Another Missed Opportunity

((Sigh)) Well I spend the last couple days in a depressed funk. Sunday I didn't eat at all, and spent the evening polishing off a bottle of wine and crying, alone, in my apartment, like the pathetic spinster I apparently am. It just totally caught me off guard. I mean I just talked to Todd last week about getting together over Christmas break. And now I have to hang out with him and his fiancé and it's just going to be an awkward, depressing, bitter experience for me. I mean I know we have drifted apart and our friendship has undergone a lot of strain over the past couple years, but... I just didn't expect him to get engaged. Especially not so soon. And especially not to her. I dunno why, I mean, they've been living together for a while now, and they've been together for long enough that I should have seen it coming. I guess I just thought...7 years...if he hasn't figured out whether or not he wants to marry her yet, then it's probably not meant to be. And I always thought there would be another chance for him and me... I mean I've always had this Taylor Swift "You Belong With Me" feeling about Todd. Literally, that song pretty much describes our friendship perfectly, at least it did at one point. I dunno, now I just feel foolish, and disappointed, and so....empty. Another day, another opportunity missed.

Just saw on facebook that Todd proposed to Laura tonight. My heart just broke a little a lot.

I Got The Blues

Alyssa and Russ had an engagement party and didn't even invite me. I mean, wtf!?? I've been friends with both of them since they first got together. It's not enough that she excluded me from the wedding party, but now she's excluding me from her engagement party??
I'm really, really hurt. She hasn't even called, or Facebooked me or anything. I'm almost at the point where I just wanna be like, "Fuck it" and delete her phone number, delete her from my FB friends, just...completely write her off. Because that's obviously what she's done to me.
How can people be like that??
My mom says I depend too much on my friends, and I should rely more on my family. I'm starting to think she's right. I just don't get it. I thought friends were supposed to be there for each other, no matter what. But apparently, I'm the only one who views friendship that way. You really can't count on anyone these days. No one but yourself. And that's just plain sad.
I mean, I still count Cecilia as one of my best friends, even though we hardly ever see each other. But I still see her as being in my wedding, if I ever get married. And she says the same of me. I wish Cecilia and I could hang out more. I really miss her. But she lives like an hour away, and has a daughter, and I work so much... ((sigh)) I wish I could ask her to the Superbowl. But she wouldn't be able to go anyways... She recently got laid off at her job, so I doubt she has money to blow, and then of course there's her daughter. But she's the hugest Colts fan. Lol. Seriously. So I know it would be lots of fun if she came with me. Ahhh, wishful thinking... I already decided I'm gonna ask my Dad anyway. Which reminds me, after I talk to Todd tonight, I have to call Law School. Should I let him give me an answer first, or should I just tell him I'm taking my Dad before he even says anything? He's pissin' me off, seriously. Izzie says his reluctance is because he thinks I like him, like him, and he's afraid I'll assume, or expect things if he comes. FUCKIN' STUPID! OMG. Get over yourself. I wish I could tell him that. But it's not even worth it.

Things with Bethany and I are starting to get back to normal...sort of. I mean I'm getting over it. But I don't think things will ever be the same as they were between us, because I kind of feel like I've finally seen her true colors. And my opinions of her have sort of...warped. She's very selfish. And I don't like that.
But anyway, I think I was just fed up with her before, but now that she's over her drama, I can talk to her without getting so frustrated I wanna scream. We went to the movies last night, with Ali. We saw It's Complicated. I didn't really wanna see that movie, but it's the one Ali picked, and I actually really liked it! It was hilarious! The kids were horrible actors though. And Jim from The Office seemed like he was trying a little too hard. Poor guy. He will always just be Jim from The Office.

Speaking of The Office, I should probably get back to work. Any advise about Alyssa??