Amy's mom) finally passed away after 3 years in hospice with early onset dementia. She'd been in really bad shape, so it came as a surprise to no one, but because Jenna is one of my best friends, of course I wanted to be there for her.
It was around midnight when I got in, and I was completely exhausted after the night before, and just the week I had. I had to drive to Baton Rouge early in the morning 3 days in a row for training for the new job, and just hadn't gotten much sleep. But my dad made me get up to go to church with him the next morning. He said all my old friends were in town and they'd be there! But literally no one was. In fact, there were less people there than a normal Sunday. But whatever. Afterwards, we went to my Aunt Jeanie's for food and swimming with the family. The family that I've been basically estranged from. ((Sigh)) I didn't put up a fuss about it though because my dad's sister just died, and I knew Jenna would be there. It was actually ok. I had fun, other than my douche cousin Paul telling me I must have a small brain because I said horoscopes are horseshit. ((eye roll)) He is such a prick. Anyway, I basically went home and slept after that, still not having caught up on sleep.
The 4th was spent with Taryn and her boyfriend. Even though her bf was there, it was some much needed bestie time and we had a blast. We got day drunk, went swimming, went out for drinks, and then ended up at someone's high rise apt to watch the fireworks. Once we were there, inside said apt, someone mentions to me that Brandon lives there. Brandon, as in my ex. The last actual boyfriend I had. I honestly wish no one even told me because after that I could not stop obsessing over him, and how much I hate his current gf (which is true, she's a total twat), and how he took me for granted when we were together and broke up with me bc he said he thought I was going nowhere in life... Ugh. I rarely get embarrassed, but drunk me was literally spouting this shit to anyone who would listen. Luckily, he wasn't there.  He was in Europe with the twat gf for a wedding. Ugh. But I'm sure someone will tell him I was there, in his house, and how I couldn't stop talking about him. ((Sigh)) Whatever.
I drove back to NOLA the next day. Back to reality! Brian continued to text me, despite my drunk shenanigans at the wedding shower. Carrie texted to let me know she would be in Louisiana this weekend. Since she's moving to Baton Rouge with her boyfriend. Another one bites the dust... I can't remember if I mentioned that or not. I mean I'm glad she's moving closer to here, but I doubt that will change much, honestly. So I worked all week, and everything kinda just flew out of my head about the weekend. Friday night I texted Lauren, asking what she was up to, no response. Then Sunday morning rolled around, and I got a group text from Carrie to Lauren and I. She said she and her bf, Jack, were gonna drive into the city that afternoon, and she wanted us to all go out to dinner so we could meet him. I said sure, sounds great, and then she asked me if they could stay at my place, because she had a job interview Monday on the north shore. I said ok, and began making a mental list of all the things I'd have to do to get my place ready for overnight guests. Then finally, Lauren chimes in with, "Would y'all want to just come to my house for dinner? [Dallas] is in town and we were just planning on making pizzas at the house and hanging at home. We have plenty of food and wine. :D"
I literally started crying. Maybe it was because it was early, and I was still in bed and really tired. Or maybe it's because I'd been really looking forward to some more much needed girl time and I just can't seem to get any without everyone's fucking boyfriends around! I don't really know why I started crying, it was just my reaction.
I said, "Ugggghhhh ok I'm out."
NOT IN THE MOOD TO "HANG AT HOME" WITH 2 COUPLES.
Carrie: Wtf Peyton
Me: Sooooo dont wanna be a 5th wheel right now.
Lauren: My sister is going to be there too.
Yea, cuz she fucking LIVES there. NOT the same.
I didn't respond.
Then Carrie called. I felt weird trying to explain to her that I'm trying really fucking hard to not get depressed, and hanging out with you guys and your boyfriends is not going to help. I can't remember exactly what I said, I just told her I didn't wanna hang out with couples, I couldn't deal with it right now. And she tried to convince me it wouldn't be like that, and she doesn't act coupley, and the guys would go off and talk and we could just hang out... But I still declined. I told her it wouldn't make a difference who the couples were, I just can't do it. And she said she understood. Then I suggested we meet up after and go for drinks, since she and Jack were gonna stay at my place anyway, and she agreed.
Since I had the day off from work, I spent it cleaning, doing laundry, and changing my bedding, since I was gonna let them have my bed, and just take the couch for the night. I cleaned the litter box, and the kitchen, and got rid of any clutter around the house. It took most of the day. Then Brian texted and asked what I was doing later. I forgot I'd told him I was off Sunday and that maybe we could hang. Of course, that was before I knew Carrie and Jack would be sleeping over. So I told him what was going on, and I said he could join all of us for drinks. He seemed a little uncomfortable with that though, and asked if we could just meet first, before I go out with Carrie and Jack. So I agreed.
I texted Carrie and said, "I'm gonna go on a sort of date. He knows I'm meeting up with you though, but I'll probably go to the other side of the river. So let's just keep in touch."
Carrie: I can just stay here if that's easier? But if you wanna ditch him let me know and I will come over. I don't want to interrupt.
Me: No! I don't wanna change our plans! I'm just meeting him for a couple drinks.
Carrie: I will be back next weekend too
Me: I have to work all wkend next week cuz I'm filling in for a girl who's gonna be out of town, but if you would rather stay with Lauren, that's fine
Carrie: No that's not it at all, just didn't want to interrupt your date. We are about to eat, what you thinkin? 8?
Me: Yea that's cool

