Misadventures in Tinder Dating

I've been on the fence about whether to blog about this or not, because part of me thinks it's been done before, and the other part of me is lazy. Lol. But what the hey.
So in light of my current situation, I thought it couldn't hurt to give Tinder another shot. I mean I'm not really meeting anyone, and I'm not getting any younger. So I thought I'd give it a try. I made sure to mention in my profile that I wanna go on dates, not chat online with strangers. So I made a few matches, and finally a guy asked me out.
His photos were a little iffy...like he could be really attractive, or not attractive at all, ya know? But I took a chance and swiped right, and he asked me out. He wanted to do dinner, but I suggested drinks, because it's more casual. So he picked the place and I went to meet him. Don't worry, I took a screen shot of his pic, and sent it to Bethany telling her where I was headed. In case I turned up dead the next day. Lol.
I got there first, and he was running a bit late, so I ordered a beer and grabbed a stool at the bar. About 10 minutes later, he arrived. I could tell immediately that he wasn't my type. A little too...rough around the edges for me, and not in a good way. I mean, he was really nice, just...I hate to say it, but I was definitely out of his league. Lol. But I figured I'm already here, I might as well just enjoy myself, and treat this like 2 friends hanging out instead of a romantic date. So I did. He was a bit awkward, and not much of a conversationalist, so I did most of the talking and asked him questions to keep the conversation going. He told me he was an electrician, and he recently moved here from Detroit.
Shortly into our "Get to know yous" he says, "You seem really cool and chill and I wanna be honest with you about something."
ALERT!! ALERT!! That's what my brain was saying anyway. I said, "Ok..."
"Um....Well I sorta been to prison before."
"Ok...." ALERT!! ALERT!! "Can I ask why?"
"Yea, it was just drugs. And assault. I mean this guy bought some shit from me and then he didn't wanna pay me so I kicked his ass. And then he ratted on me to the cops so he wouldn't have to pay me, and I went to prison."

Well that went south quickly.

So, felony drug and assault charges. Lovely.
The rest of the date is irrelevant. After being informed that I was indeed on a date with an ex-con, I figured, How much worse can it get? So I let him buy me a couple drinks and when I thought it wouldn't be impolite to take my leave, I let him walk to me to my car (despite my protestations). He was quite tipsy by this point and kept asking when he was going to see me again, and he even tried to kiss me! UGH. I turned away and quickly closed the door to my car. He walked back to the bar. Alone.
He texted me the next morning, and I figured it wouldn't be very nice to prolong his misery, so I just said, "Look, you seem like a nice guy, but chemistry is really important to me, and I just wasn't feelin' it. But good luck!"
I also wasn't feeling his smoker's teeth, or his prison tats, but that's neither here nor there. He took the well though I think. At least, he didn't act crazy. He just said he appreciated my honesty.

Now after a date with an ex-con, do you think I continued to use Tinder?? Unfortunately, the answer is yes. I'll tell you all about my next date in my next post.

Strangers

Sorry my last post was so weepy. This is the first time I've logged into the blog since I posted that, and I definitely was going through some depression. I think it was mostly the death of my grandfather. I still can't think about him being gone without tearing up. He's the closest person to me that I've lost, and I miss him terribly. But things have gotten a bit better. I'm not depressed anymore anyway. It's just hard for me to blog, because it requires me to examine my life from an inward and exploratory perspective, and honestly, that does tend to make me a bit depressed. So I'm trying to live more in the now. And I'm trying to get out more, and put myself out there more. But it's very difficult. Being in your 30's sucks. I don't know where everyone gets off telling you it's gonna be so great, cuz it's totally not. I'm too old to be irresponsible, hell, I'm too old to WANT to be irresponsible. And the weight of all my responsibilities is crushing! But I don't really feel like an adult yet. I'm still struggling financially and with my own identity, and I'm still single, of course. So it kind of seems like I'm just in limbo, waiting for things to distribute evenly so I can quit this balancing act that is my life. ((Sigh)) But I'm looking ahead, and I'm trying.
Anyway, today I was listening to this Tove Lo song where she says,

Lovers
Into friends
Move on
To strangers

And my brain just took off with that. How weird is it that you can be in love with someone, be incredibly intimate with them, know all their nooks and crannies and secrets, and then BAM! One day, you're complete strangers. It's so unfathomable, isn't it? It makes me quite sad actually. But maybe that's just because I'm alone. But still though, something has been lost, and that's sad. Often it's for the best, but...I dunno. To think about how you can be so close with someone and never expect it to go away, but it does sometimes.
For those of you who don't know Tove Lo, or only know her single, Talking Bodies, I actually came across her album, Queen of the Clouds, a little over a year ago, and it's really amazing. I listened to nothing but that album for like 2 weeks. So check it out if you haven't already.

