Ok, I didn't mention this before, because it slipped my mind, what with everything else I've been thinking about lately. But, The Psycho has been bothering me on Facebook. I don't know why, I mean, I did not provoke him, at all, whatsoever. In fact, I had totally forgotten he and I were even friends on FB. But anyways, the day before yesterday, he commented on my status, "Fuck you."
First, I was annoyed, but then I thought, maybe he's just joking??
So I commented back on his status, "Fuck you too."
Then today, my status said, "It's not getting any easier."
And he wrote, "Good. You bitch."
WTF is his problem!??? I flew into a rage when I read that. I so don't need this right now. He is so....spiteful! Pissed off that I dumped his sorry ass because he was violent and mean and controlling. This was over 2 years ago! Get over it already!! Ugh...
So anyways, in my anger, I did something really stupid. I posted something on his FB wall. And...even though it was stupid, I don't regret it. Although, in retrospect it was probably a really bad idea. This is what I wrote:
"What the fuck is your problem?!?? I broke up with your stupid, violent, pathetic, uneducated ass because YOU TREATED ME LIKE SHIT!!! So get the fuck over it, and stay out of my life. I want NOTHING to do with you. EVER.
SO FUCK OFF."
After I wrote that on his wall, I noticed his status. He's coming home. From overseas. Next month. And honestly...now I'm kind of scared. I mean, he doesn't know where I live. And I'm pretty sure he doesn't know where I work, although his friends do, so he could easily find out. ((Sigh)) I just...
Why does this have to happen to me now??? When I'm alone! I wish Brandon was here.
Showing posts with label The Psycho. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Psycho. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Saturday, August 9, 2008
The Return Of The Ex...
Well I just got back from Austin yesterday. The trip was short and sweet, but much needed. It was like a mini high school reunion. Me, Rikki, Izzie, Shane and Megan had 2 wonderful girls' nights.
This entire week has been kinda up and down though. On Thursday afternoon, my mom called me while I was still in Austin. She told me might have breast cancer. ((sigh)) I totally freaked out. I mean I know breast cancer is generally curable and not that serious, but I just never thought it would happen to my mom. Ya know? So I was really upset and crying in the middle of a department store ((ugh...)) and thought I might go home early. But my girls cheered me up, and begged me to stay, so I did. And I'm glad I did.
We went out to 6th St on Thursday night, and had a blast. Izzie and Megan's husbands stayed at the apartment and played Wii, so it was just us girls. I even met a guy! He approached me, talked to me, acted interested, and asked for my number. But I'm learning not to count my chickens before they hatch, so I'm not gonna say anything else about him right now. Except that he did text me last night asking me if I had fun. I told him yes, and that I wished I could have stayed in Austin longer.
So, in other news, my ex is in town. The Psycho.
He called me Tuesday.
He's deploying at the beginning of September, so he got some leave time.
((sigh))
Anyways, I was talking to him, politely, asking him how he was doing, etc... And he said he wanted to hang out. Well I had just gotten off work, and it was 12:30 am, so I told him I probably wasn't gonna go anywhere, since I was leaving for Austin the next day.
"Well I'll just stop by and see you later then." He said.
"Later? What do you mean by later??" I asked.
"I dunno, like 3:30 or something."
"What makes you think I'm gonna let you into my apartment at 3:30 in the morning!?" I asked, incredulous.
"Because it's me! And you better be wearing some sexy lingerie too. I know you got some."
I could hear 2 other guys talking in the background. It sounded like he was in the car.
"Are you fucking kidding me right now!?" I half-shrieked.
"What happened?" He asked, assuming that wasn't meant for him.
"I'm talking to you!" I yelled.
At this point, the conversation went very downhill, and he went on off one of his usual tangents of cusswords and insults. He told me I was an arrogant bitch, and I should go fuck myself, and all this other shit...
I was just sitting there, almost amused really, shaking my head in disbelief.
And I said in a very calm voice, just loud enough for him to hear over his yelling, "You are exactly the same petulant, selfish, immature, dick that you were when we were dating. And you know what? We're not together anymore, so I don't have to put up with your shit. So now, I'm gonna hang up on you, and you're just gonna have to deal with it."
((click))
I sat there for a minute, still trying to comprehend what had just happened.
Had I just had a good old fashioned argument with my ex??
It was like a really twisted sense of de ja vu. Because in the past, I would have gotten really upset, and hurt, and done whatever I could to make him not be mad at me. But this time, I just didn't give a flying fuck! It was awesome. And the best part about it was, I know how he operates. And I know I ruined his entire night. Haha. He probably got all pissed off and stewed in his anger for the rest of the night. Because that is so like him!
So I'm definitely not going to be seeing The Psycho. At least I hope not...
((sigh))
Speaking of exes, Melissa saw Daniel on Thursday leaving the movie theater. He was with Delilah, and some "fugly" girl and another kid. Melissa may have just told me she was ugly to make me feel better, but judging by the other Peyton he dated, I wouldn't be surprised. What I am surprised about, however, is that I haven't run into him yet! But that's definitely a good thing. I'm still not sure I'm ready for that. I still miss him, but I'm doing a lot better. And like they say in He's Just Not That Into You, "It's nice to have companionship and wake up with somebody that you really like, but that's what pets are for. Pets are God's way of saying "Don't lower the bar because you're lonely.'"
And I am so on that!
Anyway, last night after work, Bethany and I went to IHOP, just the 2 of us, and we sat there for a while, talking. Then my phone beeps. I have a text message. At 4 in the morning!
I looked in my inbox, and saw that it was from a number I didn't recognize.
Well, well, well...
Rusty.
"Hey, you still stayin' up late? -Rusty"
I didn't respond right away, cuz Bethany and I were in the middle of a conversation, but I wrote him back 15 minutes later on my way home.
"I sure am. And apparently you are as well..."
Sixteen minutes later, he responds. How typical. Lol.
"Yea I had a gig tonight. What are you doin'?"
I waited another 16 minutes. Haha.
"Just got home from work and IHOP a little bit ago. Now I'm reading a book in bed. You?"
He responded right away to this one.
"I just got home too. Just telling my roommate about the night."
"So where'd you play at?"
"It's called The Depot. Then we went to a really southern after party."
"Lol nice. Were there people in overalls?"
"Not quite, but it wouldn't have surprised me."
"Ha. Well sounds like had an interesting night. I'm going to sleep now finally. Busy day tomorrow, goodnight."
I wanted to be the one to end the conversation, because I didn't wanna see to eager. Plus I was getting really tired.
And he really needs to just call me. No more texting.
So I finally picked out my dog! He's a goldendoodle, SO adorable! When I get him, I'll post pictures! I can't wait. And don't worry, I know how much responsibility a dog is. I did have a horse, remember?? Puppies are like children. I mean, would you leave your infant home alone? No.
So I definitely have some sitters lined up for when necessary; and as long as he's little, I plan on taking him everywhere! And there's this really awesome dog park right down the street.
Oh! And I'm going to call him Oliver. :)
After Oliver Wood in Harry Potter. Hehe.