So I go to meet Brian around 6:45. The date went well I guess, but it's definitely not gonna work out between us. Aside from the fact that he's terribly allergic to cats, he wants five fucking kids! FIVE! That is completely out of the question. We actually had an interesting debate about that.
You know what I really hate? People basically telling me that I should want children, because - insert one or more here:
A) It's expected of me, as a woman
B) It's just what married couples do
C) You'll change your mind when you meet the right guy
D) You can't be happy or fulfilled without children
E) I just don't understand why anyone wouldn't want them!

UUUGGGHHHHH.
PEOPLE! STOP TELLING WOMEN THEY NEED/WANT/SHOULD HAVE CHILDREN. I CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT.
I get this from men and women alike. Honestly, more from women. There are several reasons that I don't want kids, and I can think of a lot more cons than pros. Sure, people who have kids love them. But that doesn't mean they wouldn't have been just as happy if they never had any in the first place!
Anyway, that's a rant that deserves a post of it's own, so back to the story...

It's not gonna work between Brian and me, but he's a nice guy. About 45 minutes into our date, I get a text from Carrie. It's 7:30pm. "What up. We are just going to stay here. We have been drinking. Y'all have fun."
I was pissed, but almost unsurprised. I didn't respond.
When I got home I was even more upset than that morning. I cleaned my fucking house and did laundry and all this stuff for them to came stay and she just fucking blew me off to have couple time with Lauren and Dallas. It's like because I'm single and now they are not, I no longer FIT in, because I don't have a dude to bring.

So that's basically my life right now. I haven't talked to Carrie since, although she just texted me about something random. I don't know what to say because I'm upset and I want her to know I'm upset and I want her to know why, but I also don't want it to become a thing between us. She's generally a good friend, and was single for a long time too, so it's not like this is common.
I didn't go to dinner with them because sometimes you have to be able to give yourself what you need. You have to prioritize your own needs before others. And that's what I did, and I'm still the one getting shit on for it.