Every day I feel myself drifting further and further away from myself. Away from my life as I knew it in general. I prefer to be alone most of the time. Communicating with people, even just on this level, has begun to feel like a chore. It's not that I prefer my own company, because I find even that quite disappointing these days. I just can't seem to muster up the desire to go outside myself. To go outside my house even. My job is a relatively solitary one. The days pass in a blur of strangers' faces. Sometimes it's almost like I'm in a foreign country, where I can't talk to anyone else because I'm the only one who doesn't speak the native language. So I barely acknowledge these strangers, and they might notice me and offer a greeting, but it never extends beyond that.
My friend Amanda came to visit from Chicago this week. Even though I've never really considered her a good friend, and I know that we get along best when we don't spend lots of consecutive time together, I found myself picking her apart and constantly annoyed by her presence in my house. She eats so much, and constantly. She doesn't brush her teeth at night. She never seemed to get my hints when I wanted to just be left alone. Her singing was constant, and fucking awful. I would rather drive in silence than be forced to listen to her sing off-key. She disrupted my routine, and left her coffee cup in the living room, and didn't put her plates in the dishwasher, and left doors open and lights on. I was so relieved when I finally dropped her at the airport, I literally cried. I felt like I'd been holding it in the whole time she was here.
My grandpa died two weeks ago, and at first I welcomed the grief and sadness, because why not? But now I feel like it has snowballed, and it's threatening to completely consume me. My dissatisfaction with my life, the stress of drowning in debt from student loans, and living paycheck to paycheck, the thought of another year of being single (2014 made 6), my loneliness, and yet my unwillingness to be around people... I feel like all I want is to just be left alone, but when presented with that thought, I get this overwhelming sense of despair. The only reason I'm writing this is because I have no one else to tell.

All Work and No Play...

Well it turns out Taryn lost the baby. She was having problems, and when she went in for an ultrasound, there was no heartbeat. The baby had stopped developing. So she had to have surgery. Even though I am relieved for her in the sense that she wasn't prepared for a baby, I'm also really sad, and worried about her. The same thing happened to Jenna this past summer, and she was devastated. Granted, she and Justin have been trying to have another baby for a while, and that wasn't her first miscarriage. I just know it can sometimes take a while for it to sink in. But Taryn seems to be doing fine. She and Dahmer are apparently still together (ugh) and she says he's been great, but now that they don't have a baby coming, we'll see how long that lasts...

I've been keeping busy with work, but I'm awfully lonely here most of the time. Other than my family, and Bethany, I don't know anybody here, and my job isn't exactly conducive to making friends, which is unfortunate. Somehow I gotta get myself out there and meeting people. Any ideas? Oh yea, I've also adopted a cat, so my transition into full-blown cat lady is finally beginning. Although I must say, I'm not a cat person. I mean I adopted for the right reasons, and Jasper seems to enjoy having some company when I'm gone. His fascination with Hobbes (cat) is infinite. But Hobbes and I haven't really...bonded. And sometimes he's mean to Jasper for no reason, which pisses me off. Like, Jasper will be laying on the bed, minding his own business, then Hobbes will jump up and bite him! For no reason! And then Jasper jumps down cuz he's scared, the big baby. Any of you cat people have experience with this? How long does it take to feel bonded with a cat?? I mean, I love all animals, don't get me wrong, I just feel like I've learned something about myself. And that is that I am not a cat person. But he's mine now and it's not like I'm going to take him back to the shelter just because we haven't totally hit it off. Maybe it will get better with time? ((Sigh))

Well I'm heading to Houston for Thanksgiving this year. I get to meet Dad's new girlfriend. Yay. (Can you sense the sarcasm?) Other than that, I don't really have much news. God, when did my life become so...boring?!