He arrives from Indiana in the beginning of September! :) :) :)
This entire week has been kinda up and down though. On Thursday afternoon, my mom called me while I was still in Austin. She told me might have breast cancer. ((sigh)) I totally freaked out. I mean I know breast cancer is generally curable and not that serious, but I just never thought it would happen to my mom. Ya know? So I was really upset and crying in the middle of a department store ((ugh...)) and thought I might go home early. But my girls cheered me up, and begged me to stay, so I did. And I'm glad I did.
We went out to 6th St on Thursday night, and had a blast. Izzie and Megan's husbands stayed at the apartment and played Wii, so it was just us girls. I even met a guy! He approached me, talked to me, acted interested, and asked for my number. But I'm learning not to count my chickens before they hatch, so I'm not gonna say anything else about him right now. Except that he did text me last night asking me if I had fun. I told him yes, and that I wished I could have stayed in Austin longer.
So, in other news, my ex is in town. The Psycho.
He called me Tuesday.
He's deploying at the beginning of September, so he got some leave time.
((sigh))
Anyways, I was talking to him, politely, asking him how he was doing, etc... And he said he wanted to hang out. Well I had just gotten off work, and it was 12:30 am, so I told him I probably wasn't gonna go anywhere, since I was leaving for Austin the next day.
"Well I'll just stop by and see you later then." He said.
"Later? What do you mean by later??" I asked.
"I dunno, like 3:30 or something."
"What makes you think I'm gonna let you into my apartment at 3:30 in the morning!?" I asked, incredulous.
"Because it's me! And you better be wearing some sexy lingerie too. I know you got some."
I could hear 2 other guys talking in the background. It sounded like he was in the car.
"Are you fucking kidding me right now!?" I half-shrieked.
"What happened?" He asked, assuming that wasn't meant for him.
"I'm talking to you!" I yelled.
At this point, the conversation went very downhill, and he went on off one of his usual tangents of cusswords and insults. He told me I was an arrogant bitch, and I should go fuck myself, and all this other shit...
I was just sitting there, almost amused really, shaking my head in disbelief.
And I said in a very calm voice, just loud enough for him to hear over his yelling, "You are exactly the same petulant, selfish, immature, dick that you were when we were dating. And you know what? We're not together anymore, so I don't have to put up with your shit. So now, I'm gonna hang up on you, and you're just gonna have to deal with it."
((click))
I sat there for a minute, still trying to comprehend what had just happened.
Had I just had a good old fashioned argument with my ex??
It was like a really twisted sense of de ja vu. Because in the past, I would have gotten really upset, and hurt, and done whatever I could to make him not be mad at me. But this time, I just didn't give a flying fuck! It was awesome. And the best part about it was, I know how he operates. And I know I ruined his entire night. Haha. He probably got all pissed off and stewed in his anger for the rest of the night. Because that is so like him!
So I'm definitely not going to be seeing The Psycho. At least I hope not...
((sigh))
Speaking of exes, Melissa saw Daniel on Thursday leaving the movie theater. He was with Delilah, and some "fugly" girl and another kid. Melissa may have just told me she was ugly to make me feel better, but judging by the other Peyton he dated, I wouldn't be surprised. What I am surprised about, however, is that I haven't run into him yet! But that's definitely a good thing. I'm still not sure I'm ready for that. I still miss him, but I'm doing a lot better. And like they say in He's Just Not That Into You, "It's nice to have companionship and wake up with somebody that you really like, but that's what pets are for. Pets are God's way of saying "Don't lower the bar because you're lonely.'"
And I am so on that!
Anyway, last night after work, Bethany and I went to IHOP, just the 2 of us, and we sat there for a while, talking. Then my phone beeps. I have a text message. At 4 in the morning!
I looked in my inbox, and saw that it was from a number I didn't recognize.
Well, well, well...
Rusty.
"Hey, you still stayin' up late? -Rusty"
I didn't respond right away, cuz Bethany and I were in the middle of a conversation, but I wrote him back 15 minutes later on my way home.
"I sure am. And apparently you are as well..."
Sixteen minutes later, he responds. How typical. Lol.
"Yea I had a gig tonight. What are you doin'?"
I waited another 16 minutes. Haha.
"Just got home from work and IHOP a little bit ago. Now I'm reading a book in bed. You?"
He responded right away to this one.
"I just got home too. Just telling my roommate about the night."
"So where'd you play at?"
"It's called The Depot. Then we went to a really southern after party."
"Lol nice. Were there people in overalls?"
"Not quite, but it wouldn't have surprised me."
"Ha. Well sounds like had an interesting night. I'm going to sleep now finally. Busy day tomorrow, goodnight."
I wanted to be the one to end the conversation, because I didn't wanna see to eager. Plus I was getting really tired.
And he really needs to just call me. No more texting.
So I finally picked out my dog! He's a goldendoodle, SO adorable! When I get him, I'll post pictures! I can't wait. And don't worry, I know how much responsibility a dog is. I did have a horse, remember?? Puppies are like children. I mean, would you leave your infant home alone? No.
So I definitely have some sitters lined up for when necessary; and as long as he's little, I plan on taking him everywhere! And there's this really awesome dog park right down the street.
Oh! And I'm going to call him Oliver. :)
After Oliver Wood in Harry Potter. Hehe.
He arrives from Indiana in the beginning of September! :) :) :)
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Separated At Birth?
Well, Sunday on the boat was a blast!
But remember the boy I mentioned? The one with the crush? Well apparently it's a bigger deal than I thought! His name is Brian. And not only is he determined to pursue me, despite the fact that he knows I'm seeing someone, but he reminds me so much of my ex, The Psycho, that it's frightening. I mean they dress the same, they kinda look alike, they use the same expressions, they write the same, they like all the same stuff (including me, haha!), they even have the same haircut!!! It's insane!!!!!! I mean, I can't even look at the guy, let alone talk to him, without getting the willies!
One thing I can say for Brian is, he's definitely got The Psycho's good qualities. Lol. That is, if he has any. Maybe The Psycho is Brian's evil twin. Lol. I mean, when I first fell for The Psycho it was because he was the "bad boy". You know, dangerous, with tattoos and 2 different colored hair and mohawk, and he stunted bikes, and was really into extreme sports, etc etc... I mean he was very talented at all those things, like motocross, and water skiing, and skating. But he was just the biggest dick ever. And Brian isn't a dick. Actually, if his persistence wasn't so annoying, it might even be a little endearing. ((sigh)) I just feel sorry for the guy. Because even if I wasn't seeing Daniel, I would never be able to get past the whole youremindmeofmyex thing.
As for Daniel, things are still going great! He emails me all day, every day when he's at work. And we hang out a lot, and stay at his place a lot. But it's never gotten past heavy making out. He's actually quite the gentleman. And I like that about him. We just lay in bed and talk and cuddle. We enjoy each other's company. I mean it's not that I don't want to sleep with him, because we definitely have chemistry. But I'm being cautious. Because why would Alyssa tell me to be careful around him, unless she had a good reason to? She's one of my oldest, best friends. And he's her brother. So it's not like she's out to ruin his life or anything. She loves him too.