A Crappy Situation

Alyssa and I finally talked about the whole situation about Daniel and I. It just seems like since Daniel and I have been dating, it's been harder for me to talk to Alyssa about...stuff, because I don't wanna weird her out! I mean, like I mentioned in my last post, most of the things I would normally tell her, I didn't wanna bring up, because it was her brother!
I asked her if she thought I was being stupid, dating him I mean. And she said, "Well, no... I mean, just be careful. It's just that most of the other girls he's dated were really stupid, or immature, or psycho... And I didn't like any of them. But you're smart, and cool, so maybe things will be different with you."
Then she asked, "Omg! Are you sleeping with him??"
"WHAT?! No!" I said.
"You're lying!"
"No! I'm not! I mean, even if I was, would you want me to tell you??"
She paused before responding.
"Yea... Well, no! Well, actually, yea. I would want you to tell me. Just don't give me any details!"
We both laughed, and I agreed to keep her updated on the status of our relationship.

Now I have a funny story for you guys. It may be a little TMI but...what the hell. It's freakin' funny! I went over to Daniel's last night after work. It was about 4 am, so he was already asleep but he had left the door open for me. I crawled into bed with him, and we talked for a little bit before drifting off. The next morning, he got up, got ready for work, and I kissed him goodbye and fell back asleep. I had to work at 5 today, so I had my work clothes with me and was planning on having lunch with Daniel and then getting ready.
He came home for lunch around 1, we went out for sandwiches, and then he went back to work. So I showered and starting getting ready for work. Well it was about that time that I suddenly had to go to the bathroom...pretty bad. And let's just say I didn't have to pee. Lol. For some reason, my bowels almost completely shut off when I'm away from home because I don't like to go number 2 in public places. I think it's a subconscious thing. So then usually, as soon as I get home, I have to go! Lol. So it was kind of like that. As soon as he went back to work, I had to go. So I did. Haha.
Well, his apartment is pretty old, and the plumbing isn't exactly up to par. I mean the water pressure sucks, for one, and the toilet is ancient. So somehow, I clogged the toilet. And it wasn't as if I took a huge dump or something! I swear! So I tried flushing like 3 times, to no avail. It just kept filling up and then slowly draining back down. So I started looking frantically for a plunger, but he didn't have one anywhere! How does a guy, who lives alone, not have a toilet plunger!? I mean I practically tore apart both his bathrooms.
So I tried using the toilet bowl cleaning brush. That was a bust. Nothing was working! So I decided to go buy a toilet plunger. The nearest store was Whole Foods, and they didn't have any cleaning supplies. A little further down the road, a Bed Bath & Beyond! Perfect! I scoured the store till I found the bathroom supplies and the only plunger I found was 50 bucks!! WTF?!?
"I don't need a stainless steel container with my toilet plunger!" I thought.
And I definitely didn't wanna waste 50 bucks on that! So I left in search of a grocery store. Finally, a Kroger. It took me about 15 minutes to find what I was looking for; then I walked up to the cashier, holding nothing but a toilet plunger. She gave me a questionable, but sympathetic look, which was enough to make me blush furiously. ((Sigh)) SO embarrassing. I got the hell out of there as fast as I could.
When I got back to his apartment, the toilet was full almost to the brim with water!! So I had to very carefully unclog it. But alas! It worked! No mess. And he'll never know! Hahahaha. I was so relieved.
Can you imagine how embarrassing that would've been if Daniel would have come home to a clogged, poopy toilet, with no one to blame but me!? Lol. Ahhhh! The horror!
I told Alyssa about it while we were talking today, and she thought it was hilarious. At the time, I was completely panicked, but in retrospect, it's pretty hilarious.

((Sigh)) Anyway...I'm going to Austin tomorrow cuz it's Jenna's birthday this weekend. I'm staying with Shane though, cuz some of Jenna's other friends are going, and they're all getting a hotel. But I don't have money to blow on hotels, and it's been a while since Shane and Izzie and I have hung out. So I'm killing 2 birds with 1 stone, and it'll be a blast! It seems like forever since I've spent the weekend in Austin. I am gonna miss Daniel though... He's got his daughter this weekend so I'm sure he'll be preoccupied. Well, that's all for now! I'll try to write as soon as I get back!

