Omg, Rusty sent me a myspace message today!
He said he tried requesting me, but I require a last name, so he couldn't. Haha. My plan totally worked!! We've been messaging back and forth for a while now. :)
Anyways, I need to finish updating you all on my week. I haven't seen or spoken to John since Wednesday night. Bethany and I drove up to our old college town on Thursday. We both went to the same school, but we didn't know each other when we were there. Weird, huh? But anyways, our trip wasn't all it was cracked up to be. We felt old, and out of place. Everyone there is just so...different. I mean they're all at a different place in their lives, ya know?? And I've already moved on from that part of my life so it's just not fun anymore. Not the way I remembered it. But I mean, we did have fun. Just...not what we were expecting. We crashed in a hotel after a night of bar hopping. Then we drove back the next day cuz we both had to work.
Saturday night I requested off because I WENT TO THE JOURNEY CONCERT!!!! It was amazing!! My Dad got tickets right when they went on sale, and decided to take ME!! Our seats were really good too! Like, tenth row back. Great view. Their new singer sounds so much like Steve Perry, it's insane!
So anyways, I stayed at my parents' house that night since I rode with my dad. Then I went to church with them the next morning. After church we went out to lunch with Todd's family. He's in town till tomorrow. Him and his girlfriend are back together. :/
I don't think I'll ever get a chance with Todd, no matter how much I think about it, and wish for it. ((sigh))
Anyways, last night was the night I finally organized my apartment. I threw out all the empty boxes. Mondays are trash days, luckily, so when I set out my trash it ended up being like a 6-feet high tower!! I felt so bad, I left a note for the trash guys. Lol.
This morning, I got up, swam my laps, and then got ready to go my Aunt Suzanne's house in Spring. My Aunt Jessica, Uncle David, Noelle, and Maddox were in town. If you can't remember these people, see my post titled The Peyton Family Tree. Anyway, they're my cousins. So I went up to see them, since they live in Louisiana and we hardly ever get to see each other!
So, remember The Frenchman?? The guy my Aunt Jessica wanted to set me up with? Well, apparently he's not completely out of the picture! Aunt Jessica told me today that she told his mom about me! Lol. And they have this plan to get us to meet. He has to take his nephew down to Houston for something, and they're gonna come to the zoo, and I'm supposed to give them a tour. Lol. I'm sure he has no idea about any of this. But I'm down! It was so funny listening to my aunt talk about how hot he is.
Also, my Aunt Suzanne is finally getting remarried this November, right after Thanksgiving. So Jessica thinks he should be my wedding date. I told her I'd much rather it be an official, out in the open fix-up, than an awkward "accidental" meeting, where we both know what's really going on, but neither of us feels comfortable talking about it. You know what I mean?? I'd rather just go all out. What's the worst that could happen??
My step-cousin, Holly, (Aunt Suzanne's step daughter from her ex-husband's previous marriage) was at the table with us when we were talking about this, and she was saying she wants to go out with him! Ugh. That's all I need is competition. But I made it very clear to her that I had first dibs!
Anyways, overall, I had a nice, fun, relaxing day with my family. I really needed that. Because this week is hell week for me. I'm working 5 shifts, all closing, all consecutive, starting today. It's going to suck.
But hey, I've got bills to pay!
And on August 6th I'm going to Austin, because Rikki is gonna be in town from Washington State!!! I haven't seen her since Megan's wedding! It's gonna be so much fun. And nice to be around my truest friends. Ahhhh...
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
I'm Still Here!
Sorry it's been so long. I've been so busy with moving. Finally, just last night, I got my apartment clean, and looking like someone actually lives here! And just that in itself has alleviated so much stress! I'm sitting comfortably on my couch right now, watching season two of The Office. I just started watching it, and it's pretty freakin' hilarious so far! I LOVE living by myself! It's so liberating, so relaxing, so...AMAZING! Seriously, I just haven't been this happy about anything in a while.
As for Daniel, I'm slowly starting to heal. I can actually go almost a whole day without thinking about him now. And I don't flinch when he pops into my head, or when I hear his name anymore. So...it's starting to get easier, I guess. I haven't seen him at all either so...that probably helps.
Anyways, I have a lot to update you guys on, so I better get started!
Ok, so last Tuesday there was this huge industry party hosted by Red Bull. It was free alcohol and stuff, and only bartenders/bar industry peeps could go, because Red Bull handed out limited passes. So anyways, most of my coworkers were there, and we all got realllllly smashed! I ended up drinking, then going out to the car with Misty and Bethany to smoke, then drinking some more, so I was feeling pretty good.
