Still Can't Believe It

When we got to the hotel, it was 11:30. We were both exhausted. We went straight up to our room, laid in bed, and cried. Together. Oliver was just as much Brandon's dog as mine. He loved him too. And Oliver loved Brandon. It was really hard to sleep that night. Every time I closed my eyes, it just kept replaying in my head. I kept picturing him lying there, so soft...so limp. When he'd been so alive just moments before. I can't believe it. I still can't believe it.

We slept almost the entire day Friday. But at 4 o'clock my parents called and told me the family was going to dinner at 6. My mom was really worried about both of us. But we got up, showered, and put on our happy faces and went to dinner. I was expecting it to be harder. Harder to act happy. But everyone was so...cheerful, and happy to see us. There were hugs all around. And it was a nice distraction. Brandon met Sophie, Brent, and my grandparents. They all loved him, of course. I gave Brent and Sophie all their Christmas presents. We ate pizza and drank beer. It was actually fun. Of course, thoughts of Oliver still crept into my head. But I had Brandon, and everyone else to distract me from those thoughts. So I was able to stay moderately happy, considering the circumstances.

After dinner, some of us headed over to Pat O'Brien's to meet Sophie and Brent's friends. My parents came too. Evan and one of our mutual high school friends, Alex and her boyfriend were there. They had just driven in Friday afternoon. So me, Brandon, my parents, Evan, Alex, and Alex's boyfriend, Mike, all got a table together. Sophie and Brent couldn't really stay in one place. After drinks, me, Brandon, Evan, Alex and Mike walked out to Bourbon St.

Brandon ended up getting a little too drunk. I was too depressed to even drink. I started to get upset, and I just wanted to go back to the hotel. ((sigh))

Brandon passed out as soon as we got there. I cried myself to sleep.

Darkness

There comes a point in every relationship where one person needs the other, more than that person needs them. That time, for me, is now.

Brandon drove the rest of the way to New Orleans. We had to backtrack to get to a Discount Tire. By the time we were back on the road, it was after 6 o'clock. I was sick with grief, with shock, with emotions I never thought I could feel. All I could do was cry. Brandon hugged me, told me we'd get through this, and he'd be there for me.

I don't remember the drive. Just darkness. Blurry darkness.

The Worst Day Of My Life

This past weekend was Sophie and Brent's wedding. I don't know if any of you remember...I guess I hadn't mentioned it in a while. So Brandon and I had plans to leave this past Thursday and drive to New Orleans. I was planning to stay till Tuesday, while Brandon had a flight back to Houston on Sunday evening. So we both got up early Thursday to get ready, and we were on the road by about 1:30, Oliver in tow. I made sure to find a hotel that allowed dogs so I could bring him. Sophie really wanted to meet Oliver, and of course I didn't wanna leave him behind! The day couldn't have started out better. I had packed plenty of clothes to go out in, and Brandon and I were planning on hitting Bourbon Street that night.
The car was packed pretty tight, with no room left in the trunk. There was barely enough room in the backseat for Oliver. So Brandon put Oliver in his lap. We were talking about my family, and laughing, and making plans, and then all of a sudden, BOOM!!
My back driver's side tire blew out.
"Did my tire just blow out?!" I said, "This can't be happening."
Brandon sighed, "Well you better pull over."
We were only about an hour and a half out of Houston, and we were in an area with lots of road construction. There was no shoulder to pull over on! So I drove very slowly forward to an area where there was a little more room for me to pull over.
Brandon got over and determined that my tire was, indeed, flat.
"Well...we just have to get it to a Discount Tire. I have a warranty. But we're gonna have to take everything out of the trunk to get to my spare!" I told Brandon, exasperated. This was definitely gonna set us way back.

So I started to look up the nearest Discount Tire on my phone while Brandon started putting things from the trunk into the backseat. Once I'd found the nearest tire shop, I figured I should get out and help Brandon unload the trunk. I looked in my side view mirror to make sure I had enough time to get out before more cars came. 

Everything from this point was in slow motion, and yet still a blur. I opened the door, just barely wide enough for me to get out. I got out of the car, never taking my hand off the door, and then immediately began to shut the door behind me. That was when I felt something.

Resistance. I spun around. Oliver was jumping out of the car.

I screamed and desperately clutched at thin air, trying to grab him. But he was too fast. It was all happening too fast. A truck was coming. An 18-wheeler. 

I heard a car horn. I heard myself scream. I heard Oliver yelp.

And then he was...

Gone.

I don't know how, but I ended up on the ground, behind my car, crying hysterically. Brandon was there, with his arms around me. All I could scream was No. No no no...

This can't be happening.

still here...

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I'm dealing with a lot of stuff right now. Some really good, and some really bad. ((Sigh)) don't worry, it's not Brandon. He and I are fine. I'll update you all as soon as possible.