But so far so good.
Tonight he actually showed up to my work with dinner, because I had mentioned earlier that I wasn't going to have time to eat. :) How sweet was that? Then he begged me to come over afterwards and stay the night. When I assured him he would be fast asleep by the time I got off work, he said he'd leave his door unlocked and give me his gate key. But Bethany and I have a photoshoot tomorrow (well, technically today), and I need my rest, so I told him sorry, not tonight. And I could totally tell he was disappointed.
He told me last night that I just don't realize how much he likes me, and that he hopes I'll stick around. ((sigh)) I do really like him...
Anyways, on Friday I'm miraculously off work, so Melissa and I are taking a 1 night trip to Austin. It's been so long since Melissa and I have gone out together, and I miss her! So I'm really excited! And tomorrow after our shoot, Bethany and I are gonna go out for some cocktails before I meet up with Daniel.
I know I haven't been very good about updating lately, but honestly it's because I've been spending so much time at Daniel's! Maybe I should start bringing my laptop with me... Well, I'll try to do better.
Demetri Of The Day:
"I was in a shoe store and the guy called me boss, and I said, “Yea, can I just get those sneakers in a 10?” And uh, he said, “Okay” and then he went down stairs. He came back and he said, “I don’t have a 10, I have a 9.”
“Oh great, because while you were downstairs, my toes were severed off. So that works out. Normally it would be stupid for you to tell me a number different than the one I said, ’cause it goes with my body part. But given my very recent accident, you’re right on. I’ll take the 9’s and a pile of band-aids, thank you. You’re re-hired ’cause you’re a genius."
But remember the boy I mentioned? The one with the crush? Well apparently it's a bigger deal than I thought! His name is Brian. And not only is he determined to pursue me, despite the fact that he knows I'm seeing someone, but he reminds me so much of my ex, The Psycho, that it's frightening. I mean they dress the same, they kinda look alike, they use the same expressions, they write the same, they like all the same stuff (including me, haha!), they even have the same haircut!!! It's insane!!!!!! I mean, I can't even look at the guy, let alone talk to him, without getting the willies!
One thing I can say for Brian is, he's definitely got The Psycho's good qualities. Lol. That is, if he has any. Maybe The Psycho is Brian's evil twin. Lol. I mean, when I first fell for The Psycho it was because he was the "bad boy". You know, dangerous, with tattoos and 2 different colored hair and mohawk, and he stunted bikes, and was really into extreme sports, etc etc... I mean he was very talented at all those things, like motocross, and water skiing, and skating. But he was just the biggest dick ever. And Brian isn't a dick. Actually, if his persistence wasn't so annoying, it might even be a little endearing. ((sigh)) I just feel sorry for the guy. Because even if I wasn't seeing Daniel, I would never be able to get past the whole youremindmeofmyex thing.
As for Daniel, things are still going great! He emails me all day, every day when he's at work. And we hang out a lot, and stay at his place a lot. But it's never gotten past heavy making out. He's actually quite the gentleman. And I like that about him. We just lay in bed and talk and cuddle. We enjoy each other's company. I mean it's not that I don't want to sleep with him, because we definitely have chemistry. But I'm being cautious. Because why would Alyssa tell me to be careful around him, unless she had a good reason to? She's one of my oldest, best friends. And he's her brother. So it's not like she's out to ruin his life or anything. She loves him too.
But so far so good.
Tonight he actually showed up to my work with dinner, because I had mentioned earlier that I wasn't going to have time to eat. :) How sweet was that? Then he begged me to come over afterwards and stay the night. When I assured him he would be fast asleep by the time I got off work, he said he'd leave his door unlocked and give me his gate key. But Bethany and I have a photoshoot tomorrow (well, technically today), and I need my rest, so I told him sorry, not tonight. And I could totally tell he was disappointed.
He told me last night that I just don't realize how much he likes me, and that he hopes I'll stick around. ((sigh)) I do really like him...
Anyways, on Friday I'm miraculously off work, so Melissa and I are taking a 1 night trip to Austin. It's been so long since Melissa and I have gone out together, and I miss her! So I'm really excited! And tomorrow after our shoot, Bethany and I are gonna go out for some cocktails before I meet up with Daniel.
I know I haven't been very good about updating lately, but honestly it's because I've been spending so much time at Daniel's! Maybe I should start bringing my laptop with me... Well, I'll try to do better.
Demetri Of The Day:
"I was in a shoe store and the guy called me boss, and I said, “Yea, can I just get those sneakers in a 10?” And uh, he said, “Okay” and then he went down stairs. He came back and he said, “I don’t have a 10, I have a 9.”
“Oh great, because while you were downstairs, my toes were severed off. So that works out. Normally it would be stupid for you to tell me a number different than the one I said, ’cause it goes with my body part. But given my very recent accident, you’re right on. I’ll take the 9’s and a pile of band-aids, thank you. You’re re-hired ’cause you’re a genius."
Friday, January 4, 2008
The Ghost of Christmas Past
Ever since Melissa and her boyfriend broke up, we've become really close. We hang out all the time, and talk on the phone a lot... I mean she's like one of my best friends now! And since we've both been sick, we decided it would be fun to go to a movie today, since we can't go out. We saw Sweeney Todd, which we were surprised to learn was a musical, but we still really enjoyed it. We're huge Depp fans! Afterwards we ate at Friday's and chatted for a while. It's so nice having great girlfriends!
Earlier today I had an interesting conversation with my ex, The Psycho. He had called me a few days ago and left me a message saying Merry Christmas and all that... And I figured since he's in the army, he most likely spent his holidays alone, and it couldn't hurt to call him back and just say hi. And we were having a fine, civil conversation...just chatting about stuff that's neither here nor there. Until he started talking about how he misses me.
"Do you still have feelings for me? Honestly." I asked him.
I heard him sigh, and there was a long pause before he answered.
"Peyton, I have never cared about anyone the way I care about you. I mean, all my other exes are just chicks, but you were never just a chick. I realized too late that you were legit, and you really did love me, but you didn't wanna be with a guy who was gone so..."
"No. You can't say that. The reasons we broke up aren't as a result of you being gone and helpless to the situation. We broke up because our relationship was not healthy. And it would have happened regardless of if you joined the army or not. I mean we could point fingers all day but...it just wasn't meant to be."
"Ok well...you don't have to rub it in. I disagree though. I miss you everyday. And I still love you."
"Well...then can I ask you something? Even if it might make you mad?"
"Sure...go ahead."
"If you love me so much, why did you try to hold me back?? I mean...when we broke up it was like, "Wow! I have friends! I have a life! I can do things!" I mean seriously...and you always picked fights with me over the silliest things, like myspace."
"I don't know Peyton...because I was insecure I guess. It doesn't matter... I was really happy with you, when you wanted me. But now you don't want me, and I'm miserable."