So, after we came back inside from smoking, John walked up and started talking to me. He was pretty drunk too, and when he gets drunk, he's like...a different person. Literally. Normally he's very composed, and reserved, and calm. When he drinks, it's the complete opposite!
So we're talking, I can't remember about what, and then he says, "Hey could you hold this for me, cuz I think I might drop it."
He was referring to his drink. I had my drink and purse in my left hand, but I took his drink in my right, and gave him a confused look.
"Okaayyy..." I said.
Then he grabs my face in both of his hands and starts kissing me! I was so shocked, I didn't really know how to react! I mean, I froze! And all these emotions were going through my head! Surprise, relief, exhilaration, embarrassment, amusement, anger... I was surprised first, then excited that it was really happening, then embarrassed that everyone was watching, then I kind of wanted to laugh, and then I'd had enough, but he wouldn't let me go when I tried pushing him off me, so I got kinda mad. Lol. And he still wouldn't let go of me! It was like he had me in a vice! And to top it all off, all my coworkers were watching, whooping, and taking pictures!! Then Mr. P. walks up, puts his arms around us both and starts singing... Oh my god, it was horrible. But we were both pretty drunk, and apparently it happened more than once.
Because it was all I heard about for the next week.
The next day, I woke up not knowing what to think. I mean John was really hammered, and towards the end of the night, he was so drunk it was getting obnoxious. I mean he threw an empty beer bottle down Mr. S.'s stairs and then passed out on the kitchen counter. Seriously. Kind of a turnoff. ((sigh))
Oh, and this was after he told me he loved me.
YEA.
Ok so, I had some mixed emotions about it. Mostly because I just didn't want it to happen that way, you know?? I don't like drunk John. I like sober John. ((sigh))
Well I had to go to work Wednesday, and I was dreading all the humiliation I was gonna have to put up with. And Mark of course never let me hear the end of it. Neither did Mr. P., Mr. S. or anyone else that saw for that matter. Which was, apparently, a lot of people. ((sigh)) But oh well. It has to blow over sometime.
Well that night at work, we had a new band play. Not really a band actually, an acoustic act. Just 2 guys and 2 guitars. And one of them was really hot. I mean, the singing, guitar-playing thing is always sexy, but aside from that? HOT. So I got off around 11, and I stayed to have a couple drinks with a couple of the door guys, and Johnny, our regular acoustic guitar guy on Saturdays. And of course, John shows up. It was awkward. That goes without saying.
Well, during one of the band's set breaks, Mr. Rockstar himself approaches our little group. Apparently him and Johnny go way back. He wasn't really hanging out with everyone though, just Johnny, but I kept catching him staring at me. Not even just then, but before, from across the room. But I figured it was probably because I was staring at him. Lol. You know how you can just feel someone looking at you??
So anyways, when they went back up to play, Johnny came up to the bar and sat down next to me.
"Rusty was asking me about you." He said.
"Rusty?"
"Yea, the guy in the band. He was like, 'Who's that? She's hot.'" He replied.
"Really??" I said, trying not to sound too eager, "Well what did you tell him??"
"I told him you were a cool chick, really awesome at piano. He loves piano! He tries to play, but he's not very good. He's way better at guitar. Then I asked him if he wanted me to introduce you, but he said no, cuz that would be too obvious."
"Well did you tell him that I'm single?!" I asked, eyes wide.
"Why? Do you like him?" He raised an eyebrow at me.
"Well, I don't know! I don't even know him. But I'm definitely interested..." I smirked as I started to think about the possibilities.
"Well you should get to know him. He's a cool guy. I've known him for years. We should all hang out sometime!" He suggested.
"Ok, yea. That sounds good."
"Ok, well we'll talk about it when we get to IHOP later." Johnny said.
"What?! We can't talk about it then! Not in front of...people." I hissed.
"What? Ohhhhh... You mean John? He already knows."
"Huh?? Knows what!?" I started to panic.
"Well, he was standing right there when Rusty came up and asked me about you."
"Oh." More like Oh shit was what I was thinking in my head. But it's just as well.
So the next set break they took, I walked up to a group of them standing around and Rusty said, "Who's this?"
"Oh! This is Peyton. Peyton, Rusty." Johnny introduced us, and we shook hands.
I blushed.
I invited him to go to IHOP with us, but he rode with his bandmate, so he had to pass.
But when I got home that night, I friend requested their band on myspace. Not him personally, but the band! Pretty smooth, huh?