P.S. Brian is STILL calling me!! Today, he told me that he was gonna keep pursuing me until either Daniel and I are officially a couple, or until he "get's what he wants". WTF?!?


Demetri Of The Day:
“I noticed that there are no B batteries. I think that’s to avoid confusion, cause if there were you wouldn’t know if someone was stuttering. ‘Yes, hello I’d like some b-batteries.’ ‘What kind?’ ‘B-batteries.’ ‘What kind?!?’ ‘B-batteries!!!’ and D-batteries that’s hard for foreigners. ‘Yes, I would like de batteries.’”

Separated At Birth?

Well, Sunday on the boat was a blast!
But remember the boy I mentioned? The one with the crush? Well apparently it's a bigger deal than I thought! His name is Brian. And not only is he determined to pursue me, despite the fact that he knows I'm seeing someone, but he reminds me so much of my ex, The Psycho, that it's frightening. I mean they dress the same, they kinda look alike, they use the same expressions, they write the same, they like all the same stuff (including me, haha!), they even have the same haircut!!! It's insane!!!!!! I mean, I can't even look at the guy, let alone talk to him, without getting the willies!
One thing I can say for Brian is, he's definitely got The Psycho's good qualities. Lol. That is, if he has any. Maybe The Psycho is Brian's evil twin. Lol. I mean, when I first fell for The Psycho it was because he was the "bad boy". You know, dangerous, with tattoos and 2 different colored hair and mohawk, and he stunted bikes, and was really into extreme sports, etc etc... I mean he was very talented at all those things, like motocross, and water skiing, and skating. But he was just the biggest dick ever. And Brian isn't a dick. Actually, if his persistence wasn't so annoying, it might even be a little endearing. ((sigh)) I just feel sorry for the guy. Because even if I wasn't seeing Daniel, I would never be able to get past the whole youremindmeofmyex thing.

As for Daniel, things are still going great! He emails me all day, every day when he's at work. And we hang out a lot, and stay at his place a lot. But it's never gotten past heavy making out. He's actually quite the gentleman. And I like that about him. We just lay in bed and talk and cuddle. We enjoy each other's company. I mean it's not that I don't want to sleep with him, because we definitely have chemistry. But I'm being cautious. Because why would Alyssa tell me to be careful around him, unless she had a good reason to? She's one of my oldest, best friends. And he's her brother. So it's not like she's out to ruin his life or anything. She loves him too.
But so far so good.

Tonight he actually showed up to my work with dinner, because I had mentioned earlier that I wasn't going to have time to eat. :) How sweet was that? Then he begged me to come over afterwards and stay the night. When I assured him he would be fast asleep by the time I got off work, he said he'd leave his door unlocked and give me his gate key. But Bethany and I have a photoshoot tomorrow (well, technically today), and I need my rest, so I told him sorry, not tonight. And I could totally tell he was disappointed.
He told me last night that I just don't realize how much he likes me, and that he hopes I'll stick around. ((sigh)) I do really like him...

Anyways, on Friday I'm miraculously off work, so Melissa and I are taking a 1 night trip to Austin. It's been so long since Melissa and I have gone out together, and I miss her! So I'm really excited! And tomorrow after our shoot, Bethany and I are gonna go out for some cocktails before I meet up with Daniel.

I know I haven't been very good about updating lately, but honestly it's because I've been spending so much time at Daniel's! Maybe I should start bringing my laptop with me... Well, I'll try to do better.

Demetri Of The Day:
"I was in a shoe store and the guy called me boss, and I said, “Yea, can I just get those sneakers in a 10?” And uh, he said, “Okay” and then he went down stairs. He came back and he said, “I don’t have a 10, I have a 9.”
“Oh great, because while you were downstairs, my toes were severed off. So that works out. Normally it would be stupid for you to tell me a number different than the one I said, ’cause it goes with my body part. But given my very recent accident, you’re right on. I’ll take the 9’s and a pile of band-aids, thank you. You’re re-hired ’cause you’re a genius."