I sighed. I mean, what was I supposed to say to that?? He was a total jerk through our entire relationship!!
So I figured it was probably best to cut our conversation short.
"Well...it was nice talking to you. Don't be a stranger. And take care of yourself, ok?"
"Yea. You too Peyton. Bye."
And that was it. How weird... And yet, nice to know he at least misses me. Why is it that the one person that I would absolutely never be with (again) wants me? But the guys I want (The Model, Todd...) don't want me. Ugh. What is my dysfunction???
Anyways, I totally found The Frenchman on Facebook yesterday and he is SEXY!@!!! Like, I almost freaked! I mean I couldn't view his profile since we're not friends, but I did see his main picture. He's very fit, nice muscular arms, tan skin, dark hair...mmmmm. And he's holding some kind of rifle like he's just been hunting or something. OMG SO HOT! So I wrote my cousin, Noelle and told her how hot I think he is. So I may be going to Louisiana sooner than I'd planned!
Well, it's back to work tomorrow, then Saturday is the photoshoot, and then Monday I fly to Florida for 4 days. I'll most likely update while I'm there cuz Sophie's gonna be working during the day. I still can't believe she's getting married! Crazy...
Well it was great hearing from you guys! Keep writing me!
Mitch Of The Day:
"Cavities are made by sugar. So if you need to dig a hole, then lay down some candy bars!"
Earlier today I had an interesting conversation with my ex, The Psycho. He had called me a few days ago and left me a message saying Merry Christmas and all that... And I figured since he's in the army, he most likely spent his holidays alone, and it couldn't hurt to call him back and just say hi. And we were having a fine, civil conversation...just chatting about stuff that's neither here nor there. Until he started talking about how he misses me.
"Do you still have feelings for me? Honestly." I asked him.
I heard him sigh, and there was a long pause before he answered.
"Peyton, I have never cared about anyone the way I care about you. I mean, all my other exes are just chicks, but you were never just a chick. I realized too late that you were legit, and you really did love me, but you didn't wanna be with a guy who was gone so..."
"No. You can't say that. The reasons we broke up aren't as a result of you being gone and helpless to the situation. We broke up because our relationship was not healthy. And it would have happened regardless of if you joined the army or not. I mean we could point fingers all day but...it just wasn't meant to be."
"Ok well...you don't have to rub it in. I disagree though. I miss you everyday. And I still love you."
"Well...then can I ask you something? Even if it might make you mad?"
"Sure...go ahead."
"If you love me so much, why did you try to hold me back?? I mean...when we broke up it was like, "Wow! I have friends! I have a life! I can do things!" I mean seriously...and you always picked fights with me over the silliest things, like myspace."
"I don't know Peyton...because I was insecure I guess. It doesn't matter... I was really happy with you, when you wanted me. But now you don't want me, and I'm miserable."
I sighed. I mean, what was I supposed to say to that?? He was a total jerk through our entire relationship!!
So I figured it was probably best to cut our conversation short.
"Well...it was nice talking to you. Don't be a stranger. And take care of yourself, ok?"
"Yea. You too Peyton. Bye."
And that was it. How weird... And yet, nice to know he at least misses me. Why is it that the one person that I would absolutely never be with (again) wants me? But the guys I want (The Model, Todd...) don't want me. Ugh. What is my dysfunction???
Anyways, I totally found The Frenchman on Facebook yesterday and he is SEXY!@!!! Like, I almost freaked! I mean I couldn't view his profile since we're not friends, but I did see his main picture. He's very fit, nice muscular arms, tan skin, dark hair...mmmmm. And he's holding some kind of rifle like he's just been hunting or something. OMG SO HOT! So I wrote my cousin, Noelle and told her how hot I think he is. So I may be going to Louisiana sooner than I'd planned!
Well, it's back to work tomorrow, then Saturday is the photoshoot, and then Monday I fly to Florida for 4 days. I'll most likely update while I'm there cuz Sophie's gonna be working during the day. I still can't believe she's getting married! Crazy...
Well it was great hearing from you guys! Keep writing me!
Mitch Of The Day:
"Cavities are made by sugar. So if you need to dig a hole, then lay down some candy bars!"
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Surprises
The first thing I noticed when I got home was a HUGE box sitting in the doorway.
MY COAT!! I ordered it weeks ago for my trip to NYC and it had finally arrived! And it's gorgeous! Black, wool, and long with 2 buttons and an empire waste. I love it.
Surprise number 2? A text. From The Psycho. It said, "Hey I've been thinking and I'm sorry if I ever did hurt you...A lot of times I was inconsiderate of ur feelings, just want u to know that, kiss"
((Sigh)) I'm starting to wonder if he is ever gonna let this go. I mean it's sweet that he's really thought about all the shitty things he's done to me, and that he's sorry, but move on already! I know I have.
So anyways, I won tickets to Buzz Fest on the radio a while back, and Cecilia and I had plans to go together. But poor Cecilia got the flu and had to cancel at the last minute, so I had about 2 days to find someone to go with me! On Saturday night while we were counting tips, I asked Alyssa if she wanted to go, but she said she had to work. So I asked Jayme and she said she definitely wanted to!
So now onto surprise number 3! We got to Buzz Fest rather late, because Jayme took so freakin' long to get ready!! But we got there nonetheless. We immediately got a couple beers and started scopin' out the guys. Haha. Then we went up to the hill to find some seats, and ran into Andrew! He was shirtless, drunk, and his ride had gotten kicked out. Haha. So I offered to drive him home and we hung out with him for most of the day. Then towards the end of the evening, we went down to get snacks and Andrew ran into some of his friends. He introduced me to one of them with a knowing grin on his face and said, "This is Dereck's brother!" I tried so hard not to blush when I shook his hand.
Then Andrew asked if Dereck was here, to which his brother replied, "Yea, he's up there! Why don't you guys come up with us?"
So we did, and there he was! Hot Dereck!! Jayme and I sat in front of them, since we didn't really know any of the people in their group besides Andrew. The Smashing Pumpkins had gone on and it was totally dark by now. Then Andrew came and sat down next to me.
"So Dereck asked about you."
"He did?! What did he say???"
"He said, "So what about your girl?" and I said, "I dunnooooo...""
"What!? You said I don't know!?"
"Well if he knows you like him, he'll lose interest right away! But don't worry, he's definitely interested."
"((sigh)) Well...I dunno. Find out what they're doing after this."
So we sat there in suspense a little longer until Jayme and I were both too tired and ready to go. I went to get Andrew and he said they were all going to Dirt bar, but that Hot Dereck really wanted to hang out with us. He just couldn't ditch his friends.
So we said goodbye, and Hot Dereck gave me a hug! I said, "I'm sure I'll see you around soon!" and he said, "Hopefully!"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ah, I'm like a giddy middle school girl with a crush. Haha.
But today, I was reading one of his myspace bulletins...let me just go ahead and paste it. It's a survey, so I'm only gonna paste the relevant parts.