Anyways, that's not all the boy drama for Wednesday night. There's more!
When we were getting ready to leave for IHOP John asked to ride with me.
"What? Why? That doesn't make any sense! I live right by IHOP now, and you live in the other direction." I pointed out.
"Yea but...I was hoping to stay at your place tonight..."
I cut him off.
"WHAT!?"
"Well, it's just that my power went out earlier. There was some kind of electrical explosion." He explained.
"Hmmm... Well...just take your own car anyways. I'm going out of town tomorrow and I have a lot of shit to do. We'll talk about it at IHOP."
I wasn't lying about the out of town thing. Bethany and I planned a trip to our old college town just for Thursday night because we both happened to be off. But I really just wasn't comfortable with the idea of John staying over!
1) My apartment was still not in shape for company. I mean, boxes everywhere, laundry strewn about, shit just...in really random places and all unorganized....
2) I was mildly disgusted with John from the night before, and mildly disgusted with myself for letting it happen, and then after hearing about it all freaking day, I just...didn't wanna think about it anymore. About HIM anymore. Know what I mean??
Plus, I wasn't sure what exactly he was assuming about us, or about anything really. Not that I thought he wanted to come over with the intentions of sleeping with me or anything! He told me he'd sleep on the couch but still! I just felt weird about it. And that's never a good situation to be in. So I decided I was gonna have to tell him no.
So we went to IHOP. Me, John, Bethany and Mark. We ate, they made fun of me some more, I got pissed, then it was time to go.
"So are you gonna let me make use of your couch tonight?" John asked as I was getting into my car.
"How do you know your power is even still out?" I asked.
"Because it was still out when I left! And it's 4 am on a Wednesday, I doubt they're going to fix it till tomorrow."
I sighed. "This is just really not a good time for me to be having anyone spend the night!"
"I let you crash at my place twice." He argued.
"WHAT!? I can't believe you're using that against me! That was totally different! I had to drive you home, because you were practically incapacitated drunk! And then I was going to have to drive another 30 minutes just to get to my house! And you asked me to stay!"
He huffed and started to protest.
"Well now the answer is definitely no, because I'm mad at you!" I said.
"Alright then. Fair enough." He said, and walked off.
I slammed my door shut and left. I still can't believe the audacity of him. UGh...
Well, I think I'm going to end with that, because this post is ridiculously long. I'll finish up with the rest of the drama tomorrow!
As for Daniel, I'm slowly starting to heal. I can actually go almost a whole day without thinking about him now. And I don't flinch when he pops into my head, or when I hear his name anymore. So...it's starting to get easier, I guess. I haven't seen him at all either so...that probably helps.
Anyways, I have a lot to update you guys on, so I better get started!
Ok, so last Tuesday there was this huge industry party hosted by Red Bull. It was free alcohol and stuff, and only bartenders/bar industry peeps could go, because Red Bull handed out limited passes. So anyways, most of my coworkers were there, and we all got realllllly smashed! I ended up drinking, then going out to the car with Misty and Bethany to smoke, then drinking some more, so I was feeling pretty good.
So, after we came back inside from smoking, John walked up and started talking to me. He was pretty drunk too, and when he gets drunk, he's like...a different person. Literally. Normally he's very composed, and reserved, and calm. When he drinks, it's the complete opposite!
So we're talking, I can't remember about what, and then he says, "Hey could you hold this for me, cuz I think I might drop it."
He was referring to his drink. I had my drink and purse in my left hand, but I took his drink in my right, and gave him a confused look.
"Okaayyy..." I said.
Then he grabs my face in both of his hands and starts kissing me! I was so shocked, I didn't really know how to react! I mean, I froze! And all these emotions were going through my head! Surprise, relief, exhilaration, embarrassment, amusement, anger... I was surprised first, then excited that it was really happening, then embarrassed that everyone was watching, then I kind of wanted to laugh, and then I'd had enough, but he wouldn't let me go when I tried pushing him off me, so I got kinda mad. Lol. And he still wouldn't let go of me! It was like he had me in a vice! And to top it all off, all my coworkers were watching, whooping, and taking pictures!! Then Mr. P. walks up, puts his arms around us both and starts singing... Oh my god, it was horrible. But we were both pretty drunk, and apparently it happened more than once.
Because it was all I heard about for the next week.
The next day, I woke up not knowing what to think. I mean John was really hammered, and towards the end of the night, he was so drunk it was getting obnoxious. I mean he threw an empty beer bottle down Mr. S.'s stairs and then passed out on the kitchen counter. Seriously. Kind of a turnoff. ((sigh))
Oh, and this was after he told me he loved me.
