STIR CRAZY!

THAT'S WHAT I AM!!
For one, I'm bored. I'm broke. And I'm dieting. So that pretty much eliminates EVERYTHING I can do that's fun.

And second??
SECOND???????


BILL STILL HASN'T CALLED. WTF????

He said he wanted to get together, that he wanted to take me out on a date. Like a real date! Not like, "hey let's sit at your place and drink beer cuz I don't have a job or any money huh huh."
Ugggghhhhhh.....

I need to get out of my own head BAD. I can't wait for Wednesday!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

WTF??

All day I've had this weird feeling like...like last night didn't really happen. Like I must've just dreamed it or something. I mean, there I was in a public place kissing some guy I hardly know! And now I just feel...weird about it. I dunno. There must be something wrong with me. I just can't decide how I feel about Bill!
And you know what else? I didn't hear from him all day, and it bothers me. It bothers me! WHY?? I can't even decide if I like the dude or not, but I'm irritated that he didn't at least text me all damn day. ((Sigh)) GOD I am fucked up. Thank goodness school is starting on Wednesday. I'll be too busy with class to think or worry about anything else. I hope.

Bill

Well the sushi party turned out to be lots of fun. There were a lot of people I didn't know, Rose's friends, but we all got along great! We took tons of saki bombs and ate sushi till our stomachs were all full. It was so much fun seeing everybody from class. Except Bill wasn't there. A couple other people noticed too and were asking around to find out where he was, so I offered to text him. This guy Jonathan gave me his number, cuz I didn't have it. When I texted him, Bill said he had a family thing to go to, and he'd meet up with us after. And he did! We all went to this bar a few blocks down from the restaurant. It was great cuz it was a laid back pub downstairs, but more like a club with loud music and a huge dance floor upstairs. We all hung out downstairs for a while, and I definitely started putting my plan into action. Plan Bill, that is. Bill and I were sitting at the bar talking when Lane walked up. He didn't really have anything to say, so I guess he just...wanted to see what we were talking about. I dunno. He left after a few minutes. I even found out that Rose has been spending some time with this other guy that was with our party. Not Lane. So that made me feel tons better. I dunno why... Eventually everybody decided to head upstairs, so Bill and I followed. Rose, some of her friends, and Lane were already on the dance floor, so we joined them. I tried to just sort of dance in the circle, not really with anyone in particular, but Bill danced with me anyways. After a while, I started to get really hot, so I excused myself and went to the bathroom. I told Rose I was going to sit down and cool off for a while. After I went to the bathroom I found an empty table in front of a vent and sat down. It felt amazing. I could see Bill's tall head poking out where our group was dancing. I watched him out of the corner of my eye, wondering if he'd see me. Eventually he did. He must've been looking for me. He came and sat down. We talked for a long time. I watched Rose and everybody dancing still. Then he kissed me. I can't say it was unexpected. It was bound to happen eventually. Why else would he come over here and sit with me instead of hanging out and partying with everybody else? I had to kiss him back. It wasn't that I didn't want to kiss him. It just wasn't like I was dying to either. ((Sigh))
Before I realized it, everyone else from our group was gone! They thought we had left, since we'd been gone so long. So then it was just me and Bill. He tried so hard to get me to go back to his place and smoke a bowl with him. He lives just a couple blocks from the bar we were at. But I told him I had to work tomorrow, and I have a dog and I need to get home. He countered that he wasn't inviting me to spend the night. I responded that if I smoked with him, there would be a real good chance of me passing out, and I definitely didn't want that to happen. There was no way I was going home with him. It's not that he's sleazy, or that he was just trying to get me to sleep with him. Not at all. He just didn't want me to go home! He was so sweet actually... Telling me I looked beautiful, and that he always wanted to ask me for my number in class... I asked him why he never did. Maybe if he had, all that nonsense with Lane would have never happened. ((Sigh)) He said I was a good kisser, and he wants to take me out sometime.
Now I don't know what to do. I'm at home, sitting in my bed thinking, I'd be stupid not to give him a chance. For one thing, he's taller than me, even in heels! Which is rare. For another, he's smart, attractive, funny, and has a good job. But on the other hand, I feel like it might be cruel to go out with him. I mean, I could maybe talk myself into really liking him, but this all started out as just a...game. I hate to say it. But it was just a way for me to feel like I had other options, and a way for me to show Lane that I had other options. But that was stupid. Now I know that. It would have been so much better if I just showed Lane I'm perfectly happy without him and leave it at that. Now I've gone and gotten somebody else involved and it looks like he might really like me.
So what should I do??

Sushi Party

I am on my way to an all you can eat sushi party with everyone from my improv class. It was Rose's idea to wear cocktail dresses. I felt awesome when I put on my purple superbowl party dress and sequined heels, but now I'm in the cab fidgeting with my spanks and feeling super ridiculous. Lane will be there. And I still got that sneaking suspicion that he and Rose are dating. Guess I'll find out tonight. Ugh...I dunno why I'm so nervous. I'm gonna try to sit next to Bill. He's kinda cute. I'll just flirt with him all night and see what happens I guess. I'll update soon.