"3. Will you kiss the last person you kissed again?
probably, i can't remember who the last person i kissed was?? to many girls lol
7. Next time you will kiss someone?
probably tonight, who knows
16. Has someone ever hit on your boyfriend/girlfriend?
girlfriend?? ha ha
17. Have you ever kissed anyone named Kay, Kae, or Kaue?
probably i've kissed ALOT of people
47. Have you kissed somebody in the last month?
ha ha ha ha, more like how many"
UGH. Either he's writing all that stuff to sound cool, or it's true and he's writing it to sound cool. All I know is, this is bad.
And Andrew told me he was gonna "find out what the deal is" with him. So I dunno. I probably shouldn't even waste my time huh? It's just...when I see I guy I want, I just have to have him!! Even if he's horrible!
WHAT is my disfunction!?
It's Halloween today...I have to find another costume to wear to work. Ugh...
Mitch Of The Day:
"One time I was forced to go to the doctors because of a sports accident. Herpes."
MY COAT!! I ordered it weeks ago for my trip to NYC and it had finally arrived! And it's gorgeous! Black, wool, and long with 2 buttons and an empire waste. I love it.
Surprise number 2? A text. From The Psycho. It said, "Hey I've been thinking and I'm sorry if I ever did hurt you...A lot of times I was inconsiderate of ur feelings, just want u to know that, kiss"
((Sigh)) I'm starting to wonder if he is ever gonna let this go. I mean it's sweet that he's really thought about all the shitty things he's done to me, and that he's sorry, but move on already! I know I have.
So anyways, I won tickets to Buzz Fest on the radio a while back, and Cecilia and I had plans to go together. But poor Cecilia got the flu and had to cancel at the last minute, so I had about 2 days to find someone to go with me! On Saturday night while we were counting tips, I asked Alyssa if she wanted to go, but she said she had to work. So I asked Jayme and she said she definitely wanted to!
So now onto surprise number 3! We got to Buzz Fest rather late, because Jayme took so freakin' long to get ready!! But we got there nonetheless. We immediately got a couple beers and started scopin' out the guys. Haha. Then we went up to the hill to find some seats, and ran into Andrew! He was shirtless, drunk, and his ride had gotten kicked out. Haha. So I offered to drive him home and we hung out with him for most of the day. Then towards the end of the evening, we went down to get snacks and Andrew ran into some of his friends. He introduced me to one of them with a knowing grin on his face and said, "This is Dereck's brother!" I tried so hard not to blush when I shook his hand.
Then Andrew asked if Dereck was here, to which his brother replied, "Yea, he's up there! Why don't you guys come up with us?"
So we did, and there he was! Hot Dereck!! Jayme and I sat in front of them, since we didn't really know any of the people in their group besides Andrew. The Smashing Pumpkins had gone on and it was totally dark by now. Then Andrew came and sat down next to me.
"So Dereck asked about you."
"He did?! What did he say???"
"He said, "So what about your girl?" and I said, "I dunnooooo...""
"What!? You said I don't know!?"
"Well if he knows you like him, he'll lose interest right away! But don't worry, he's definitely interested."
"((sigh)) Well...I dunno. Find out what they're doing after this."
So we sat there in suspense a little longer until Jayme and I were both too tired and ready to go. I went to get Andrew and he said they were all going to Dirt bar, but that Hot Dereck really wanted to hang out with us. He just couldn't ditch his friends.
So we said goodbye, and Hot Dereck gave me a hug! I said, "I'm sure I'll see you around soon!" and he said, "Hopefully!"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ah, I'm like a giddy middle school girl with a crush. Haha.
But today, I was reading one of his myspace bulletins...let me just go ahead and paste it. It's a survey, so I'm only gonna paste the relevant parts.
"3. Will you kiss the last person you kissed again?
probably, i can't remember who the last person i kissed was?? to many girls lol
7. Next time you will kiss someone?
probably tonight, who knows
16. Has someone ever hit on your boyfriend/girlfriend?
girlfriend?? ha ha
17. Have you ever kissed anyone named Kay, Kae, or Kaue?
probably i've kissed ALOT of people
47. Have you kissed somebody in the last month?
ha ha ha ha, more like how many"
UGH. Either he's writing all that stuff to sound cool, or it's true and he's writing it to sound cool. All I know is, this is bad.
And Andrew told me he was gonna "find out what the deal is" with him. So I dunno. I probably shouldn't even waste my time huh? It's just...when I see I guy I want, I just have to have him!! Even if he's horrible!
WHAT is my disfunction!?
It's Halloween today...I have to find another costume to wear to work. Ugh...
Mitch Of The Day:
"One time I was forced to go to the doctors because of a sports accident. Herpes."
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Blast From The Past
Ok let me start with Thursday. I went up to work an hour early to meet Vette Guy. I know, I know, bad move. But in a way, it was a good thing. And you're about to find out why. He was a little tipsy when I got there, and his team was losing, and he was dipping! Yea...effing sick. Well the first thing he starts talking to me about is his new promotion and how he's the youngest senior engineer and the usual me me me gab. Then he starts telling me about his next photoshoot and how he hasn't eaten for 3 days because it's a "shirts-off" shoot. Um...ok Lindsay Lohan! Oh, and he told me he's getting a new Corvette, as soon as the new ones are released, now that he's such a big shot at work and all.
Basically, if you could have seen the look on my face while I listened to him drone on about himself for 30 minutes, it wouldn't take you long to figure out what I was thinking.
Work was uneventful, and I didn't see Vette Guy again for the rest of the night.
Friday evening, while I was getting ready for our GNO, my phone rings. It was The Psycho. You know, my most recent ex. The crazy, controlling asshole one. ((Sigh)) So I answer the phone. Here is the gist of our conversation.
Me: Hello?
TP: What uuuup.
Me: Ummm, not a lot. What's going on?
TP: Uh, thanks for ignoring my call earlier.
Me: I wasn't. I was in the shower.
TP: Yea whatever...
Me: Omg I am so over arguing with you, TP.
TP: Haha, yea right, you could argue with a wall.
Me: Ok.
((awkward silence))
TP: Well I was just callin' to see how you were doin'. Haven't talked to you in a while.
Me: I'm doing great actually. You?
TP: Same old shit...workin my ass off all the time.
Me: At least you're making some money right?
TP: Yea I guess. I'm about to move though. I can't wait to get out of here. Alaska sucks and I don't wanna spend another winter freezin' my ass off.
Me: What about your girlfriend? How does she feel about you jumpin' ship?
TP: I don't give a shit. She's stupid.
Me: ...Ok...
TP: I'm only with her out of convenience pretty much.
Me: Um, ok well I guess I can sort of understand that in your situation...sorta...
TP: You should be able to. You break up with people out of convenience.
Me: ((sigh)) Dude...you don't even wanna go opening that can of worms. Trust me.
TP: Oooook cowgirl!
Me: Don't patronize me. I'm serious. I have had a lot, a lot, a lot of time to reflect upon what happened between us, and I've reached a point in my life where I've accepted it, moved on, and...it just doesn't bother me anymore.