YEA.
Ok so, I had some mixed emotions about it. Mostly because I just didn't want it to happen that way, you know?? I don't like drunk John. I like sober John. ((sigh))
Well I had to go to work Wednesday, and I was dreading all the humiliation I was gonna have to put up with. And Mark of course never let me hear the end of it. Neither did Mr. P., Mr. S. or anyone else that saw for that matter. Which was, apparently, a lot of people. ((sigh)) But oh well. It has to blow over sometime.
Well that night at work, we had a new band play. Not really a band actually, an acoustic act. Just 2 guys and 2 guitars. And one of them was really hot. I mean, the singing, guitar-playing thing is always sexy, but aside from that? HOT. So I got off around 11, and I stayed to have a couple drinks with a couple of the door guys, and Johnny, our regular acoustic guitar guy on Saturdays. And of course, John shows up. It was awkward. That goes without saying.
Well, during one of the band's set breaks, Mr. Rockstar himself approaches our little group. Apparently him and Johnny go way back. He wasn't really hanging out with everyone though, just Johnny, but I kept catching him staring at me. Not even just then, but before, from across the room. But I figured it was probably because I was staring at him. Lol. You know how you can just feel someone looking at you??
So anyways, when they went back up to play, Johnny came up to the bar and sat down next to me.
"Rusty was asking me about you." He said.
"Rusty?"
"Yea, the guy in the band. He was like, 'Who's that? She's hot.'" He replied.
"Really??" I said, trying not to sound too eager, "Well what did you tell him??"
"I told him you were a cool chick, really awesome at piano. He loves piano! He tries to play, but he's not very good. He's way better at guitar. Then I asked him if he wanted me to introduce you, but he said no, cuz that would be too obvious."
"Well did you tell him that I'm single?!" I asked, eyes wide.
"Why? Do you like him?" He raised an eyebrow at me.
"Well, I don't know! I don't even know him. But I'm definitely interested..." I smirked as I started to think about the possibilities.
"Well you should get to know him. He's a cool guy. I've known him for years. We should all hang out sometime!" He suggested.
"Ok, yea. That sounds good."
"Ok, well we'll talk about it when we get to IHOP later." Johnny said.
"What?! We can't talk about it then! Not in front of...people." I hissed.
"What? Ohhhhh... You mean John? He already knows."
"Huh?? Knows what!?" I started to panic.
"Well, he was standing right there when Rusty came up and asked me about you."
"Oh." More like Oh shit was what I was thinking in my head. But it's just as well.
So the next set break they took, I walked up to a group of them standing around and Rusty said, "Who's this?"
"Oh! This is Peyton. Peyton, Rusty." Johnny introduced us, and we shook hands.
I blushed.
I invited him to go to IHOP with us, but he rode with his bandmate, so he had to pass.
But when I got home that night, I friend requested their band on myspace. Not him personally, but the band! Pretty smooth, huh?
Anyways, that's not all the boy drama for Wednesday night. There's more!
When we were getting ready to leave for IHOP John asked to ride with me.
"What? Why? That doesn't make any sense! I live right by IHOP now, and you live in the other direction." I pointed out.
"Yea but...I was hoping to stay at your place tonight..."
I cut him off.
"WHAT!?"
"Well, it's just that my power went out earlier. There was some kind of electrical explosion." He explained.
"Hmmm... Well...just take your own car anyways. I'm going out of town tomorrow and I have a lot of shit to do. We'll talk about it at IHOP."
I wasn't lying about the out of town thing. Bethany and I planned a trip to our old college town just for Thursday night because we both happened to be off. But I really just wasn't comfortable with the idea of John staying over!
1) My apartment was still not in shape for company. I mean, boxes everywhere, laundry strewn about, shit just...in really random places and all unorganized....
2) I was mildly disgusted with John from the night before, and mildly disgusted with myself for letting it happen, and then after hearing about it all freaking day, I just...didn't wanna think about it anymore. About HIM anymore. Know what I mean??
Plus, I wasn't sure what exactly he was assuming about us, or about anything really. Not that I thought he wanted to come over with the intentions of sleeping with me or anything! He told me he'd sleep on the couch but still! I just felt weird about it. And that's never a good situation to be in. So I decided I was gonna have to tell him no.
So we went to IHOP. Me, John, Bethany and Mark. We ate, they made fun of me some more, I got pissed, then it was time to go.
"So are you gonna let me make use of your couch tonight?" John asked as I was getting into my car.
"How do you know your power is even still out?" I asked.
"Because it was still out when I left! And it's 4 am on a Wednesday, I doubt they're going to fix it till tomorrow."
I sighed. "This is just really not a good time for me to be having anyone spend the night!"
"I let you crash at my place twice." He argued.
"WHAT!? I can't believe you're using that against me! That was totally different! I had to drive you home, because you were practically incapacitated drunk! And then I was going to have to drive another 30 minutes just to get to my house! And you asked me to stay!"
He huffed and started to protest.
"Well now the answer is definitely no, because I'm mad at you!" I said.
"Alright then. Fair enough." He said, and walked off.
I slammed my door shut and left. I still can't believe the audacity of him. UGh...
Well, I think I'm going to end with that, because this post is ridiculously long. I'll finish up with the rest of the drama tomorrow!
Monday, July 21, 2008
Moving In And Moving On...NOT.
So I am officially living in my new apartment! It's sooo nice! My own space, all to myself, with no one to consult about anything!! Everything is still in boxes right now though, because my entire weekend has consisted of moving and working. And today I slept till 3 o'clock cuz I was so exhausted. ((sigh))
Bethany is gonna help me decorate and paint my bedroom. She's reallllly good at interior design! We start painting tomorrow. I'm so excited!
I had to work tonight, even though I don't normally work Sundays. It was horrible. But John is back from his trip. You guys remember John right?? The guy with all the sexual tension?? And just so you know, that hasn't gone away! Anyways, he was on some trip for a couple months for school; a geographical survey or something. But tonight, he worked the door and I closed the bar, so it was just the 2 of us at closing time. And we were sitting and talking while I was counting tips. And he was telling me about what he wants to do when he finishes school, and I found myself getting lost in his words, and thinking about what it would be like to kiss him. Would his kiss be gentle or firm? What his hands would feel like in my hair, and how my heart would race... Then I snapped out of it, and he was in the middle of telling me something about insurgents in Iraq. He was in the marines. ((sigh)) I wonder if anything will ever come of me and John.
Anyways, these fanciful thoughts of mine, are unfortunately few and far between. And I say that because they are certainly a nice destraction from the constant ache of yearning for Daniel. Now that I'm living practically across the street from him, it's gotten worse. I keep dreading, and hoping that I'll run into him.
Speaking of which, Jenna has been hanging out with him, almost on a regular basis. And that really bothers me, because on top of that, she never calls me anymore! And I've been so depressed lately, I just wish I knew I could depend on the people that I used to count among my good friends. It's strange how people's true colors start to show when you really need them. The only people who have really been there for me are Melissa, Bethany and Izzie. Always Izzie. She is the most loyal friend I've ever had. I'm not too happy with Alyssa either. As soon as Russ got back from his mission trip, she stopped calling me. ((sigh))
Melissa and Tim broke up last week, so we've been hanging out a lot...commiserating mostly. But it's nice to just have someone to talk to who really understands. She actually gets what I'm going through, and she empathizes.
It's kind of weird, because she points out things about me in a way that is so...black and white; she puts them in a new light that I wouldn't ever think of.
For example, the other day while we were at dinner she said she couldn't believe how bad Daniel broke me. So bad that I have to drug myself to numb the pain. She was referring to my more frequent smoking of course. But....((sigh)) she's right. And it makes me sad to think about it. I don't understand how I let him get so deep inside of me. I rarely even let people under my skin, let alone into my heart.
Anyways, it's late and I'm tired so I'm gonna try to get some sleep.
Bethany is gonna help me decorate and paint my bedroom. She's reallllly good at interior design! We start painting tomorrow. I'm so excited!
I had to work tonight, even though I don't normally work Sundays. It was horrible. But John is back from his trip. You guys remember John right?? The guy with all the sexual tension?? And just so you know, that hasn't gone away! Anyways, he was on some trip for a couple months for school; a geographical survey or something. But tonight, he worked the door and I closed the bar, so it was just the 2 of us at closing time. And we were sitting and talking while I was counting tips. And he was telling me about what he wants to do when he finishes school, and I found myself getting lost in his words, and thinking about what it would be like to kiss him. Would his kiss be gentle or firm? What his hands would feel like in my hair, and how my heart would race... Then I snapped out of it, and he was in the middle of telling me something about insurgents in Iraq. He was in the marines. ((sigh)) I wonder if anything will ever come of me and John.