TP: Oh really? Well why don't you tell me about these reflections.
Me: No, it doesn't even matter. It really doesn't.
TP: Alright then. Well...I figured out that when I get out of the army I'm gonna go to school for three years, get a degree.
Me: That's awesome. Good luck.
TP: Yea...
Me: You know, you might think I'm just saying this, but really, we've been through a lot of shit together, and at this point, I think I can honestly say that I wish you the best in life. And if our paths ever cross again, so be it. But I'm not bitter towards you anymore, TP. I really just wish you the best.
TP: Whatever. I do think you're just sayin that.
Me: Well I'm not. But hey, I'm headed out for the night, so I gotta let ya go.
TP: Alright then. Do what you do.
Me: Have a good night.
TP: Yea...
Me: Bye.
((click))
There was a little more meaningless chit chat in there, but it's insignificant.
After we got off the phone, he sent me a text that said, "U know i do think u made a good decision by not comming up here. sometimes i just wish i didnt have 2 lost u over it..."
(He's a horrible speller!)
My response, "It was a good decision for both of us. Not just me."
He replied, "Cool. I can roll w that"
Sooooo, that's it I suppose! So random though... I really never thought I could speak so calmly to him again after all that he put me through. But in a way, it feels better to be the bigger person and make him realize what he's lost, than it does to be mean and let him hate me. It's always easier to hate someone. Ya know?? And I felt really good after that conversation because...he hasn't changed one bit! And I feel like I've really grown since then. And after that conversation, it's evident.
We had a blast Friday night! Hardly spent a dime. Cecilia and Jenna ended up not coming. Boo! But we started off at my bar. The Albanian and Frank bought us some shots. Then we all headed next door. Billy was working. His birthday was Saturday, and it was about midnight on Friday when we got there. So we all wished him happy birthday and he bought us a round of shots. It musta been some sort of red flag for all the guys in that bar that there were 6 beautiful girls standing around, because after that, the shots just kept coming! It was awesome!
But just when I was starting to think that everything between Billy and I was cool, and that we understood each other, he walks up and kisses me. AHHHH!!! And I was a little tipsy, and it was his birthday, so I wasn't about to make a fool of him in front of everybody. So what else could I do but kiss back?? SUCH a bad idea...
You know in the movie Wedding Crashers, when Owen Wilsons character writes a note on a napkin and gives it to a girl? And it says, "Do you wanna dance with me? Yes, No, Maybe."
Well, Billy wrote me one of those that said, "Do you wanna snuggle tonight? Yes, No"
Well I inserted my own "Maybe" box and put a check by it. Then I consulted with Melissa and Alyssa about what I should do. Alyssa said, if I just wanna make out and have fun with him, then go for it. Melissa said, "Omg he is obviously in love with you! He is so crazy about you Peyton! If you don't like him like that, you need to tell him."
((Sigh))
Well, I took Alyssa's advice. Although I actually agreed more with Melissa. I ended up staying with Billy while he closed the bar, and then a group of us went to eat at a 24 hour cafe. By the time we got back to Billy's, it was 6 am. We just completely crashed and that was it.
How can he not notice that I don't innitiate any physical contact!? I thought that would be a huge hint! But I guess not... He asked me what I was doing Saturday night, and I told him I'd be at work late cuz we do inventory, so he said to call him when I got done and "maybe we could hang out". Oh g's...
Well last night was a complete disaster zone!! Our computer system crashed around 1 am and we couldnt open or close any tabs, or run any credit cards...it was horrible. We had to do cash only for the last hour and so many people were getting attitudes with me, it was ridiculous! Needless to say, we were there extra late, and we didn't even get to take home our tips because we couldn't enter in credit card tips.
Oh, and guess who showed up??
VETTE GUY.
His cousin was in town from Louisiana and he was showing her around midtown. And he looked super smokin' too... But after what happened Thursday? I dunno...he's just a total player.
So after work, me, Bethany (another bartender), Gavin, and Jeremy (new door guy) were sitting around talking and drinking beer while they were trying to figure out what was wrong with the computers. I mentioned a local show that's going on this Thursday that I really wanna go to. Gavin was like, "Oh! The Tool cover band! I love Tool!"
And so do I, obviously.
So asked him if he was going, and he said to call him and let him know when we'd be going cuz he gets out of school at 9pm. Then we all decided we were gonna go eat at Katz's Deli. It was like 5 am and we were all starving. So Bethany and I drove over together, and Jeremy and Gavin followed. Well Gavin ended up not showing up, so I sent him a text that said, "You're a f*cking sellout!" Haha.
Well he immediately calls me! He explained away how he has to get up early and bla bla, and told me to talk to him till he gets home. So I did! Then when we got off the phone, he sent me a text.
Gavin: u working tomorrow?
Me: Yea, at 7. You?
Gavin: hell no...but i might come up there to drink around 9...will c.
Me: You suck. Well yea, I'll be there...being miserable like I am every Sunday!
Gavin: ha can't be that bad
Me: You have no idea... Sundays are the worst. It's like, hey, if you're a dumbass, come to (our bar) on Sunday!!!
Gavin: nice... well im crashing...enjoy ur 12 dollar hot dogs hehe maybe c u tomorrow night
Me: Oh I will! 12 dollars hot dogs are the best! Good night!
Was he flirting??? YES?? NO??? MAYBE???
Guess I'll find out at work tonight...
Mitch Of The Day:
"I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late."
Basically, if you could have seen the look on my face while I listened to him drone on about himself for 30 minutes, it wouldn't take you long to figure out what I was thinking.
Work was uneventful, and I didn't see Vette Guy again for the rest of the night.
Friday evening, while I was getting ready for our GNO, my phone rings. It was The Psycho. You know, my most recent ex. The crazy, controlling asshole one. ((Sigh)) So I answer the phone. Here is the gist of our conversation.
Me: Hello?
TP: What uuuup.
Me: Ummm, not a lot. What's going on?
TP: Uh, thanks for ignoring my call earlier.
Me: I wasn't. I was in the shower.
TP: Yea whatever...
Me: Omg I am so over arguing with you, TP.
TP: Haha, yea right, you could argue with a wall.
Me: Ok.
((awkward silence))
TP: Well I was just callin' to see how you were doin'. Haven't talked to you in a while.
Me: I'm doing great actually. You?
TP: Same old shit...workin my ass off all the time.
Me: At least you're making some money right?
TP: Yea I guess. I'm about to move though. I can't wait to get out of here. Alaska sucks and I don't wanna spend another winter freezin' my ass off.
Me: What about your girlfriend? How does she feel about you jumpin' ship?
TP: I don't give a shit. She's stupid.
Me: ...Ok...
TP: I'm only with her out of convenience pretty much.
Me: Um, ok well I guess I can sort of understand that in your situation...sorta...
TP: You should be able to. You break up with people out of convenience.
Me: ((sigh)) Dude...you don't even wanna go opening that can of worms. Trust me.
TP: Oooook cowgirl!