Anyways, these fanciful thoughts of mine, are unfortunately few and far between. And I say that because they are certainly a nice destraction from the constant ache of yearning for Daniel. Now that I'm living practically across the street from him, it's gotten worse. I keep dreading, and hoping that I'll run into him.
Speaking of which, Jenna has been hanging out with him, almost on a regular basis. And that really bothers me, because on top of that, she never calls me anymore! And I've been so depressed lately, I just wish I knew I could depend on the people that I used to count among my good friends. It's strange how people's true colors start to show when you really need them. The only people who have really been there for me are Melissa, Bethany and Izzie. Always Izzie. She is the most loyal friend I've ever had. I'm not too happy with Alyssa either. As soon as Russ got back from his mission trip, she stopped calling me. ((sigh))
Melissa and Tim broke up last week, so we've been hanging out a lot...commiserating mostly. But it's nice to just have someone to talk to who really understands. She actually gets what I'm going through, and she empathizes.
It's kind of weird, because she points out things about me in a way that is so...black and white; she puts them in a new light that I wouldn't ever think of.
For example, the other day while we were at dinner she said she couldn't believe how bad Daniel broke me. So bad that I have to drug myself to numb the pain. She was referring to my more frequent smoking of course. But....((sigh)) she's right. And it makes me sad to think about it. I don't understand how I let him get so deep inside of me. I rarely even let people under my skin, let alone into my heart.
Anyways, it's late and I'm tired so I'm gonna try to get some sleep.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Three Words
It must have been almost 4 am when I got to his apartment. It had been a long night at work. I opened the sliding door as quietly as I could. The lights were off. I knew he was probably already asleep.
I crept into his bedroom, and there he was, all sprawled out on the bed diagonally, in his underwear, with the covers spread awkwardly across him. I couldn't help but smile. He looks like a little boy when he sleeps.
I got undressed and crawled into bed next to him. He barely stirred. I leaned over and whispered his name. He didn't move. So I kissed his cheek and rolled over to go to sleep. I was still smiling.
About a half hour later, he woke up. Confused and disoriented as people do when they're woken from a deep sleep.
"What's wrong?" I asked him, concern coloring my voice.
"My head is killing me." He said.
"Do you want some Advil?? I have some in my purse."
"Do you have any water?"
"Yes. There's some right here." I gestured to the night stand as I dug through my purse for my travel pack of Advil.
After he took the pills, he laid back down, face up, staring at the ceiling.
Poor baby, I thought.
I rolled onto my side to face him and began running my fingers through his hair. He sighed and closed his eyes.
I continued to rub his head for almost 15 minutes, lightly tugging his hair, just the way he likes. Finally his breathing evened out; deep and calm.
But I kept running my ringers through his hair, gazing at him and thinking...
I thought he was asleep, but I guess he was still half awake because then he said,
"Why do you do it?"
His voice was barely a whisper, and heavy with sleep.
I smiled.
"Because I love you."
It was the first time I'd said it to him.
He rolled over and wrapped me in his embrace, so tight and warm. And I fell asleep feeling like nothing could ever go wrong again.
I crept into his bedroom, and there he was, all sprawled out on the bed diagonally, in his underwear, with the covers spread awkwardly across him. I couldn't help but smile. He looks like a little boy when he sleeps.
I got undressed and crawled into bed next to him. He barely stirred. I leaned over and whispered his name. He didn't move. So I kissed his cheek and rolled over to go to sleep. I was still smiling.
About a half hour later, he woke up. Confused and disoriented as people do when they're woken from a deep sleep.
"What's wrong?" I asked him, concern coloring my voice.
"My head is killing me." He said.
"Do you want some Advil?? I have some in my purse."
"Do you have any water?"
"Yes. There's some right here." I gestured to the night stand as I dug through my purse for my travel pack of Advil.
After he took the pills, he laid back down, face up, staring at the ceiling.
Poor baby, I thought.
I rolled onto my side to face him and began running my fingers through his hair. He sighed and closed his eyes.
I continued to rub his head for almost 15 minutes, lightly tugging his hair, just the way he likes. Finally his breathing evened out; deep and calm.
But I kept running my ringers through his hair, gazing at him and thinking...
I thought he was asleep, but I guess he was still half awake because then he said,
"Why do you do it?"
His voice was barely a whisper, and heavy with sleep.
I smiled.
"Because I love you."
It was the first time I'd said it to him.
He rolled over and wrapped me in his embrace, so tight and warm. And I fell asleep feeling like nothing could ever go wrong again.
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