Me: Don't patronize me. I'm serious. I have had a lot, a lot, a lot of time to reflect upon what happened between us, and I've reached a point in my life where I've accepted it, moved on, and...it just doesn't bother me anymore.
TP: Oh really? Well why don't you tell me about these reflections.
Me: No, it doesn't even matter. It really doesn't.
TP: Alright then. Well...I figured out that when I get out of the army I'm gonna go to school for three years, get a degree.
Me: That's awesome. Good luck.
TP: Yea...
Me: You know, you might think I'm just saying this, but really, we've been through a lot of shit together, and at this point, I think I can honestly say that I wish you the best in life. And if our paths ever cross again, so be it. But I'm not bitter towards you anymore, TP. I really just wish you the best.
TP: Whatever. I do think you're just sayin that.
Me: Well I'm not. But hey, I'm headed out for the night, so I gotta let ya go.
TP: Alright then. Do what you do.
Me: Have a good night.
TP: Yea...
Me: Bye.
((click))
There was a little more meaningless chit chat in there, but it's insignificant.
After we got off the phone, he sent me a text that said, "U know i do think u made a good decision by not comming up here. sometimes i just wish i didnt have 2 lost u over it..."
(He's a horrible speller!)
My response, "It was a good decision for both of us. Not just me."
He replied, "Cool. I can roll w that"
Sooooo, that's it I suppose! So random though... I really never thought I could speak so calmly to him again after all that he put me through. But in a way, it feels better to be the bigger person and make him realize what he's lost, than it does to be mean and let him hate me. It's always easier to hate someone. Ya know?? And I felt really good after that conversation because...he hasn't changed one bit! And I feel like I've really grown since then. And after that conversation, it's evident.
We had a blast Friday night! Hardly spent a dime. Cecilia and Jenna ended up not coming. Boo! But we started off at my bar. The Albanian and Frank bought us some shots. Then we all headed next door. Billy was working. His birthday was Saturday, and it was about midnight on Friday when we got there. So we all wished him happy birthday and he bought us a round of shots. It musta been some sort of red flag for all the guys in that bar that there were 6 beautiful girls standing around, because after that, the shots just kept coming! It was awesome!
But just when I was starting to think that everything between Billy and I was cool, and that we understood each other, he walks up and kisses me. AHHHH!!! And I was a little tipsy, and it was his birthday, so I wasn't about to make a fool of him in front of everybody. So what else could I do but kiss back?? SUCH a bad idea...
You know in the movie Wedding Crashers, when Owen Wilsons character writes a note on a napkin and gives it to a girl? And it says, "Do you wanna dance with me? Yes, No, Maybe."
Well, Billy wrote me one of those that said, "Do you wanna snuggle tonight? Yes, No"
Well I inserted my own "Maybe" box and put a check by it. Then I consulted with Melissa and Alyssa about what I should do. Alyssa said, if I just wanna make out and have fun with him, then go for it. Melissa said, "Omg he is obviously in love with you! He is so crazy about you Peyton! If you don't like him like that, you need to tell him."
((Sigh))
Well, I took Alyssa's advice. Although I actually agreed more with Melissa. I ended up staying with Billy while he closed the bar, and then a group of us went to eat at a 24 hour cafe. By the time we got back to Billy's, it was 6 am. We just completely crashed and that was it.
How can he not notice that I don't innitiate any physical contact!? I thought that would be a huge hint! But I guess not... He asked me what I was doing Saturday night, and I told him I'd be at work late cuz we do inventory, so he said to call him when I got done and "maybe we could hang out". Oh g's...
Well last night was a complete disaster zone!! Our computer system crashed around 1 am and we couldnt open or close any tabs, or run any credit cards...it was horrible. We had to do cash only for the last hour and so many people were getting attitudes with me, it was ridiculous! Needless to say, we were there extra late, and we didn't even get to take home our tips because we couldn't enter in credit card tips.
Oh, and guess who showed up??
VETTE GUY.
His cousin was in town from Louisiana and he was showing her around midtown. And he looked super smokin' too... But after what happened Thursday? I dunno...he's just a total player.
So after work, me, Bethany (another bartender), Gavin, and Jeremy (new door guy) were sitting around talking and drinking beer while they were trying to figure out what was wrong with the computers. I mentioned a local show that's going on this Thursday that I really wanna go to. Gavin was like, "Oh! The Tool cover band! I love Tool!"
And so do I, obviously.
So asked him if he was going, and he said to call him and let him know when we'd be going cuz he gets out of school at 9pm. Then we all decided we were gonna go eat at Katz's Deli. It was like 5 am and we were all starving. So Bethany and I drove over together, and Jeremy and Gavin followed. Well Gavin ended up not showing up, so I sent him a text that said, "You're a f*cking sellout!" Haha.
Well he immediately calls me! He explained away how he has to get up early and bla bla, and told me to talk to him till he gets home. So I did! Then when we got off the phone, he sent me a text.
Gavin: u working tomorrow?
Me: Yea, at 7. You?
Gavin: hell no...but i might come up there to drink around 9...will c.
Me: You suck. Well yea, I'll be there...being miserable like I am every Sunday!
Gavin: ha can't be that bad
Me: You have no idea... Sundays are the worst. It's like, hey, if you're a dumbass, come to (our bar) on Sunday!!!
Gavin: nice... well im crashing...enjoy ur 12 dollar hot dogs hehe maybe c u tomorrow night
Me: Oh I will! 12 dollars hot dogs are the best! Good night!
Was he flirting??? YES?? NO??? MAYBE???
Guess I'll find out at work tonight...
Mitch Of The Day:
"I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late."
Thursday, August 2, 2007
W-O-W!
Ok...for those of you that I may have offended, I'm sorry! That really was not my intention. I guess I kind of assumed, since you all KNOW about the horrible 3 days I just had, that you would understand my mood. Perhaps I was a bit snippish. Meh... Oh well.
But I've decided that the best thing for me to do, is just keep on writing, and basically disregard the comments as far as my blog is concerned. That doesn't mean I'm not going to read them, or listen to you guys. And I really do appreciate the advice. Believe me, I need it. That's one of the things I love about writing this blog, is getting the unbiased truth from people. However, I am no longer going to directly respond to anyone's comments in my blog. I'm not trying to become the Bedroom Blog with millions of readers or whatever, so if I lose a couple along the way, I'm not gonna cry about it. And if I get more readers, great! But seriously, it's just a blog.
And I really wish you all wouldn't FIGHT in the comments! Haha.
I know I can be incredibly immature, and I probably come off that way sometimes. But honestly, I am overall, a smart and together girl, who makes mistakes just like everyone else.
Perhaps I should go into a little more depth about my life. I told myself I wasn't going to do this, but perhaps it's necessary for you all to understand me a little better.
When my ex-fiance and I broke up, I had just finished my junior year of college, and I was happy and free, and all that. But my first mistake was getting sucked into a relationship I wasn't ready for, with a guy who definitely was not right for me. He had anger issues, he was incredibly insecure, immature, irresponsible...the works! I guess the reason I was initially attracted to him was because he was a "bad boy", and the complete opposite of my ex. I'm not gonna go into the gory details, but in the year and a half that I spent with him, he became jealous, possessive, controlling, and abusive. At first it was just snide remarks like, "you need to work out more", or "I don't like you hanging out with that guy".
Before I knew it, I had alienated all of my guy friends, and I had become deeply depressed. And to top it all off, I was in denial about everything. My parents hated him, so it become me and my boyfriend, versus my parents. All my friends told me he was an asshole, and even my sister warned me she thought he could become physically abusive, but I turned a deaf ear to all of it.
The biggest lesson I learned from that, is NEVER, NEVER ignore your friends and family. They're only trying to look out for you. And they want what is best for you. I stayed with The Psycho because about 9 months into our relationship, he joined the military, and I thought it might help him to grow up and learn to appreciate me. Through his training, it seemed like maybe there was hope, but when he came back, things were just worse. He would scream in my face, cuss at me, tell me to "shut the f- up", tell me I wasn't better than him, just because I went to college...and he would push me, restrain me when we fought, twist my arms till I had bruises... It makes me sick just thinking about it.
He never actually struck me, but there were several times, when I know he came close. His deal was, he just wanted to feel like he had absolute control over me. So he'd hold me down and scream in my face until I gave in.
And we fought constantly. Right before graduation, he began pressuring me to move across the country with him and be his "little wife". He wanted me to give up my friends, my family, my career...everything. I was sooo unhappy. I can't even begin to describe... And that was where the painkillers came in. When I got my teeth pulled, I needed them obviously, but when I was taking them, I just felt like I didn't care about my crazy boyfriend, or anything else. They just made me feel...happy! I never took them as a crutch, and I was never addicted to them. Just every once in a while when I was feeling really sad or lonely, I would take one and just go to sleep.
I finally broke up with The Psycho this past April. I told him our relationship was not healthy, and that I wasn't going to put up with his crap anymore. He threatened to kill himself. SO not fair to me. Especially after everything he had put me through. Leave it to him to be so selfish...
Obviously those were empty threats, but since breaking up with him, it was like having a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. I could talk to my friends again, I could do whatever I wanted! And I was happy to be moving back in with my parents actually, because I wasn't alone anymore, and I was surrounded by people who truly love me and care about me. I only just graduated in May, and I'm moving out in the next couple of months as soon as I get back on my feet. So I haven't been here too long.
As for guys, I'm trying not to settle. That's what I've always done in the past. I know it may not seem that way, but it's because as lonely as I get, and as much as I think I need a boyfriend, I don't want to rush into anything. And I'm starting to appreciate myself more, without a guy.
So I wanna date, I wanna go out with my friends, and I wanna get drunk and stupid sometimes! Haha.
This is the stuff of life.
Mitch Of The Day:
"My lucky number is 4 billion. That doesn't come in real handy when you're gambling. I'm gonna need some more dice...4 billion divided by 6, at least."
But I've decided that the best thing for me to do, is just keep on writing, and basically disregard the comments as far as my blog is concerned. That doesn't mean I'm not going to read them, or listen to you guys. And I really do appreciate the advice. Believe me, I need it. That's one of the things I love about writing this blog, is getting the unbiased truth from people. However, I am no longer going to directly respond to anyone's comments in my blog. I'm not trying to become the Bedroom Blog with millions of readers or whatever, so if I lose a couple along the way, I'm not gonna cry about it. And if I get more readers, great! But seriously, it's just a blog.
And I really wish you all wouldn't FIGHT in the comments! Haha.
I know I can be incredibly immature, and I probably come off that way sometimes. But honestly, I am overall, a smart and together girl, who makes mistakes just like everyone else.
Perhaps I should go into a little more depth about my life. I told myself I wasn't going to do this, but perhaps it's necessary for you all to understand me a little better.
When my ex-fiance and I broke up, I had just finished my junior year of college, and I was happy and free, and all that. But my first mistake was getting sucked into a relationship I wasn't ready for, with a guy who definitely was not right for me. He had anger issues, he was incredibly insecure, immature, irresponsible...the works! I guess the reason I was initially attracted to him was because he was a "bad boy", and the complete opposite of my ex. I'm not gonna go into the gory details, but in the year and a half that I spent with him, he became jealous, possessive, controlling, and abusive. At first it was just snide remarks like, "you need to work out more", or "I don't like you hanging out with that guy".
Before I knew it, I had alienated all of my guy friends, and I had become deeply depressed. And to top it all off, I was in denial about everything. My parents hated him, so it become me and my boyfriend, versus my parents. All my friends told me he was an asshole, and even my sister warned me she thought he could become physically abusive, but I turned a deaf ear to all of it.
The biggest lesson I learned from that, is NEVER, NEVER ignore your friends and family. They're only trying to look out for you. And they want what is best for you. I stayed with The Psycho because about 9 months into our relationship, he joined the military, and I thought it might help him to grow up and learn to appreciate me. Through his training, it seemed like maybe there was hope, but when he came back, things were just worse. He would scream in my face, cuss at me, tell me to "shut the f- up", tell me I wasn't better than him, just because I went to college...and he would push me, restrain me when we fought, twist my arms till I had bruises... It makes me sick just thinking about it.
He never actually struck me, but there were several times, when I know he came close. His deal was, he just wanted to feel like he had absolute control over me. So he'd hold me down and scream in my face until I gave in.
And we fought constantly. Right before graduation, he began pressuring me to move across the country with him and be his "little wife". He wanted me to give up my friends, my family, my career...everything. I was sooo unhappy. I can't even begin to describe... And that was where the painkillers came in. When I got my teeth pulled, I needed them obviously, but when I was taking them, I just felt like I didn't care about my crazy boyfriend, or anything else. They just made me feel...happy! I never took them as a crutch, and I was never addicted to them. Just every once in a while when I was feeling really sad or lonely, I would take one and just go to sleep.
I finally broke up with The Psycho this past April. I told him our relationship was not healthy, and that I wasn't going to put up with his crap anymore. He threatened to kill himself. SO not fair to me. Especially after everything he had put me through. Leave it to him to be so selfish...
Obviously those were empty threats, but since breaking up with him, it was like having a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. I could talk to my friends again, I could do whatever I wanted! And I was happy to be moving back in with my parents actually, because I wasn't alone anymore, and I was surrounded by people who truly love me and care about me. I only just graduated in May, and I'm moving out in the next couple of months as soon as I get back on my feet. So I haven't been here too long.
As for guys, I'm trying not to settle. That's what I've always done in the past. I know it may not seem that way, but it's because as lonely as I get, and as much as I think I need a boyfriend, I don't want to rush into anything. And I'm starting to appreciate myself more, without a guy.
So I wanna date, I wanna go out with my friends, and I wanna get drunk and stupid sometimes! Haha.
This is the stuff of life.
Mitch Of The Day:
"My lucky number is 4 billion. That doesn't come in real handy when you're gambling. I'm gonna need some more dice...4 billion divided by 6, at least."
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